Gretchen12 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 But you ARE a clingy girlfriend. You're just going out of your way to pretend you're not clingy when actually you are. That's why you're anxious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Well, he lied and told her he wasn't where he was, so something sneaky is going on, so maybe she does have a right to be questioning what's going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 ALL girlfriends are clingy, at least the ones I've dated. they want to know where you are, who you're with, what you're doing, blah blah Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 You may not be blowing up his phone, but you are stalking his whereabouts. Lets call a spade a spade here. Give him some privacy to go where ever he wants to go. How would you like it if he was monitoring your whereabouts? It doesn't feel good, right? I say if you are checking up on him, then it's time to go. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I can see both sides of this. In his shoes I'd be upset that somebody was checking my location. However, that is no reason to deny that he was there. The lie is troubling. In the face of the lie, you got a little weird & sent an unfortunate text. You may have been feeling unsure but that was in part because he lied. I think you have bigger problems here then just you behaving in a clingy manner last night. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 So, apparently OP and her BF are not exclusive. Based on that she should not be checking where he is, she should certainly not confront him with where he was AND as a non-exclusive BF he doesn't have to tell her where he is and he doesn't need to tell her if he changes his plans during the night. So OP, why have you dated *months* without addressing exclusivity? If you want this man to treat you as a GF then you need to stop this dancing around and bring up exclusivity. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 You are obviously insecure. Whether it's because of your general nature or this particular relationship is what you need to figure out. Most of the time I believe you should listen to your instincts/gut feelings and yours seem to be telling you something is wrong. Stop pretending to be the cool, chill girlfriend. After a few months together there's nothing wrong with asking him to be exclusive with you. His reaction to that should tell you a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 this guy and I have been dating for a few months now, On August 11th you stated you had been dating *a couple of months* now you qualify it as *a few months*. There is a big difference here. If you've been dating 2 months then it's time to bring up exclusivity, if it's been months then he's misleading you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 oh and based on personal experience, I know that your phone's gps can place you in the wrong city. So that location info is not reliable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 (edited) My friend, if he is going to cheat on you... he will cheat. No amount of survalence will stop him. You are hypervigilant about where he is, who he is with, what time he got home, whether he was drinking, etc... This is no way to live your life. Either you trust him because he is consistent, he says what he does and does what he says, and he has given you no reason not to trust him... Or, you don't. You clearly don't trust him. So, you walk on egg shells, try not to be too demanding, and generally cause yourself a great deal of unnecessary anxiety. I say, trust your instincts. Your gut is talking to you and it's clearly telling you, something is wrong. Worst case scenario - he cheats, you kick him to the curb, you eat a tub of ice cream, cry your eyes out with your girlfriends, and then you move on... to meet a man who makes it clear that you are a priority, that he wants to spend time with you, and doesn't make you live with the constant worry about what he is doing... Edited August 24, 2018 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Well, he lied, and that's a bigger problem than her knowing where he is because of the phone. The way to handle stuff like this is what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If he can go stay out all night with friends and not be bothered by you or you have any say in it and not allowed to ask questions, then let's see what happens when YOU do the exact same thing. He'd throw a huge fit, wouldn't he? So that's what I'd do. It's called a bargaining chip. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 this guy and I have been dating for a few months now, and things have been going really well. he goes out with his friends all the time, and sometimes invites me and sometimes doesn’t. last night was one of the times he didn’t. when he goes out without me im totally okay and am very intentional about NOT being that girl who is blowing up his phone, I actually leave him alone unless he reaches out to me (which he usually ends up doing at some point). last night I checked his location on snapchat and it said he was somewhere and later when we talked asked him how that certain place was. he then told me he was never there. i told him i had just seen he was there through snapchat, and then soon after i saw he disabled his location setting. it was 3 in the morning and I admittedly got freaked out, thinking the absolute worst and started asking if he was home. he didn’t reply for a while so I sent another text (which I normally never do). he finally replied saying he was at his friends. I felt stupid for sending 2 back to back texts wondering where he was while he was with his friends, so I just apologized and said I wasn’t feeling great. now it’s the next day and I just feel like I really messed up. I felt kind of clingy last night which I NEVER want to do. I feel like I broke my streak of being a ‘chill’ girlfriend haha. what do you think - do you think i really messed it up? If he should be with you. Second he hiding his location on you. He's not where he suppose to be. Take a while to answer you back. You have every right to be concern. Break up with him if you think he's cheating on you. Never say your sorry too him either because you text him. Why do you text call him up instead! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Well, he lied and told her he wasn't where he was, so something sneaky is going on, so maybe she does have a right to be questioning what's going on. Because my son has special needs, I have a tracker on his phone for his safety. I also tested it on my hubby and daughter. While sometimes they are great, locations can be highly inaccurate. I once saw hubby on the other side of Downtown from where he actually was. And if I believed what it said about my daughter, I'd think she was stealing boats while goofing off from school. And a couple of times I called my son's school because the tracker showed him being half a suburb away...and he was at school the whole time. All in all, we don't know if he lied or if the tracker was wrong yet again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I wouldn't trust what an app says about location. Personally I wouldn't be comfortable dating a guy that is always out with the friends till early hours of the morn. I would probably be a nervous wreck like OP. Well, depends how old they are I guess. I dont think the texts were crazy. But since you're only dating it seems a bit much to be checking on him. Figure out where you stand and go from there. Screw chill. Just be real. Link to post Share on other sites
Desesperado Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 So basically after months, the clingy woman pretending to be all cool, didn't communicate with the guy wanting exclusivity and gets all worked up ! Sorry but like many women, you need to ask what you want not expect the guy to do what you want magically, because you've set yourself for misery here, by not having boundaries and stating your needs... So you are insecure and by not communicating you're making it whorse, time to introspect and get boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 4 current threads on this same topic have been merged into one for context. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 (edited) I have been seeing/dating this guy for a couple months now. I say “seeing/dating” because we haven’t had the official talk yet to confirm if we are actually in a relationship, but it really feels like we are for various reasons. It has been going super well, and I’m really excited about this guy. He went to a music festival this weekend for 4 days with a bunch of his friends (he had tickets for it back in December way before we met). Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that he’s going away to have a fun guys weekend. But I can’t help but be a little bit concerned. I know he’s drinking heavily every single day, and there are girls everywhere wearing skimpy things and also drinking. I also don’t trust one of his friends, I’ve met him and he’s the type to try and get with every girl he can. I really do trust my guy, but I don’t trust his friends and I don’t trust girls. The thing is too, I’m worried since we haven’t been dating for a super long time and haven’t had that relationship talk, he may not maybe see it as cheating or something I don’t know. He texted me a little bit two nights ago (the first night), but yesterday/last night I got a couple snaps from him, and I sent one at night and he opened and didn’t reply, and didn’t text me at all. I honestly feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know why he didn’t reply to me last night. I know it’s not about me and it’s definitely my own insecurity but i’m just so afraid he will find another girl there and come back and not be into me anymore. I can’t help it. I would never say anything to him about it because i don’t want to come across as needy and we are definitely not at that point in our relationship yet where I could bring that up. I am keeping myself busy, I went out with friends last night to keep myself distracted but I can’t help but worry a little bit. Am I overthinking this? You two have not even declared exclusivity. he may not maybe see it as cheating or something -- It isn't cheating. I think the bottom lline is that this guy is not filling your early dating needs and demonstrating "sufficient" interest overall. Have you had any conversation as to what you each want out of your overall dating journeys? Did he say he was looking for something serious or is he just casually dating? You should get that question answer pretty early on in a new dating scenario. You have two choices, open a conversation about your dating goals and how you're feeling about this scenario and then let him talk. Don't ask him anything. Just make a statement as to where you are and what you want overall. "Hey, xname, I'm hoping to have a long-term committed relationship for myself and, right now, I am not interested in seeing anyone else and want to focus on seeing if that would work for us". Or, simply tell him you're moving on. Edited August 26, 2018 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Author parkerbrook Posted August 27, 2018 Author Share Posted August 27, 2018 basically, the guy i’ve been steadily and exclusively dating for a few months absolutely broke my heart last night. i’m not even going to get into what it was over, but it was bad enough for me to go over to my parents house and sob my eyes out all night. today, the day after I have decided I am not going to reach out to him probably ever again unless he reaches out to me and tries to resolve. it kind of feels like we’re done. he has not addressed last night or apologized or anything, but he has been sending me random snapchats all day, one being a snap of him at a bar. he also liked the photo I posted today on instagram. why is he doing this? I know you’re going to tell me to block him which I probably will do if he doesn’t stop, but I just want to know from a guys perspective why he might be doing this so hurtful... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 I'm not a guy, but it's probably his ego talking. He wants attention. What happened that he broke your heart? Maybe he doesn't see what he said/did as a big deal and this is lame way of trying to mend bridges. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Are we talking about the guy who you didn't know if he was being exclusive and didn't trust? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/662227-how-tell-if-i-m-only-woman-he-s-dating-updated-3.html I'm not going to tell you to block him without knowing what he did and the background to it. Especially if this is on the back of you tracking him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 The writing was on the wall. Just let him go and find a nice guy, who will treat you well. This guy wasn't the one. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Can't give you a guy's perspective but if I have been following along: * You suspected he may be dating other women * You have been together a "few months" * He's a party boy & you tried keeping up with him drinking. Then he ended up taking care of you all night * The tracker on his phone (which is possibly faulty) showed him somewhere but he denied it then blocked the tracking apps. You then asked if you were too clingy because you sent 2 text messages. * Now something else happened which sent you running to your parents crying. He's still sending you things through social media & liking your stuff * You have vowed not to talk to him again unless he apologizes. While I agree with that last statement, I have a Q for you: Does he KNOW You basically broke up with him? If he's still sending you social media I think he may not know how upset you are. That is not good either but it does make me wonder if you communicated your upset in a valid understandable manner. Glad you had your parents to comfort you. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 why is he doing this?-- Get out of his head and stop analyzing. It doesn't matter why he's doing what he's doing. What's important is that YOU are not happy and you are hurting. He doesn't deserve to have this much affect on/power over you. Take some of your power back. Call him and tell him you are moving on because he isn't meeting your dating needs PERIOD. Then, block him, delete his number. Get out of his head and give your own head a break. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 why is he doing this? . I refer you to my sig line for your answer: If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn Why? Because you volunteer for it by showing up and staying with him. It's not string theory. Dump him and this will all go away. Why is your consideration for yourself so slender? Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 In what way did he break your heart? Some details or further explanation would be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
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