Kellens Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Ask her out again, what have you got to lose? If I were her, I would've suggested this weekend but if she's shy, that might be a bit difficult for her. Just text her, if she's not free and doesn't suggest an alternate day then I would think she is low interest. Either way, good luck!
Author thr1986 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Posted October 10, 2018 She’s not too shy to suggest a weekend. She’s contacted me to suggest weekend engagements before. Maybe she thought I wouldn’t be able to meet during the week? I just can’t understand why she would not want to see me again. We had a good time last time and like I said- she texted me the following day to say she had fun and thanked me for going to the concert with her. It seems like mixed signals kinda
Author thr1986 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Posted October 10, 2018 Okay, so I texted her “hey, how are you?” We haven’t talked since last week when we established she was unavailable this past weekend. She responded and said she was well, busy with work and fighting a bit of a cold. Then asked me how my trip was. Isint this weird!? It’s like she wants to keep contact but then interjects an excuse (she’s sick) before I can even ask her to do anything. Someone please help. I really don’t know how to deal with her
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 Okay, so I texted her “hey, how are you?” We haven’t talked since last week when we established she was unavailable this past weekend. She responded and said she was well, busy with work and fighting a bit of a cold. Then asked me how my trip was. Isint this weird!? It’s like she wants to keep contact but then interjects an excuse (she’s sick) before I can even ask her to do anything. Someone please help. I really don’t know how to deal with her No, it's not weird. She's making conversation with you. You asked her how she was; she answered your question. Your anxiety is going to kill this. I would refrain from dating until you get that under control, because you're viewing every interaction with her through a filter of suspicion and negativity. Why have you not spoken since last week? Seriously, man. You aren't ready to date if this how you approach it. 2
MidwestUSA Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 Okay, so I texted her “hey, how are you?” We haven’t talked since last week when we established she was unavailable this past weekend. She responded and said she was well, busy with work and fighting a bit of a cold. Then asked me how my trip was. Isint this weird!? It’s like she wants to keep contact but then interjects an excuse (she’s sick) before I can even ask her to do anything. Someone please help. I really don’t know how to deal with her If you truly believe she threw that out there as a preemptive measure, you need to back off dating and stop tormenting yourself. People do get sick; there's a wicked three week cold going around now where I am. What reply are you looking for when you ask how someone is? You know that if you asked her to do something, and THEN she said she was sick, well, the result is the same. I was rooting for you, I really was, but now I think you need to stop and get a grip on your insecurities. Unless this girl finds that endearing, insecurities, that is. Yea, hey, maybe she does. How fortuitous that would be! 2
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 I was surprised to see you were in Montreal "on business". How can you navigate "business" when you seem to be incapable of acting like a normal human being where this girl is concerned? She is a PERSON not an alien. Treat her like a normal person, speak to her, make conversation, and make a date to see her. Why all the huge gaps in communication? If you like her, show her you like her, and make a date. I see no indication here that she would want to reject you. Faint heart never won fair lady. 1
Author thr1986 Posted October 13, 2018 Author Posted October 13, 2018 Thank you for your advice everyone. Sure, perhaps I should address the flaws I may have (Insecurities, etc.) That is sort of why I came to this forum. I am aware of them and I'm just a guy trying to deal and date. Trying to do my best here and again, thanks for helping me along the way.
MidwestUSA Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 Thank you for your advice everyone. Sure, perhaps I should address the flaws I may have (Insecurities, etc.) That is sort of why I came to this forum. I am aware of them and I'm just a guy trying to deal and date. Trying to do my best here and again, thanks for helping me along the way. If you can take the tough love, keep coming back. We're not trying to make you feel bad; we just want you to see some things that are obvious to us. When you're faced with a dilemma - should I call her, should I ask her out - ask yourself 'what's the worst that can happen?' And learn to laugh stuff off. You'll be okay.
Author thr1986 Posted October 13, 2018 Author Posted October 13, 2018 If you can take the tough love, keep coming back. We're not trying to make you feel bad; we just want you to see some things that are obvious to us. When you're faced with a dilemma - should I call her, should I ask her out - ask yourself 'what's the worst that can happen?' And learn to laugh stuff off. You'll be okay. Thank you. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a truly healthy romantic relationship. I just need to figure this out. It’s strange because I come from a family with a very happily married parents and have happily married sisters. No clue how I got to be so romantically incompatible
ExpatInItaly Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 Thank you. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a truly healthy romantic relationship. I just need to figure this out. It’s strange because I come from a family with a very happily married parents and have happily married sisters. No clue how I got to be so romantically incompatible Do you suffer from anxiety in other areas of your life, by chance? You seem to have an overly fearful approach to dating and a tendency to self-sabotage by looking for any potential sign of trouble so you can give yourself permission to run. That's my take on it, for what it's worth. You bail before you can get too close and possibly get hurt. My friend is very similar, and dating has been a struggle for her. She stayed out of relationships until the age of 33, when she met her current (and first) boyfriend. Like you, she comes from a solid family with parents have been happily married for decades. However, she tends to fret and twist herself into knots in many areas of her life, and intimate romantic relationships seem to trigger her like nothing else. Have you spoken to your lady since your last post here? 1
Author thr1986 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Posted October 14, 2018 Do you suffer from anxiety in other areas of your life, by chance? You seem to have an overly fearful approach to dating and a tendency to self-sabotage by looking for any potential sign of trouble so you can give yourself permission to run. That's my take on it, for what it's worth. You bail before you can get too close and possibly get hurt. My friend is very similar, and dating has been a struggle for her. She stayed out of relationships until the age of 33, when she met her current (and first) boyfriend. Like you, she comes from a solid family with parents have been happily married for decades. However, she tends to fret and twist herself into knots in many areas of her life, and intimate romantic relationships seem to trigger her like nothing else. Have you spoken to your lady since your last post here? I do have anxiety in other areas of my life. It’s comoletely manageable, and not as bad as the anxiety that I’ve seen/heard of that some other suffer. But yes, I have anxiety in general. You wouldn’t notice it unless you got to know me very well (or you read these posts where I obviously open up a lot). I have spoken to her since my last post. We made plans to go to dinner this evening. She’s leaving tomorrow to go to China for about 10 days. Unfortunately (after making plans) she texted me last night and asked if we could rain check until after she gets back from her trip. She said she was not feeling well and was a little stressed about packing for her trip. I’m not going to do what I sometimes do and think this is a sign she doesn’t want to see me. Rather I’m just Not thinking too much into it really. I presume you all would agree that’s the correct attitude to have about this, yes? I’m going to just let her contact me when she gets back. Ball is in her court. If she doesn’t reach out, I’ll assume there is no interest in her end 1
MidwestUSA Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 Unfortunately (after making plans) she texted me last night and asked if we could rain check until after she gets back from her trip. She said she was not feeling well and was a little stressed about packing for her trip. I’m not going to do what I sometimes do and think this is a sign she doesn’t want to see me. Rather I’m just Not thinking too much into it really. I presume you all would agree that’s the correct attitude to have about this, yes? I’m going to just let her contact me when she gets back. Ball is in her court. If she doesn’t reach out, I’ll assume there is no interest in her end You've got it exactly right. If I were to go out the night before a huge trip, I'd not only sit there and fret about the fact that I wasn't done packing, I'd imagine myself coming down with food poisoning, and being chained to the toilet at the time I'm due to get on the plane. On top of already not feeling well! (Not saying you'd take her to a place that would poison her. ) I'd wonder what it is I forgot to pack. I'd worry about flying (I'm not a big fan). OMG, how is traveling going to affect my monthly 'girl stuff', and am I well prepared? Do I take any prescription meds that I forgot to fill? Will they let me back into the country after my trip? Okay, maybe I'm getting extreme. Or not. But you get the picture. You didn't suggest Chinese food, did you? She asked for a rain check; you're fine. 1
Occitanie Posted October 15, 2018 Posted October 15, 2018 Made the same mistakes with my GF... You just need to undestand that your GF’s feelings for you will fluctuate - it’s normal. Us guys tend to think that shen our GFs aren’t texting as much, something’s up, and we HAVE to do something about it. So most guys, me included, will text her more. Best thing to do is back off and let her come to you, because if she likes you, she will. After a few days, she’ll start to wonder about you. Works a charm. So glad I didn’t make the same mistakes of the past. 1
Occitanie Posted October 15, 2018 Posted October 15, 2018 Okay, so I texted her “hey, how are you?” We haven’t talked since last week when we established she was unavailable this past weekend. She responded and said she was well, busy with work and fighting a bit of a cold. Then asked me how my trip was. Isint this weird!? It’s like she wants to keep contact but then interjects an excuse (she’s sick) before I can even ask her to do anything. Someone please help. I really don’t know how to deal with her I recommend you step back and let HER contact YOU. If she likes you, which I think she does, she’ll start to wonder why she hasn’t heard from you. Overpursuing kills relationships.
Author thr1986 Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 She left for her trip to China this past Monday. I do not know how long she is gone. I’m going to let her contact me since she’s the one who canceled and asked for a rain check. If I don’t hear from her, I’ll assume it’s ankther woman not interested In a romantic relationship with me. I feel like such a reject sometimes
Author thr1986 Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 I’m a completely normal seeming guy. Good job, healthy, good shape, handsome. I’m constantly told by women I become involved with that I’m “sweet” “respectful” “nice” etc.... Are these traits unattractive? Do I need to strive to be something different and perhaps something more attractive?
elaine567 Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 She left for her trip to China this past Monday. I do not know how long she is gone. You didn't ask?
Author thr1986 Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 I did not ask. And honestly, at this point....it probably doesn’t make a difference.
Author thr1986 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 This is clearly not going to work out. I’m going to be alone like the pathetic loser I am
rightondude Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) dude chill. I was like you a couple of years back, a broken shell of a man who questioned every little thing I did, over analyzed every interaction with any new chick I met, and constantly bemoaned my fate. You need an experience like this, actually I needed multiple, to just toughen up and eventually not give an F about what you say and how you come off. Eventually YOU WILL tire of the analysis, self doubts and hesitations holding you back. That is, as long as YOU work on YOU. Focus on what makes YOU happy and better. Yeah keep chatting up the ladies and going out; you'll only learn from it. If you become like me, and you can read my posts from the beginning to see what I was, you will become someone who honestly doesn't care and doesn't need anyone else to make them whole and happy. And like magic, at that point, you will start attracting and keeping women who will do all they can to be a part of your life. It took me two years, but finally I'm to a point where I'm content and have more booty being thrown at me than I know what to do or care to deal with. I went on so many dates, was respectful, nice, a nervous clown making too many stupid texts and being too clingy, but I was always respectful. Once I sacked up and manned up and started focusing on me, my well being, my health, physique, wealth, etc, I didn't have to chase or make a fool of myself trying to get with these women. They and others were attracted to me. I didn't brag or show off, I just presented myself, scars and all, and they could take it or leave it. They choose to take it. I am not some guru. I have self doubts every day. But one thing I don't sweat is trying to make myself Mr. Right for some imaginary Ms. Right. I take care of myself and my kids first and only; anything else is just gravy. I'd suggest giving that a shot. Edited October 21, 2018 by rightondude
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 This is clearly not going to work out. I’m going to be alone like the pathetic loser I am OP, I have suggested more than once that you need to get a handle on your anxiety and insecurity. What have you done to address that, beyond feeling sorry for yourself and searching for cues that seem to confirm your very negative perception?
Marc878 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Look man, things like this happen. There's a myth it's called "soulmate", "the one". It's bull****. There isn't just one person in the whole world for you. There are many. You just have to learn. It's a busy world we live in. You just met her and haven't had much to time bond, etc. and if she isn't interested it's not the end of the world. It maybe good for you to download and read "No More Mr Nice Guy". It's free and a short read. Many have read it and swear by it.
Author thr1986 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Thank you for the recommendation. I’m already 32. I’m going to be alone forever. I just need to learn to be happy with myself.
MidwestUSA Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Thank you for the recommendation. I’m already 32. I’m going to be alone forever. I just need to learn to be happy with myself. You just identified your first step! She's in China; she's busy. You can't control the outcome of this. Stay busy, find some hobbies if you don't have any. She didn't give you anything directly to indicate she doesn't like you. But your attitude is going to be the death of this, and any potential upcoming relationships. You stated right here that she was leaving 'for about ten days'. Why the confusion now? You make it sound like she went to China just to get away from you! Are you depressed on top of being insecure and anxious? 1
MidwestUSA Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 There isn't just one person in the whole world for you. There are many. Quoted for truth.
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