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I texted too much...how to recover


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Posted (edited)

I don't know WHY you are refusing to see what everyone is telling you.

 

It doesn't matter that she told you she didn't notice. Maybe she didn't, but you brought it up. HUGE RED FLAG. Everyone is just trying to tell you what you can't see and are still refusing to see. Just because she "didn't notice" doesn't mean that she didn't care once you told her. Frankly it seems rather immature and rude. You knew you were going to see her ballet and yet you felt the need to go have drinks first. I would have been completely turned off. You need to see that it possibly WAS AN ISSUE so that you can correct it in the future. No one is giving you this advice to correct the past, seeing as that is impossible. :rolleyes: It also doens't matter about your "eye to eye" levels. The concern here is that you failed to perform because of several nights of drinking, and drinking that night and that you showed up to a ballet drunk. Your words here, not ours. So yes it APPEARS that you have a problem even if you know in your head you don't. You haven't made the best impression. So calm it down.

You have been given great advice. You do seem as if you need to relax in your mind about everything and let it all be rather natural.

Edited by Jane Deaux
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Posted

Thank you.

 

The way everything seems so forced may be an indication that it’s not a natural connection anyways. We will see how it goes.

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Posted

We went to the concert last night. Quite frankly, we had a great time. She was intimate with me. We danced. Everything seemed fine. She said she was working this morning and had to wake up at 7:00am. After the show, she said she was going to get an Uber home. I sort of thought we would go home together. Before it really came up, she started saying she needed to get home to sleep. For a brief second I started to wonder if I was doing something wrong, etc...but she wanted to kiss and hold my hand as we walked to get her a car home. If she didn’t have fun i don’t see why she would have initiated that sort of intimacy.

 

I’m confused.... what do you guys think. And again, thank you for helping me through this.

Posted

As someone who doesn't function well on little or interrupted sleep myself, I think it makes sense that she preferred to go home alone so she could prepare for her early start.

 

I don't think there's anything to worry about there.

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Posted

Thank you. She doesn’t seem shy when you meet her, but I think when it comes to intimacy she is perhaps a little shy. Which in a way I am as well. I sort of think we’re just dancing around this. Like when I make a nice gesture or try to put myself out there emotionally with her, I feel like she recripocates in like 1/10th Of the effort I did. But, she also seems to like me. It’s different than I’ve experienced with other women. I think perhaps she’s a little unsure. She may like me but not sure how much. Not really sure

Posted
Thank you. She doesn’t seem shy when you meet her, but I think when it comes to intimacy she is perhaps a little shy. Which in a way I am as well. I sort of think we’re just dancing around this. Like when I make a nice gesture or try to put myself out there emotionally with her, I feel like she recripocates in like 1/10th Of the effort I did. But, she also seems to like me. It’s different than I’ve experienced with other women. I think perhaps she’s a little unsure. She may like me but not sure how much. Not really sure

 

I think you're doing fine, so far. You need to go out on a night when neither of you has to get up early in the morning. Then you'll probably get your answer.

 

Just stay on your best behavior (no excess drinking) on dates with her. There's nothing really wrong with the pace, considering the shyness on the parts of both of you.

 

Relax, ask her out again. Glad the concert was a good time!

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Posted

Honestly, your response helps me so much. I appreciate your help very much. At the end of the day, I just want to be a good boyfriend to someone I care about and that cares about me. At this time I hope it’s her. But, I am thankful for everyone’s input along the way

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Posted
Honestly, your response helps me so much. I appreciate your help very much. At the end of the day, I just want to be a good boyfriend to someone I care about and that cares about me. At this time I hope it’s her. But, I am thankful for everyone’s input along the way

 

Glad I could help. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with slowing down the pace. Just because you attempted sex early, doesn't mean you can't backtrack a little, and get to be more comfortable with each other outside the bedroom.

 

Hopefully, if/when you do end up in bed, things will come naturally, and if there are any awkward moments, you'll know each other well enough to laugh them off. Learn to laugh a lot, especially at yourself. It sure beats stressing over things. Best of luck!

Posted

Have you not ever hear the term "go with the flow" and "Just let it go"?

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Posted
Honestly, your response helps me so much. I appreciate your help very much. At the end of the day, I just want to be a good boyfriend to someone I care about and that cares about me. At this time I hope it’s her. But, I am thankful for everyone’s input along the way

 

i know this will sound odd, but you have to get this thought out of your head.

 

Why? Because it is impacting your ability to get a girlfriend. When, as a guy, you are approaching women you really like with this mindset you will usually scare them away. As you’ve seen, it manifests in your behavior (anxious, needy, awkward, etc).

 

To be more successful, just relax and have a good time with no expectations.

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Posted
i know this will sound odd, but you have to get this thought out of your head.

 

Why? Because it is impacting your ability to get a girlfriend. When, as a guy, you are approaching women you really like with this mindset you will usually scare them away. As you’ve seen, it manifests in your behavior (anxious, needy, awkward, etc).

 

To be more successful, just relax and have a good time with no expectations.

 

 

This is great advice. Thank you. And thank you to everyone on this forum (again). You're all helping me. I'm going to ask her out again and see how it goes. I have not been so good at texting her just to say hey and chat. Most of our texting and communication has been just to make plans.

 

 

Usually, with other women, ive always been really chatty in texts. By that i mean that I'll normally have a conversation going almost every day. With this girl, I dont have that (i think mostly because i'm making an effort to try not to be too needy and available so im resisting texting her often)

 

 

She texted me last night (the night after our date on friday night) and just said "I had lots of fun last night. thank you for joining me"

 

 

I guess thats a good sign..

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Posted

This is probably going to make me sound insecure and maybe I am a little bit when it comes to this relationship, but... she seems to be making an effort to stay in touch and responding to my efforts to do so as well but she really isint showing anything that tells me she really likes me. She definitely hasn’t said anything to me about liking me or complimenting me in any way or anything like that really...

 

I mean am I just being insecure and too emo about this or does it seem a little weird? We have hung out kind of a lot and been sexual, kissing, etc nearly every time I’ve seen her. She just doesn’t say anything really about me. No, “you’re cute”, “I like you” or anything like that.

 

I feel like normally by this point I’ve heard something along those lines at this point in a courtship

Posted

You are way overthinking this. Women can smell needy/clingy over anxious behavior. It's unnattractive.

 

Have you dated much? Just be cool

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Posted
This is probably going to make me sound insecure and maybe I am a little bit when it comes to this relationship, but... she seems to be making an effort to stay in touch and responding to my efforts to do so as well but she really isint showing anything that tells me she really likes me. She definitely hasn’t said anything to me about liking me or complimenting me in any way or anything like that really...

 

I mean am I just being insecure and too emo about this or does it seem a little weird? We have hung out kind of a lot and been sexual, kissing, etc nearly every time I’ve seen her. She just doesn’t say anything really about me. No, “you’re cute”, “I like you” or anything like that.

 

I feel like normally by this point I’ve heard something along those lines at this point in a courtship

 

Real people don't do that! It's far too early to say "I really like you." You really are insecure if you need a woman to say "You're cute." That's something your aunt does, not a date. If she's going out with you, assume she finds you passably attractive. Don't expect her to belch out compliments. It's honestly considered bad form and desperate. It's one thing to do what she has done, which is say "I had fun" and quite another to send you compliments. She's not an internet prostitute trying to pump you up. Chillax. Everything is fine. Stop being needy/desperate/insecure. Your impulse to not text as much is a good thing. Just keep asking her out. Good luck.

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Posted

 

I mean am I just being insecure and too emo about this or does it seem a little weird? We have hung out kind of a lot and been sexual, kissing, etc nearly every time I’ve seen her. She just doesn’t say anything really about me. No, “you’re cute”, “I like you” or anything like that.

 

I feel like normally by this point I’ve heard something along those lines at this point in a courtship

 

I think I can speak for most women when I say we don't hang out with and kiss guys we don't like. Relax!

 

Unless, are you filthy rich? Not saying I would ever do it, but there MAY BE women out there who could make a good show of enjoying a man's company if they can see a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There's a name for women like that, can't think of it at the moment. :laugh:

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Posted

The filthy rich scenario is not the case.

 

I texted her Sunday asking how her shows over the weekend went. She was conversational and we texted back and forth some. I haven’t had any contact with her since then (Sunday).

 

I’m thinking I’m going to let this weekend pass with no plans. We have hung out every weekend for a few weeks. Maybe I need to pull back some

Posted

I would assume she just finds him attractive and that's why he's getting some leeway here....

Posted
The filthy rich scenario is not the case.

 

I texted her Sunday asking how her shows over the weekend went. She was conversational and we texted back and forth some. I haven’t had any contact with her since then (Sunday).

 

I’m thinking I’m going to let this weekend pass with no plans. We have hung out every weekend for a few weeks. Maybe I need to pull back some

 

 

Maybe, but remember, you said she's kinda shy. She's not going to take the bull by the horns. Some women expect the men to do all the initiating and asking out. To her credit, she has asked you to her ballet thing and a concert.

 

Don't play games. If you ask her out and she wants to see you, she'll say yes. If you let a weekend pass with no contact at all, she'll assume you're not interested. I know it seems like damned if you do, damned if you don't, but wouldn't you rather know sooner than later?

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Posted

i Think I’m usually just not one to make so much effort on my own and that’s why I feel a little out of my comfort zone.

 

When you say “wouldn’t you like to know sooner than later” what are you referring to?

Posted
Maybe, but remember, you said she's kinda shy. She's not going to take the bull by the horns. Some women expect the men to do all the initiating and asking out. To her credit, she has asked you to her ballet thing and a concert.

 

Don't play games. If you ask her out and she wants to see you, she'll say yes. If you let a weekend pass with no contact at all, she'll assume you're not interested. I know it seems like damned if you do, damned if you don't, but wouldn't you rather know sooner than later?

 

Yes, all of this.

 

OP, going out of your comfort zone is sometimes necessary in dating. We all tend to do it, in one way or another, whether it's taking a risk by opening up and being more vulnerable than usual or fighting against an instinct to get attached too quickly.

 

A weekend of silence is not going to go over well, though. I promise you that.

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Posted

OK. I texted her this morning just saying hi and made a joke about something we were laughing about last time i saw her. I'll ask her out for something this weekend when she responds.

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Posted

do you guys think im just boring? I think maybe women are physically attracted to me initially but then lose interest

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Posted

Ok so I asked her if she was busy this weekend and she responded by saying this weekend was really busy with a retirement party for a coworker and shows, etc. apparently she’s not available.

 

Is this “I don’t like you and don’t want to continue seeing you” or “I’m just too busy I’m sorry”

 

Remember, last time I saw her- she actually made an effort to kiss me before she got in the cab and then texted me the following day to say she had lots of fun and thanked me for going with her.

 

This feeling of rejection is killing me. Or is it really rejection?

Posted
do you guys think im just boring? I think maybe women are physically attracted to me initially but then lose interest

 

No, but judging by your thoughts in this thread, I wonder if you are simply too quick to pull back and run. If you have used the same approach with other women that you've described here, you are likely giving off an air of disinterest which in turn would put a woman off and confuse her.

 

Based on what you have written, you are quick to assume the worst and go into self-protective mode and step too far back.

 

As for her latest response, I would imagine it is indeed a busy weekend for her. You don't need to automatically assume it's a rejection. Try to set something during the week if you can.

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Posted
No, but judging by your thoughts in this thread, I wonder if you are simply too quick to pull back and run. If you have used the same approach with other women that you've described here, you are likely giving off an air of disinterest which in turn would put a woman off and confuse her.

 

Based on what you have written, you are quick to assume the worst and go into self-protective mode and step too far back.

 

As for her latest response, I would imagine it is indeed a busy weekend for her. You don't need to automatically assume it's a rejection. Try to set something during the week if you can.

 

You’re probably right. For some reason the fear of rejection seems to deter me from showing interest in potential relationships.

 

Regarding this specific situation...you’re correct in her being busy last weekend. She texted me after she said she was busy and asked me if I was free Monday or Tuesday evenings. Unfortunately I was in Montreal on business this week returning today. I told her I would be gone until today. Should I ask her out this weekend?

 

For some reason I feel myself holding back in fear of her saying she’s busy again

 

...I guess this is a stupid question

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