Author ConFusedMoiselle Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 How is it affections if you just like to look at someone on FB? Affection is attention. The OW can't be aware he's staring at her pictures unless he gives himself away by hitting the like button. Wouldn’t wanting to look at her a form of attraction towards her. And that is precisely why I thought he should have blocked her if it tempts him to continue looking at her. Which might open pandora’s Box again if she decides to contact him. Knowing that he’s putting his emotions out there for her to see. Does he want the cake and eat it too again? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Unless he’s actively having an affair, you might want to leave this alone. Perhaps he is in love with her but is trying to get past it because you and his kids are too important to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Luvmykidz Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Unless he’s actively having an affair, you might want to leave this alone. Perhaps he is in love with her but is trying to get past it because you and his kids are too important to him. Couldn't have said it better myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Luvmykidz Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Wouldn’t wanting to look at her a form of attraction towards her. And that is precisely why I thought he should have blocked her if it tempts him to continue looking at her. Which might open pandora’s Box again if she decides to contact him. Knowing that he’s putting his emotions out there for her to see. Does he want the cake and eat it too again? It is a form of attraction. It's natural to be attracted to others but if he's committed to you and to fixing the marriage, he shouldn't show her any attention. That's why he's lurking and won't block her. There's also a good chance she may not want him anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Luvmykidz Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 No, that's what you like to do... When most people go no contact, they end all contact with the other person - which includes peeping in her social media pages. I figured you would come down hard on me. You are right though, I do like to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 I wouldn't want to stay married to someone who was in love with someone else, or even had such strong feelings for her that he couldn't stop himself from following her on social media. But it's your life OP - only you can decide what you can put up with. We all can say what we think we would do, but actually being faced with the decision is a whole different ballgame. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Was just wondering if he was trying to say let the rship be destroyed. As in putting the message put to her that he wants to burn it and not have anything to do with her? I Guess I’m wrong? The whole song is about a guy in turmoil over a girl he just left - and he wants her back. Regardless, just the fact that he is sending her a message at all means he is still trying to make contact with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Is OW married? My WW was all smiles and ILY's and so happy most the time during her affair til I found out. But as of DDay 1 she had already been looking for apartments. Claimed she ended it, work on us, etc., crying hugging, sex, ILY's... until I caught her and POSOMM in the act DDay 2. He doesn't sound done at all. Please look out for your best interests at this point in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Wouldn’t wanting to look at her a form of attraction towards her. And that is precisely why I thought he should have blocked her if it tempts him to continue looking at her. Which might open pandora’s Box again if she decides to contact him. Knowing that he’s putting his emotions out there for her to see. Does he want the cake and eat it too again? Why are you even staying with him when he is STILL totally disrespecting you by looking at her online? A man who loves you wouldn't treat you this way! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 I have spoken to him but he denies everything. Even though close friends have told me that they have seen him with the OW close, I do not have any other evidence except for his word of mouth. I didn ask him anything. We moved on normally. Everything’s normal at home. But his whatsapp behaviour was brought to my attention by friends who found it strange. He claims we are overthinking and I am completely lost as to what to do. He is unwilling to open up though I’m giving him the opportunity to voice out his baggages. Sighh... Time for him to take a polygraph! If he won't - divorce him. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Hi there, I did speak to him. He denies everything. But close friends have seen him together with the OW. It is tough as he isn’t opening up. He behaves normally at home but his whatsapp updates speaks otherwise. It’s confusing. I wasn’t even spying on him. The updates were brought to my attention by friends who found his whatsapp behaviour strange. Sighh...I have spoken to him but he denies everything. Even though close friends have told me that they have seen him with the OW close, I do not have any other evidence except for his word of mouth. I didn ask him anything. We moved on normally. Everything’s normal at home. But his whatsapp behaviour was brought to my attention by friends who found it strange. He claims we are overthinking and I am completely lost as to what to do. He is unwilling to open up though I’m giving him the opportunity to voice out his baggages. Sighh... These two entries are virtually the same. I'll say it again: Your emphasis on everything being normal at home is meaningless. It's you in denial, too, and him able to keep you quiet. You don't want to rock the boat if things are "normal." But I think you need to listen to your friends. THey keep coming back and telling you there's more than you're willing to see and put together. And you just find it strange and wring your hands. What will you do about it? Also what's the meaning in his denial? You don't believe he would lie to you or you don't have the courage to tell him to his face you don't believe him? I agree about the polygraph since you're so unwilling to call his obvious lies. It would answer a lot of questions for you. And you DO have the right. He owes you. He's hurt and disrespected you and continues. Those lovely nights together are really working to keep you accepting the status quo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Hi, So my Husband has supposedly been seeing another girl. They have known each other for the last 10 years but I was told anonymously that they have been seeing each other for the past 1.5 years. He decided to stop seeing her and focus on our marriage which he has. However, he has not blocked her on whatsapp. ... ... It got me thinking because I had friends asking me if my Husband is ok. The only thing that has happened to him is the OW leaving. Everything else is fine. Home life. Work life. Need perspectives! Thanks. [This post should've come before the other one.] Some questions about certain aspects but overall you seem to be missing the forest for the trees. You're looking for meaning in all these little things and believing a person who has lied to you as a matter of course for 1.5 years. I think you're giving him far more trust than he deserves. He "was seeing" the OW? What does that mean? An affair? Who told you anonymously about them? And he decided to stop seeing her? What did you do? I mean you didn't make any demands? He didn't have any consequences? Are your friends trying to tell you something? what? What are the consequences for breaking his promises to you now? How can everything be fine, home and work life for YOU? Maybe he's trying to make it "fine" so you won't go asking too many questions. That happens a lot as a way to keep the spouse from digging or and creating upheaval (though the spouse didn't cause anything). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Corazon de Leon Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I'm with Mermaid on this one. My advice is to do all these things simultaneously: 1. See an attorney 2. Hire a P.I. 3. Get your ducks in a row. 4. See a 1:1 Counsellor and they'll tell you straight. Better to be the ambusher than ambushee. Corazon de Leon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I'm with Mermaid on this one. My advice is to do all these things simultaneously: 1. See an attorney 2. Hire a P.I. 3. Get your ducks in a row. 4. See a 1:1 Counsellor and they'll tell you straight. Better to be the ambusher than ambushee. Corazon de Leon. What can any of these steps hurt? At the very least, 1-3 are insurance. #4 will give you clarity and confidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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