Can’t judge first date

July 30, 2018

I’ve always had a problem judging first dates and knowing whether or not they go well. I figure if the girl doesn’t kiss me at some point then she isn’t into it, but maybe she’s a type that takes it slow?

Had a first date, we talked a lot just had drinks, she asked me typical questions and I asked her questions though there was once or twice where I was talking and she was completely zoned out and asked me to repeat it because she wasn’t paying attention and was looking at something else. When she did that I pulled back totally and it seemed to work. I tried to escalate and go for the kiss a few times and could tell she wasn’t reciprocating. Towards the end I said, “too shy to kiss? Or do you just have a first date “rule” you go by? She basically said she just met me and that’s why. She said “look at how I dressed tonight, I can see why you’d get mixed signals” (she was wearing a pretty revealing tight dress.) she asked multiple times what I’m looking for. This was her first online dating experience.

Really had no idea if this went well or not. No kiss at the end and she didn’t text afterwards either saying she had a good time to anything. She did tell me, “you don’t have to think about it this much”...however she did drive me to my car which was parked far and dropped me off right In front of it ...Move on?

Edited July 30, 2018 by Grey40

July 30, 2018

Did I really stump 70+ people haha? Basically, what are signs you guys look for in determining whether the first date went well or not? are there clues or specific things to look for?

July 30, 2018

If you kissed it probably went well.

If you didn't, 9/10 times if she likes you she will text you first when she gets home after the date.

If not, you can throw one out and you'll know by the response.

July 30, 2018

I've never had a first date kiss yet, so if we had a fun time discussing and there's a certain chemistry, we'll hang out again and progress things. Nothing wrong with no first date kiss on its own.

July 30, 2018

Where do you get this belief a woman has to kiss you on a 1st date if she's interested ? When I was online I could have 3-4 dates with different men in a week do you think I kissed all of them? I RARELY kissed a man on a 1st date whether I liked him or not.

Also, for you guys it's easy, you see someone you consider hot and you know you like her. We need more interaction to decide if we like someone. Maybe this girl had a date right before her date with you, what would you think if she kissed him, you an the next one?

Slow down in your expectations.

July 30, 2018

If you kissed it probably went well.

If you didn't, 9/10 times if she likes you she will text you first when she gets home after the date.

If not, you can throw one out and you'll know by the response.

The kiss is an indication of a good 1st date, not 100% guarantee, but she liked you. I didn't give kisses to guys I didn't like on the 1st date, even turned my cheek to one guy lol.

July 30, 2018

Where do you get this belief a woman has to kiss you on a 1st date if she's interested ? When I was online I could have 3-4 dates with different men in a week do you think I kissed all of them? I RARELY kissed a man on a 1st date whether I liked him or not.

Also, for you guys it's easy, you see someone you consider hot and you know you like her. We need more interaction to decide if we like someone. Maybe this girl had a date right before her date with you, what would you think if she kissed him, you an the next one?

Slow down in your expectations.

No one is saying you have to, but it’s a good indicator she liked you.

As stated, it’s not 100%. I kissed most of the girls I went out with from OLD (and was often surprised they kissed me back) and went on successive dates with most of them.

There was one or two I kissed that didn’t want a second date. So again, not 100%

When you get used to girls kissing you on a first date you tend not to waste time with those who don’t.

July 30, 2018

Unless you spilled food all over her dress, stepped on her foot and hit her in the head opening the door, or got into an ugly fight and she walked out, you should just assume it went well. You should assume women like you. You'd be surprised how convincing that can be.

July 30, 2018

Did I really stump 70+ people haha? Basically, what are signs you guys look for in determining whether the first date went well or not? are there clues or specific things to look for?

Sounds like she wasn't into and was bore to death. She was looking around because you didn't make her want to look at you and learn more about you. Sounds like you also gave up. You should have ask her more about her and then it would have been your turn. She was dress hot to get you turned on to her. Just think of this one as bust if you don't hear from her again. Just maybe you two wasn't on the same page.

July 31, 2018

Did I really stump 70+ people haha? Basically, what are signs you guys look for in determining whether the first date went well or not? are there clues or specific things to look for?

You should know by now OP that "read the tea-leaves for me" threads aren't liked by that many people. You should also know by now how many "great" first dates don't lead to seconds.

If I must make a guess, then I am going to go w not interested. BUT, there is always the slight possibility that she is just shy or guarded. I recall even seeing a couple active threads written by women who acted shy or guarded on the first date and are/were hoping for a second date. If you are that interested why not give a second date a chance.

Edited July 31, 2018 by Imajerk17

July 31, 2018

So you're having trouble figuring out if it was a good date.

This isn't literally true ... but I'll say it.

You will KNOW when it's a good date. You'll return home saying, OMG, I met this great woman ... had a fantastic time ... and you feel something ... and you'll feel something even if you don't kiss her.

Sign of not-so-good date: you noticed her attention wandering. In a great date, you won't have that ...

A good date you'll walk away feeling like this other person gets you and likes you ... In a good date you and the other person will talk with enthusiasm. There may lots of laughter. Lots of agreement. Lots of curiosity and interest. Lots of praise of your interest and hobbies ... or work ...

BTW: when she asked you what you were looking for that was a key moment in the date. Perhaps THE key moment. Did you notice the importance of that moment? Were you able to say what you wanted?

If you're in sync with the person, you'll learn it there and then. If not, you'll also learn that.

July 31, 2018

I wouldn't have said the comment about the kiss. It kind of feels like you were forcing it a touch.

What was your answer to her question about what you were looking for?

July 31, 2018

So you're having trouble figuring out if it was a good date.

This isn't literally true ... but I'll say it.

You will KNOW when it's a good date. You'll return home saying, OMG, I met this great woman ... had a fantastic time ... and you feel something ... and you'll feel something even if you don't kiss her.

Sign of not-so-good date: you noticed her attention wandering. In a great date, you won't have that ...

A good date you'll walk away feeling like this other person gets you and likes you ... In a good date you and the other person will talk with enthusiasm. There may lots of laughter. Lots of agreement. Lots of curiosity and interest. Lots of praise of your interest and hobbies ... or work ...

BTW: when she asked you what you were looking for that was a key moment in the date. Perhaps THE key moment. Did you notice the importance of that moment? Were you able to say what you wanted?

If you're in sync with the person, you'll learn it there and then. If not, you'll also learn that.

I've had at least a couple of dates go like that, but then I got told they didn't feel the chemistry, and another one became distant and eventually ghosted when I asked for a 2nd date.

So, that's still no guarantee of anything.

July 31, 2018

You will know if a date went well when you two are connecting, laughing and smiling at each other.

Your focus on the end kiss and asking her about it would be such a huge turn off for most women.

Your focus should be on having a good time together.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I get the feeling from your threads that a woman could show absolutely no signs of being into you and make terrible company and you will still try to go out with her again if she is hot.

July 31, 2018

You will know if a date went well when you two are connecting, laughing and smiling at each other.

Your focus on the end kiss and asking her about it would be such a huge turn off for most women.
Your focus should be on having a good time together.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I get the feeling from your threads that a woman could show absolutely no signs of being into you and make terrible company and you will still try to go out with her again if she is hot.

You would think that, but I've had a couple of dates go like that (laughing, smiling at each other, connecting, having shared interests, etc.), and thought I had a second date in the bag. Turned out not to be the case.

July 31, 2018

You would think that, but I've had a couple of dates go like that (laughing, smiling at each other, connecting, having shared interests, etc.), and thought I had a second date in the bag. Turned out not to be the case.

Your right on the nose with this one NY.. I remembered one women lifted me up on a date in the air while I had walked to her car. She was blue eyed blonde and professor at college wow, she had money but I wasn't interested in that and autism child. She's not the first with a child with that life story. The mother had fun with me like you have described. But in the end you never know I gave her a huge hug she was thick lets say not fat just thick she was able to life me up in the air. wow! A few text the next day and nothing after that she wasn't ready to date line yeah right. I move on...

July 31, 2018

The next time your date laughs a lot, is enthusiastic, says directly that she'd like to see you again and soon ... smiles directly at you ...

And she mirrors your body language ... and throws you compliments ... next time that happens ... and then she disappears ... post the experience here ... and you really should call those women and ask them what happened. Be direct and say you're learning how to date and you want to know how you misread their signals and energy.

I'm wondering if you're getting confused about polite, friendly date vs. definitely want to see you again date.

July 31, 2018

Your date is another person. Don't spend a lot of time thinking about what why someone flakes. Hell, even in marriage partners come with no guarantees.

Had a woman pull me aside for some private time at a Meetup even. Very flirty, smiley, things are going great. We make another date, out on a short hike, she actually says to me "Don't look at me like that."

That... kind of put a damper on things. She wound up making out with me at the end of the date. Seemed like she was kind of throwing me a bone. I took it. We were done after that.

Enjoy women when things are going well. Don't take flaking personally.

July 31, 2018

No one is saying you have to, but it’s a good indicator she liked you.

As stated, it’s not 100%. I kissed most of the girls I went out with from OLD (and was often surprised they kissed me back) and went on successive dates with most of them.

There was one or two I kissed that didn’t want a second date. So again, not 100%

When you get used to girls kissing you on a first date you tend not to waste time with those who don’t.

As per my experience it's a good indicator of nothing. You kissed most of the girls on your first date, but it turned into nothing afterwards. Some people have sex on their first date and they're still together 5 years later.

Conclusion: Kiss on a 1st date means nothing.

OP: Stop putting bumps on your road like this. Whether you feel the 1st date was excellent or medium just go ahead with a second one. Like I explained often people (often women) need a 2nd and 3rd date to identify what they feel. Forget about her attention wondering, there could be a thousand reasons, maybe a mom at the hospital or she realized her iron is till plugged at home. You feel like seeing her again? Invite her out again.

.

July 31, 2018

Grey: Read this thread about a woman that went on a date and felt so-so about it because of awkward moments. See how in a few dates she is now pretty crazy about this man.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/660366-i-feel-like-i-m-out-practice

When dating be careful not to assigned to women the way men feel. Men need strong physical attraction and for us it's more complicated that that, even if a woman isn't completely taken by you on a first date she can grow to like you a great deal within 2-3 dates.

Edited July 31, 2018 by Gaeta

July 31, 2018

So you're having trouble figuring out if it was a good date.

This isn't literally true ... but I'll say it.

You will KNOW when it's a good date. You'll return home saying, OMG, I met this great woman ... had a fantastic time ... and you feel something ... and you'll feel something even if you don't kiss her.

Sign of not-so-good date: you noticed her attention wandering. In a great date, you won't have that ...

A good date you'll walk away feeling like this other person gets you and likes you ... In a good date you and the other person will talk with enthusiasm. There may lots of laughter. Lots of agreement. Lots of curiosity and interest. Lots of praise of your interest and hobbies ... or work ...

BTW: when she asked you what you were looking for that was a key moment in the date. Perhaps THE key moment. Did you notice the importance of that moment? Were you able to say what you wanted?

If you're in sync with the person, you'll learn it there and then. If not, you'll also learn that.

I completely disagree. I've had many dates, some that lasted as long as 10 hours, where I've gotten home and thought wow that was so great ... only to never hear from them again lol. People are weird. You seriously never know, until you know.

July 31, 2018

I completely disagree. I've had many dates, some that lasted as long as 10 hours, where I've gotten home and thought wow that was so great ... only to never hear from them again lol. People are weird. You seriously never know, until you know.

So true.

I had hours long first dates and changed my mind about the guy the moment I got back home. On the other hand when I met my BF 2,5 years ago I felt so-so about meeting him the first time and within 3-4 dates I was hooked! and so far it's the most amazing relationship I've had and I am no spring chick! I know what I am saying when I say 'best' relationship I've had...and it didn't start with a spark on my end,

July 31, 2018

So true.

I had hours long first dates and changed my mind about the guy the moment I got back home. On the other hand when I met my BF 2,5 years ago I felt so-so about meeting him the first time and within 3-4 dates I was hooked! and so far it's the most amazing relationship I've had and I am no spring chick! I know what I am saying when I say 'best' relationship I've had...and it didn't start with a spark on my end,

That's awesome of you that you gave it a second chance even with no major spark right away. I feel that's so rare these days. No one wants to let anything build. It's almost like, if they don't feel drop dead weak in the knees the first meeting, they are just done with trying, and onto the next.

This is where I cannot relate with the current dating pool. I am more than willing to give another shot so long as there is even just a slight attraction.

July 31, 2018

...she asked multiple times what I’m looking for

There is usually no right answer to this question. If you say a "relationship" or a "LTR" or a "Wife", then you are accused to coming on too strong, being needy, desperate, etc., you're trying to "lock her down". If you say "fun" or a "good time" then you are accused of being a player or not taking things serious enough, you just want to get in her pants...or whatever.

It is just simply too "big" and too serious of a question for a first date. So if I am asked I will tell them exactly what I just said,...or I would would answer it with a question, "What are YOU looking for?,...you first",...or I would dodge it with some kind of silly response like look around the table and say "My spoon", or my eye glasses, or my wallet,...my long lost cousin.

July 31, 2018

There is usually no right answer to this question. If you say a "relationship" or a "LTR" or a "Wife", then you are accused to coming on too strong, being needy, desperate, etc., you're trying to "lock her down". If you say "fun" or a "good time" then you are accused of being a player or not taking things serious enough, you just want to get in her pants...or whatever.

It is just simply too "big" and too serious of a question for a first date. So if I am asked I will tell them exactly what I just said,...or I would would answer it with a question, "What are YOU looking for?,...you first",...or I would dodge it with some kind of silly response like look around the table and say "My spoon", or my eye glasses, or my wallet,...my long lost cousin.

There is nothing too big or too small, there is just the truth. If she cannot handle the truth then better move to the next one.

When I was online I asked the men what they were looking for on our first online conversation! I was not gonna get all pretty, go out, and then be told they are only looking for casual.

Asking what are you looking for is simply answering why are you online. Answer it truthfully! It's not about what you're looking for with 'her'. It's a general question.

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Can’t judge first date

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