The end or what

[usa1ah]

Well things have moved on.

To answer a few questions. We haven’t had sex in the last few years first to start because of my treatment for prostate cancer.

The year before it had become almost non existent as had physical and emotional contact.this was enough to ring bells. But then the cancer diagnosis and I was floored mentally for 6 months - 1 year. I wouldn’t say I was in a depression but certainly a little depressed. But I still laughed and joked and had fun with my kids. My wife was not empathetic other than at the start. I focused in keeping healthy losing some weight and eating right. I desperately wanted a bit of Love but barely a hug during my treatment.

I rig swept for a while then went back to work after 6 months medical leave. I worked away at sea. I soon realised that I could no longer do this. And after a year handed my notice in.

Partly to work out my marriage and partly to be at home to be with my kids.

I still loved my wife then.

When I resigned my wife said “ don’t expect sex” big flag there.

A few various suspicious things happened for example a condom in her pocket while I had been out all day. and I did some detective work. I should have just said that’s it no detecting, stop the games.

I’m not perfect.

I could have worked it out and forgiven at any point, it was so obvious. We have been to counselling but I had to force to go really.

She has not really opened up at all during counselling. Even the counsellor said this to me. She barely tried.

Unfortunately she found a. BOx of a GPS tracker I bought but never used.

Our last session was a is this working session and we decided it wasn’t. So looks like the marriage is over. She started to blame me saying it was the tracker but I said no we’ve been struggling for years. Probably 7 or 8 years. I’ve just been away working.

I am totally devastated. But I know this is what has to be done. It will be very difficult, the divorce probably will end up going badly. Already talk of her living in the house and me in a studio apartment.

My days of being easy going are over. I will stay strong I may be hurting but I’m not down and won’t roll over.

 

Don’t move out. She is the one doing this. If she wants to be free then she can leave.

 

50/50 custody of the kids.

 

Sell the house then split the profit. That way you will have a place the kids can stay with you. Don’t give in to the begging when it starts.

[Mr. Lucky]

Don’t move out. She is the one doing this. If she wants to be free then she can leave.

 

50/50 custody of the kids.

 

Sell the house then split the profit. That way you will have a place the kids can stay with you. Don’t give in to the begging when it starts.

 

Yep. And Confuseddad, invest in a good lawyer, you're going to need one...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Confuseddad]

@Normm

Found to condom shortly after I left my job at working away. I had been home a few weeks we were setting up a new business locally and I was working getting it ready during the day.

Came back home one day early and just had a bad feeling in my gut when I got home.

I walked in the bedroom and saw her vibratory on the bed, strand to leave out, a set of car keys I didn’t recognise, and a pair of her tight stretchy combat style trousers on the bed. It all looked strange so I picked up the pants and found a condom in the pocket.

I was shocked, floored really.

I know somebody (male) had visited that day.

I asked later what it was the condom for ? She gave a lame excuse then changed the story over the next day or so to it being for a female friend who was having an affair.

More to it then that but long story shorter I don’t believe her.

Marriage has been non physical, no sex and empathy for a long time. Even through my cancer treatment.

Gone on to long. There were a lot more condoms missing but she claims to have thrown them out.

I don’t understand it all really.

But I need out.

However it’s a big messy cluster ****.

3 kids under 17, house and 2 businesses together, her parents living with us and working 6 days a week. Hopefully knocking it back to 5.

Not going to be easy to work out.

She obviously doesn’t love me anymore, and love needs to be both ways.

[usa1ah]

Get a good lawyer and protect yourself.

[carhill]

OP, what's the procedure for divorce where you reside? I know it varies. Where I live, when we filed, there was what's known as a 'cooling off' period where nothing could be finalized until after that date. In other places, couples must live separately for a period of time, and prove that separation, before filing for divorce. Etc, etc. How does it work for you?

 

A quick scan for key words and phrases indicates to me that this is pretty much done. What remains is whether or not you want to remain married and go your own way to find mutual love or divorce. Up to you. Good luck.

[Normm]

However it’s a big messy cluster ****.

3 kids under 17, house and 2 businesses together, her parents living with us and working 6 days a week. Hopefully knocking it back to 5.

Not going to be easy to work out.

 

 

Divorce between married parties who have been together most of their lives, often with minor children is always messy but in the end it works out. You gotta think of the process as a lot of small steps over a long period of time, and the pieces will fall into place one by one until you reach your ultimate goal which is to be free of this lying deceptive cheater who doesn't love you, and with about half of your assets.

[Confuseddad]

There doesn’t seem any way we can reconcile to be honest. So that leaves only divorce. I can’t live with the lies and BS anymore.

It still hurts to think this is the end of my marriage but I can’t keep hiding from it.

[Chaparral]

It’s been a real long time since you have been in a marriage. For whatever reason she fired you as her husband a long time ago. She didn’t tell you because she wanted your paycheck. This divorce is going to be like having a stone taken off your back.

 

Let her lover take care of her and her parents.

 

Get yourself some individual counseling and a good lawyer. You might want to go to dadsdivorce.com too.

[Chaparral]

Btw, did you ever check the phone bills to make sure all the calls were legit. Her phone may have numbers with the wrong names. Also did you ever look for a burner phone. I hate it that you don’t know who she is fooling with. Could be someone you know.