Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 So what is the option here? Marry him and spend the rest of your life worrying he'll cheat? It's not because he's a PT that he'll cheat, cheaters cheat no matter their work circumstances, it's as simple as that. If he is not the type to cheat he won't. My ex was a business man and he was a chronic cheater. He cheated on all of his exs, cheated on me, and he is cheating on his current wife. In the past years have you had ANY reason to believe he may be cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 (edited) So what is the option here? Marry him and spend the rest of your life worrying he'll cheat? It's not because he's a PT that he'll cheat, cheaters cheat no matter their work circumstances, it's as simple as that. If he is not the type to cheat he won't. My ex was a business man and he was a chronic cheater. He cheated on all of his exs, cheated on me, and he is cheating on his current wife. In the past years have you had ANY reason to believe he may be cheating? I agree with you, but I do kinda see her point....Have you ever heard the term that "a guy is only as loyal as his options??" This is a unique thing....Bear in mind I am not a trainer, but have been around it for a while now...And you know what I have found? It seems like the serious women that really are into it and really want to be at their best physically are trained by female trainers.. The male trainers(around here, anyway), have certain types of female clients..The most common I see is the middle aged, beat down, recently divorced types that are now trying to see how to get back in the game...I'd say take a decent looking guy with a good physique and put him in intimate contact(if you ever watched these things they are standing over women in various very close positions, touching/grabbing their thighs, shoulders, etc-you could almost call it soft foreplay), with that type of woman, then I can surely tell you that she could easily be had....I mean like VERY easily....I can't think of any line or work outside of medicine where you can lay your hands all over a woman and it be considered "normal"... I really have little doubt that many male trainers and massage therapists think about these possibilities when they choose this line of work...I know a few male trainers, they certainly aren't doing it for the money that's for sure, and while I do think they have a passion for training people I would bet(although they would probably not freely admit it) that they chose it for the possibilities of some action... Yeah, I know that at the end of the day, its still a choice...But I think the OP is making the same observations, feeling down about her own shape and him not wanting her to come around where he's working, , and its making her very uneasy about her situation... .02 TFY Edited July 18, 2018 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I’ll say it again - any person who keeps their spouse or gf away from certain areas of their lives is a red flag. Not wanting to train her isn’t really the issue. The issue is, he doesn’t want her at the gym. This isn’t acceptable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Hi thanks, for the replies. Yes I've made observations - I want to stress I'm not a bunny boiler or a nutcase, psycho fiancee - I've been with my other half for a long time, but I simply call things how I see them. I agree with the above poster directly above also, the girls who are seriously into their training, they seem to have their headphones in, don't want to be bothered, they do their thing in the gym and it's true, they do tend to train with female PTs. There is a certain middle-aged/type of women, much older than me, some divorced, some (dare I say) seeming a little desperate - yes, they work to keep their bodies in good shape but some of their faces resemble a wrinkled prune from sun worship (again not being bitchy/jealous, just saying what I see). They are older, they are past their prime and they enjoy flirting with these younger male trainers in the gym - whether the trainers enjoy it or laugh at them I don't know. To the poster second from directly above - do I think he would cheat? Who knows, we can only be responsible for ourselves in this life, right? I realize you can cheat in any kind of job - BUT - I just don't like how some of these women have behaved towards him infront of me and towards me also - I don't go to that gym, a gut feeling tells me that he wants to keep me away from it - as I've said he won't bring me there - but, living in a relatively small town, I have run into these older women who attend his gym in bars and restaurants around the area and they fawn over him while eyeballing me in a really rude uncomfortable manner - and I am actually a really nice, polite, friendly, well-mannered girl - there is no need for that behavior when you don't know me or are meeting me for the first time. If the shoe were on the other foot he would not like it! Also some of the things that these older women post publicly on social media about the younger male PTs is just downright disgusting, unprofessional and embarrassing. Again, I'm not being insecure, I'm being completely honest. You could work in a bar and have drunk girls flirt with you, having the option to cheat. You could even have an affair in an office - BUT my fiance won't bring me to his gym and said if he were to ever train me (when we get married and live together) it would be at a different gym - i don't think I'm crazy to ponder why this is and even feel insecure. My own weight issues and insecurity about my appearance are a separate issue - and after the replies above I realize that is something I need to help fix myself - BUT the original gut feeling is something else and I don't think it's completely irrational to feel that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 (edited) I’ll say it again - any person who keeps their spouse or gf away from certain areas of their lives is a red flag. Not wanting to train her isn’t really the issue. The issue is, he doesn’t want her at the gym. This isn’t acceptable. ^^^This above posted by bathtub-row - in a nutshell, exactly! Especially when you bear in mind that his friends and old acquaintances frequent this gym on a regular basis - some of whom he HAS trained and helped with diet, etc.- yet I am supposed to be his best friend, fiancee, the closest person to him apparently. As I said, a friend of mine told me she likes to keep her work life private from her husband, just simply as it's her work life - this girl has nothing to hide - and some posters on this thread agreed that work time is sometimes 'me time' but we are set to marry and I just have a bad, niggling gut feeling. It may not be that he is cheating as such, it could be one of the older women flirts with him and the other trainers and he knows if I go to the gym and see this I would be annoyed. I just don't know. Edited July 18, 2018 by JavinaMelania86 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I’ll say it again - any person who keeps their spouse or gf away from certain areas of their lives is a red flag. Not wanting to train her isn’t really the issue. The issue is, he doesn’t want her at the gym. This isn’t acceptable. I agree with this. OP why don't you just drop by the gym and ask the reception to get a tour? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Cus I feel like I'm being/becoming a crazy, jealous, possessive person - but that is just NOT me at all - I feel that what 'thefooloftheyear' posted a little bit above means that I'm not imagining it, that it does go on and others have witnessed it too and I'm not comfortable with it. He will phone me from work, people there seem to know he has a fiance but he won't bring me there - so either he is hiding something OR he is embarrassed by me (and the latter could be my own negative thinking/insecurity) Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 it's that feeling of going crazy, a negative gut feeling - anyone who has been cheated on will know this feeling well. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I want to fully understand the situation. If we put aside the issue of him not wanting to train you at his gym, have you ever offered him to drop by his gym to pick him up, or go have lunch with him, and he said NO I don't want you in here under any circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 (edited) None of you know me, none of you know him so it's hard to judge either way. However, I'm an intelligent person and I know what I see and what I feel in my gut. Also, to prove I'm not a complete, mad controlling bunny boiler, I did recently find out that an ex-girlfriend of his from like 11 years ago uses the facility - I don't think the gym itself, but definitely attends classes there. This actually didn't bother me as she is married with children now, has moved on and it's in a past life/wasn't really a serious long-term relationship, plus she now lives right beside the facility so is very local and involved within the area... it actually bothered me more that he helped acquaintances of his (not real friends - guys he sort of knew) but yet won't help me, his fiancee. Although in saying that someone who he was once intimate with visits this place regularly and yet I can't... guys, am I being irrational here?! The plot thickens... Edited July 18, 2018 by JavinaMelania86 Link to post Share on other sites
Garlend Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I have worked as a private personal trainer. But, whenever I workout, I don't want to be bothered by anyone. This includes my wife. So I workout in our home gym, and she goes to a fitness center to do her thing. I really don't think your fiance is cheating on you. But I think you two need to sit down together and seriously discuss the concerns you're expressing here before you two walk down the aisle together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 At his old gym where he previously worked I met him after work quite a few times and also attended a few social gatherings - however, again, the times I met him after work or for lunch/whatever I did not enter the building, this was where I waited in the car outside. I was in the old gym once when I popped by as a surprise, the place was empty. However, since then he moved jobs and the gym he works in now is closer to home in his local area, old home town, so lots of familiar faces, old friends, etc. have popped up again - perhaps a red flag? perhaps someone from his past he doesn't want me to see, I'm not sure. It is also further from my current work so we don't meet for lunch/after work the same as before. I should also add that in both these gyms which were in different parts of the town - in both he refused to train me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 At his old gym where he previously worked I met him after work quite a few times and also attended a few social gatherings - however, again, the times I met him after work or for lunch/whatever I did not enter the building, this was where I waited in the car outside. I was in the old gym once when I popped by as a surprise, the place was empty. However, since then he moved jobs and the gym he works in now is closer to home in his local area, old home town, so lots of familiar faces, old friends, etc. have popped up again - perhaps a red flag? perhaps someone from his past he doesn't want me to see, I'm not sure. It is also further from my current work so we don't meet for lunch/after work the same as before. I should also add that in both these gyms which were in different parts of the town - in both he refused to train me. Maybe because English isn't my native language but you don't seem to answer my question. In this current gym, has he specifically said he doesn't want to see you there under any circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 None of you know me, none of you know him so it's hard to judge either way. However, I'm an intelligent person and I know what I see and what I feel in my gut. Also, to prove I'm not a complete, mad controlling bunny boiler, I did recently find out that an ex-girlfriend of his from like 11 years ago uses the facility - I don't think the gym itself, but definitely attends classes there. This actually didn't bother me as she is married with children now, has moved on and it's in a past life/wasn't really a serious long-term relationship, plus she now lives right beside the facility so is very local and involved within the area... it actually bothered me more that he helped acquaintances of his (not real friends - guys he sort of knew) but yet won't help me, his fiancee. Although in saying that someone who he was once intimate with visits this place regularly and yet I can't... guys, am I being irrational here?! The plot thickens... Who cares about a gf from 11 years ago? You should not care either. The fact she goes to that gym means nothing. She's a customer and he has no saying in her working out there or not. So no, you cannot compare her going to that gym with you not going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 I would also like to add that I have spoken to other gfs and wives of personal trainers who, like myself, aren't involved in the fitness industry at all. These were girls who I met through my fiance at social events/nights outs. I don't know these girls that well but spoke to them a few times on different occasions and after talking to them, getting to know them - we all had one thing in common - they all had insecurities about the jobs their partners do as fitness trainers. These were not crazy, jealous types either and they each brought up the subject first - not me (I wouldn't talk so deeply with someone I'd just met). So it would seem that I am not alone in feeling this way. They spoke of the older women who flirt with their partners, the fakeness of some of the people working in the industry, the fact that their partners have to turn on the charm to get clients and some clients read into this as something else, etc. etc. I could go on. May I add, in my opinion all of these girls were very attractive, good looking - but yet all had that underlying insecurity, because of their partner's profession. It is not nice to stand at a bar and have a random drunk girl grab your partners bicep infront of you when they know you are with them - that is the equivalent of a man deliberately grabbing my butt in a bar infront of my fiance, it wouldn't go down well!!! So, what is is the solution: as my friend recently joked "go out with someone unattractive who you don't fancy"? It is just hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Sorry Gaeta, in response to your question above he said that when we marry and get our house together he would help me get fit but in another gym - so specifically yes, he has said he would not bring me to his current workplace to train. A friend of mine said she wouldn't be bothered by this as she doesn't like her husband around her workplace - for no particular reason, just because it's her work life and she doesn't him around it. The difference is that my partner's workplace is a gym, open to all, and I'd like to tone up and get fit. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I would also like to add that I have spoken to other gfs and wives of personal trainers who, like myself, aren't involved in the fitness industry at all. These were girls who I met through my fiance at social events/nights outs. I don't know these girls that well but spoke to them a few times on different occasions and after talking to them, getting to know them - we all had one thing in common - they all had insecurities about the jobs their partners do as fitness trainers. These were not crazy, jealous types either and they each brought up the subject first - not me (I wouldn't talk so deeply with someone I'd just met). So it would seem that I am not alone in feeling this way. They spoke of the older women who flirt with their partners, the fakeness of some of the people working in the industry, the fact that their partners have to turn on the charm to get clients and some clients read into this as something else, etc. etc. I could go on. May I add, in my opinion all of these girls were very attractive, good looking - but yet all had that underlying insecurity, because of their partner's profession. It is not nice to stand at a bar and have a random drunk girl grab your partners bicep infront of you when they know you are with them - that is the equivalent of a man deliberately grabbing my butt in a bar in front of my fiance, it wouldn't go down well!!! So, what is is the solution: as my friend recently joked "go out with someone unattractive who you don't fancy"? It is just hard. So it's a matter of being cut out for this life or not. It's like dating a football player or a musician. Their wives and gf should be concerned that women are throwing themselves at their guy all the time. You can trust your partner and live a happy life OR you can let it poison your existence. Not every woman could live that life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 I guess I just want to know if I'm being irrational/overthinking or not and if I'm being unfair by expecting him to train me. Or is it a non-issue? And yes, you are right, technically anyone can drop by and join the gym so the fact that he works there has nothing to do with whoever randomly pops in- be it an ex gf or old friend, whoever. He once said his job was to be fake and nice to people to get them to sign up - and he isn't fake with me so I see the grumpy side, the side when he's had a bad day - these random people always see the charming side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Maybe it is a case of being cut out for marrying someone in this type of industry - maybe it's making me more insecure or maybe I am making myself more insecure by over-analyzing it. Maybe if I was more involved in the gym lifestyle or felt better about myself it wouldn't be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Sorry Gaeta, in response to your question above he said that when we marry and get our house together he would help me get fit but in another gym - so specifically yes, he has said he would not bring me to his current workplace to train. I want you to separate the 2 issues here. There is the issue of him training you. There is the issue of visiting him at work. If each time you speak about going to his gym it's in the context of him training you of course he'll say no. What you should work on is going to his gym for a visit, a simple courtesy visit with no talk of training. Simply meet him after his shift, or drop by on his lunch time. I know it's further away but it needs to be tested so you put your mind at rest. He must be working on weekends or when you're off work? Just go shop in his gym area, tell him you'll drop by and you can both grab a bite together, how you think he'll react to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 I could call by on a Sunday when I am off work - apparently the gym is empty on that day - he could sneak me in if he really wanted to! I do want to say one more thing - if I were working in an industry with guys flirting with me all the time (even though I'm not the flirting type at all myself) where I was up close and personal, surrounded by men in my job - my fiance would not like it one bit and would not be happy about my vocation, be it as a bar hostess, PT, whatever. I have known him a long time and I know that. But for me, I just have to accept it apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I could call by on a Sunday when I am off work - apparently the gym is empty on that day - he could sneak me in if he really wanted to! Sneak you in? When my bf picks me up for lunch he comes in by the main door and says hello to everyone on his way down the corridor to my office. Your bf would not have you visit the gym and introduce you to his colleagues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JavinaMelania86 Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 Sorry, when I say 'sneak me in' I mean he works there alone on a Sunday, it's empty - he could get me a free pass show me the machines, etc. - if he wanted to, or would. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Sorry Gaeta, in response to your question above he said that when we marry and get our house together he would help me get fit but in another gym - so specifically yes, he has said he would not bring me to his current workplace to train. A friend of mine said she wouldn't be bothered by this as she doesn't like her husband around her workplace - for no particular reason, just because it's her work life and she doesn't him around it. The difference is that my partner's workplace is a gym, open to all, and I'd like to tone up and get fit. Is this really about your wanting to get toned up and fit or more about being at your bfs gym to see what is happening with other women? I ask because you seem to talk more about the women there than the getting in shape part. If you really want to tone up and get in shape for yourself you won't care which gym you go to. Every gym has assistants to show you how to use the equipment and show you which ones target specific areas. So you can't use your boyfriend's place of employment as an excuse not to do what you need to do for yourself. If YOU want to get in shape it is up to YOU to do it. I wouldn't be worried about some ex from 11 years ago as she has had kids and aged. I would be more worried about new younger women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Sorry, when I say 'sneak me in' I mean he works there alone on a Sunday, it's empty - he could get me a free pass show me the machines, etc. - if he wanted to, or would. Having you visit an empty gym would not settle the fact you think he's hiding you from his customers and colleagues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts