Is it better to actively look to date vs not looking?

[mortensorchid]

I have heard that I don't know how many times : "It happens when you least expect it" or "When I had given up then I met (Name)". True? I suppose it does. Or maybe that's just fanciful thinking or nostalgia or whatever else. I HOPE it does for one and all. Not just with love but other things in life.

 

So with that being said, why doesn't it happen for you, me or others? You might as well as the meaning of life because I don't know the answer to that either.

[BaronChairman]

I suppose that happens for some lucky people, but I'm not one of them. For years, that was my own credo. It will happen when it happens! But it never happened, and now I'm 37 years old and craving intimate, personal companionship in the long term. So now I'm trying to get out there in as many mediums as I can.

[d0nnivain]

So now I'm trying to get out there in as many mediums as I can.

 

This more then anything will help you. When I was looking I made a point to do one social thing per week.

 

You can't act desperate. You have to believe that you are a good catch with a good like & you are seeking a quality person to share that with.

 

Do lots of different things, not just bars & OLD.

 

 

Volunteer

 

join a civic organization

 

Go speed dating

 

Attend niche singles events. I went to one where I could bring my dog. Although I met my husband before I was able to schedule attending, I was going to go to one where you play 9 holes of golf with somebody. I figured even if my match wasn't great, hey a day of golf is still a day of golf.

 

Take or teach an adult education class: cooking, ballroom dancing, managing your finances, etc.

 

Join or start a book club

 

Check out who is around at industry business events -- conferences, Chamber of Commerce meetings etc.

 

Tell friends & family you are open to being fixed up. You have no idea who knows someone who would be perfect for you.

[Mysterio]

I have heard that I don't know how many times : "It happens when you least expect it" or "When I had given up then I met (Name)". True? I suppose it does. Or maybe that's just fanciful thinking or nostalgia or whatever else. I HOPE it does for one and all. Not just with love but other things in life.

 

So with that being said, why doesn't it happen for you, me or others? You might as well as the meaning of life because I don't know the answer to that either.

 

Its almost like the Universe does not want us to have conscious control on mating. There are lives that are to come to this earth and it does not matter, if the children's parents are together or not.

 

We here at Loveshack want some sort of control over our love lives and for all accounts we don't. It can't just be about looks and personality. I still make friends and I am 47 and Its not like I have a lack of friends. I know lots of people.

 

I think that the way our brains are wired. We just can't be with anyone and a lot of us have a smaller threshhold to mate with anyone. I will keep making friends through my life. My love life connections will be smaller. If I look at my life. Its like this. When a love connection is made it will be like every three yrs or so. If I am the driving force it does not last long. If the woman likes me it lasts longer.

 

So that mean for the most part. I have to let it come to me. and when it does. I have to nurture it and not take it for granted.

[OatsAndHall]

This more then anything will help you. When I was looking I made a point to do one social thing per week.

 

You can't act desperate. You have to believe that you are a good catch with a good like & you are seeking a quality person to share that with.

 

Do lots of different things, not just bars & OLD.

 

 

Volunteer

 

join a civic organization

 

Go speed dating

 

Attend niche singles events. I went to one where I could bring my dog. Although I met my husband before I was able to schedule attending, I was going to go to one where you play 9 holes of golf with somebody. I figured even if my match wasn't great, hey a day of golf is still a day of golf.

 

Take or teach an adult education class: cooking, ballroom dancing, managing your finances, etc.

 

Join or start a book club

 

Check out who is around at industry business events -- conferences, Chamber of Commerce meetings etc.

 

Tell friends & family you are open to being fixed up. You have no idea who knows someone who would be perfect for you.

 

 

This where many people who actively dating fail; they don't have a broad social life. Someone doesn't need to be an extroverted social butterfly to take advantage of various social scenes; you just need to get out there and network a bit. Everyone you meet and interact with opens up new doors.

 

 

 

And, I don't care what people day; cold calling works as long as you can read verbal and body language cues. Find a way to make conversation with someone, pay attention to their tone and body language and ask them out if things feel right. The worst they can do is say "No".

[hotpotato]

For introverted people like me, it's really easy to go places and not meet people. Most everyday situations don't require a lot of contact.

 

Most of tge people I know met someone at work or at high school or college.

[ElKay]

I don't completely agree with the volunteering thing. Everyone that went to the animal shelter I volunteered in was already in a couple. Thoughtful people tend to be paired up.

[Kirsty91]

Most people are not confident in some way or another to approach someone they fancy.

If you've got a slim or even slightly chubby body then you should have no problem attracting men if you dress in certain ways.

 

I'm mostly an introvert and yet I've had lots of men approach me - when I've wanted the attention.

 

Throw on a little tight dress, high heels if you're comfortable in them enough, glam yourself up appropriately. It works almost every time as it gives men confidence to approach you. The hardest part is attracting men who you fancy because you'll get a lot guys of all ages and sizes flirting you up.

[greymatter]

Most people are not confident in some way or another to approach someone they fancy.

If you've got a slim or even slightly chubby body then you should have no problem attracting men if you dress in certain ways.

 

I'm mostly an introvert and yet I've had lots of men approach me - when I've wanted the attention.

 

Throw on a little tight dress, high heels if you're comfortable in them enough, glam yourself up appropriately. It works almost every time as it gives men confidence to approach you. The hardest part is attracting men who you fancy because you'll get a lot guys of all ages and sizes flirting you up.

 

This is a very traditional way to think, I suppose. But certainly doesn't apply to all women and certainly not to me. I've never had to put on a tight little dress, heels (I hate the look), "glam myself up" or anything of the sort, to attract men. Do I dress in a way that is flattering and my style and make sure I look good? Yes. Am I fit? Yes. To each her own and I'm sorry but this type of advice really irks me. Women do not have to go to these lengths to attract men (unless this is something they actually enjoy and it's their style).

[hotpotato]

I don't completely agree with the volunteering thing. Everyone that went to the animal shelter I volunteered in was already in a couple. Thoughtful people tend to be paired up.

 

True, it depends on where someone volunteered. Where I volunteered, a lot of guys came with their families or were passing through the city.

[Kirsty91]

This is a very traditional way to think, I suppose. But certainly doesn't apply to all women and certainly not to me. I've never had to put on a tight little dress, heels (I hate the look), "glam myself up" or anything of the sort, to attract men. Do I dress in a way that is flattering and my style and make sure I look good? Yes. Am I fit? Yes. To each her own and I'm sorry but this type of advice really irks me. Women do not have to go to these lengths to attract men (unless this is something they actually enjoy and it's their style).

In my view there's no "going to such lengths" to attract male attention. You either enjoy looking as good as possible, or just always be casual, or don't really care about your appearance.

 

By the way I say things like heels and a little black dress but that's just how I am. Some people are into all the rock punk black boots fishnets or whatever styles, or even fetish outfits...

[greymatter]

In my view there's no "going to such lengths" to attract male attention. You either enjoy looking as good as possible, or just always be casual, or don't really care about your appearance.

 

By the way I say things like heels and a little black dress but that's just how I am. Some people are into all the rock punk black boots fishnets or whatever styles, or even fetish outfits...

 

I can't tell from your response if you understood my general point, but I don't think you did. Your standard for attire that you believe attracts men seems to be a tight dress and heels, but only apparently for women who are slim or slightly chubby, per your words. What I'm saying is it's not useful to define for others what is attractive to men or women (and will help in the active looking process of dating if one is indeed looking). Personally I have to dress up for work, wear makeup every day, maintain a certain hairstyle and have a healthy lifestyle that impacts how I look, and I have various styles when not at work depending on what I'm doing (obviously I dress differently for a dinner date than a hiking date though confess to wearing makeup no matter what activity I'm doing). None of that may apply to anyone else in terms of what their standard is for what attracts men or women to them when actively looking to date. That's what I was trying to point out, along with some assumptions in your post. Good luck to you.