preraph Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 You're setting yourself up for this. By treating guys in general like kings with no requirement of them to reciprocate up front, by not picking one who you can tell right away treats you well, you are rewarding guys for mediocre behavior. Reward them when they are doing something really nice. Don't try to obligate them to treat you like a queen simply because you are treating them like a king for no reason. Kings don't treat queens like queens anyway. Kings do whatever they want with no regard to queens. The guy who would treat you like a queen probably isn't the king type. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 I actually don't need someone to be so nice early on. In fact, I would distrust this. I need them to share their real feelings about life, their habits, the interests, their goals, their sense of humor ... I need to get to know them ... I need to feel their energy, their life ... outside of me! ... If a woman is wildly nice to me very soon in a relationship, then I'm gonna think she's desperate ... or needy ... and clingy. She doesn't have a real life going on. I don't like it when a woman pores over me in a relationship; it makes me uncomfortable as it always feels disingenuous. I wonder if they're expecting reciprocity or if they're overdoing things to try and "win me over". If the former is true, then the relationship won't work as I treat the women I date well and with respect but it takes awhile before I invite a woman into my life, full time. And, to be blunt, I won't "maintain" anyone that I have a relationship with; friendship or romantic. If the latter is true, I'm flattered initially but it's generally a sign of insecurity and that's never pleasant. I don't need to be wooed in any way; I just want a woman to be herself and enjoy the time we spent together. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 You may as well ask what the meaning of life is, because I don't know the answer to that either. I have given up - defy them, they are angry. Be the most beautiful woman on earth, they pick a gal with a face like a waffle iron. Be happy and easy going, they pick a brat who screams and throws tantrums and demands attention. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 I have seen plenty of hen pecked, "yes dear" type of men that stand next to their wives like a little boy does, while their wives completely emasculate and embarrass them....yet they dutifully comply... I'd say if you find the right donkey, you may be able to build a life.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 There are a few possibilities here... 1) You're dating guys who are inherently selfish, in which case you just need to pick better 2) You're dating guys shy guys who are naive/inexperienced in relationships and simply think what's happening is perfectly normal, that they're already doing everything right. In this case they need educating, and you need to communicate more. 3) You are dating guys who aren't completely into you, but for whatever reason (easy sex and generous/calm personality), have decided to stick around. In this case you're probably jumping headfirst into things without pausing to let him take the initiative at all. Or 4) you're expecting too much. In my experience, the average person doesn't want to be treated like a king or queen. Rather, they prefer to be treated with simple thoughtfulness, respect, honesty, love and care. What does treating a man like a king look like, and how would you describe being treated like a queen? You also mentioned something about the guys stopping wondering if they are good enough. Well yes. If a person is secure in a relationship, they will not be insecure. Or perhaps they were never insecure to start with. Do you really want a boyfriend who's insecure and checking all the time if he's doing it right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 I will give you the same advice that I give men. Build your own life up right now and a man who deserves good treatment and returns it should come along. I forgot what movie it is but it says if you build it they will come and I think that applies here. You don't have to get caught up in this cycle of tit and tat bitterness that won't make you happy. It might work on some men but most women aren't attracted to doormats so what good is that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 You may as well ask what the meaning of life is, because I don't know the answer to that either. I have given up - defy them, they are angry. Be the most beautiful woman on earth, they pick a gal with a face like a waffle iron. Be happy and easy going, they pick a brat who screams and throws tantrums and demands attention. This is not a meaning of life question. It's simple commonsense. Beauty gets a man's attention, but it doesn't keep him around if the personality is poor. Better to have a 'girl next door' with a great personality than a beautiful woman who's nasty. A happy and easy going woman does not describe other women as "a brat who screams and throws tantrums and demands attention". Rather, it's the brat who uses language such as this to describe others. When the brat doesn't get what she wants, she throws a tantrum blaming everyone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 I just wanted to stop by and say that this thread helped give me a lot of insight! I dated two "nice guys" and made them a priority in my life once we became bf and gf officially. I definitely gave them too much care before they had fully proven that they'll care and give that same love back. I definitely won't rush into things, stop opening my own doors much to their dismay and let them prove themselves. OP, there are definitely bad guys in disguise as "nice guys". Some of them probably get laid basically on this premise alone and they break lots of hearts with their carelessness. Pick better and let them win you over before you crown them. I'll try to do that myself. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 I just wanted to stop by and say that this thread helped give me a lot of insight! I dated two "nice guys" and made them a priority in my life once we became bf and gf officially. I definitely gave them too much care before they had fully proven that they'll care and give that same love back. I definitely won't rush into things, stop opening my own doors much to their dismay and let them prove themselves. OP, there are definitely bad guys in disguise as "nice guys". Some of them probably get laid basically on this premise alone and they break lots of hearts with their carelessness. Pick better and let them win you over before you crown them. I'll try to do that myself. No! Opening the door doesn’t mean that he cares. It just means that he open doors. To me this sounds more like a communication issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 You will probably get better feedback with specific examples of times you felt a little stepped on by the guy. Nice girls are definitely in demand - a little bit bossy is good too! Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 (edited) Why do you treat them like kings? They are not King Charles and last time I check most kings are jerks anyway! Treat them as your boyfriends! Nothing else, and nothing More! If he proves himself decent enough then treat him as your significant other. Anything else is just too much! Too much love is just a turn off! Same applies to too much bitchness! You need to learn to balance between that. Why do you have to be extra bad or extra good? Why not just be yourself and treat them like they are mere humans, not Kings! Edited July 16, 2018 by Noproblem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 No! Opening the door doesn’t mean that he cares. It just means that he open doors. To me this sounds more like a communication issue. Then why have some guys made comments when they open the door for me but I opened the one next to it at the same time? I obviously somehow took away from their "good action" that they wanted to do for me. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Then why have some guys made comments when they open the door for me but I opened the one next to it at the same time? I obviously somehow took away from their "good action" that they wanted to do for me. Because they’ve read on the Internett that girls think you care if you open doors for them and therefore it might be a shortcut into her panties? If I reach a door first I’ll obviously hold it, but I’ll do it for everyone. Doesn’t mean anything. Its really zero effort and something you literally can teach a gorilla (probably; I’m no gorilla expert, but it seems plausible). If you want to screen for good guys; pay attention to how he naturally treats others around him. The waitress, the taxi driver and other random people. Is he genuine and consistent? Does action and words match up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Then why have some guys made comments when they open the door for me but I opened the one next to it at the same time? I obviously somehow took away from their "good action" that they wanted to do for me. Because they think the world revolves around them. One can only assume that you used the door next to them because you were using a slightly different route and didn't see that they were holding the door. Rather than berating you, they should be chiding themselves for not realising that you weren't focused on them. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I have been thinking on this issue for a long time myself. Years ago I was with someone who was apparently with some woman who dumped him YEARS before I met him, and he was STILL sending her presents in the hope that she would come back to him (and told me this). Then after that I was with this man who showed his true colors to me after two years together. I had never seen this side of him and he was horrible towards me - angry, miserable, did not speak he screamed at me and others around him. He rebounded and married another woman barely a year later who took him to the cleaners after three years of no doubt a horror story. He said while we were together that women only like Bad Boys and he was a knight in shining armor. He was so not. I don't have all the answers for things in life, but I will say this about relationships with people (in general, this can apply to a lot of things) : LTRs are based on tolerance. I think contrary to popular belief we are being taught intolerance rather than tolerance (as in it's all about me, if it's not perfect the next one will be or I can change it). There are a lot of little things about a person that can bother you in LTRs. You will both change as people rather than stay the same and the changes can also take their toll on one another. Do you still talk to people you went to high school with? The answer is most likely no because you're all different people than you were then and you have nothing in common anymore. You have to want to stay with another person in that relationship, and laugh as much as you can with and at one another. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Should I treat men badly to get what I want?! No, you shouldn't treat anyone badly. What you should do is not give so much of yourself so quickly. Wait until a man deserves being treated like a king, before you put a crown on his head. Link to post Share on other sites
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