Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[stillafool]

OP, do you work?

[JuneL]

You have to love yourself before you can love others. Love does not mean being okay with being treated like a doormat and dropping everything to do errands for him the next time he picks up the phone.

 

You’re right.

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Love never fails.

 

 

Lover of dance, I want to say thank you for reminding me. God bless you

[JuneL]

OP, do you work?

 

She does, actually. I still don’t know what stops her from seeing a therapist.

[Madd_hatter]

OP, do you work?

 

Yes I do. I actually got promoted about 2 months ago so I’m doing well.

 

Therapists are very expensive and my insurance wouldn’t cover it.

[losangelena]

Nah, I think cautiously optimistic hit the nail on the head: you're wallowing in the pain of this because it keeps you connected to him. If you were to "get over" him, your connection would be severed, and that's the last thing you want. You're hurting, but at the end of the day (for now), you want to be. That's why you're so resistant to any kind of proactive change. No to therapy, no to moving, etc.

 

I think others on here are wasting their time trying to convince you otherwise. All you need is time. I say this because I went through this, too. You're right where you want to be, and eventually anyone you tell about this will stop wanting to hear about how much pain you're in. Eventually all my friends told me they didn't want to hear about that guy anymore, so I suffered in silence. I was in self-imposed misery for months, because I just COULD NOT let him go, until one day I did. I'd had enough wallowing, so I stood up and stopped. I would put dollars to donuts that will be your experience, too. But you're deep in the thick of things right now, and you're not ready. Eventually you'll be ready.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes I do. I actually got promoted about 2 months ago so I’m doing well.

 

Therapists are very expensive and my insurance wouldn’t cover it.

 

Doesn't insurance have to cover mental health therapy now under Obamacare?

[Madd_hatter]

No my insurance provider doesn’t cover psychiatric care, and there’s no way I’d be willing to pay $175 an hour just to talk to someone.

 

I’ve still been thinking about and missing him a lot but it’s not as heavy as it was the other day. I know I have such a long way to recovery. I’ve just got to make the best of the good days and pull through the bad ones.

 

There’s no question in my mind if I’d never try to come between a man and his wife. I’d never. When I slept with him he was quite engaged yet. There’s a difference. I don’t care what you say, there’s a difference. I haven’t ever, and never will have sex with a married man unless he was married to me.

 

And it’s not like I just gave it up to the first guy I bumped into (haha), we’re talking about a man I’ve loved since he was not yet a man but just a boy.

 

I’ve only ever slept with one other guy besides him. And I’ve decided that I’m not having anymore sex until I’m in a relationship with someone. No more one night stands. It feels wrong.

 

It didn’t feel wrong with him though. People say your first time hurts a lot. Mine didn’t. It was amazing. It was like a dream. It actually felt like I was dreaming, it felt so surreal. I still think about that night, that time, his body on mine, his hands and mouth all over me.. I really miss him a lot

[JuneL]

Do you not have a pastor or counselor in church? They are required to keep your conversations confidential.

[Maddieandtae]

I think because you had sex for the very first time with this guy you have emotionally bonded to him. I wish you could see that even though it was your first sexual experience it doesn't mean for him that he bonded to you. Evidence of that is he is now married. You need to break your bond to him. If you don't you will always be missing him... really the choice is yours. A happy healthy life or a miserable toxic existence of wishing for a man who was never yours.

[Madd_hatter]

Last night was the worse. I felt like my throat was closing up, my head was spinning, my stomach was turning, I was sweaty, and my heart was pounding so hard it began to hurt.

 

I went to the ER at around 4 am. They did all kinds of tests and everything came back fine. They said it was an anxiety/panic attack, and that I was extremely exhausted. Dehydrated too which I can’t understand because I drink a ton of water lol

 

I got home a few hours ago. I am feeling better, but I realized this is making me sick. I need to get out of my head for a bit.

 

Leaving for Greece in 4 days. I’m not even at all excited. I’m trying to motivate myself, but I’m not looking forward to it. The reason why? You’ll laugh... it’s too far away from him.

 

Please tell me that I’m not the only one whose ever felt this way? Tell me that I’m not insane. Tell me that someone here can relate to what I’m gling through. I need to find a little bit of normalcy to bring me back to reality because I feel like I’m in a nightmare.

[losangelena]

I feel like every post I've left here as been some version of "I've been through this and I can relate to what you're experiencing," but you don't seem to want to have a dialogue about it. Use me as a resource; ask questions. What do you want to hear?

 

On another related point: I went on a European vacation while in the throes of my obsession, and guess what? I spent the whole time thinking of him. There's a whole list of countries I feel like I need to revisit because I was so miserable the first time I went, lol.

 

OP, what you're going through feels very intense and never ending right now. I have to tell you, it's not. Eventually you'll get tired of it and you'll stop.

[Madd_hatter]

I feel like every post I've left here as been some version of "I've been through this and I can relate to what you're experiencing," but you don't seem to want to have a dialogue about it. Use me as a resource; ask questions. What do you want to hear?

 

On another related point: I went on a European vacation while in the throes of my obsession, and guess what? I spent the whole time thinking of him. There's a whole list of countries I feel like I need to revisit because I was so miserable the first time I went, lol.

 

OP, what you're going through feels very intense and never ending right now. I have to tell you, it's not. Eventually you'll get tired of it and you'll stop.

 

I was actually thinking of postponing the trip because I don’t feel up to it at all.

 

Thanks for your replies and advice. I am listening, I promise. But sometimes it’s harder than others. I want to get over him but yet I don’t. I know he’ll never be with me but yet I still want him around. I know that if I don’t get better that I could never be around him, so it’s a double standard. I want him to make me feel better, but if I want to be his friend I need to get better first, get what I’m saying?

 

All I know is that I feel crappy.

 

You said you’ve been where I’m at. How long did it take to get out? I mean.. not to stop loving them, but to feel strong and like yourself again?

[Happy Lemming]

I went to the ER at around 4 am. They did all kinds of tests and everything came back fine. They said it was an anxiety/panic attack, and that I was extremely exhausted.

 

Please tell me that I’m not the only one whose ever felt this way? Tell me that I’m not insane.

 

You are not going insane...

 

Many years I ago I was working on some outside projects for this one company that employed me. I met a woman named "G" who was also working on that project. (We did not work for the same company, so we were not co-workers, technically) Apparently, "G" had fallen head over heels in love with me and I was completely unaware. I guess my radar was broken or I was in "Work Mode" and had that part of my brain shut off. She had attempted to flirt with me, but I just didn't notice. At some point, she had a "Panic Attack", (although I think it had a different name back then) and went to the ER. Like you, they found nothing wrong.

 

Later that day, I received a phone call (from the project manager) that "G" had just gotten out of the hospital and that I should call her. I thought it had something to do with the project we were working on and she wanted me to finish her portion or something like that. I called & "G" spilled the beans that she was in love with me and didn't know what to do, couldn't eat or sleep or think about anything but me. I found "G" somewhat attractive, so I asked if she wanted to try to date. Of course, she jumped at the chance. It was a very intense relationship and burned "white hot" right from the start. After about 6 months, she dumped me, but that is another story.

 

So yes, it does happen to other people.

[Beachead]

I was actually thinking of postponing the trip because I don’t feel up to it at all.

 

Thanks for your replies and advice. I am listening, I promise. But sometimes it’s harder than others. I want to get over him but yet I don’t. I know he’ll never be with me but yet I still want him around. I know that if I don’t get better that I could never be around him, so it’s a double standard. I want him to make me feel better, but if I want to be his friend I need to get better first, get what I’m saying?

 

All I know is that I feel crappy.

 

You said you’ve been where I’m at. How long did it take to get out? I mean.. not to stop loving them, but to feel strong and like yourself again?

 

Like you, there was a girl I knew from childhood who I liked. The feelings on her end were mutual but nothing happened because we were young. Time went on, we got older, our parents stopped talking so we couldn't see eachother often..but my feelings stuck around. Took me about 10 years before I told her how I felt but when I did, she shot me down and broke my heart. I never saw her often anyway and at the time I became quite social and met a lot of new people so it only took 4-5 months to get over it and move on.

 

After that, it was 1-2 years for my relationships in my 20's.

 

The period of time varies depending on how real those feelings were, how unsatisfied you are with your own life (Makes a big difference because a good abundant life can cushion the blow of a heartbreak far better than one where you are solely relying on the love of another person to make you happy). It also depends on how proactive you are in moving on, and whether you continue to remain in contact with them or not. Other small factors play a role but these are the most dominant ones.

 

If I were you. I'd go on that trip. I'd spend these 4 days preparing for it. Get all the things you need, research the country, set up an itinerary, and execute everything you want to do whether you feel like it or not. There's plenty of time to sulk afterwards.

 

- Beach

[stillafool]

Good you are getting away to Greece in a few days. Are you going with some fun friends who can keep you busy so your mind isn't on him?

[Haydn]

Enjoy Greece, always love going there.

 

You might meet some saucy Stavros.....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No my insurance provider doesn’t cover psychiatric care, and there’s no way I’d be willing to pay $175 an hour just to talk to someone.

 

Have you even tried to find a provider? Most providers, for whatever you are seeking help for (i.e. mental health therapy, strep throat, broken arm) discount rates for those without insurance coverage.

 

I'm also not convinced that if you have decent insurance there is no mental health coverage. Have you called to ask?

 

I wish you could muster up some anger toward this man who clearly was just using you for one last fling .

[lana-banana]

Have you even tried to find a provider? Most providers, for whatever you are seeking help for (i.e. mental health therapy, strep throat, broken arm) discount rates for those without insurance coverage.

 

I'm also not convinced that if you have decent insurance there is no mental health coverage. Have you called to ask?

 

I wish you could muster up some anger toward this man who clearly was just using you for one last fling .

 

Not trying to speak for the OP but you would be amazed at how bad insurance plans can be, especially for mental health care. Her best bet may be seeking out a university or college; these often provide sliding scales where you essentially pay only as much as you can afford.

 

You will love Greece, OP! We went for my honeymoon this time last year and I already wish I was back.The weather is divine.

[Madd_hatter]

I’m seriously thinking of cancelling the Greece trip. I just don’t feel up to it. I’ve been feeling really sick for the passed 2 days I actually had to take 2 days off of work.

 

To answer you question, my provider doesn’t cover psychiatric care.. I’ve asked.

 

I miss him so much my heart and chest hurt. I haven’t eaten all day, I just can’t bring myself to.

 

I told 2 of my friends, the ones I’m going on the trip with, about everything. I mean, they knew how I feel about him, but no one knew I slept with him. I confessed and they were really supportive. They let me cry it out and it actually felt good to talk to someone about it in real life.

 

I checked his Instagram, I know, I know, it was dumb, it was wrong, it was idiotic, but I did. He uploaded some of there honeymoon pictures. They went to Miami. Turns out, it’s true; go searching and you’ll see something you didn’t want too. What was I expecting? I knew it would make me feel even worse.

 

I just miss him and had to see what he’s been up to. I needed to hear his voice.

 

Hoping for better days soon

[No_Go]

Madd I'll go against the grain here with 'popular' advice - just cancel (or best - postpone) your trip.

 

Putting a mask of happy happy joy joy in Greece (or on the Moon or whatever) is not going to make you feel better. Been there done that - it just made me feel furious and lying to myself. In my case was much worse - the new GF was pregnant, and I had to see the guy daily because we worked together.

 

Find a trusted friend to talk to and talk the sh*t out of it - that's what will help you more than any therapy. You'd happen to realize how absurd the whole situation is, and how nothing really has changes besides a silly party and silly pictures. It' not like he was yours before.

 

Just remember: you're the woman who gave him her virginity, and she's the woman who got cheated on before their proposal. That will color things for you. He's a trouble, but the real loser is her, not you. You dodged a bullet.

 

Next year in this time, I guarantee this will all feel so indifferent to you. You can then go to Greece and laugh it off with your girlfriends. Now you just need to process and heal, at your own pace.

 

<SNIP>

I just miss him and had to see what he’s been up to. I needed to hear his voice.

 

Hoping for better days soon

Edited October 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneL]

Kudos for talking to your close friends!

 

I hope you also find the courage to talk to a pastor or counselor in your church. Again, s/he is required to keep your private conversations confidential.

 

<SNIP>

 

I told 2 of my friends, the ones I’m going on the trip with, about everything. I mean, they knew how I feel about him, but no one knew I slept with him. I confessed and they were really supportive. They let me cry it out and it actually felt good to talk to someone about it in real life.

 

<SNIP>

Edited October 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LoverOfDance]

@No_Go: Do you understand the meaning of empathy? This is not a competition between the OP and his wife. The OP might as well be her. it just happens that she is not. No_go, you need to learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. Also, women should not be comparing themselves to each other to see who is the better woman.

 

Any ill feelings the OP should have should go towards the man who took her virginity right before marrying someone else, not his wife.

 

OP, my advice to you - go to Greece. The point is to get some distance and open yourself to a new scenery. When you get there, don't force yourself to do things. Just relax and try to do anything that helps clear your mind, anything that gives you some kind of peace.

 

Don't stop your life for this man. It is not fair to you. Work on adoring him less and loving yourself more.

[Madd_hatter]

@No_Go: Do you understand the meaning of empathy? This is not a competition between the OP and his wife. The OP might as well be her. it just happens that she is not. No_go, you need to learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. Also, women should not be comparing themselves to each other to see who is the better woman.

 

Any ill feelings the OP should have should go towards the man who took her virginity right before marrying someone else, not his wife.

 

OP, my advice to you - go to Greece. The point is to get some distance and open yourself to a new scenery. When you get there, don't force yourself to do things. Just relax and try to do anything that helps clear your mind, anything that gives you some kind of peace.

 

Don't stop your life for this man. It is not fair to you. Work on adoring him less and loving yourself more.

 

I agree. There’s no competition. And I hate myself for what I did to her. She did not deserve that. I’d never think in a million years that I’d do something like that. Trust me when I say it was very out of character for me. Especially because she is so nice. I like her and I honestly feel like we could be friends if it weren’t for the whole me sleeping with her husband thing.

 

I don’t want to spend all that money on a trip and end up miserable the whole time. I’d be going with the 2 friends that I told, so I guess they’d be understanding. But still...

[JuneL]

I agree. There’s no competition. And I hate myself for what I did to her. She did not deserve that. I’d never think in a million years that I’d do something like that. Trust me when I say it was very out of character for me. Especially because she is so nice. I like her and I honestly feel like we could be friends if it weren’t for the whole me sleeping with her husband thing.

 

I don’t want to spend all that money on a trip and end up miserable the whole time. I’d be going with the 2 friends that I told, so I guess they’d be understanding. But still...

 

Wouldn’t it be too late to get a refund? If you have a panic attack and have to miss couple days of work, it’s pretty serious. At the very least, talk to your primary care doctor!!

[No_Go]

@No_Go: Do you understand the meaning of empathy? This is not a competition between the OP and his wife. The OP might as well be her. it just happens that she is not. No_go, you need to learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. Also, women should not be comparing themselves to each other to see who is the better woman.

 

Any ill feelings the OP should have should go towards the man who took her virginity right before marrying someone else, not his wife.

 

LoD, it has nothing to do with empathy or competition - it is stating the facts as they are to make OP see through the situation with clear eyes and mind. Otherwise I am absolutely with you that the person who is at fault here is the guy, not OP or his other woman, they are both his victims in a way...