Overprotective?

[d0nnivain]

I'm leaning towards your advice atm d0nnivain, except perhaps an overnight with two full days. I'll get more info..

 

Without telling your daughter, what about you go down there for the overnight & see what's what. If you like what you see, have packed enough clothes for the rest of the time & leave daughter in a place you now feel better about?

[Els]

If it's the kid's first time, I'd definitely go with 2 days tops (with mum visiting at night). The week-long vacay can wait til she has had more experience with going away on her own, and for a location with cell service. I think it's generally better to build up to that sort of thing.

 

 

And yet I'll gently remind, somehow we all grew up without any of these safeguards. No cell phones, bike helmets, toddler leashes or even seat belts for those of us old enough to remember.

 

Right... but a century ago everyone also grew up with high amounts of lead in their drinking water, no polio vaccines, and no birth control or STD education. While certainly the majority of kids a century ago survived (at least to an extent that we are all here), surely it would be irresponsible of a parent in this day and age to give their kid leaded drinking water, no polio vaccines and no birth control/STD education? Not saying that the OP is irresponsible, obviously (regardless of what decision she makes), but just illustrating that "kids grew up like that before" isn't necessarily a good reason to do the exact same thing now. Kids have technically grown up in all sorts of environments, including kids in impoverished countries who drink sewage water and cross raging rivers on a log to get to school. Some survive, some don't. The fact that some survived isn't good reason to not take any precautions.

Edited July 9, 2018 by Elswyth

[Mr. Lucky]

The fact that some survived isn't good reason to not take any precautions.

 

You make some good points. But the media we're exposed to sensationalizes the dangers in the modern world (Shark Week!) in a way that distorts reality.

 

The OP knows what kind of kid she has and I'm assuming she's already taken some precautions. She's hopefully taught her how to interact with strangers, make safe decisions and be aware of her surroundings.

 

Some of the compromises suggested are good ones. But if we want strong and independent kids, have to allow them some room to grow...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

You make some good points. But the media we're exposed to sensationalizes the dangers in the modern world (Shark Week!) in a way that distorts reality.

 

The OP knows what kind of kid she has and I'm assuming she's already taken some precautions. She's hopefully taught her how to interact with strangers, make safe decisions and be aware of her surroundings.

 

Some of the compromises suggested are good ones. But if we want strong and independent kids, have to allow them some room to grow...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

True. I guess the part that puts me strongly in the "no" camp is the "no way out" thing. No matter how vigilant, smart, and safe the OP's daughter is, if something goes wrong, she has no way to get out. She's many miles from town, and the only phone access she has is a ranger's station a few miles from the camp. Even if they are open 24/7 (not all are), she would have to navigate there on her own, possibly in the dark, to even call for help.

 

 

IMO it's just not a wise situation for a 13-yo girl who's never been away on her own before. If it's a two-day trip and mum will be there at night, at least there is a fallback. And then perhaps in the future, when she's gone away on her own a few times and is a few years older, they can revisit the possibility.

 

 

I am completely in support of parents not being overprotective, and agree that being overprotective is more dangerous than otherwise. But this situation is absolutely not "overprotective" IMO.

[Haydn]

My eldest went away for 4 days when she was 10.

 

It was a kind of football camp.

 

It took a lot for me to let her go.

 

Now she just hangs around in shopping centres scaring people with her mates with their worrying `One Direction` t shirts.

 

Slightly different to you as you have a potential sweet old granny.....

 

Check her out if possible as others have suggested.

 

The phone idea works.

[Timshel]

If I let her go for a night or (gulp) two, I won't helicopter and be there, it will be that I'm going to be brave about it and have faith.

 

Also, I have to work.

 

 

The inundation of horrific news from media certainly does play on my own confidence but it isn't only this, ya know, crap does in fact happen. The abundant bull shark population around this island for the last several yrs. is real business too.

This is a turning point in my youngest' life and mine as her parent. Fully aware how important letting her grow up is for her sake. Biting nails.

 

 

@Haydn, today she said something about Stark and I said yeah, your hair is about Jon Snow length these days. Ummm, no mom, Tony Stark...Marvel. I stand corrected.

 

 

One positive, my daughter says that her friend is headed to the Grand Canyon for a week with same Grandma next week. Good sign for agility!

 

 

 

Thank you all.

[BaileyB]

That is a good sign for agility!

 

Your concerns are very valid. Still, I'm sure all will be well.

 

On a different slant, has your daughter been away from home for an extended period of time before? A week is a long time to be away from home, with no contact. Do you think she will be homesick? I was known to make a phone call home from summer camp about that age, crying and asking my parents to come and pick me up because I was homesick... Given, she will get through it, as I did. It's just a curious question.

 

I still like the idea of going for the day or sending her for a few days - maybe not the whole week.

Edited July 9, 2018 by BaileyB

[Timshel]

@BaileyB, up until her last sleep over a month ago, I did get the midnight phone call, threw on my sweats and got her...so there is that.

 

 

 

The first time she actually stayed the whole night was with this friend. She and I have discussed this and she insists that she is ready and can handle this.

I'm giving a little side eye because 2 hrs. at 1 am will not happen unless an emergency. Also....she won't be able to call anyway.

 

See the conundrum?! I do think that she will be ok and at least one night will be good for her; but I do have to look at all the logistics.

 

 

It's been really helpful running this by LS. My fiance knows her well and says he hasn't made an opinion about this yet, I asked. I know that this is on myself and my daughter to make good decision. I'll make a decision and then he'll let me know what he thinks, that's how it goes.

 

 

 

Thank you.

[d0nnivain]

Timeshel

 

I was pulling for your daughter to get to go (hoping to help you find ways to overcome some of the dangers). But with this new info that she's only ever managed 1 full night sleepover I think by giving her the one overnight with you nearby is the answer for this summer. I don't think she will be able to hack a full week. Perhaps offer up sleep away camp as an alternative; they have cell signal & are trained to deal with the homesickness. Saddling the friend's grandmother with a traumatized teen who is crying to go home is not fair to the grandmother.

[BaileyB]

I was quite sure that I could do it too... until about day 3! And, I went with several friends and my cousin was a coach at the sports camp. I had to sneak off to the pay phone because I didn’t want them to see me cry...

 

I had two summer cap experiences, and neither went well.

 

All is well and good sometimes until you are away from home, with a people you don’t know well, and no way to call home...

 

I am now more inclined to say that you should go up for a day or let her go an overnight or two. I wouldn’t have confidence sending her off to a rather remote and isolated location. I think a week is a very long time to be away from home at this age, particulalry if she hasn’t done it before.

[preraph]

I'd talk to whoever invited her and find out if men are going to be there. If it's all women, I wouldn't be that worried. Your other alternative is to offer to drive her up there for the last two days so she's not there all week and then let her ride back with them.

[Timshel]

@d0nnivain, no, I am not considering the entire week. My contemplation at this point is based on the idea of one or two nights....tops.

 

 

So this is the new information I have now:

 

 

1. They would technically leave on Thurs. and return the following Wed. morning.

 

 

2. An uncle (mother's brother, age 32) would be driving the truck with RV in tow down to do the 'man' stuff of setting up camp. Grandma needs help with this.

 

 

3. Uncle would remain for the duration of the trip.

 

 

4. On Sat. they will be joined for the weekend (Sat. and Sun.) by the friends parents.

 

 

The mom knows that my daughter is not accustomed to days away and suggested they would bring her back to the city with them on Sun.

 

 

Now we have an uncle in the mix and I hate this world that this actually makes the decision more difficult. The man is probably a really good guy and I should feel better that he will be there...naturally I don't.

 

 

Off the cuff after just speaking with the mom, this is the possible plan.

 

 

I drive my daughter down on Fri. spend the afternoon and only allow her to stay the night if I am comfortable.

 

I then have my daughter drive home with parents on Sun.

 

 

What do you guys think?

[d0nnivain]

I think that last compromise is the best . . . Your daughter might not see it that way. You drive her down Friday & stay. You leave when the parents show up. Parents bring daughter back Sunday.

[Timshel]

I would also like to add that my daughter isn't crying or upset for me to come pick her up on prior sleepovers. The party is winding down and she decides that she would be more comfortable at home. No tears or drama.

 

I have always told her if she wants to come home, she can.

I don't want to throw her under the bus for being hysterical when she never has been.

This is something, however that she knows will not be possible if she decides to stay over on this trip.

 

 

Anyway, some new information to take into consideration. I told the mom we would talk about it and get back with her and she is happy to wait a bit for an answer.

 

 

Thank you all, it helps to type this situation out and get feed back.

[Timshel]

I think that last compromise is the best . . . Your daughter might not see it that way. You drive her down Friday & stay. You leave when the parents show up. Parents bring daughter back Sunday.

 

 

Yes, that would be the plan.

[BaileyB]

I drive my daughter down on Fri. spend the afternoon and only allow her to stay the night if I am comfortable.

 

I then have my daughter drive home with parents on Sun.

 

That sounds very reasonable to me.

[amaysngrace]

It's a tough call but whatever you decide will be correct. Never underestimate the power of a mother's intuition.

 

If you have qualms about it trust that. Then plan your day trips.

[preraph]

Sounds right. Really, kids can get tired of each other after a couple of days anyway and get fussy.

[BaileyB]

How did things go this weekend Timshel?

[Miss Clavel]

i would not let her go.

[Timshel]

Good morning all, thank you for the replies.

 

 

It's a tough call but whatever you decide will be correct. Never underestimate the power of a mother's intuition.

 

If you have qualms about it trust that. Then plan your day trips.

 

Thanks Amy. I agree about a mother's intuition, this is the first time that I have been uncertain/on the fence. I think that I do have a tendency to be overprotective with my kids and this time really want to not let fear keep my daughter from having a really fun experience.

Camping on the beach with a good bud (without 'mom') should be a blast at her age.

 

How did things go this weekend Timshel?

 

Thanks BaileyB, this is supposed to happen in August. I will definitely post when it happens, lol. I'll be nervous but I'm sure she'll be fine. She has a good head on her shoulders.

[amaysngrace]

I get it because I'm overprotective too. I had a hard time letting my son play a casual game of football on Saturdays with his buddies because I was afraid he'd get seriously injured in the rain. You hear the stories.

 

Luckily my Dad woke me up by saying don't turn him into a wuss. My son still talks about his Pop doing that, and is so grateful for the memories.

 

I'm sure she'll have a great time there. How you're handling it is very reasonable. I think all of us just do the best we can and hope it's good enough.

 

At least you know for next time.

[Timshel]

Update: Grandma returned home from the Grand Canyon fatigued and feeling sick. Apparently, she participated in every adventure from rafting to rock climbing...good for her! That is quality time with a grandchild.

 

 

The camping trip is cancelled, the mom was very apologetic which I assured her was unnecessary and that I would do exactly the same if my mom just belayed a cliff.

My daughter is perfectly fine...and now we are back to a run of the mill overnight and a day at her friend's home.

 

 

It's so funny how I really had angst whether she should camp away and now it isn't happening, lol.

 

 

Thanks everyone for the good advice and the ear.

[d0nnivain]

Glad things worked out for you. By next year maybe they will have improved cell service at the camp ground.

[Timshel]

Glad things worked out for you. By next year maybe they will have improved cell service at the camp ground.

 

 

Thanks d0nnivain. Honestly, I hope that island never has a cell tower and loses people like myself freaking out over it. x:)