gone_girl Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Before you say anything regarding ages, we are both over 30 We've met up twice; both times the conversation was great. The first time he seemed quite confident and I was a bit standoffish out of nervousness, but the second time I could feel quite a bit of tension building up for both of us. We were leaning onto each other most of the time, great eye contact and smiles, I couldn't help but touch his hand when he said something funny, brush my leg on his (pretending there wasn't enough space for my crossed leg).. After a point I could sense he was also a bit nervous.. I was looking into his gorgeous eyes and he blacked out, forgot what he wanted to say I wanted to kiss him really badly but I have a tendency to overestimate interest and didn't want to impose on him. When we were about to leave I hugged him goodbye, but he didn't really hug me back, he was a bit stiff But then again, when I was on the road, he texted me how it was really good seeing me and wished me gnight. So, as a sanity check for me; do you think I should find a way to initiate a kiss next time, if there is next time? How should I go about it? Or is he not interested so I shouldn't try at all?
coolheadal Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 OMG really just kiss him! You know a kiss means a lot to a guy. Just kiss him! You want too and I bet he'll kiss you back. Lips or cheek, you decide...Either one works good..
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 I think you need to get better at giving & reading signals. The third time is the charm. Kiss him already.
Author gone_girl Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 Thanks, you guys. I know - I'm horrible at being flirty. I'm the most unflirty person you will meet if I haven't known you for a long time. I have a closed-off body language and I keep second-guessing myself. But I'm trying. I really like this man and I don't want to f it up. Do you think he was turned off that nothing happened? Why didn't he really hug me back? Was he disappointed on me or himself?
Pink86 Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Omg I’m stuck in the same situation. Everytime I’m with this guy I can feel sexual tension between us but nothing ever happens. I always feel like the guy sould do it first but then again he may feel really scared of you rejecting him. I say go for it next time. If you guys get close enough for a kiss just grab his face and kiss him if he doesn’t di it first. Sometimes I feel like it’s kind of hard not to kiss the person if there is sexual tension building up and your so close to eachother. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Do you think he was turned off that nothing happened? Why didn't he really hug me back? Was he disappointed on me or himself? I can't say for sure. Not all guys are huggy. He may have been disappointed that it wasn't more. He may have been startled & shy. See what happens on date 3
Author gone_girl Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 I can't say for sure. Not all guys are huggy. He may have been disappointed that it wasn't more. He may have been startled & shy. See what happens on date 3 But when we first met he hugged me - it's in his culture to hug people when you say hi and bye AAARGH! Ok, I will try to come really close to his face next time as we are sitting and see what happens... :love:
Garlend Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 I don't want to discourage you, but I can't help but curiously ask if this man you're interested in could possibly be married without your current knowledge. I am married. And whenever other women besides my wife approach me to engage with me in a hug or kiss, regardless of their intentions, I automatically cringe rather my wife is present or not.
Author gone_girl Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 I don't want to discourage you, but I can't help but curiously ask if this man you're interested in could possibly be married without your current knowledge. I am married. And whenever other women besides my wife approach me to engage with me in a hug or kiss, regardless of their intentions, I automatically cringe rather my wife is present or not. No, he's supposed to be single so I don't think it's that. Think he's lying? Plus he has hugged me before as a greeting.
stillafool Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Omg I’m stuck in the same situation. Everytime I’m with this guy I can feel sexual tension between us but nothing ever happens. I always feel like the guy sould do it first but then again he may feel really scared of you rejecting him. I say go for it next time. If you guys get close enough for a kiss just grab his face and kiss him if he doesn’t di it first. Sometimes I feel like it’s kind of hard not to kiss the person if there is sexual tension building up and your so close to eachother. The problem is how do you know the other person is feeling the same thing you are and wants to be kissed. How does one know? Do men always want to be kissed? Women fear rejection also.
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 But when we first met he hugged me - it's in his culture to hug people when you say hi and bye AAARGH! Ok, I will try to come really close to his face next time as we are sitting and see what happens... :love: There is more to it then that. First, wear something touchable. The fabric of your clothes should be soft -- silk, cashmere (in winter), very soft cotton or flowy . . . like gossamer. Wear fabulous sexy underwear. Even if a guy wasn't going to get to see it, having it on always gave me a boost of confidence knowing he'd like what he saw if he got a glimpse. It was like teasing but nobody knew except me. Flirt flirt flirt. Eye contact: look at him, smile, coyly look away. Look at his lips longingly. Lick yours. Tilt your head. Touch him subtly. A brush of the hand. Do the cross & uncross your legs bumping his bit that you did. Play with your own hair once or twice. This is not an OCD thing, just run your fingers through your hair so he starts to wonder what it would be like to do that. Do sit a might too close & do lean in. In your head, keep thinking . . . kiss me . . . kiss me . . .I wonder how soft those lips will feel .. . .kiss me. With that running around in your head it will subconsciously change your body language. I can't explain why because I don't understand the science but it works. Let him open doors for you, Brush against him as you walk by. Smile sweetly & whisper thank you. When you speak, speak softly, barely above a whisper forcing him to lean in. 1
Author gone_girl Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 Hey thanks for the tips... I did hold eye contact lots and when I brushed his leg, it was actually the upper part of my feet/crossed leg touching his calf opposite the table.. I kept it there for some minutes, touch him slightly while we were conversing but at times I shuffled so it was more like a brush/rub. Im kind of cowardish to do the 'look at his lips' thing, but maybe I could use more of that in my head thinking.... It would probably come on its' own.
ElKay Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Let me know how it goes as I'm in a slightly similar situation. I'm even unflirtier than you as I tend to not even brush up against a guy that I'm on a date with! I really can't deal with the potential of misreading interest and getting rejected, so it holds me back a ton. Good luck!!
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 It seems to me that his stiffening up when you hugged him was a sign of some sort of reticence to hug you at that moment. Could have been for umpteen various reasons. Such as, he forgot to put on deodorant, he didn't want to get too close because he thought he had bad breath, he had some sort of pain the hug may hurt, he wanted to wait until he knew you better to hug in an intimate way. I know a woman whose husband has only kissed her a couple of times though they've been married decades. He's just not a good kisser and doesn't like to kiss. I dated one guy who didn't kiss me for a very long time no matter what I did to prompt him. When he finally did kiss me it was just a peck on the lips and he wasn't puckered up. He just put his flat lips on mine, made a kind of smacking noise and that was it. Then I began to notice that when he talked his lips didn't move the way other people's lips moved and realized that he didn't have the appropriate muscles in his lips to do the kissing moves. Knowing kissing would never be part of our relationship, though he did want to have sex, was too much for me and ended things for us. Sometimes it takes a little time and getting to know someone before you understand why they're doing things the way they are. I'd say to give this guy more time to get comfortable before trying to kiss him since you've already tried to hug him and he didn't get into it. 1
kendahke Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Omg I’m stuck in the same situation. Everytime I’m with this guy I can feel sexual tension between us but nothing ever happens. Originally Posted by Pink86 I disagree! I was in a year long distance relationship then finally moved out to live with my bf and now we are married. Do you think that might have to do with the fact that you're a married woman? 2
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Let me know how it goes as I'm in a slightly similar situation. I'm even unflirtier than you as I tend to not even brush up against a guy that I'm on a date with! I really can't deal with the potential of misreading interest and getting rejected, so it holds me back a ton. Try reframing the Q from is the other person interested in me to am I interested in them. Flirting is light, breezy & easy. You shouldn't have any skin or emotion in the game. Flirting is a momentary, passing situational thing. You are dangling bait. If the fish (other person) bites, great. If not, you keep your bait & move along. Get emotionally invested after the respond, not before. If you are only invested in seeing what will or might happen in the 1st date or 2, you won't get as hurt if it doesn't work out. 1
greymatter Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 There is more to it then that. First, wear something touchable. The fabric of your clothes should be soft -- silk, cashmere (in winter), very soft cotton or flowy . . . like gossamer. Wear fabulous sexy underwear. Even if a guy wasn't going to get to see it, having it on always gave me a boost of confidence knowing he'd like what he saw if he got a glimpse. It was like teasing but nobody knew except me. Flirt flirt flirt. Eye contact: look at him, smile, coyly look away. Look at his lips longingly. Lick yours. Tilt your head. Touch him subtly. A brush of the hand. Do the cross & uncross your legs bumping his bit that you did. Play with your own hair once or twice. This is not an OCD thing, just run your fingers through your hair so he starts to wonder what it would be like to do that. Do sit a might too close & do lean in. In your head, keep thinking . . . kiss me . . . kiss me . . .I wonder how soft those lips will feel .. . .kiss me. With that running around in your head it will subconsciously change your body language. I can't explain why because I don't understand the science but it works. Let him open doors for you, Brush against him as you walk by. Smile sweetly & whisper thank you. When you speak, speak softly, barely above a whisper forcing him to lean in. LOL, this reads like tips and tricks from Cosmopolitan. Unless these behaviors and choices come naturally, this is not "being yourself" and is probably not going to work, especially if mutual attraction is not there. I don't do any of what is described nor would I ever. I let things develop organically and "it" happens when the time is right. I don't have to force it or give all kinds of cues or speak in a whisper (to act sexual) or bat my eyelashes or not.be.myself. It just happens all on its own. 1
preraph Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 He sounds scared. If you want to kiss a scared guy, go right ahead. I would think with you rubbing against him and doing all the work, if he had it in him to just get over it and pounce on you, he would have. I mean, there's no clearer message than touching like that to a guy. Because it's automatic permission to touch your arm or leg back. He sounds very inexperienced. Good luck with that. 2
Author gone_girl Posted June 30, 2018 Author Posted June 30, 2018 He sounds scared. If you want to kiss a scared guy, go right ahead. I would think with you rubbing against him and doing all the work, if he had it in him to just get over it and pounce on you, he would have. I mean, there's no clearer message than touching like that to a guy. Because it's automatic permission to touch your arm or leg back. He sounds very inexperienced. Good luck with that. Is this a good scared? I think the first time we met I was a bit abrupt, and even though I apologised afterwards maybe he doesn't trust that I'm into him? I don't know if he's inexperienced. He's stunning, with good career, great conversation... I mean, the first time we went out women were hitting on him when he went to buy us drinks and while we were talking they were staring. He's scandinavian and I hear they are reserved people. But so lovely. 1
ElKay Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 Try reframing the Q from is the other person interested in me to am I interested in them. Flirting is light, breezy & easy. You shouldn't have any skin or emotion in the game. Flirting is a momentary, passing situational thing. You are dangling bait. If the fish (other person) bites, great. If not, you keep your bait & move along. Get emotionally invested after the respond, not before. If you are only invested in seeing what will or might happen in the 1st date or 2, you won't get as hurt if it doesn't work out. I'll try this! It's hard not to overthink and plan 1 million steps ahead, but it's definitely something to work on.
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Posted June 30, 2018 LOL, this reads like tips and tricks from Cosmopolitan. Unless these behaviors and choices come naturally, this is not "being yourself" and is probably not going to work, especially if mutual attraction is not there. I don't do any of what is described nor would I ever. I let things develop organically and "it" happens when the time is right. I don't have to force it or give all kinds of cues or speak in a whisper (to act sexual) or bat my eyelashes or not.be.myself. It just happens all on its own. Maybe. Being yourself is always the best way to go but being the best version of yourself & being open & receptive is helpful. I'm an alpha driven woman in a male dominated field so I have to remind myself to slow down & be softer in social settings. 1
preraph Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 Is this a good scared? I think the first time we met I was a bit abrupt, and even though I apologised afterwards maybe he doesn't trust that I'm into him? I don't know if he's inexperienced. He's stunning, with good career, great conversation... I mean, the first time we went out women were hitting on him when he went to buy us drinks and while we were talking they were staring. He's scandinavian and I hear they are reserved people. But so lovely. There is no "good scared." But with this further information that the guy is stunning and good career, which implies he has some social acumen, if you're rubbing and he's not responding, it's not good news. Real stunners often do not LIKE women who chase them. They're tired of it and it becomes old to them and problematic and men sort of enjoy a chase because they're men. Just something to weigh in. Stop chasing or touching or contacting and see if he gets more interested. If not, resume the chase. 4
Author gone_girl Posted July 1, 2018 Author Posted July 1, 2018 There is no "good scared." But with this further information that the guy is stunning and good career, which implies he has some social acumen, if you're rubbing and he's not responding, it's not good news. Real stunners often do not LIKE women who chase them. They're tired of it and it becomes old to them and problematic and men sort of enjoy a chase because they're men. Just something to weigh in. Stop chasing or touching or contacting and see if he gets more interested. If not, resume the chase. Oh man, that's really confusing. Second date I thanked him for coming to see me in my city and he said 'thank you for showing up'... And I was like, 'why wouldn't I?'... And he replied that he thought that I didn't want a second meeting after the end of the first one.. By the way I asked him out for the second one, because I realised I was too standoffish the first time. He was eager to meet and talk. I'm waiting for him to ask me out now though. 1
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 This guy needs a hammer to the head.... he's a stump! He may have women hitting on him, but that doesn't always = confidence/player. You are going to have to be so obvious before he will ever make a move. The subtle brush or touching ain't gonna cut it.
preraph Posted July 1, 2018 Posted July 1, 2018 He is a confusing mess. But I refuse to believe the touching is going unnoticed, because 1) he's used to it if he's real good looking and 2) he's a man and they wait for any sign of physical permission IF they're interested. If the man is really stunning as you think and other women flock to him, then I still think he's gunshy about women who are overly gung-ho or may be watching for any sign of emotional instability, like you getting so woozy over his eyes that you acting wonky, etc. Why? Because those are the ones getting carried away without even knowing who he really is, just liking him for his looks, and going off the deep end, and those are the ones who become a problem eventually. I say cool it with this guy. See if he asks you out. Don't touch him unless he touches you, don't go woozy on him. Stay in your body and in control of your body, and ask him questions about himself to show you are interested in getting to know him BEFORE you fall in lust.
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