sandylee1 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 It would be an easy decision for me. Straight to divorce and don't stop anywhere on the way. Infidelity is bad enough, but my husband with another man would be the end of my marriage. I just wouldn't be physically attracted to him after that. That's not gay bashing. I'm not homophobic by a long shot either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 I would have preferred a guy to cheat on me with a man than a women since I wouldn't take it personally. "I don't have the parts he needs" vs "She has bigger boobs, seriously, is that all it took?". But back to this, go to a counselor and see if it's salvageable or not. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 This is so embarrasing. I don’t know if I can tell any friends let alone family. What kind of indications would there be ? I mean he never said he wanted to go down on a man or anything like that ? YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about. Call his mom and dad and tell them then pack your things and leave. You certainly don't want to stay married to a man who desires sex with other men, do you? That would be THE major deal breaker for me. Write your husband a letter explaining what you saw and leave it on the kitchen table for him, then leave. He only used you as a beard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Hello OP I'm sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine the anguish and confusion you must feel. It's difficult to get a grip on things , especially with all the chaos going on right now. As many previous posters have stated, #1 priority is your health. Get a checkup, because although you found out he cheated on you with this other man, you have no idea of there were others. It's also sad that after 2 years of marriage, he didn't trust you enough to tell you his personal history at any point. There are some things people have trouble sharing about their past, but honesty and trust is of utmost importance in any relationship. I wouldn't approach his family about this, unless he agreed to it. To be honest, it looks like you hold all the cards (so to speak) right now on the fate of your marriage. He probably wants to keep his bisexuality a secret, so you could really hurt him if you wanted to, but I doubt you would want to. My advise is to get some counselling for yourself because this is obviously a huge shock and it does affect you in all levels. Secondly, I would advise to give yourself some time to think. Don't rush into a divorce, and don't rush into a reconciliation either. There is so much information you have yet to unconver: a) Why did he marry you if he said he had these feelings towards men b) Did he get pressured into marriage to maintain appearances ? c) How many partners , both men and women has he been with since he met you ? d) Why does he want to stay married to you ? e) Would he want to stay married to you if people knew the truth ? I bet you have TONS more questions yourself. About his past, and questions that pertain to whatever future you guys have together. Give yourself time to come to grips with the fact that there is another side of your husband that you had ZERO knowledge about. Evaluate weather or not you wish to get to the bottom of things. You've been married for 2 years. And you love the person you thought he was. It's up to you, if you want to find out who he really is, and see if you could love the REAL him as much as you loved the idea of him you had in your head. So far, the real him has lied to you, has cheated on you, but wants to stay with you. Based on what has happened, you would have every right to end things right now if that is what you decide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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