bmne90 Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 What does it mean when a girl says she prefers to go out in a group rather than one-on-one with me, but that she also won't completely reject going out one-on-one with me? Is she just rejecting me nicely?
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 If she's young, it means she likes you but she's scared. She's orchestrating getting to know you without sexual pressure that comes from alone couple time.
Author bmne90 Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 Yeah, she's very young. We've gone out one-on-one a few times, but lately she's been avoiding one-on-one time a lot, and when we go out it's almost always in a group. Also, how do I differentiate if she's not interested in me, or like you said, is interested, but scared?
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Because she is still willing to talk to you & spend time with you. She likes you. She's just not ready for kissing or anything. Respect that. Earn her trust.
Author bmne90 Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 Well, I think she trusts me though, since we've known each other for a few months now to the point where she lets me use her phone and respond to everyone she texts, all her friends and roommates know about me, and we've even gotten in a few arguments already.
Author bmne90 Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 I know, and I'm not really pursuing kissing at the moment. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I'm friendzoned or not, because we just got into an argument where I was a bit upset that she won't find time to spend one-on-one with me, but would do so if her friend came along. She accused me of not giving her space when she's busy, and later when I asked if she has a problem going out solo with me, she replied that she'd prefer to go out in a group but she won't completely exclude the idea of going out solo with me.
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 If she's fighting you on it, you are friend zoned. If a girl is really into you, she's not going to fight you on these issues. 1
Jacob_Duluoz Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 It means you need to tell her you want a girlfriend, and if it's not her, it's someone else. See what she has to say then, but cut out the being her text responder and the group hangouts. Women don't owe you a relationship, but respect is a two way street. Let her find someone else to be her entertainment. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 It means you need to tell her you want a girlfriend, and if it's not her, it's someone else. See what she has to say then, but cut out the being her text responder and the group hangouts. Women don't owe you a relationship, but respect is a two way street. Let her find someone else to be her entertainment. He's talking to a young TEENAGED GIRL not a grown woman. Your advice is fine for an adult but not a child. Little girls don't friend-zone boys to keep them at bay; they get to know boys as friends first while sizing them up to determine if they are worthy to be promoted to BF. bmne90 -- do not tell her that you want a GF & if it's not her it will be somebody else. That will say you don't value her as a person but only care about having a warm body, anybody. 1
coolheadal Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I know, and I'm not really pursuing kissing at the moment. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I'm friendzoned or not, because we just got into an argument where I was a bit upset that she won't find time to spend one-on-one with me, but would do so if her friend came along. She accused me of not giving her space when she's busy, and later when I asked if she has a problem going out solo with me, she replied that she'd prefer to go out in a group but she won't completely exclude the idea of going out solo with me. My advise is take your time with her and let her decide when to go with you only or just keep going in a group. That girl is a lot better for you in the end if you really like her. She'll be with you for a long time if you respect her wants. This is what she wants. You behave yourself with her too. If you really like her, which is important. 1
act00 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 He's talking to a young TEENAGED GIRL not a grown woman. Your advice is fine for an adult but not a child. Little girls don't friend-zone boys to keep them at bay; they get to know boys as friends first while sizing them up to determine if they are worthy to be promoted to BF. bmne90 -- do not tell her that you want a GF & if it's not her it will be somebody else. That will say you don't value her as a person but only care about having a warm body, anybody. How do you know this is a teenager or a teenage situation? I don't remember any history if there are prior posts, but the OP doesn't state his age or hers...we just know she's young? Teenagers: I can see a group setting. The parents won't allow her to date unless it's a group date. If one is shy, it helps a lot to have other people around to help carry the conversation and get to know your date better. It takes off the pressure of sexual encounters, whether making out or more. Otherwise, always having some sort of "buffer" of other friends around is either friendzoning, or someone who is so unsure and unconfident, it's just going to be a mess all the way around...hot/cold, drama...there's been some drama in her being okay with one-on-one encounters and then suddently changing course...which isn't going over well for the OP. All he can do is be patient and decide if this is the girl he wants or the direction he wishes to go...and for how long? Not even a kiss?
act00 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 It means you need to tell her you want a girlfriend, and if it's not her, it's someone else. See what she has to say then, but cut out the being her text responder and the group hangouts. Women don't owe you a relationship, but respect is a two way street. Let her find someone else to be her entertainment. I disagree with this. The fastest way to lose a woman who is worth her salt (or man as the case may be) is to toss out the "I can do better" routine; the response will be, "Go have fun with that."...or be left with a clingy, wet-noodle who sucks the life out of you in their desperation not to lose you. Be careful tossing out hurtful words or ultimatums that you don't mean in some silly game-play or power-play...walk away without hurtful words or threats...you not only don't want to burn bridges and hurt feelings, but maybe, just maybe, you want to keep that foot in the door for future prospect.
basil67 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Is this the college aged woman? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/654325-she-interested-just-teasing If so, she's not romantically interested in you.
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 How do you know this is a teenager or a teenage situation? Because I asked the OP & he said this: Yeah, she's very young.
Author bmne90 Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 Is this the college aged woman? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/654325-she-interested-just-teasing If so, she's not romantically interested in you. Basil67, no it's not this girl. I've moved on from her already.
Author bmne90 Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 Here's the rundown, everyone. I am 26, she is 18. So, she's fairly fairly young. When we first met though mutual friends, I had no intentions of dating somebody that young, especially when she was just 17, which I believe is even illegal. We just hung out (in groups), and she'd eventually bring all her friends in her age group to the point where I know everyone in her social circle. In the early stages, she'd text me everyday, trying to get a conversation going. I'd wake up to a good morning text everyday, and went to sleep with a good night text. Conversation was plenty, and we'd go out almost every weekend. Fast forward 2 months now, and here I am finding myself a little attracted to her, or at least emotionally attached(?). Everyone at my workplace thinks we're dating, as well as everyone in her school. We've become quite close for some odd reason, but now looking back, I don't recall us going out one-on-one too many times...Maybe once or twice here and there, but there's always a third or fourth girl that she brings. Texting has slowed considerably, and she's become really busy with school and finals. She blew off several opportunities for one-on-one time this past week and I was annoyed and miffed (assuming she was not romantically interested in me) and told her roommate that I have no interest in waiting around. She found out thru her roommate, and told me that she still has intentions of going out w/ me, just that she prefers to go out in a group rather than one-on-one with me. But she also won't completely reject going out one-on-one with me.
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 She's a teenager & you are a grown man. She won't go out with you alone because she knows you are too old for her & that you are going to want to engage in adult activities which she does not want. She also doesn't have the maturity or self confidence to be direct with you & point black tell you she won't go out with you one on one. You two are not at the same life stage. Go find a woman your own age & leave this child alone. 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 He's talking to a young TEENAGED GIRL not a grown woman. Your advice is fine for an adult but not a child. Little girls don't friend-zone boys to keep them at bay; they get to know boys as friends first while sizing them up to determine if they are worthy to be promoted to BF. I was dating older guys when I was a teenager and so were my friends.....and yes I friend zoned a lot of them too. By no means did I ever consider myself a child. My interactions were spontaneous, I never bothered with friendship to make sure they were worthy. I don't think teenage girls are more innocent these days....maybe I'm wrong? I feel as they grow into women, they realize these things later and utilize their judgment better.
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 I was dating older guys when I was a teenager and so were my friends.....and yes I friend zoned a lot of them too. By no means did I ever consider myself a child. My interactions were spontaneous, I never bothered with friendship to make sure they were worthy. I don't think teenage girls are more innocent these days....maybe I'm wrong? I feel as they grow into women, they realize these things later and utilize their judgment better. Now that I know the OP is talking about an 18 year old, I agree with you but I mistakenly thought he was talking about a very young teen like 14-15. Since he's 26 & she wants no part of one on one dates, I stand by my opinion that he's too old for her because they are at different life stages right now.
Author bmne90 Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 d0nnivain, I think the reason being is that everyone around us seems to think we're a good match for whatever reason, and she's even told me that she likes guys that are about 8-10 years older than her. So I'm guessing age isn't a big deal to her and isn't quite a factor to this dilemma we're having right now. I feel like compatibility-wise, personality and her waning interest levels may be bigger factors. But I'd like to ask, from your standpoint, is there anything else you see aside from age?
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Two things I think she may be concerned about the physical aspect of a relationship. Her liking "older" men is more akin to flattery What worries me because I have been there is that she will eventually outpace you. You are a fully formed adult; she is not. She is still growing & changing. You may get hurt because when she grows up she may out grow you.
Author bmne90 Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 True, the fact that we can get along so well now is a huge sign that she'll outgrow me in the future lol. But to be honest, I'm not THAT concerned about that far down the road. I'm more so considering my next step, and how I should approach this situation. Do we remain friends even after this dilemma we're having? And perhaps see what may develop? (as @coolheadal put it: My advise is take your time with her and let her decide when to go with you only or just keep going in a group. That girl is a lot better for you in the end if you really like her. She'll be with you for a long time if you respect her wants. This is what she wants. You behave yourself with her too. If you really like her, which is important. Or do I just shut the door on her and move on?
HiCrunchy Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 I know many 18 year old with the brain of a 14 year old. 18 is that weird age where u can be really mature or a kid. 18 dating 26 sounds so cradle robbing. I mean a few months ago she was 17 and in hs...
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 What do you want to do? Do you want to be friends with her or would that be too painful for you because you want more? If you want to be friends, carry on. If not, just fade away but do be polite & friendly when you see each other in person. There is no reason to be mean to her just because she's moving at a much slower pace or possibly on a different path. Kindness & civility should rule the day.
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