DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 It was not the best of circumstances to re-learn how to say ILY again. To give an ILY you have to trust that person will hold and sharish your love declaration. It sounds like you knew it was risky with her contacting her ex. It was risky but I don't regret it. We had amazing times sprinkled in with the bad times. It is what it is. I was admittedly not the best boyfriend in the world either so there's that. Out of curiosity, how long he had been single when you started dating? He? I'd be single for about 2 years or so? She'd been divorced for 6 months? (hence why I didn't want a relationship in the first place, I knew I was a rebound at that point.) Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 He cares about you and wouldn't want to hurt you. I don't know whether you're telling him you love him, but he's not telling you that because he isn't sure he does yet. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 **** I thought that reply was to me and now I can't edit it oooops 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 He said his last relationship was 5 years ago. How old is he? Does he speak with bitterness about his last relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daissyy Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 How old is he? Does he speak with bitterness about his last relationship? He is 37 and he doesn't speak negatively abortion his past relationships. When I asked about the 5 years he said he couldn't seem to find the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daissyy Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 He cares about you and wouldn't want to hurt you. I don't know whether you're telling him you love him, but he's not telling you that because he isn't sure he does yet. The one time he told me he wonders how I feel about him, I told him I love him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Daissy: Does he fall in the category of he cannot say ILY or he will not say ILY because there is a difference between the 2. Someone that cannot say ILY because of bad past experiences may deserve your time & understanding but someone that will not say ILY because he thinks it's cheezy or over-rated isn't worthy of your love is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daissyy Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 The one time he told me he wonders how I feel about him, I told him I love him. But that was early days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daissyy Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Daissy: Does he fall in the category of he cannot say ILY or he will not say ILY because there is a difference between the 2. Someone that cannot say ILY because of bad past experiences may deserve your time & understanding but someone that will not say ILY because he thinks it's cheezy or over-rated isn't worthy of your love is he? I'm not sure which category he falls under. I guess I will find that out when I approach the issue directly. I have been delaying having a direct conversation about this issue because I thought I'd give him time and not ruin what we have but not it feels like it has been too long. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I'm not sure which category he falls under. I guess I will find that out when I approach the issue directly. I have been delaying having a direct conversation about this issue because I thought I'd give him time and not ruin what we have but not it feels like it has been too long. After 1,5 year you should have a solid enough base to be able to have any type of honest conversation, especially about expression of love. If you bring up this subject and he bails then you'll have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daissyy Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 After 1,5 year you should have a solid enough base to be able to have any type of honest conversation, especially about expression of love. If you bring up this subject and he bails then you'll have your answer. Yeah, I can't hold it in any longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Since you're gonna talk to him I'll say one more thing. Be careful of the grudging Of course I love you response to your eventual conversation with him. Of course I love you --especially said grudgingly .... is not the same as ...I'm in love with you. Of course, feeling "in love" with someone doesn't mean the relationship will work out or that the person you feel "in love" with is right for you. But failure to say the words is still a problem. Confession again. I have dated people to whom I said, "I course I love you." Unstated: I loved them like I love close friends. But no, I wasn't "in love" with them. I wasn't walking around feeling strongly that this was a great person for me. Also, you wanna be clear ... You're not looking for him to say ILY once ... and then he's aced the test. I assume you want him to say this regularly, which is what happens in openly-loving relationships. Just be clear about that with yourself. You are definitely showing sharps and confidence by noticing this issue and planning to discuss it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daissyy Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Since you're gonna talk to him I'll say one more thing. Be careful of the grudging Of course I love you response to your eventual conversation with him. Of course I love you --especially said grudgingly .... is not the same as ...I'm in love with you. Of course, feeling "in love" with someone doesn't mean the relationship will work out or that the person you feel "in love" with is right for you. But failure to say the words is still a problem. Confession again. I have dated people to whom I said, "I course I love you." Unstated: I loved them like I love close friends. But no, I wasn't "in love" with them. I wasn't walking around feeling strongly that this was a great person for me. Also, you wanna be clear ... You're not looking for him to say ILY once ... and then he's aced the test. I assume you want him to say this regularly, which is what happens in openly-loving relationships. Just be clear about that with yourself. You are definitely showing sharps and confidence by noticing this issue and planning to discuss it. Good luck! Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Remember that an "I love you" when you're in bed isn't nearly as reliable as an "I love you" in the cold light of day that comes with a mission statement about how they want to work you into their life in the future. Honestly, I wouldn't confront him about this at all. If he's ever ready, he'll say it. You don't want him to say it just to keep you from not having sex with him or being mad at you. He's told you he hasn't found the right one. I think the better question might be: How do you know when she's the right one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Love is unconditional, relationships are not. Choose what you want in your life, **** everything else. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Hi all My first post:). So I have been with this guy for a year and half. He uses the phrase "I care about you" instead of "I love you". We have great chemistry and have fun together but I wonder of he is in love with me. I don't know what to think anymore. My dear there some men who can't express their true feelings because they just don't know how to go about it. So you have someone that can't say "I Love You" But he can say I care about you. I care about you = means I want you to know you mean a lot to me. I like you = means I starting to develop feelings for you. I Love you = means love has come into his mind for you In Love with you = means love from the heart, mind and soul for you I am all about love and romance.. When you come from two loving parents and all they did was show you what love is really all about then you won't have trouble to express, show, feel and want the love from your new love. Where most of us fail to show and express and say it is where you come into us here on LS. Your guy can't give you the words to make you feel wonderful like your on top of the world with love in your heart and mind. I care about you is just that! Care vs Love or you mean a lot to me, but yet I haven't discovered any deep feelings for you as of yet. So I do care about and I just don't love you yet. Maybe in time I will. That's pretty much what's going on with you and him. If you can say I love and all he can say I care about you. That's all your going to get out of this guy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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