Blocked

[BaileyB]

I think we are just incompatible. For me, what matters is someone who shows me he thought about me days before seeing me (for example, sometimes adjusting or changing his plans for me). He, on the other hand, thought that stopping by my house for 5 minutes just to see me/ or taking me out for drinks when i was free was enough. Or texting me every morning GM and at night GN.

 

Well, clearly you had very different expectations of what you wanted from he relationship. You wanted more affection and attention than he was offering. Clearly, you were not compatible.

 

Personally, I think he sounds lovely. He sounds kind, and thoughtful, and considerate. He sounds very similar to my boyfriend.

[BaileyB]

I remember another "incident" during this trip. I saw a bar I wanted to go to. All other bars were free admission but this particular one had 6$ (cash only) coverage. I spent my last cash to tip valet parking guy. so, I looked at him and he said he had no cash either.

 

So we walked to the next bar, ordered drinks and at the end when he opened his wallet to pay, I saw 50$. I asked him about that money and he said "well, it is emergency cash." Yes, it was in a separate compartment of the wallet and looked like it was put away... but once again I was disappointed.

 

My male friend told me that he would absolutely do anything to make his girl happy and go wherever she wanted to go. Emergency cash... really? or just being cheap and not caring enough?

 

So, my hurtful text was that he was lame the entire time during our relationship and that it is not surprising that I want my best friend and my ex bf (who cosigned my student loan) to be present at my graduation but not him.

 

Well Annalie, I’ve been trying to see your side of this with kindness... but, with every post you sound more entitled, selfish, immature, and unreasonable with your expectations. It’s probably best that the relationship is over, this man deserves a girlfriend who doesn’t act like a spoiled child.

 

Sorry. Best wishes and good luck with your studies.

[coolheadal]

I remember another "incident" during this trip. I saw a bar I wanted to go to. All other bars were free admission but this particular one had 6$ (cash only) coverage. I spent my last cash to tip valet parking guy. so, I looked at him and he said he had no cash either.

 

So we walked to the next bar, ordered drinks and at the end when he opened his wallet to pay, I saw 50$. I asked him about that money and he said "well, it is emergency cash." Yes, it was in a separate compartment of the wallet and looked like it was put away... but once again I was disappointed.

 

My male friend told me that he would absolutely do anything to make his girl happy and go wherever she wanted to go. Emergency cash... really? or just being cheap and not caring enough?

 

So, my hurtful text was that he was lame the entire time during our relationship and that it is not surprising that I want my best friend and my ex bf (who cosigned my student loan) to be present at my graduation but not him.

 

First of all I've read all what you have typed. I see you want all of his attention. But this fellow has very close family ties, grandma an etc. He's not going to give up seeing her before you. This is something he holds value too. You like what your male friend said he would give you what you want. Well family value man or a man that would do anything for you? Toss-up. This all depends how you were raised by your family. Close ties or open connection.

Your reaction has caused mr family values to blocked you because of your mean words. This made you look like not a good woman to be with. I am sure he told his grandma about you he seems the type to do that. So now he has blocked you for good. Most likely he'll never want to speak or see you again. Do not push yourself on him because that's harassment can work both way he could call the police on you send all the text messages you have sent him as evidence. Stop look and listen do not attempt to communicate with him he's block you for that very reason.

 

You want 100% attention he said no he has to give it to his family. This will never change so you need a guy like your guy friend which would put you first than his family.

[Annalie]

Well Annalie, I’ve been trying to see your side of this with kindness... but, with every post you sound more entitled, selfish, immature, and unreasonable with your expectations. It’s probably best that the relationship is over, this man deserves a girlfriend who doesn’t act like a spoiled child.

 

Sorry. Best wishes and good luck with your studies.

 

I can understand why you think so... it is just that... i am not a selfish person, I would spend my last money on other people and then work 24 hours 7 days a week to make up for that. So, it is hard for me to understand when other people take advantage of it or display any sort of calculated behavior.

 

For example, we went on that trip with my car. My windshield somehow got damaged and I now need lots of money to replace it but I don't mind. I didn't hesitate to offer to pay for anything during that trip even though I am a broke student. We split 50/50 everything.

So, when he hesitated to pay for that coverage, it did hurt my feelings.

[Annalie]

First of all I've read all what you have typed. I see you want all of his attention. But this fellow has very close family ties, grandma an etc. He's not going to give up seeing her before you. This is something he holds value too. You like what your male friend said he would give you what you want. Well family value man or a man that would do anything for you? Toss-up. This all depends how you were raised by your family. Close ties or open connection.

Your reaction has caused mr family values to blocked you because of your mean words. This made you look like not a good woman to be with. I am sure he told his grandma about you he seems the type to do that. So now he has blocked you for good. Most likely he'll never want to speak or see you again. Do not push yourself on him because that's harassment can work both way he could call the police on you send all the text messages you have sent him as evidence. Stop look and listen do not attempt to communicate with him he's block you for that very reason.

 

You want 100% attention he said no he has to give it to his family. This will never change so you need a guy like your guy friend which would put you first than his family.

 

My guy friend was talking about paying the coverage to go to the specific bar i wanted to go. As I said, I spent my last cash to tip valet guy and had no cash on me. He had 50$ but obviously didn't feel like spending it and paying 12$ just to enter the bar. Instead, we went to another one, that had free admission. My friend said that he would have found the money or spent as much as needed (of course within normal limits), if his gf wanted to go somewhere and that would make her happy.

[coolheadal]

My guy friend was talking about paying the coverage to go to the specific bar i wanted to go. As I said, I spent my last cash to tip valet guy and had no cash on me. He had 50$ but obviously didn't feel like spending it and paying 12$ just to enter the bar. Instead, we went to another one, that had free admission. My friend said that he would have found the money or spent as much as needed (of course within normal limits), if his gf wanted to go somewhere and that would make her happy.

 

I am not cheap on valet parking or tipping anyone too, although I don't use valet on dates to impress them. Here we have Blue Martini very high end bar etc.. Night Club.. Not cheap but like I said if the bf your with has the money he'll spend it on you shouldn't think twice. Yes we men have to make our gf happy I do agree on that fact. Works both ways too my child. There are other men for you out there. Don't settle okay...

[BaileyB]

I can understand why you think so... it is just that... i am not a selfish person, I would spend my last money on other people and then work 24 hours 7 days a week to make up for that. So, it is hard for me to understand when other people take advantage of it or display any sort of calculated behavior.

 

For example, we went on that trip with my car. My windshield somehow got damaged and I now need lots of money to replace it but I don't mind. I didn't hesitate to offer to pay for anything during that trip even though I am a broke student. We split 50/50 everything.

So, when he hesitated to pay for that coverage, it did hurt my feelings.

 

Respectfully, just because you would give someone the shirt off your back does not necessarily mean that they would do the same. To think that they would or should, will bring you a lot of disappointment in life because nobody will ever live up to your expectations. You will forever be disappointed.

 

Giving someone the shirt off your back may not actually be the responsible or smart thing to do.

 

With maturity, we all learn that truely selfless giving is giving without expecting ANYTHING in return.

 

Is the fact that he refused to pay the admission to the bar worth the stress of an argument and the hurt feelings? I think not. I think this is the little stuff that we need to let go in a relationship.

 

Perhaps, he felt that he was caring for you and doing the responsible thing by keeping that $50 emergency cash in his wallet. Regardless, it was his money, his decision.

 

Throwing a “tantrum” about the fact that he refused to pay for your admission to the bar makes you look like a child. Attempting to justify your behaviour by saying that your guy friend says he would give his girlfriend anything she wanted makes you look rather entitled and ridiculous.

 

I don’t think you are a bad person. Definitely not. I simply offer this opinion, with kindness, for you to consider how your behaviour appears to others.

Edited June 3, 2018 by BaileyB

[Annalie]

Respectfully, just because you would give someone the shirt off your back does not necessarily mean that they would do the same. To think that they would or should, will bring you a lot of disappointment in life because nobody will ever live up to your expectations. You will forever be disappointed.

 

Giving someone the shirt off your back may not actually be the responsible or smart thing to do.

 

With maturity, we all learn that truely selfless giving is giving without expecting ANYTHING in return.

 

With maturity, you understand that ruining a wonderful trip by causing an arguement with someone you love over a $12 admission to a bar - something that will and should be forgotten in a few days - is not worth the stress of the argument and the hurt feelings.

 

Perhaps, he felt that he was caring for you and doing the responsible thing by keeping that $50 emergency cash in his wallet. Regardless, it was his money, his decision.

 

Throwing a tantrum about the fact that he refused to pay for your admission to the bar makes you look like a child. Attempting to justify your behaviour by saying that your guy friend says he would give his girlfriend anything she wanted makes you look rather entitled and ridiculous.

 

I don’t think you are a bad person. Definitely not. I simply offer this opinion, with kindness, for you to consider how your behaviour appears to others.

 

I appreciate your response and opinion as I am trying to process my feelings and figure out what happened. I guess some kind of introspection.

 

I don't expect him to give me the shirt of his back. However, I wanted for us to enjoy this trip. I make 10 times less than him, and I still participated 50% to pay the expenses. I offered my car for the trip (9 hours drive), I offered to pay meals, gas, admissions, parking... he never said no to that. And it is fine. He paid for the hotel and drinks.

IDK, maybe he thought it was ridiculous to pay to enter the bar when all other bars were free admission. I, on the other hand, thought that 12$ is nothing and we should see everything we like in this new city. If I had the cash and offered to pay, he would have agreed to it.

 

And i wouldnt give the shirt off my back to anyone, just the people I care about. But I hate when they try to take the advantage of it.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Annalie

[ExpatInItaly]

It's better that you two go your separate ways.

 

You have completely incompatible expectations and desires in a relationship. It is going to be for the best that you are no longer dating.

[Chilli]

Yeah it was pretty selfish of you to carry on when he had plans to visit his gran.

That would've been important to him let alone have a fight over it and saying things.

And then the other bs about the bars.

So yeah , he's pissed and doesn't wanna be around you right now,

 

Maybe , if you stay out of his face for a few days , a week , he might come round but l def' wouldn't bug him anymore right now or you'll never see him again is my guess.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Oh please. I want to spend every day with my mum and grandma instead of the hot new gf I am crazy about? Said no guy ever. And I am someone with very close family.

 

Cash thing was also a “white lie”.

 

Here is what happened: this guy was lukewarm about you at best. You sensed it and it increased your anxiety which you attempted to suppress. Every time you attempted to have a deeper conversation about it, he deflected, gave you one word answers and shut it down. Nothing was resolved because he didn’t care enough to even want to attempt to make you feel better.

 

He was prepared to see you when it suited him for some light fun while he put in the bare minimum of effort. You gave him an opening for a “blame free” way out which he took at the first chance and exited.

 

You haven’t done anything wrong. Relationships that are right and guys that care won’t bring you to the boiling point. I hope you get over this loser soon.

[stillafool]

Do NOT go by the house. That's stalking and it's very disrespectful.

 

Here's the bare facts: He is very involved with his family. It's not who you are. You are incompatible on that front, which means he could never be more than a casual date, because he's going to want someone who is all in with his family from now on, which I will tell you would be my worst nightmare because I am not that way. He has to find a woman who is the same way and then they too will fight over whose family to spend holidays with but they will at least respect each other for it.

 

Let him go. It's not a match. Sounds like he was winding down anyway and not that into the relationship.

 

But for the future, though there are many guys out there who are not as involved with their families, you need to know that holidays are often reserved for family and you need to know that just because you're someone's gf does not mean you own and get to manage their time.

 

I completely agree with this. Any woman who gets this guy is going to have to be someone who loves to do everything with their families. She's also going to be someone who his mother loves, adores and wants around like a daughter. A lot of women love this type of setting in their relationships; but not me. You have to decide if this is what you would want your marital life to be because this guy isn't going to change; he just enjoys his family too much. I kind of envy him because I tend to avoid mine.