fredflint Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 So I saw her while she was separated, for about 6mo. Then... she was going to try to work things out with him. Radio silence for a while. Now she messages me declaring her love for me again. So far I've responded to her to work on her marriage. But I miss her. Thoughts?
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Block her. If she is wih him, she should not be messaging you. And, if she is not able to draw that boundary, you will need to do it for the both of you. Protect yourself. 4
Author fredflint Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 Block her. If she is wih him, she should not be messaging you. And, if she is not able to draw that boundary, you will need to do it for the both of you. Protect yourself. I agree with you ... blocking her is hard though, I guess I'm not ready to completely close the door
Deidre Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Blocking is hard, but it's not about hurting her, it's about healing you. If you block her, the first week or two will be terrible. Painful. Empty. But, after that, it'll get better. She's using you. If you want to continue being used, then stay in contact. That's all this will ever be, sadly...you being used.
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 So I saw her while she was separated, for about 6mo. Then... she was going to try to work things out with him. Radio silence for a while. Now she messages me declaring her love for me again. So far I've responded to her to work on her marriage. But I miss her. Thoughts? It means nothing. She is looking for an ego feed and attention. She chose to go back to her husband and marriage. She doesn't care that contacting you is messing you up and hurting you. 2
Author fredflint Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 I hear what you're saying about her using me, and not caring... but I have a hard time believing that's totally true. She talked (apparently sincerely) about building a life with me and she did buy me gifts while we were together.
Marc878 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 You've been played but don't want to wake up to your reality. You'll wallow in this until you do. 1
FMW Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 If she stays in her marriage, her declarations of love for you are selfish. She may very well love you, but she's made it clear staying married is more important to her than what she feels for you. I assume you've read at least some of the posts in this section. They will give you a good idea of what to expect if you choose to see her again while she's still married. And the longer you are involved the harder it is to get out. I hope you're strong enough to stay away. 1
Author fredflint Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 You've been played but don't want to wake up to your reality. You'll wallow in this until you do. I have felt used and played. I can see she is acting selfishly. I think part of that is because she's in so much pain with the breakdown of her marriage. She's almost in emotional self-preservation mode.
Marc878 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 I have felt used and played. I can see she is acting selfishly. I think part of that is because she's in so much pain with the breakdown of her marriage. She's almost in emotional self-preservation mode. Nope, she's just a very typical cake eater 1
marky00 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 I have felt used and played. I can see she is acting selfishly. I think part of that is because she's in so much pain with the breakdown of her marriage. She's almost in emotional self-preservation mode. Yeah. This is why getting into relationships with such people is so risky. Her bearings of normal/healthy behavior is way off. What she is doing to you feels pretty much normal because her husband has probably been doing the same to her. As humans when we have been hurt badly, it sometimes tells people that its ok for them to hurt others as well. And yes, its like self-preservation. Her mind is struggling so much with whats going on with her husband, there's nothing left to give regarding the situation with you. Marc is also right but. Not everyone handles/deals with pain like she is. She obviously has a selfish streak to handle it the way she has. 1
Author fredflint Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Yeah. This is why getting into relationships with such people is so risky. Her bearings of normal/healthy behavior is way off. What she is doing to you feels pretty much normal because her husband has probably been doing the same to her. As humans when we have been hurt badly, it sometimes tells people that its ok for them to hurt others as well. And yes, its like self-preservation. Her mind is struggling so much with whats going on with her husband, there's nothing left to give regarding the situation with you. Marc is also right but. Not everyone handles/deals with pain like she is. She obviously has a selfish streak to handle it the way she has. That makes sense to me. I think now she wants to have an affair with me. I'm not going to do that, but it is so tempting
Author fredflint Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Blocking is hard, but it's not about hurting her, it's about healing you. If you block her, the first week or two will be terrible. Painful. Empty. But, after that, it'll get better. She's using you. If you want to continue being used, then stay in contact. That's all this will ever be, sadly...you being used. Thank you, I'm not so sure its entirely me being used. I'm fairly sure she was seriously considering a life with me, and may still be.
Agonistes Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 Thank you, I'm not so sure its entirely me being used. I'm fairly sure she was seriously considering a life with me, and may still be. Stop kidding yourself. She is married to someone else and went back to him. You are nothing to her but a possible escape from her situation. Close off that escape and force her to deal with her situation on her own.
Author fredflint Posted May 29, 2018 Author Posted May 29, 2018 (edited) Stop kidding yourself. She is married to someone else and went back to him. You are nothing to her but a possible escape from her situation. Close off that escape and force her to deal with her situation on her own. She told me she can't stop thinking about me. I believe her. I believe I'm more to her than just an escape, but I agree I'm clearly not enough, and that I should let her be Edited May 29, 2018 by fredflint
BluesPower Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 I hear what you're saying about her using me, and not caring... but I have a hard time believing that's totally true. She talked (apparently sincerely) about building a life with me and she did buy me gifts while we were together. Let's see, you say that she is apparently sincere.... How exactly is she showing that she is SINCERE? Oh, yeah, by going back to her husband, that is how. And you call that sincere?????
Author fredflint Posted May 30, 2018 Author Posted May 30, 2018 Let's see, you say that she is apparently sincere.... How exactly is she showing that she is SINCERE? Oh, yeah, by going back to her husband, that is how. And you call that sincere????? I mean I believe she was sincerely considering it
BluesPower Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 I mean I believe she was sincerely considering it You are just not listening. So now I will YELL. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. For Christ sake, she just said that she was going to get pregnant by her husband... You know what, you are right, she loves you completely and in 9 months she will be back to be with you. Just hold on and she will be back...
Author fredflint Posted May 30, 2018 Author Posted May 30, 2018 You are just not listening. So now I will YELL. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. For Christ sake, she just said that she was going to get pregnant by her husband... You know what, you are right, she loves you completely and in 9 months she will be back to be with you. Just hold on and she will be back... I appreciate that you're trying to shake off my rose colored glasses to help me... but she didn't talk about getting pregnant by her husband
Author fredflint Posted June 10, 2018 Author Posted June 10, 2018 I didn't block her. She tells me she's thinking of separating, again.
grass-hopper Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 She doesn’t know what she wants. But that doesn’t mean you shouldnt. You deserve better. You’re on here for a reason. For advice. Because you know that it’s a bad decision to walk into this. Don’t do it. It might feel tempting and exciting that this woman wants you. But it won’t feel like that for long. You’ll end up feeling empty and awful... knowing that you won’t ever be her priority. Even though you tell yourself you know what you’re getting into and you can handle it... it’s not that easy. Take it from everyone giving you advice here. Harsh or kind. It’s all from experience. I wish I’d listened. I hope you will.
Author fredflint Posted June 10, 2018 Author Posted June 10, 2018 knowing that you won’t ever be her priority. I know the evidence isn't good so far, but I rationalize she's just conflicted right now and that I will be someday
whichwayisup Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 I didn't block her. She tells me she's thinking of separating, again. Thinking and actually doing are two different things. Do you really want to sit and wait for her? Imagine end of summer, thanksgiving, xmas etc and she still is 'thinking' of separating.. Are you going to still have hope?
ladydesigner Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 She told me she can't stop thinking about me. I believe her. I believe I'm more to her than just an escape, but I agree I'm clearly not enough, and that I should let her be You are her addiction and not a healthy one.
misspalmy Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 Hes playing both of you. he wont leave her as if he does he loses half of everything. i know you love him to. as much as it hurt run hun
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