newmommy1 Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 My husband and I bought a house a year ago and now I hate it. At the time we bought it, I tolerated it. Never loved it. I felt 100% pressured to get this house. During the house buying process, everytime we would look at a house that I liked and he didnt like, he would get angry. Everytime we would look at a house that he liked and I didnt like, he would get angry. Once he found a house he really wanted, he made sure to hate everything we saw after that, so they would not be an option. Also I wanted a newly built house but that was out of the question for him. He wanted something old and less shiny. ( I think because he would feel more comfortable since he is messy and doesnt like to take care of stuff). So now we have a old house with all sorts of problems. My husband has a way of pressuring me to get his way. He gets so excited to get his way, he doesnt care if I am disappointed. He is mean, angry, or distant till he gets his way and then he is really sweet. Until the next time he wants his way. I knew my husband was this way so I told him when we were discussing buying a home that my home is really important to me and I let you have your way on everything else. Please let me have this. Of course, that didnt happen so I'm extremely resentful. I have one life and I cant get the things I want out of it. I worked my butt off my whole life to buy a nice home. I pay 60% of the mortgage. I used to watch home buying shows. He never dreamed of what he wanted in a home like I used to. But I let him pressure me into doing what he wanted. I do genuinely want him to be happy. But I dont think he cares if I'm happy or not. So what should I do? I want us to sell the house. I feel like that can be a start to heal from his selfish behaviour in the past and I dont want to waste any more years in this house. I think we will break even and can get our deposit back if we sell now. My husband refuses. But I'm growing more resentful of him every day. Even thinking of just getting my own place and finally making myself happy. We have a 1 year old together. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 At this point you renovate till it becomes a house you love. Deep down you will never let go of this resentment that he helped cause but other than selling the house or divorcing him you need to help yourself and make this your house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 So what should I do? get an attorney, file for divorce, then find someone more reasonable 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author newmommy1 Posted May 27, 2018 Author Share Posted May 27, 2018 At this point you renovate till it becomes a house you love. Deep down you will never let go of this resentment that he helped cause but other than selling the house or divorcing him you need to help yourself and make this your house. I'm trying but in the end I cant afford to do the renovation that is necessary for me to love this house. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 get an attorney, file for divorce, then find someone more reasonable I hate to say it, but this may be very true... Anyone who pressures you into making such a big decision without respecting your wishes, is not a very nice person or a very good partner. Really think about that... I'm sure he has his redeeming qualities, but is this really someone with whom you want to grow old? At the very least, I would suggest marriage counselling to talk about respect, learning how to compromise, developing better communication and conflict resolution skills, and developing a vision for the future that you can both be excited about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 The house isn’t the root of the problem. Your marriage is. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
awesomeblondie Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 Marriage requires compromising, and it sounds like your husband needs everything his way, and you just get clobbered by his desires every time. He has no respect for your desires. That is no way to have a healthy relationship. I think your first step is to try couples counseling, as it might help you and your husband to find a balance in your marriage. If he is unwilling to go, or if therapy doesn't work, then it sounds like you might be better off finding someone who can respects you can wants you to be happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 While it’s certainly okay to change your mind after agreeing to buy the house and living there a year. It’s also understandable why your husband wouldn’t want to sell it now. Moving is stressful and you have a one year old child to also consider. The time to refuse was before signing the papers on it. Unless you are wanting to get divorced. The house might be sold then but it’s questionable of whether or not you would break even. It’s really hard to say what would happen if you choose that route. You could also choose to make small renovations. It will take time and saving money but you might really enjoy doing it that way. I would not get divorced over a house. I’d probably be mad at my self for agreeing to buy a house I just “tolerated” but I would do my best to turn into a nice “home”. Link to post Share on other sites
submart Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Is it in a neighborhood you like? What about the house do you like? Does it fit your family? What budget friendly makeovers can you make? How long have you been married? What are your ages? I agree that it sounds like your relationship is more of the issue than the house. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 On certain things that impact your core values, you have to be willing to stand your ground, and not give way. The house was one of those things. Then you both might have reached a stand off but that's where you have to brainstorm and both attack the problem as a team. I think now you have to tell him about how the house issue has fueled a deep resentment inside you, AND this is potentially serious for your relationship. See if it can now be addressed in a manner that is constructive ie. shows that you're both trying to help each other get your needs met. I definitely think that more generally the way you both resolve differences in your marriage needs help. There is really no problem with you giving way much of the time so long as you feel good about that. Some people are naturally much more easy going than others, and that's ok. But if the resolutions of conflicting goals often leave you feeling resentful, that's a critical problem that must be addressed or your relationship will ultimately break down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I think you should also ask yourself why you cave to the pressure? Why did you choose him? I echo those who recommend marriage counseling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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