heavenonearth Posted May 24, 2018 Posted May 24, 2018 Hey everyone Glad loveshack is back by the way. So, i stopped my therapy for social anxiety and abandonment anxiety in December because my therapist changed her job. It was super upsetting because she has been the best therapist i ever had and i was with her for 2,5 years. I have since noticed that my symptoms have actually increased again. It’s been really bad. Currently, my partner is away for 2 weeks on a vacation and i am missing him a lot. It triggered my hypersensitive emotional side and my abandonment anxiety. I just can’t shake it. I constantly wish i could be close to him and the feeling of knowing that i cannot for another two weeks literally makes my chest hurt. How do you guys deal with missing someone so much? I am already distracting myself a lot during the day, which helps, but it’s impossible at night. I have trouble lying alone in bed. Hope someone has some tips.
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 I have trouble lying alone in bed. Hope someone has some tips. I can't speak to the rest of your post regarding anxiety, but I use a body pillow in my bed. I have some issues with my left knee and I throw that leg over the body pillow. I think it also tricks my brain into thinking I am next to someone and I sleep better. Maybe a body pillow could trick your brain into thinking your boyfriend is next to you?? Just a thought... 1
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 Have you thought about trying a new therapist? Keep an open mind, there are tons of great ones you can trust and connect with. Can a friend stay with you a few nights? Also, falling asleep to the tv might help ease your mind. Another thought? Do you like cats or dogs? Maybe it's time to get a pet! This way you won't feel so on your own and alone when your partner is away on a business trip.
Author heavenonearth Posted May 25, 2018 Author Posted May 25, 2018 I can't speak to the rest of your post regarding anxiety, but I use a body pillow in my bed. I have some issues with my left knee and I throw that leg over the body pillow. I think it also tricks my brain into thinking I am next to someone and I sleep better. Maybe a body pillow could trick your brain into thinking your boyfriend is next to you?? Just a thought... That’s a really good idea. I will look into it. 13 days to go...
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 That’s a really good idea. I will look into it. 13 days to go... Yes... our local "Big Box" stores have them for around $10; I know you are in the UK so that is about 8.5 euros...
Author heavenonearth Posted May 25, 2018 Author Posted May 25, 2018 Yes... our local "Big Box" stores have them for around $10; I know you are in the UK so that is about 8.5 euros... Netherlands. But yes they are a bit expensive here. I saw the cheapest was 15 bucks but you can even get some for 100.
Author heavenonearth Posted May 25, 2018 Author Posted May 25, 2018 Have you thought about trying a new therapist? Keep an open mind, there are tons of great ones you can trust and connect with. Can a friend stay with you a few nights? Also, falling asleep to the tv might help ease your mind. Another thought? Do you like cats or dogs? Maybe it's time to get a pet! This way you won't feel so on your own and alone when your partner is away on a business trip. I did make an appointment for a new intake at my clinic but the appointment is only 3 weeks from now. My mother and a friend are staying with me for a few days yes. And i do have two cats. But none of that substitutes his presence. Obviously.
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 I think posting/reading on Loveshack may fill some time. In addition, communicating with other people (here) may reduce your anxiety, some?? (knowing someone is out there and listening/reading??)
Author heavenonearth Posted May 25, 2018 Author Posted May 25, 2018 I think posting/reading on Loveshack may fill some time. In addition, communicating with other people (here) may reduce your anxiety, some?? (knowing someone is out there and listening/reading??) Yeah.. I hope it helps. I really don't want to bother my friends with any of this. I don't want to be a downer. Just went for a bike ride on my new race bike, which was super nice. 70km.
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 Learn about meditation. It helps with anxiety. Check the days off the calendar. Have a big happy face on the day he's coming back. Communicate at least once per day while he's away if you can. technology is your friend
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 Just went for a bike ride on my new race bike, which was super nice. 70km. YEA!!! 70km, way to go!! I'm jealous, eventually I want a new bike. I figure I can justify it, after I wear out my present older bicycle. How are the brakes on your new race bike. Are they are disc and caliber??
Author heavenonearth Posted May 26, 2018 Author Posted May 26, 2018 YEA!!! 70km, way to go!! I'm jealous, eventually I want a new bike. I figure I can justify it, after I wear out my present older bicycle. How are the brakes on your new race bike. Are they are disc and caliber?? I know very little about the terminology as i only got into cycling over the last year. my “new” bike is actually an old bike, an 81 koga. i don’t like newer bikes and the way they look aesthetically.
Author heavenonearth Posted May 26, 2018 Author Posted May 26, 2018 Learn about meditation. It helps with anxiety. Check the days off the calendar. Have a big happy face on the day he's coming back. Communicate at least once per day while he's away if you can. technology is your friend I have been trying meditation many times. I just don’t get why i can’t get into it. It really upsets me.
No_Go Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 Is your BF in a different time zone? Maybe you can find ways to communicate more often even if it’s just emails.
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 I have been trying meditation many times. I just don’t get why i can’t get into it. It really upsets me. Can you just do the breathing? Even 10 minutes should lower your stress.
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 Does he communicate with you at all? If he face-time with you 1-2 times a day would it help?
Author heavenonearth Posted May 26, 2018 Author Posted May 26, 2018 Is your BF in a different time zone? Maybe you can find ways to communicate more often even if it’s just emails. He doesn’t really get in touch much because he is with friends and they have a lot planned each day. He really is one of these people who can only attend to one thing at a time and i don’t really want to be the needy girlfriend back at home. I miss him like crazy but i am trying to fill my days with lots of fun things. 1
Author heavenonearth Posted May 26, 2018 Author Posted May 26, 2018 Does he communicate with you at all? If he face-time with you 1-2 times a day would it help? No he sends a text or two each day, has sent some pics and he called every second day so far. I think that’s as much as i can get. This first week he’s with friends. The second week he will be in the wilderness without any data at all so then we won’t be in touch for several days on end and that makes me anxious
No_Go Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 He doesn’t really get in touch much because he is with friends and they have a lot planned each day. He really is one of these people who can only attend to one thing at a time and i don’t really want to be the needy girlfriend back at home. I miss him like crazy but i am trying to fill my days with lots of fun things. It sucks but think about it - it’s only 2 weeks and he’ll be back... You’re right if he’s with friends better don’t act needy - let him enjoy and spend more time together when he’s back. IMO your anxiety is normal - it’s a long separation early on in a relationship, when you’re still honeymooning. But it will pass fast:)
Author heavenonearth Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 It sucks but think about it - it’s only 2 weeks and he’ll be back... You’re right if he’s with friends better don’t act needy - let him enjoy and spend more time together when he’s back. IMO your anxiety is normal - it’s a long separation early on in a relationship, when you’re still honeymooning. But it will pass fast:) At this point I don't even know what to write to him... he sent pics and writes he misses me but I am just in a bad mood and don't know what to answer. 11 more days
No_Go Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 At this point I don't even know what to write to him... he sent pics and writes he misses me but I am just in a bad mood and don't know what to answer. 11 more days Ah just tell him about your day! Doesn’t need to be too exciting, just what are you up to. Or send him pictures of something fun - your cats, somewhere you go... Anything to keep the bond. 11 days will pass before you know it:)
Gaeta Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Did you show him your new bob? :-) If I had 11 days with no boyfriend I'd get myself a project going like remodeling a room, shop new summer clothes, work on my tan, lose my winter fat! watch Star Trek TNG all over again, something that requires daily attention and keep my mind away from him.
DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 (edited) Hey everyone Glad loveshack is back by the way. So, i stopped my therapy for social anxiety and abandonment anxiety in December because my therapist changed her job. It was super upsetting because she has been the best therapist i ever had and i was with her for 2,5 years. I have since noticed that my symptoms have actually increased again. It’s been really bad. Currently, my partner is away for 2 weeks on a vacation and i am missing him a lot. It triggered my hypersensitive emotional side and my abandonment anxiety. I just can’t shake it. I constantly wish i could be close to him and the feeling of knowing that i cannot for another two weeks literally makes my chest hurt. How do you guys deal with missing someone so much? I am already distracting myself a lot during the day, which helps, but it’s impossible at night. I have trouble lying alone in bed. Hope someone has some tips. lol yes. go through a break up and sleep alone for the past 3+ years. just think about that and im sure the 2 weeks will fly by lol. sorry, ignore me. I'm jaded. and wish my biggest issue was 2 weeks alone in bed. :\ it will be over before you know it. Edited May 28, 2018 by DontBreakEven
Author heavenonearth Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 lol yes. go through a break up and sleep alone for the past 3+ years. just think about that and im sure the 2 weeks will fly by lol. sorry, ignore me. I'm jaded. and wish my biggest issue was 2 weeks alone in bed. :\ it will be over before you know it. oh trust me, i have been there many times. often i was broken up with when there was a temporary spacial distance between me and my partners, so i have a lot of abandonment anxiety, which aggravates my 'missing'... even though i should know my boyfriend is not like my past boyfriends, and even though i do trust him that he would never hurt me, there is something inside of me that tells me "he will stop loving you while he's gone for 2 weeks" - and that's really, really making me anxious.
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 "he will stop loving you while he's gone for 2 weeks" - and that's really, really making me anxious. Tell yourself......... And then? You'll be hurt, you'll get over it, and life will go on. You've had heart-breaks before and you've survived them all and you'll survive this one as well. You'll still be a gorgeous young woman with her whole life in front of her and love will come again. You need to stop convincing yourself that this man has the power of life or death on you. 1
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