Brutal Blowoff: My Story of Tragedy and (at least some) Triumph

[Mac0908]

Thank you, Winny, for understanding. Not that its rocket science of course. Most of the population would agree that she's a piece of work and I didn't deserve a single bit of what happened.

 

But yeah, my blessings have been counted alright, and they continue to be counted.

[JP92]

I'm sorry, man. You've given me good advice in my thread and I hate that we both got treated badly. My dad, who never shows any emotions and is a wall actually opened up with me after hearing about my heartbreak. He told me about a relationship he had in his 20s. He started dating a girl that got dumped and was treated like absolute **** by her BF. He was used as a pawn to get him back. She would always show him off in front of her ex and her ex who couldn't give a **** about her feelings saw her happy in a relationship and suddenly wanted to pursue her. My poor, sweet dad was oblivious to what was up and never noticed he was being used until the end. He told me he was heartbroken, but later was thankful that it ended sooner than later since she was clearly unstable. She immediately got back together with the toxic and it never ended up working out according to my Dad. She tried to contact him months later after her heart was broken again by the guy and my dad had enough sense to ignore her. Karma. It's crazy that a woman could have a guy treating her so well and doing everything to make her happy and throw it all away to go back to a toxic situation. **** makes no sense.

 

I'm still trying to learn a lot about women. My Dad and Mom have a good relationship, they sometimes fight, but they always squash it and really enjoy each other's company. They both told me stories of heartbreak they experienced before they found each other and how it took a couple of awful relationships to find the perfect one they've shared for 40+ years.. I want to believe there is someone out there that will love us for who we are and not play mind tricks.

[Beachead]

Wow!

 

I will never understand why people go back to the person that treated them so bad instead of staying with someone that is so good.

 

She is a toxic person and has a toxic relationship with that guy. Such people can never be happy with a healthy relationship. She needs drama. She is also manipulative. You got saved big time! Count your blessings.

 

Yep. It was rough for him and reading Mac's story when it happened struck a familiar chord. My ex pulled a nice one on me as well. Mac knows this. She wasn't happy with her ex of 4 years. She met me and felt we connected so she left him and bounced over to me. I liked her. I hoped. I had faith. So I accepted her attention. I know..mistakes.

 

It was a short-lived relationship. We were together. We were intimate. She'd make sweet promises about being serious. Wanted me to meet her family. Mentioned kids. Told me she loved me. Then bam..not 2 weeks after the L bomb, she was back with her ex and cut me out of her life shortly afterwards.

 

"I'm sorry, I promised him I wouldn't talk to you. Hope you understand " was the last thing she said to me.

 

2 months ago, I found out she was getting married to him. Everything we shared, erased. Conversations, memories, gifts all vaporized. Nothing but a bad memory she pretends that didn't exist because it nearly destroyed what she had with the real love of her life. So now I think back to the whole relationship and what happened and see how I was simply a necessary casuality to help them rediscover their love for eachother. Good times. Not really.

 

Stories huh? Atleast we know, we're not alone.

Edited May 22, 2018 by Beachead

[Marc878]

1 - Stay away from rebounds.

 

2 - if you chase they move farther away

 

3 - NC only works if you fully apply it

[winny]

 

Stories huh? Atleast we know, we're not alone.

 

Nope not alone. Also we know.. this too shall pass. They probably deserve each other.

[Mac0908]

Marc all 3 things you wrote are spot on, but as long as you read the part about how it was kept secret that she just got out of a 1.5 year on and off thing and instead told me she just got out of a "3 month" thing. And it's one thing if you want to tell a white lie to a first date. Lord knows I wouldn't be crazy about saying I just broke up with a long term person, but when you're not OVER the person at all, that's when it becomes a potential for a problem, and boy did it become a problem in my case.

 

Me chasing her like I did was wrong, and I've learned. Wow have I learned. But the beautiful thing is it doesn't really matter, bc even if I did get her back, make no mistake another disaster would have likely occurred soon after. I know and have completely accepted that I was a rebound in at least some form, but that being said, I like to view it as being a “glorified” rebound. Meaning that there really were some feelings developed by her as she told me that day, teary eyed, when she came back to me, and I truly believe that at that point at least, she was torn, and upset about the huge mess she created. She really did want both of us but knew she couldn't. Her emotions for me didn't even come close to what she felt for him, and I understood that. But my point is I wasn’t just a Joe Schmoe rebound who she dated for 2-3 weeks without any substance. Beachhead I feel the same about your situation as well. There was something there, without question, but it just wouldn’t ever match up to someone of 4 years. That’s just near impossible to compete with when the girl isn’t over him.

 

So yeah, glorified. I went to her work Christmas party, she met my friends, we had deep intimate talks, she told her family about me, we exchanged xmas gifts, and not to sound like a dirtbag, but I got to have sex with her on many occasions. So as far as her ex goes, good luck. You dumped her, she posted photos with another dude to try and make you jealous (even though she told me that's not true. Yeah, ok.) and you still want to be involved with her months later now after her online dating run didn’t work out, lol. But then again, in a weird way I can't blame him if it's just him enjoying company and nothing more. I mean what guy wouldn't like having an SMV 8 wrapped around his finger, taking her back whenever he wants? The real one with the problem and unstableness is her. Unfortunately for her if the day ever comes when she returns I won't be there.

Edited May 22, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

Marc all 3 things you wrote are spot on, but as long as you read the part about how it was kept secret that she just got out of a 1.5 year on and off thing and instead told me she just got out of a "3 month" thing. And it's one thing if you want to tell a white lie to a first date. Lord knows I wouldn't be crazy about saying I just broke up with a long term person, but when you're not OVER the person at all, that's when it becomes a potential for a problem, and boy did it become a problem in my case.

 

Me chasing her like I did was wrong, and I've learned. Wow have I learned. But the beautiful thing is it doesn't really matter, bc even if I did get her back, make no mistake another disaster would have likely occurred soon after. I know and have completely accepted that I was a rebound in at least some form, but that being said, I like to view it as being a “glorified” rebound. Meaning that there really were some feelings developed by her as she told me that day, teary eyed, when she came back to me, and I truly believe that at that point at least, she was torn, and upset about the huge mess she created. She really did want both of us but knew she couldn't. Her emotions for me didn't even come close to what she felt for him, and I understood that. But my point is I wasn’t just a Joe Schmoe rebound who she dated for 2-3 weeks without any substance. Beachhead I feel the same about your situation as well. There was something there, without question, but it just wouldn’t ever match up to someone of 4 years. That’s just near impossible to compete with when the girl isn’t over him.

 

So yeah, glorified. I went to her work Christmas party, she met my friends, we had deep intimate talks, she told her family about me, we exchanged xmas gifts, and not to sound like a dirtbag, but I got to have sex with her on many occasions. So as far as her ex goes, good luck. You dumped her, she posted photos with another dude to try and make you jealous (even though she told me that's not true. Yeah, ok.) and you still want to be involved with her months later now after her online dating run didn’t work out, lol. But then again, in a weird way I can't blame him if it's just him enjoying company and nothing more. I mean what guy wouldn't like having an SMV 8 wrapped around his finger, taking her back whenever he wants? The real one with the problem and unstableness is her. Unfortunately for her if the day ever comes when she returns I won't be there.

 

It's messed up isn't it? That they could lay up under another person and then return to the ex like nothing happened and said ex takes them back without a care in the world.

 

I wonder if my ex's fiance even knows the truth or did she just lie to him.

 

If not, she'll walk down the isle and stand beside him. Her and her secrets. Makes you wonder, how real is that love?

Edited May 22, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

It might be real. Some people are weird and can move past stuff like that. I’ve seen it in the past. But that being said their “love” will always have an asterisk next to it, I can tell you that. Same would go for me. I mean I slept with this girl for 2 months straight. Then he got her back on NYE. Now he’s back with her yet again after online dating didn’t work out for her. It’s like a weird version of sloppy seconds. I mean if you dated a girl and she f-cked some other guy in between during a breakup, whether you ended it or she did, can you REALLY ever feel that’s real genuine love once you get back together? Just my two cents. If two people are meant to be and it’s 100% real, stuff like that just doesn’t happen.

 

And from what I remember you saying, the ex in your case actually does absolutely know you two had something legit going on. Didn’t he try and harass you via text? He can’t be too proud deep deep down. Just know that while it might be legit love, it’s not the kind guys like me and you will find one day.

Edited May 22, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

It might be real. Some people are weird and can move past stuff like that. I’ve seen it in the past. But that being said their “love” will always have an asterisk next to it, I can tell you that. Same would go for me. I mean I slept with this girl for 2 months straight. Then he got her back on NYE. Now he’s back with her yet again after online dating didn’t work out for her. It’s like a weird version of sloppy seconds. I mean if you dated a girl and she f-cked some other guy in between during a breakup, whether you ended it or she did, can you REALLY ever feel that’s real genuine love once you get back together? Just my two cents. If two people are meant to be and it’s 100% real, stuff like that just doesn’t happen.

 

And from what I remember you saying, the ex in your case actually does absolutely know you two had something legit going on. Didn’t he try and harass you via text? He can’t be too proud deep deep down. Just know that while it might be legit love, it’s not the kind guys like me and you will find one day.

 

Well he knew we dated, he just didn't know the details. She strikes me as someone who can just get over things. She seemed pretty unaffected and heartless after going back to him. Completely shut off. As if she couldn't remember anything we had shared. Kind of scares me that people can do that.

 

I agree that it's some weird version of sloppy seconds. I couldn't take back someone who did that to me knowing they slept around. I'd always have doubts in my mind and wonder about any guy they talk to. The trust would take a massive hit.

 

The best I got is perhaps some people just need to go through that time apart in order to realize what they have and would be losing. The shock ends up changing them for the better even if it takes a short-term relationship with someone else to do it. If both people are willing, they'll work it out.

 

I don't know for sure though because I'm not like that at all. I can't jump to person B if I still love person A.

Edited May 22, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

Not looking to start a gender war battle thing here, but just looking to focus on the women's side of things with regards to this topic. We all know they are more emotionally sporadic and are wired differently than men.

 

I've been inspired by my own personal story, which an update can be found in my last thread, but in a VERY small nutshell is this:

 

Dated a girl for an amazing 2 months before she left me for an ex that "came back" to her. She was out the door just as quick as she came in and I had no idea about this all. I was shocked. On the first date she told me she just got out of only a 3 month thing, but it was revealed this was just the last wave of their 1.5 year on and off relationship. She also nonchalantly told me (during the breakup talk) that the "timing" was never right between them, and he did this, and she did that, etc, etc. It all just felt surreal. This whole other secret world of hers was now out there with this ex-boyfriend, and it was crazy to see. I treated her like gold and all was going very well yet she threw me away like garbage for this ex that it appeared she was fascinated by(rather good looking guy fyi). Then initially she came BACK to me while still involved with the ex telling me she was "torn", and that he "Treats her poorly" and not nearly as good as I do! Said he was this way, a lot of the time. She also called him a "dick" at one point and told me flat out she doesn't see herself ending up with him!

 

Soon after the two of them didn't work out, obviously. After some social media stalking I could tell that again, aside from being a particularly rather good looking guy (no homo, just an interesting note to keep in mind) he really does look like that pompous/arrogant type. It was like something out of a basic movie. Girl has great guy right in front of her face. Girl leaves great guy for bad boy. It doesn't work out again. Entire situation ruined. When we spoke for the last time she basically implied that she felt like she ruined everything between us. I know the main reason is she didn't like me enough, but it is true that anything between us felt destroyed, at least for the time being.

 

In the following months I found her back on two dating sites where I'll admit, I wasn't completely over her, but knew in the back of my mind to stay away bc I knew if they were on and off for 1.5 YEARS, odds are the last wave wasn't the absolute end. They were still friends on social media too fyi. Anyway, just a few weeks ago I came across her Match.com profile (didn't view it) and saw she was no longer active. I then curiously went to her Instagram for the first time in a while, and boom, just recently, there it was. A photo of the two of them, arms around each other, at a wedding, clearly "Back together" again. Hey, wasn't he a "dick"? Didn't she think she definitely wasn't going to end up with him long term?? Great validation for me really, but also very sad to see. Such a nice, warm, good girl I dated, but clearly just weak, immature and insecure.

 

So yeah, what's the deal with some girls? Are looks THAT crazy to some that they'll always run supreme? I mean let's be honest if this dude had half the looks he has, I don't think she'd remember his name by now.

 

She's 28 fyi. Realistically should be matured enough to know it's time to move on, but clearly far from that mindset.

Edited May 26, 2018 by Mac0908

[preraph]

What's normal to people depends largely on what they grew up with. This is why it's unhealthy to stay together "for the kids" when you're fighting or one person is getting no respect from the other. Then that becomes normal for the kids because you are their main role models.

[Mac0908]

What's normal to people depends largely on what they grew up with. This is why it's unhealthy to stay together "for the kids" when you're fighting or one person is getting no respect from the other. Then that becomes normal for the kids because you are their main role models.

 

Very good point and I agree, but this isn't always the case with regards to continuously hanging on to a significant other, IMO. General insecurity is probably a big chunk of the reasoning too. According to her the parents (who are still together) are very much in love, but I guess I'll never really know (never met them). However there was a very interesting background story where the mom was pregnant with the first daughter with another guy who ended up leaving her one day literally out of nowhere while pregnant. She seemed to get a tad emotional while talking about it. So technically, one of her sisters is actually a stepsister. But if anything, it's actually the opposite where you'd think she would view her mother as someone who can recover from something like that and pull through with a different man, which she did.

Edited May 26, 2018 by Mac0908

[ElKay]

You haven't mentioned exactly what he did that was bad, so I can't comment on that...

 

But as a personal example, I just got out of a relationship with a guy after dating him for 4 months... He was pushing me out emotionally through multiple ways under the guise of being busy (which he was, but not enough to change into a different person). When I asked, he pretended that he's just like that. When we broke up, I asked if he had lost interest back then and he said yes, but that it was difficult to just say that. So, overall, he's treated me crappy and strung me along because he was being a coward and pretending that he didn't want to hurt me.

 

We broke up last week. Even if my logical side knows he treated me unfairly and was a jerk because of those actions... My heart needs to catch up. The start of the relationship had such amazing highs so it's hard to forget that. If today, he came back to me and said he regretted what he did and that he would like to try it all over it again... I would be super tempted to take him back. While you might not see why she would come back to him, there might be some moments and parts of their relationship that tug at her heart and she falls for his **** all over again.

 

Anyways, this is what I would think it could be!

[springy]

Sounds like they’re both caught up in a dysfunctional cycle . Imo it’s not that she can’t get over him, rather, she has chosen not to.

[preraph]

As my life and the lives of my love interests has proven over and over: There's no accounting for taste.

[Woggle]

Some people have a sick addiction to dysfunction and drama. It's best to stay clear of people like that.

[Mac0908]

First I'm not sure why this thread was combined with my old one, as I was really looking to start a general discussion about this topic, only beginning with the connection from my story.

 

 

 

You haven't mentioned exactly what he did that was bad, so I can't comment on that...

 

While you might not see why she would come back to him, there might be some moments and parts of their relationship that tug at her heart and she falls for his **** all over again.

 

Anyways, this is what I would think it could be!

 

She never went into details what he actually did, but to call him a "dick" and say he's the type of guy that appears nice at first, but really isn't, I think it speaks volumes. It's just a typical case of the "bad boy" that immature girls such as herself cling to. It also helps that he's got the looks and some money as well. (Forgot to mention the latter in my original post)

 

So yeah, nice guys finish last after all. As far as moments and parts of their relationship that tug at her heart, well, i'm sure there are plenty, but my point is when you're talking about TWO YEARS now of an on and off thing between them, when does it get to the point where a person realizes this is a joke? Like I said, it was like something out of a TV show. There I was, the great wonderful guy with everything to offer her, treating her like gold, and then bam, a text from him? Back she goes a few days later. Control is what he has and he likely knows this.

 

Some people have a sick addiction to dysfunction and drama. It's best to stay clear of people like that.

 

Without question. As sad as the entire situation was for me and still is to an extent, I'm glad it ended up how it did, seeing just how messed up she is. Good validation. There's just no way I could ever comfortably look at a girl like that and see a future with her. She's troubled.

Edited May 27, 2018 by Mac0908