Brutal Blowoff: My Story of Tragedy and (at least some) Triumph

March 15, 2018

If <1% success chance is enough for you, by all means go ahead man.

March 15, 2018

I'm just a nameless, faceless, old guy in a web forum on the internet.

Time will show where it ends up.

true that.....time will tell..because we just dont know..where and when it will end...deb

March 15, 2018

I'm just a nameless, faceless, old guy in a web forum on the internet.

Time will show where it ends up.

Curious is this sarcasm? Lol

In any event, I wanted to thank you as well as everyone on here today for their feedback and thoughts.

I've decided, at this time at least, that I will not be going forward with reaching out to her. I've come a long way from being as hurt as I was by this girl. I'm actually very proud of myself for how well I healed and how proactive I was in getting to the point where I am right now. I've decided that its just not worth it.

The bottom line is that this girl hurt me terribly a couple of months go. She hurt me in a way I was never hurt before in my life by a girl and I went through a pretty dark patch afterwards that brought me to low levels that I never experienced before. I had let my guard down just in time for her to blindside me with what she blindsided me with, right in the middle of what I thought was something that was becoming serious. It was a surreal/extreme blowoff that was not normal. It was childish, immature, and even cruel. "Exclusive" or not. She allowed things to progress on a serious level while she was in no way over another guy. He came back and out I went a few days later. She may have apologized and she may have felt terrible, but she never truly understood the magnitude of what she did that day, as well as the BS and push/pull that would follow. While I still don't believe I was a textbook rebound by any means, I was still a rebound in some form.

At the end of the day while this still isn't a cut and dry situation of dumper and dumpee IMO, the reality is she blew me off. She basically told me she couldn't see us going forward on two occasions and that's that. There may have been several shades of gray but it doesn't change the fact that I offered her a second chance and she flat out turned it down. She must know that in her head. For now the healthiest thing for me is to continue moving on. I have to get to 100%. I've already come so far. As a man who respects himself more and more these days, I don't think it's the right move for me to be reaching out to someone that put me through what she put me through. If a day ever comes where she remembers just how amazing of a guy I was and she's got her head on straight and wants to reach out in some capacity, maybe apologize in some way, well, maybe I'll be there to listen. But again, for now, it's back to me.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Mac0908

March 15, 2018

Hi Mac

First of all, I think you should not reach out. It’s been what… 1.5 month NC? This is nothing. Not enough time for her to process whatever feelings she had (and probably still has) for her ex. And definitely not enough time for you to heal from the intensity of your feelings. I read your previous posts and they show how affected you ware and still are by all of what happened.

You were dumped and by contacting her in such a short time will just confirm that you don’t have the ability to move on and that you think she’s the only one to make you happy. It will just put you in an even lower position in terms of power. Even if she wanted to come back, through this approach she’d likely dump you again soon after.

I think you’re idealising a lot what happened in this very short term relationship. I know you say she did all these things for you and seemed to be really into you. But being it a rebound relationship (you should never forget that), chances are she was just projecting her needs onto you. Almost forcing to be in an instant relationship with you because she missed that from her ex. I’m sorry to say, but even though she did like you (and probably still does), a lot of what you experienced there was a bit fake. She wouldn’t have acted that way if she was completely healed from her previous relationship. It would have been a much less intense and quick-burn relationship. The person you were with is not who she really is. The way she thought she was feeling about you was not completely true either. As soon as she realised that, she dropped out.

It is much more likely that the reason she hasn’t contacted you during NC was because her feelings are not strong for you. You’re trying to convince yourself that the because you acted harsh on her deleting her social media is the reason. But it’s not. If she really liked you, it would not be in her way.

Also, I don’t think you really are in a position to not to care about the outcome of you reaching out. It appears you still like her quite a lot and just the fact you’re posting here shows that you do care. And you WILL get hurt if she doesn’t respond the way you expect or want her to. You don’t think so, but you can actually make this worse. Reaching out will just give all the power to her again. Yeah, that little power you got from the 1.5 month of NC. And you will feel bad once you do it. That’s the reason people say NC is for the dumpee’s recovery, not to get back together. It’s to show YOU your self-worth. That you don’t need to hang on someone who dumped you after only 2 months to be happy. You don’t need to pursue a person who rejected you.

I don’t agree that this is beyond salvation. We never know what’s going to happen. We don’t know how she is really feeling. She might miss you. She probably doesn’t. But I’d act like this is completely over and I’d just move on. Just act like you’ll never talk to her again in your life. Because chances are that you won’t, unless for a meaningless breadcrumb here and there for the sake of her curiosity.

I know how hard it is to experience that. I went through a very similar situation. A 2 months rebound relationship just like yours. The way she treated me made me feel like a king. She was head over heels. Until she was not. It’s been 6 months since my BU, and trust me, things will get better for you. The only way this girl deserves to get back to your life is if she contacts you first and show some willingness to stay in touch, even as friends. Apart from that, I would just move on with your life and find a better person to be with.

March 15, 2018

To the OP,

I am not a fan of the PUA/Alphas/Betas/RedPill worldview, and I don't think it is a problem if a man is led by his heart and feelings.

BUT the girl you are describing acts disrespectfully and unpredictably, and I would say you don't need that craziness in your life. You can't change her, and so I'm not sure why you'd want to subject yourself to any more of that treatment by remaining in contact.

March 15, 2018

To the OP,

I am not a fan of the PUA/Alphas/Betas/RedPill worldview, and I don't think it is a problem if a man is led by his heart and feelings.

I like this view, and it stands true in more ways than people might think, but the reality is you can only make so many "beta" mistakes with women before it's a turn off.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Mac0908

March 15, 2018

It sounds to me that there is a lot of context omitted in your post. Why do I get the feeling that you're wrong to think the girl blew you off?

The squeaky wheel gets the oil, so to make a decision to not reach out to her based on feedback from the LS community seems like a rash decision. What if you weren't dumped and what if she thought you weren't an option, at all?

Some more details would be nice. You're uniquely intelligent and it shows in your writing with every reply and the initial post, but I can't give my honest opinion without the whole story.

This just seems purely based on your own assumptions of this girl and no one is steering you in the right direction on here, it seems.

People should be kinder to you. You have a lot to offer a community such as this.

March 15, 2018

Mac0908

You want to contact this drama queen who is a deceitful manipulator again (your description of her). Why, I can't understand. Yes, I know it's been 6 years since you felt anything but I think that drought is fooling you into thinking that something subpar was worthwhile.

I don't think it's a great idea for you to reach out. Even you get back together with her, she's not stable enough to stick around. Then you will have undone all the healing you have already achieved.

Unfortunately I think she won't respond positively to your overture. But perhaps that is what you need to fully move forward. I genuinely think you will better serve yourself by focusing on finding a new relationship.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

March 15, 2018

Maybe you should go ahead and text her, so you can find some resolution to this. I don't think she will be interested in dating you again, but it's sometimes beneficial to hear it from that person directly. I'm sorry you are having a rough time with this. Many years ago, I fell for a guy really quickly, and we dated for 4 months. I thought it could become something serious, but he ghosted me and I never heard from him again. I understand that those feelings can be difficult to deal with. It took me about 6 months to get over that short relationship.

I think you are clinging to her because this is the first time you've felt good about a woman for 6 years, and those feelings seemed to be reciprocated. You're wondering if you will ever find anyone again, so you feel like you have to go all out to salvage anything with her. I get it. You got a taste of something that could have been good, and then it was gone one day. Most everyone has suggested this was a rebound. That's probably true. I also think you may have had stronger feelings for her than she had for you. We tend to project how we feel onto other people. I don't think you're over her as much as you say you are, but NC will take care of that. Once you get some time and distance, you will see things more objectively.

But anyway, why don't you go ahead and text her, so you can find some resolution to all of this. What do you plan on saying, and what are your goals for texting?

March 15, 2018

It sounds to me that there is a lot of context omitted in your post. Why do I get the feeling that you're wrong to think the girl blew you off?

The squeaky wheel gets the oil, so to make a decision to not reach out to her based on feedback from the LS community seems like a rash decision. What if you weren't dumped and what if she thought you weren't an option, at all.

Some more details would be nice. You're uniquely intelligent and it shows in your writing with every reply and the initial post, but I can't give my honest opinion without the whole story.

This just seems purely based on your own assumptions of this girl and no one is steering you in the right direction on here, it seems.

People should be kinder to you. You have a lot to offer a community such as this.

Thank you for your response, but I find it rather confusing. "What if you weren't dumped and what if she thought you weren't an option at all". I don't understand what this means or what you're trying to imply. I made a decision for myself and people on these forums did steer me in that direction and I feel it to be the correct one. It is simply not right for me to reach out to her as I explained in detail just previously.

As far as the story goes, of course tons of stuff is omitted as it would take pages to tell everything, but for the most part all the key notes are there.

March 16, 2018

Maybe you should go ahead and text her, so you can find some resolution to this. I don't think she will be interested in dating you again, but it's sometimes beneficial to hear it from that person directly. I'm sorry you are having a rough time with this. Many years ago, I fell for a guy really quickly, and we dated for 4 months. I thought it could become something serious, but he ghosted me and I never heard from him again. I understand that those feelings can be difficult to deal with. It took me about 6 months to get over that short relationship.

I think you are clinging to her because this is the first time you've felt good about a woman for 6 years, and those feelings seemed to be reciprocated. You're wondering if you will ever find anyone again, so you feel like you have to go all out to salvage anything with her. I get it. You got a taste of something that could have been good, and then it was gone one day. Most everyone has suggested this was a rebound. That's probably true. I also think you may have had stronger feelings for her than she had for you. We tend to project how we feel onto other people. I don't think you're over her as much as you say you are, but NC will take care of that. Once you get some time and distance, you will see things more objectively.

But anyway, why don't you go ahead and text her, so you can find some resolution to all of this. What do you plan on saying, and what are your goals for texting?

See this is the problem. (no offense). But most people here seem to think I'm completely 100% hung up on this woman and will not move on until I see for myself that she's either completely done or that there is possibly a chance for something someday. Understand my initial words - If I never hear from her again, I don't care. I am doing better and am 90% healed in my opinion. Of course I liked her more than she liked me. That's common sense.

March 16, 2018

Mac0908

You want to contact this drama queen who is a deceitful manipulator again (your description of her). Why, I can't understand. Yes, I know it's been 6 years since you felt anything but I think that drought is fooling you into thinking that something subpar was worthwhile.

I don't think it's a great idea for you to reach out. Even you get back together with her, she's not stable enough to stick around. Then you will have undone all the healing you have already achieved.

Unfortunately I think she won't respond positively to your overture. But perhaps that is what you need to fully move forward. I genuinely think you will better serve yourself by focusing on finding a new relationship.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

If you read my responses you would know that I decided its best to not reach out, for several reasons.

Thank you for you response.

March 16, 2018

If you read my responses you would know that I decided its best to not reach out, for several reasons.

Thank you for you response.

I apologize for missing that announcement. I'm glad you decided to remain NC. I do think that is for the best.

March 16, 2018

See this is the problem. (no offense). But most people here seem to think I'm completely 100% hung up on this woman and will not move on until I see for myself that she's either completely done or that there is possibly a chance for something someday. Understand my initial words - If I never hear from her again, I don't care. I am doing better and am 90% healed in my opinion. Of course I liked her more than she liked me. That's common sense.

Very true man.

It's one of the biggest issues I have with this site.

Same veterans rehashing the same one-liners and always assuming the OP must be butt-hurt if they are posting.

The irony is that it's often those posters who are dealing with issues themselves. Responding to other people's problems helps to deflect form your own issues.

You seem level-headed and that guy who was raving on about how to be a man is douche bag

March 16, 2018

Very true man.

It's one of the biggest issues I have with this site.

Same veterans rehashing the same one-liners and always assuming the OP must be butt-hurt if they are posting.

The irony is that it's often those posters who are dealing with issues themselves. Responding to other people's problems helps to deflect form your own issues.

You seem level-headed and that guy who was raving on about how to be a man is douche bag

I appreciate the comments. I know I have a good head on my shoulders and while yes, 10% of me as I noted earlier still isn't over her, it doesn't change the fact that I've reached a point where I'm comfortable with the fact that I may never ever speak to her again as long as I live. As much as whoever else doesn't wish to believe it, this thread was simply made to have a discussion. So yeah, would I entertain a grand apology from her if the day ever came? Yes, maybe. But that doesn't mean I am unable to move on without her like I've already been doing the last 1.5 months.

I don't think PRW was necessarily wrong in what he was trying to communicate, I just didn't care for the way he chose to do so. One of the few things I don't care for at all on here is when someone picks out ONE line and uses that to think they know the entire story backwards and front and bashes me. i.e. When I said I treated her "Like gold", people just assume that means I wasn't masculine and pushed her away by being too much of a nice guy.

Edited March 16, 2018 by Mac0908

March 16, 2018

Maybe subjectively you can look at the poss here or even the OP could step out and think what he would advise another poster if he/she has written the exact same thing, " a one-liner" , a psychic evaluation? which no one has?.

The OP writes one of his problems here is that people assume he's so hung up on the woman, but is he?, he says he won't care if she doesn't write anymore, sure doesn't look like it, every post here on LS, is one-sided, and before and during writing these posts, the OP has an expectation of answer in mind, some which doesn't get delivered eventually, all the answers here are projections from similar occurrences and situations, does it make the answer a one fit all?, no but it does provide 'damage control' to many more variables which could arise if the OP decided to chose another option and failed.

I once did, and even the OP seems to believe his situation/relationship is different and that's denial, going contact is no ABC rule book but one must see the need to do so, and it's written all over your break up.

I'm not a fan of alpha/beta jargon, I appreciate every man who shows his emotions, and if the OP disregards the essential advice here which is stay in NC and dribbles around substandard issues, he's to blame, whatever the outcome might be.

Once more my own 2 cents

March 16, 2018

Maybe subjectively you can look at the poss here or even the OP could step out and think what he would advise another poster if he/she has written the exact same thing, " a one-liner" , a psychic evaluation? which no one has?.

The OP writes one of his problems here is that people assume he's so hung up on the woman, but is he?, he says he won't care if she doesn't write anymore, sure doesn't look like it, every post here on LS, is one-sided, and before and during writing these posts, the OP has an expectation of answer in mind, some which doesn't get delivered eventually, all the answers here are projections from similar occurrences and situations, does it make the answer a one fit all?, no but it does provide 'damage control' to many more variables which could arise if the OP decided to chose another option and failed.

I once did, and even the OP seems to believe his situation/relationship is different and that's denial, going contact is no ABC rule book but one must see the need to do so, and it's written all over your break up.

I'm not a fan of alpha/beta jargon, I appreciate every man who shows his emotions, and if the OP disregards the essential advice here which is stay in NC and dribbles around substandard issues, he's to blame, whatever the outcome might be.

Once more my own 2 cents

Did you mean to say NO contact is written all over the breakup? If so, you’re right, and that is what I came back here to understand. I wrote earlier how I am not reaching out. She must come to me if anything, if ever.

Also I’m not sure how to respond to your critique of me being totally one sided on not being completely hung up. Are you saying I’m lying? If so that’s fine. It’s your opinion. Would you rather me lie and say I am totally hung up? I don’t really understand. I came on here with the mindset that I may reach back out and then took advice and decided against it. So I don’t see how you ultimately draw a conclusion of me being completely on sided.

Edited March 16, 2018 by Mac0908

March 17, 2018

Well my friend, it's certainly an unpopular move with the forums and all the advice out there on the net but it's not our lives is it? It's yours.

This my take.

The ultimate goal is to move passed this. If you feel like you need to contact her in order to do that, then that's what you should do. Only thing I have to say is you must be willing to accept the blame if you feel hurt by anything that follows. If you can do that, no problem.

You have some feelings of guilt and regret over the way it ended as well as some doubt that she intentionally meant to hurt you. This is because you two didn't end in a scream fight of cussing and throwing things. There was no hate..just heated emotions. I know you carry hope and also blame yourself to an extent and I assume both are prompting this move. Feelings like this trigger "What if" and regret/doubt/guilt can cause hope to linger for a very long time and even prevent us from ever getting over something or someone. I am not a fan of living with such feelings so I understand the motivation behind doing this. By letting her know thing are okay between you and her, you leave the door open for something possible in the future should she ever want it and you shift the ball to her court. This way, if she doesn't take the opportunity, you now know, it wasn't cause of you. And that takes the burden away from your mind and helps you move forward. For the part of you that blames yourself, this is important.

I've also done it myself on a few occasions to clear doubt/guilt despite it not resulting in us ending up together but I already knew that so it was fine. It did end up helping me move passed things. So, given everything, this move does have the potential to help you accomplish said goal of moving passed this. Ergo, I endorse it.

But if you do it, then do it the way you want to do it. It's important for you to execute this the way you feel is best so that if things don't work out your way, you won't have anyone else to blame but yourself. And I mean that respectfully because when we know something was solely our fault, we will work on ourself rather than blame others. The result is personal growth. In the event that something ends up happening from this...you'll still learn a lot. In either case, you learn.

Overall, there is no set way to get over somebody. NC isn't the be-all strategy of breakups. Take advice with a grain of salt an apply only what makes sense to you and what feel is best for you in the moment. But make sure whatever you choose to do, you accept full responsibility and carry no regret from it.

- Beach

Edited March 17, 2018 by Beachead

March 17, 2018

As always Beachead, I appreciate the words.

As long as you realize that the "guilt" I have is just that... "guilt" in very big quotation marks. As I stated earlier if I never hear from her or see her again, I won't be heartbroken. I'm 90% healed IMHO. The only real thing I look back on and regret is that very last exchange we had and how I was negative towards her, even though I was very justified in being mad (which I hope you agree with). The bottom line is in the moment I just felt it was absolutely over between us and my emotions were running high after all the juggling my heart had been through in the previous weeks, even if she didn't fully realize it. That is it. So yeah, I wish I didn't say anything to her. I wish she just posted that photo of her at the museum and I ignored it, even though that was impossible seeing the significance of the post (it was my xmas gift to her, 2 weeks earlier she's saying she'd still like to go with me sometime, she posts it knowing I still followed her on the site). It showed she had zero consideration for what my feelings may have been upon seeing it. Unless who knows, maybe in her confused head she posted it to try and get a reaction from me and it backfired. We really may never know.

If I ignored it though, then I promise you I would never have these thoughts. I'd move on with my life knowing that if she ever wanted to reach out one day, she would. But the dilemma has always been well, even if she ever wants to, she probably thinks this is completely ruined, and that I hate her guts on top of that for how it ended. (I also deleted her from all social media as you know). It's a pretty uneasy feeling, I must admit, but I'm not sure yet if its bad enough to where I can't ever reach 100% healed. But at the end of the day, as Morello said (hope you checked out his response as it puts things into perspective well), SHE told ME she couldn't go forward. Even if there were shades of gray, SHE turned ME down. It's that simple. She knows what she did and she knows she hurt me. I mean, I said take care and deleted her from social media. I didn't say "f-ck you" and "I hope you die", right? There wasn't yelling/screaming/violence/swearing. I got upset, and if one day she wants to reach out and somewhat apologize and talk, she can, can't she? She's a big girl after all. In my heart, I truly feel that she would enjoy at least a quick conversation and would even possibly entertain seeing me in her head. Without a doubt this is how I feel. The problem is I don't know how much substance her thoughts would really have, and on top of all that, I would never ever ever see her unless I got a grand apology and much more.

In the meantime, I feel like its truly best to just keep moving on. I don't feel like right now would be the best time to text her anyway. 1.5 months of NC is nothing in the grand scheme of things after something that was as drama filled as this, in my opinion at least.

Edited March 17, 2018 by Mac0908

March 17, 2018

As always Beachead, I appreciate the words.

As long as you realize that the "guilt" I have is just that... "guilt" in very big quotation marks. As I stated earlier if I never hear from her or see her again, I won't be heartbroken. I'm 90% healed IMHO. The only real thing I look back on and regret is that very last exchange we had and how I was negative towards her, even though I was very justified in being mad (which I hope you agree with). The bottom line is in the moment I just felt it was absolutely over between us and my emotions were running high after all the juggling my heart had been through in the previous weeks, even if she didn't fully realize it. That is it. So yeah, I wish I didn't say anything to her. I wish she just posted that photo of her at the museum and I ignored it, even though that was impossible seeing the significance of the post (it was my xmas gift to her, 2 weeks earlier she's saying she'd still like to go with me sometime, she posts it knowing I still followed her on the site). It showed she had zero consideration for what my feelings may have been upon seeing it. Unless who knows, maybe in her confused head she posted it to try and get a reaction from me and it backfired. We really may never know.

If I ignored it though, then I promise you I would never have these thoughts. I'd move on with my life knowing that if she ever wanted to reach out one day, she would. But the dilemma has always been well, even if she ever wants to, she probably thinks this is completely ruined, and that I hate her guts on top of that for how it ended. (I also deleted her from all social media as you know). It's a pretty uneasy feeling, I must admit, but I'm not sure yet if its bad enough to where I can't ever reach 100% and truly move on. But at the end of the day, as Morello said (hope you checked out his response as it puts things into perspective well), SHE told ME she couldn't go forward. Even if there were shades of gray, SHE turned ME down. It's that simple. She knows what she did and she knows she hurt me. I mean, I said take care and deleted her from social media. I didn't say "f-ck you" and "I hope you die", right? There wasn't yelling/screaming/violence/swearing. I got upset, and if one day she wants to reach out and somewhat apologize and talk, she can, can't she? She's a big girl after all. In my heart, I truly feel that she would like at least a quick conversation and would even possibly entertain seeing me. Without a doubt this is how I feel. The problem is I don't know how much substance her thoughts would really have, and on top of all that, I would never ever ever see her unless I got a grand apology and much more.

In the meantime, I feel like its truly best to just keep moving on. I don't feel like right now would be the best time to move on anyway. 1.5 months of NC is nothing in the grand scheme of things after something that was as drama filled as this, in my opinion at least.

Your reaction was not over the top. It was justified. The girl lied to you about her ex. Not sure anyone would feel okay about that.

You'll find out soon enough whether your heart was right or wrong about her, should you do this. Personally, I would advise against contacting her but I do know that feeling of uneasiness of things not ending well. Sometimes, clearing the air helps us clear our conscious and helps us move passed it.

Be prepared for the worst should you contact her though.

-Beach

Edited March 17, 2018 by Beachead

March 17, 2018

Your reaction was not over the top. It was justified. The girl lied to you about her ex. Not sure anyone would feel okay about that.

-Beach

Just to clarify before I hit the hay, I was referring to having regret on how I reacted to her posting the photo. (The very last exchange between us) This is why I feel like the door was not exactly open for her to return bc of my actions. I got upset with her and then deleted her from social media.

With regards to the initial blowoff and the ex, my reaction and subsequent pressure I put on her I hardly any regrets about anymore.

Edited March 17, 2018 by Mac0908

March 17, 2018

Just to clarify before I hit the hay, I was referring to having regret on how I reacted to her posting the photo. (The very last exchange between us) This is why I feel like the door was not exactly open for her to return bc of my actions. I got upset with her and then deleted her from social media.

With regards to the initial blowoff and the ex, my reaction and subsequent pressure I put on her I hardly any regrets about anymore.

Yea I know. It was a period of time fresh after the break-up. Your heart was freshly broken and you were not yourself which means you said and did some things you wouldn't ordinarily do. It was nothing malicious. That's all there is to it.

If you decide to reach out, just be genuine and truthful like that.

- Beach

March 19, 2018

Just wanted to give my final thoughts and "conclude" this thread, so to speak. I thank every single one of you (yes, even you PRW) for your thoughts and advice.

As written about previously, I am absolutely not going to reach out to this girl, for all the obvious and not so obvious reasons. I made the mistake of feeling semi guilty for myself for getting a bit angry at the very end of things and subsequently deleting her from social media. The problem was my mind was trying to tell me that I was wrong and that this "pushed" her away, when the reality of it all was she DUMPED me. This is why I acted in the way I did, and many would say it was the right thing to do. Most people would remove their ex's from social media. Who wants to see pics and updates everyday of a person who rejected you? I'm actually proud of myself for doing it, too. If nothing else at least I regained a small portion of my dignity.

So yeah, I'm ok, and I'm going to be fine. It is absolutely positively not my responsibility and not in my best interests to ever contact her. It must be the other way around without question. She knows what she did. She knows she hurt me. She knows she rejected me. As I said before, if a day ever comes where she has a second thought and wants to talk, maybe I'll listen. But for now, it's full steam ahead with continuing to heal, and I'm feeling better and better everyday.

Edited March 19, 2018 by Mac0908

May 21, 2018

Thought I would post an update to my entire story for those interested.

Here it goes...

We dated for 2 flawless months with everything crammed into 2 months that you could possibly imagine. Realistically it was like 4 months in 2. She posted photos of us to social media, brought me to her work Xmas party, told her entire family about me, bought and wore lingerie for me, told me she liked me a lot and went back on BIRTH control for me a month in, exchanged xmas gifts with me, commuted an hour to me every single weekend, was told I could see her new apartment when it was furnished a month out, spoke every single day, she met my friends at a party which was a huge step for me and she knew this, etc. There were sleepovers, good sex, her complimenting me on the good sex, cuddling, movies on the couch, cooking for each other, you name it, we pretty much did it. We also deleted our dating profiles a little under 1.5 months in, although I did this first and she acted thrilled. Deleted hers a couple of days later. By the end, I had developed some strong feelings for this girl and truly felt that for the first time in the disaster that was my 5.5 year online dating run, found someone I could maybe build something serious with. All the boxes were "checked" so to speak with this person. Her personality and lifestyle complimented mine extremely well, and I never found a woman more attractive than I did her. My exact "type" to an absolute T.

She told me she wanted to spend New Years with me a week out, and then, suddenly, her texts seemed watered down for a few days and she left me out of nowhere New Years Eve morning 2 nights after our last great night out for a long term ex that came back into the picture. On the first date she told me it was only 3 months but the truth revealed was that was just the last wave of their on again off again 1.5 year relationship. He dumped her, too. (this time at least) Yup. Apparently I was a rebound gone too far, and it was without question the most shocking and devastating thing I ever experienced in my life. I knew heartbreak before, but how she handled and executed this was unconscionable. I felt sick. It was so bad that I couldn't help myself when I sent her a few subtle/polite venting texts letting her know just how horrific what she did was. She would respond and we went back and forth a bit, and I then faded away after that.

The next day however she shockingly says she "May have made a bad decision" and wanted to talk to me. You read that right. I bowed down and met up , telling her I'm meeting her "for me, not you", as I was not going to miss this. Even though it was a mistake, I told her straight up that the previous day was "one of the worst of my life", and she said she's "very sorry". I told her sorry doesn't cut it. While teary eyed, she tells me she started dating again "just to date", but surprisingly really developed feelings for me and then created this mess bc when he reached back out to her, the old emotions were reactivated. She said she spent NYE with the guy (that's right, 2 months of dating, had plans with me, then left me to be with an ex that night) and he wasn't who she thought he'd still be and he treated her poorly that night. She then said she's just "torn". 2 days beforehand we are dating on the verge of what I thought was something serious and had every reason to think so, no blips on the radar at all, and then BOOM, suddenly an ex bf is in the picture and I'm face to face with her being told not to worry bc she "didn't have sex with him last night". It was all absolutely surreal, yet the truth was though, at the time, I still wanted her back and thought this all would end up going down as some crazy 24 hour thing where she had to get "closure" from this ex.

So, for the next week on and off, beginning the night after we met up, I made the mistake of putting pressure on her to make a decision as I didn't want to become a second option and wanted NO part of this insane drama that she would seemingly brush off at times, acting rather nonchalant. She even tried to make HERSELF out to be the "victim" at times by saying she's super stressed. This was immaturity at its finest. I even caught her liking a meme on Instagram about how she needs to get "Wasted this weekend" due to her troubles. Still, I told her if she really made a mistake, to prove it to me and come back now. I told her she would also have to delete the ex off social media and move on from him completely. This is where it got interesting. She says she wants that, says I did things for her in the 2 months that the ex never did for her, even called him a "dick" at one point to me, but "needed time" before she could dump him bc she was afraid of backlash from him and his friends, BUT, she said she also felt she "ruined everything" with us anyway. I told her I could not wait and why would I? I told her things would be ok and we'd take it slow, but she was hesitant and wishy/washy. She called the entire situation "tragic". Looking back with all I know now about how to handle breakups, it was clear my pushy behavior was turning her off. After I faded for a day, she would then text me she misses me and doesn't want this to be over. Wishes she was with me right now. I knew this was a game to put me on a back burner yet I stupidly continued texting briefly on and off for another week, going beta at one point, until I sent one final long text telling her I understand she had to close a chapter and I'd like to have her back. Oh, how naive I was even just a few months ago. I've learned so much.

She answered saying she's ending it with the ex shortly, but just thinks things would be too "problematic" for us going forward. This wasn't so much that she felt she "ruined everything" and couldn't go forward, but more bc well, basically she knew even after this wave with the ex, he wasn't going to be completely out of her life and she at least had the decency to spare me any future drama. (Details on that later) I say "I accept that". She THEN responds saying she'd still like to use my Christmas gift with me sometime, which were 2 tickets to a museum. Her push/pull selfish behavior would not stop. She wanted her cake and wanted to eat every bit of it too by trying to keep me around until she may have been good and ready. But I was done. I finally go full No contact, sadly 2 weeks too late. 3 days later... I found her back on the dating site we met on, new pic and all. I'll admit I was crushed, and angry, but continued my process in beginning to move on. 2 days later however she TEXTS me small talk BS about some movie!!! I respond quick and cold and go back NC.

Then it happened... 10 days later later... still NC, she posts a photo of herself on Instagram at the MUSEUM, alone. Now I had gone from sad to disgusted, and her actions had gone from immature to inhumane in my opinion. I was so hurt and angry that she would be as selfish as to post that photo on a site I still followed her on for me to see, that I texted her simply saying "Wow.". She said "I haven't heard from you so I went to the museum alone. Do you want your ticket back?". Manipulation. I said "Haven't heard from me? You told me you're still technically involved with an ex, then I saw you back on a dating site soon after. I moved on. But to post that photo? Bad taste. Take care". She says "I ended it with him the other day. I told you though, I think things would be too hard for us going forward". I ignored and subsequently deleted her off social media. I simply could not get over the gall of her to post that photograph, witty caption and all, just under 2 weeks after she told me she'd still like to go with me sometime. Even if she didn't say that, it would still be in horrible taste. I actually wondered if the post was some bizarre way to hook me back into her "orbit". Didn't matter. Done was an understatement for me.

Then it began. An uphill battle of a broken man at 33 years old, getting over all the emotional trauma of what I was put through in the last couple of weeks. I got involved with an immature 27 going on 17 year old girl who played with my emotions until there was almost nothing left. While this is just a small nutshell of how I handled everything, there were many posts right here on LS that helped my healing, as did talks with family and friends, writing out my thoughts, talking out my thoughts by myself like a bit of a lunatic, but it helped. There were many, many dark moments of thinking I was nothing more than used, regardless of the amazing 2 months we had together and regardless of her telling me she really did develop feelings for me. I slept like sh-t at times, and even ate like it too, early on. I had good recovery days, and I had very bad ones, but I knew it was all part of the process. I contemplated texting her for some reason at one point, but stayed NC and continued to never looked back. I went to the gym more, started dating girls more often, had some really nice times, had good sex with a new girl I was dating, I began eating healthier, but still, depression was very much there.

Then, 2 months in, just as I was beginning to REALLY move on, a shocker (or not really if you think about what she's about) happened when I notice she VIEWS my online dating profile(Match.com). The gall I thought. The nerve. After ALL that happened, her selfish (curious) behavior still ran supreme. Although I wondered, was this her subtle way of trying to get me to reach out after she realized the hell that is online dating? I do nothing but laugh and enjoy that small bit of validation knowing that I'm likely still of interest to her at least in some capacity. Then, another discovery... A few days after she re-entered my mind bc of the Match view, I peak at her Instagram and notice that of ALL photos, the infamous museum photo, the photo that was the topic of our final bitter talk had suspiciously been deleted. Why, I wondered? A month ago however when I last peaked (Hey, we're all guilty of social media stalking) it was still there. Interesting. I wondered if after the view she deleted it incase I stalked her page as some ploy by her to get me to reach back out since she was maybe afraid to do so bc she thought I hated her as I left on bad terms. It didn't matter. I still did nothing.

Then, just one week ago, 3.5 months since our final talk and 1.5 months since I last looked after the Match view. Boom. There it was. A photo of the two of them at a friend of hers wedding just a few days earlier.

It always felt very strange how we had such an amazing(albeit short)fling together, great fun, great sex, and then boom, after the NYE ex fiasco didn't work out with her, it was like why are we both back on dating sites when I technically offered her another chance? I know I went pushy, but some times had passed. We had this great little thing just a couple months prior and there she is viewing my profile on Match.com. At first I just didn't get it all, but then the reason started to become clear right around the time she viewed my profile. The reason was then crystal clear when I saw that photo of them a week ago. Sure she didn't like me as much as I liked her. That's known. But the REAL core of the reason was that this girl was never, EVER over this guy, and spared me what could have been another catastrophe should she ever had returned to me. It's clear he has control over her and it's clear she's anything but over him. And to think, I told her she had to delete him off of her social media if she wanted a second chance with me. Lord if I only knew how deep her "Feelings" for this dude went It's sad to see, but it was also super nice validation seeing that photo of her with HIM of all guys, knowing that even if I played my cards right post breakup and got her back, it would have just been another disaster waiting to happen. So yeah, in so many ways, I'm going to be perfectly fine, as if I haven't been for a while now. I really am. The scars might still be there for a good amount of time, but ultimately, I'm very proud of myself for how I pushed through and got over everything. Some girls are just immature, insecure, downright weird and don't know when to give it up with a guy. But when the right guy is right smack in front of their face, they wouldn't know it if it hit them. They just keep going boy crazy and go back to the pretty boy/bad boy ex. This was one of those girls.

Good luck to her. She'll need it, as will any other new dude that comes into her life after THIS wave is over

Edited May 21, 2018 by Mac0908

May 21, 2018

Wow!

I will never understand why people go back to the person that treated them so bad instead of staying with someone that is so good.

She is a toxic person and has a toxic relationship with that guy. Such people can never be happy with a healthy relationship. She needs drama. She is also manipulative. You got saved big time! Count your blessings.

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Brutal Blowoff: My Story of Tragedy and (at least some) Triumph

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