Does your MM spend time with you outside the bedroom?

[Mizz Layta]

How did you two meet?

 

He is a former co worker. We used to work together but I left the company shortly the company for unrelated reasons

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

He is a former co worker. We used to work together but I left the company shortly the company for unrelated reasons

 

I don't think you've said if he has kids or not, but if he does, do NOT expect him to ever leave his current situation. Divorce, child support, the hassles of shared custody.....it's a lot and not fun.

 

You are worth so much more than someone who will only hide you in the bushes .

[Mizz Layta]

Part of me hopes that when I tell him it's over and express my discontent over the situation ..he will step up and start putting effort into us??Or perhaps he will realize what he lost when he experiences life without me and might leave his relationship to be with me??

[Mizz Layta]

I don't think you've said if he has kids or not, but if he does, do NOT expect him to ever leave his current situation. Divorce, child support, the hassles of shared custody.....it's a lot and not fun.

 

You are worth so much more than someone who will only hide you in the bushes .

 

Yes he does have 2 young kids

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Part of me hopes that when I tell him it's over and express my discontent over the situation ..he will step up and start putting effort into us??Or perhaps he will realize what he lost when he experiences life without me and might leave his relationship to be with me??

 

He knows you think this way and it's how he keeps you on the hook. He's not going to leave, especially with two young kids. Does his wife work?

[Zahara]

Part of me hopes that when I tell him it's over and express my discontent over the situation ..he will step up and start putting effort into us??Or perhaps he will realize what he lost when he experiences life without me and might leave his relationship to be with me??

 

Yes, he’ll likely step it up because he doesn’t want to lose the sex he gets from you. They usually do a 180 when they are about to lose you then go right back to who they TRULY are when you’re back in their grasp again. It’s just so they can manipulate you back into it again.

 

He’s not leaving his relationship. He doesn’t love you. I don’t mean to be unkind but a man who takes you to the woods to have a quickie doesn’t really have much care or love for you other than to get what he wants. His satisfaction is his only priority.

 

Life without you would just mean lack of sex. He’s never had a relationship with you so what other type of loss will he experience? He’ll likely find another woman to take your place. Stop idealizing what you have with him.

 

You’re so desperate to be loved and validated that you’re clinging to scraps to make you feel whole.

[Mizz Layta]

He knows you think this way and it's how he keeps you on the hook. He's not going to leave, especially with two young kids. Does his wife work?

 

Yes she does according to him.She is an elementary school teacher or something like that

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes she does according to him.She is an elementary school teacher or something like that

 

OK, well, still, divorce is messy and EXPENSIVE. And I understand you want to be loved, but if you had to make a checklist, would "he makes vows and then completely abandons them to cheat and have sex with another woman in the bushes" be on that list? This is not a quality man. And don't be fooled into thinking you two are soul mates, because that's just in the affair script....they all think/say this.

[Mizz Layta]

OK, well, still, divorce is messy and EXPENSIVE. And I understand you want to be loved, but if you had to make a checklist, would "he makes vows and then completely abandons them to cheat and have sex with another woman in the bushes" be on that list? This is not a quality man. And don't be fooled into thinking you two are soul mates, because that's just in the affair script....they all think/say this.

 

According to him they are common law --they live as a family unit. They have a house together. I guess he'll still have a lot to loose by leaving his current living situation.

 

He is the one that pursued him and said his relationship is over...I just don't understand why he lied :(I understand I put myself in this situation by getting involved with him. I don't like that I'm the other woman .his wife/partner is always at the back of mind. Thinking of them together when I'm home alone

 

I remember one time I asked him what he did for the weekend and he had slip like "We then changed his phrase and said I went to this place "

 

I know I have to end it. The whole thing just feels wrong. Aside from my emotional needs not being met , my conscious is bothering me

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

According to him they are common law --they live as a family unit. They have a house together. I guess he'll still have a lot to loose by leaving his current living situation.

 

He is the one that pursued him and said his relationship is over...I just don't understand why he lied :(I understand I put myself in this situation by getting involved with him. I don't like that I'm the other woman .his wife/partner is always at the back of mind. Thinking of them together when I'm home alone

 

I remember one time I asked him what he did for the weekend and he had slip like "We then changed his phrase and said I went to this place "

 

I know I have to end it. The whole thing just feels wrong. Aside from my emotional needs not being met , my conscious is bothering me

 

So you don't even know if they are actually married? He sounds like a master manipulator .

 

You deserve better.

[Mizz Layta]

So you don't even know if they are actually married? He sounds like a master manipulator .

 

You deserve better.

 

No,when we met he told they are not married but they are living together for pratical reasons for now and are trying to sort out custody without having a full impact on thier 2 children.I mean they could be married and maybe he lied..who knows

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No,when we met he told they are not married but they are living together for pratical reasons for now and are trying to sort out custody without having a full impact on thier 2 children.I mean they could be married and maybe he lied..who knows

 

When it comes to a man who won't spend time with you outside of behind the bushes, I would not believe one word that comes out of his mouth.

[jah526]

I sympathize with what you are going through. Sounds very similar to my own situation (I went NC about a year ago). In my case, I was alone in a place with hardly anyone I knew, had not had a man interested in me in a long time, and the closest person in the world to me, my mom, was dying. I was a prime candidate for a predator, I just didn't realize it, and didn't want to recognize the warning signs.

 

These type of men are very adept at finding prey. They know how to hook you and how to keep you hooked. I know you are in the depths of an addiction right now, and your brain is telling you whatever it can to keep you addicted. It's telling you that you have to be scared of losing him, of going back to a life of loneliness. This is really the fear of withdrawal, and it is your brain lying to you in order to get a fix.

 

You will be okay. I am a year out now, and I am still here. I don't have someone constantly putting me down anymore or treating me like an unpaid whore (which, let's face it, was what I was).

 

Send him a text and tell him you are done, and block him from your life. Then during the times you would be meeting him, do something good for yourself.

[Poppy47]

xMM would spend as much time outside the bedroom with me as possible.

 

We went many places and often met for lunch, coffee, movies or a day out.

 

Your MM sounds like a disgusting pig to be honest. He is asking you for sex in the bushes?

 

Please raise you standards and tell him hire a call girl because he is using you in that capacity and not paying.

 

Poppy.

[Mizz Layta]

I sympathize with what you are going through. Sounds very similar to my own situation (I went NC about a year ago). In my case, I was alone in a place with hardly anyone I knew, had not had a man interested in me in a long time, and the closest person in the world to me, my mom, was dying. I was a prime candidate for a predator, I just didn't realize it, and didn't want to recognize the warning signs.

 

These type of men are very adept at finding prey. They know how to hook you and how to keep you hooked. I know you are in the depths of an addiction right now, and your brain is telling you whatever it can to keep you addicted. It's telling you that you have to be scared of losing him, of going back to a life of loneliness. This is really the fear of withdrawal, and it is your brain lying to you in order to get a fix.

 

You will be okay. I am a year out now, and I am still here. I don't have someone constantly putting me down anymore or treating me like an unpaid whore (which, let's face it, was what I was).

 

Send him a text and tell him you are done, and block him from your life. Then during the times you would be meeting him, do something good for yourself.

 

I'm sorry about your mom .You're right ,it's best to be alone than settling for less--at least you have your pride.Are you with someone else now?

 

As for me,I've always had hard time attracting suitable unattached men.Most of them just want sex even the single ones treat me poorly.The last one before MM would make plans then he would ignore my text when we are suppose to meet.I had to drop him and move on.I don't know why attract wrong men.

 

I decided to stay alone unless if it's someone worthy of my time

[jah526]

I'm sorry about your mom .You're right ,it's best to be alone than settling for less--at least you have your pride.Are you with someone else now?

 

As for me,I've always had hard time attracting suitable unattached men.Most of them just want sex even the single ones treat me poorly.The last one before MM would make plans then he would ignore my text when we are suppose to meet.I had to drop him and move on.I don't know why attract wrong men.

 

I decided to stay alone unless if it's someone worthy of my time

 

Thanks. I’m not with someone else. I really don’t expect to be ever again. I have a few people in my life that I know care about me, and at this point in my life that matters more to me than sex. Not to say I don’t miss it. But one thing I’ve learned is that I don’t want to be with someone again until I know they care about me. Otherwise, for me, it is just too painful.

 

I think there are a lot of really crappy people in this world. I’m learning, kind of late in life, to distance myself from the crappy ones and put my energy into fostering relationships with decent people.

[BTDT2012]

Part of me hopes that when I tell him it's over and express my discontent over the situation ..he will step up and start putting effort into us??Or perhaps he will realize what he lost when he experiences life without me and might leave his relationship to be with me??

 

 

There is no 'us'. The us is his wife and children. You are worth so much more than being a booty call. Do you really want a man who would walk out on his children?

[BaileyB]

Part of me hopes that when I tell him it's over and express my discontent over the situation ..he will step up and start putting effort into us??Or perhaps he will realize what he lost when he experiences life without me and might leave his relationship to be with me??

 

You can spend your life wishing, and waiting, and hoping... but, it is unlikely to happen.

 

Besides, he has proven to be a liar and cheater. He has no respect for marriage vows or commitment. What would make you think it would be any different if he decided to step up and put more effort into you?

 

And really, suppose he did step up and put more effort into you... what would that mean exactly - would you expect him to leave his family? Do you really want to be "the woman" who took another woman's husband and broke up a family? I don't think so. A woman with integrity and self respect doesn't do this to another woman, or to innocent children.

 

You have created a fairytale around this man... It's time to get out now before you get in any further and hurt even more... I wish you well and hope that you find a love of your own someday.

[Mizz Layta]

You can spend your life wishing, and waiting, and hoping... but, it is unlikely to happen.

 

Besides, he has proven to be a liar and cheater. He has no respect for marriage vows or commitment. What would make you think it would be any different if he decided to step up and put more effort into you?

 

And really, suppose he did step up and put more effort into you... what would that mean exactly - would you expect him to leave his family? Do you really want to be "the woman" who took another woman's husband and broke up a family? I don't think so. A woman with integrity and self respect doesn't do this to another woman, or to innocent children.

 

You have created a fairytale around this man... It's time to get out now before you get in any further and hurt even more... I wish you well and hope that you find a love of your own someday.

 

Thanks.Deep down I know it is unlikely to happen. And no, I wouldn't want to be that woman who took another woman's husband and broke up a family. I would want to come along when their relationship was already over for reasons that has nothing to do with me and were just living together for practical reasons--as he stated. Obviously he lied about his relationship ending.

 

I will just take it as life lesson to never get involved with someone who is "trying to leave, or talking about how to leave or about to leave" etc. As he could be very well lying(in my case)

[BaileyB]

And no, I wouldn't want to be that woman who took another woman's husband and broke up a family. I would want to come along when their relationship was already over for reasons that has nothing to do with me and were just living together for practical reasons--as he stated. Obviously he lied about his relationship ending.

 

I came along when his marriage was ending and they were living together for practical reasons... Truthfully, they lived together for two years because that how long it took for them to settle their divorce and for the lawyers to force her out.

 

He told me, he couldn't be in a relationship at that time. I respected that, and told him that I wouldn't date anyone who was not ready and available to have a long term relationship... We said goodbye, and a year and a half later when he had his affairs in order, he contacted me. We've now been together two years.

 

My point is, the wise thing to do is to end it until he is free and clear -- and free and clear of the relationship for a long time. Kids are settled, coparenting relationship is established, etc... Only then, will your relationship stand on its own merits.

 

I'm sorry, but I doubt that would happen in your case because he seems to be focused primarily on the sex. He has given no indication that he is leaving his marriage except with his words... and words are cheap! The one and only thing you can trust a cheater to do... is lie. I wouldn't trust a word he said.

 

I really do wish you best wishes. Good luck!

[Marc878]

Wake up you're being played.

 

The only one keeping you in this is you.

 

Stop wasting your time in this fruitless venture.

 

You could be spending your time and effort on you. You'll never find what you seek wrapped up in this.

[Daisy2013]

Bushes? You win. My guy would only meet me in his truck for FOUR years. Never put out a dime for a hotel or anything, all the while saying I was the love of his life and he wanted to be with me, but God doesn't allow divorce. A couple of times, he stopped by my house, but that was very rare ... nervous he'd get caught.

 

They always have an excuse or "next time." Or "one day."

 

Please don't waste another day with him. Don't waste years. You are better tan that and deserve more. Please listen to what you have been advised. It's difficult, I know. It took a long time for me.

[bathtub-row]

Sex in the woods? No wining and dining? He's married?

 

Honey, where's your self-respect?

[Mizz Layta]

Bushes? You win. My guy would only meet me in his truck for FOUR years. Never put out a dime for a hotel or anything, all the while saying I was the love of his life and he wanted to be with me, but God doesn't allow divorce. A couple of times, he stopped by my house, but that was very rare ... nervous he'd get caught.

 

They always have an excuse or "next time." Or "one day."

 

Please don't waste another day with him. Don't waste years. You are better tan that and deserve more. Please listen to what you have been advised. It's difficult, I know. It took a long time for me.

 

I guess yours was tolerable to be able to last 4 years.It's been a year for me and I just can't do it anymore. I just can't see myself going any longer.I feel like crap

[Daisy2013]

I guess yours was tolerable to be able to last 4 years.It's been a year for me and I just can't do it anymore. I just can't see myself going any longer.I feel like crap

 

I was in love. I wanted to see him no matter what. It chips away at your heart and soul. Please don't think I was making fun of you, I wasn't. The truck was bad. I hope you can stop and heal now. Hugs to you.