Author heavenonearth Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 That depends entirely on the woman and her believes. For some the only emotional impact is relief. Some relationships proceed just fine after an event like this - again, it's not something most talk about, so you may know couples that have had abortions... But you simply do not know that they had one. Good point!! And it is indeed true. People just don't talk about it -- and it really sucks, because it could help so many other women/couples out there who are going through a tough time. A woman from my therapy group had an abortion 3 months into her relationship, they both felt they were not ready to have a child at the time. They are now together 5 years, still childless, but want kids eventually. The experience really strengthened their bond. He was there for her when she needed him and it showed her that she can count on him. They had a lot of intimate conversations about the topic, and thus they shared their vulnerability and strengths with each other. When I talked to her about it, she said that the emotional aspect of it was difficult for the first year or so, but ever fading, and they both never regretted the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 At the risk of sounding feminist or full of prejudice I will say the emotional impact of an abortion for a man is nowhere near what women experience. I don't agree with this *felt by both*. I think that is also why relationships break afterward. I have to disagree. I think men just rather won’t show their emotions about it all the time. They may internally deal with it. So do you think all relationships break after an abortion because women feel more impacted by it than men? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 So do you think all relationships break after an abortion because women feel more impacted by it than men? I only have anecdotal experience but I believe when the man does NOT want an abortion and the woman has one anyway or find out she had one without his knowledge, the relationship will fail. If the man wants the abortion (as In his idea) and she just went along with it, then the relationship will also fail. If the woman wants an abortion (as in her idea) and the man is like “whatever you want” and he goes along with whatever she wants, then the relationship has a chance to last. If they are both insistent on an abortion then the relationship also has a chance to last. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 I only have anecdotal experience but I believe when the man does NOT want an abortion and the woman has one anyway or find out she had one without his knowledge, the relationship will fail. If the man wants the abortion (as In his idea) and she just went along with it, then the relationship will also fail. If the woman wants an abortion (as in her idea) and the man is like “whatever you want” and he goes along with whatever she wants, then the relationship has a chance to last. If they are both insistent on an abortion then the relationship also has a chance to last. Yes that makes sense. And that was kind of my wondering, how other people’s experiences were in circumstances in which both decided together to have the abortion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted March 24, 2018 Author Share Posted March 24, 2018 I will say, as a man.... its hard for you to know that it never happened. I know numerous women who terminated pregnancies and the boy friends never knew. There is so much societal shame etc involved, its often kept very very private. Shared with a mother, or a chosen confidant, but no one else. Tried to PM you with a long message but it told me you are not receiving private messages Link to post Share on other sites
WorldInMyEyes Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I wanted to ask if any of you have had experience with pregnancy early on in a relationship? Meaning, you were dating someone, perhaps only for a few months, and you found out you got pregnant. A few months? LOL. It was on our first date after meeting in a club a few days before that. I'd known her a grand total of about 4 hours before I knocked her up. (yes, DNA test) Did you and the person you were dating decide to keep the baby despite the relationship being young? Yes. That baby will celebrate his 18th birthday in a few weeks. He and I are best friends and I would do it all over again given the choice. When you have a child, you get to relive your own childhood except with all the bad parts removed from it. All the money in the world couldn't buy that experience. If so, how did that end up working out for your relationship in the long term? The first few years were good, but it was never true love. How could it be? We barely knew each other before she became pregnant. We have nothing in common. We're still married, for now, but almost all of my other posts in this forum involve (my) infidelity, so that should give you a pretty good answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted March 26, 2018 Author Share Posted March 26, 2018 A few months? LOL. It was on our first date after meeting in a club a few days before that. I'd known her a grand total of about 4 hours before I knocked her up. (yes, DNA test) Yes. That baby will celebrate his 18th birthday in a few weeks. He and I are best friends and I would do it all over again given the choice. When you have a child, you get to relive your own childhood except with all the bad parts removed from it. All the money in the world couldn't buy that experience. The first few years were good, but it was never true love. How could it be? We barely knew each other before she became pregnant. We have nothing in common. We're still married, for now, but almost all of my other posts in this forum involve (my) infidelity, so that should give you a pretty good answer. Well i can imagine if you marry because of the pregnancy and not out of love, that it will likely not be “heaven on earth”. Link to post Share on other sites
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