newyorker11356 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Smackie That’s it. 100%. Also I’m an American man and she is a Korean woman and she has only had one boyfriend before who was also Korean... I’ve explained that I feel like things are kind of one way but she always cries and tells me that I’m a priority and she loves me... A good example is last night I wanted to see her but she already had dinner plans with girlfriends, a bit disappointed that I wasn’t a priority but to top it off I didn’t receive any texts, not even a good night text or a good morning text and I didn’t send to her either because why should I always be the one to do it first... I’m seriously thinking about just cutting my losses and finishing it... I don't get it. You expected her to cancel dinner plans at the last minute that she had made with her girlfriends way in advance? Wow... People can have a life outside of their relationship, you know? It's not all just about hanging out with their SO 24/7. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 To be fair, OP, I don't really see why you felt she wasn't prioritizing you by going out for dinner with her friends? I can also see why she couldn't have a relationship talk with you while she was still with said friends. It wasn't the right time for that sort of talk. I wouldn't have engaged in that type of conversation in that context either. But I do believe you two were not compatible. You want a different level of communication and closeness than she does. That may be cultural, it may be related to your respective ages and where you are in life, or it may just be a personality clash. In any event, this wasn't satisfying your needs and desires in a relationship. So it is indeed better that you two parted ways. You weren't a match. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 OP I have been in your shoes. I dated a guy that saw me when it was convenient for him....I felt like an option. After about 3-4 weeks I dumped him. I wasn't going to stick around being unhappy. Like I always say, if it doesn't feel right, that's because it's not. Glad you made a solid decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 As an update: It’s over. We texted back and forth for a little while, I told her I was hurt that I was never important or a priority and she explained that she couldn’t talk at the moment because she was with a girlfriend. Proving my point. I called her selfish and she said sorry, she loved me too but we had been arguing a lot recently about priorities so maybe it was best this way... I cooled down and wished her luck and said goodbye, she read the texts and didn’t reply so I blocked her... Life is too short to spend on someone who doesn’t appreciate you or puts their own needs above the person they say they love. She was young and more interested in her friends than a boyfriend. You lost nothing. You kept arguing because you were unhappy and she was unwilling to compromise. It's one thing to have a life outside our romantic relationship but it's an other to ignore a boyfriend's cry for attention. If my boyfriend called me and said we need to talk I'd stop and talk to him, I would put everything else on hold. My girlfriends are important but not near the way my boyfriend is important to me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 A good example is last night I wanted to see her but she already had dinner plans with girlfriends, a bit disappointed that I wasn’t a priority but to top it off I didn’t receive any texts, not even a good night text or a good morning text and I didn’t send to her either because why should I always be the one to do it first... I’m seriously thinking about just cutting my losses and finishing it... Ugh . . . if you want to spend time with the person you are dating, schedule it in advance. Busy people with lives can't always fit in a last minute spontaneous invite. She was not obligated to drop her friends simply because you decided that you wanted to spend time with her. IMO dropping her friends would be seriously rude to them. You may still be used to being married where the reverse is true-- it's assumed you have availability for your spouse unless informed in advance otherwise. When dating, you have to make the plan & the default is you don't see each other. However if you are unhappy, get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 He did not want to see her last minute and she was not having dinner as some suggested. He simply called her to have a conversation and she was with a girlfriend probably shopping or just chilling at her place. Instead of being warm and reassuring she shut him down. OP had told his girlfriend many times before he didn't feel a priority with no results or compromise on her part. OP is not the bad guy here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) Another update: Thank you all for your kind and insightful replies. She called me last night and we talked on the phone for a few hours. She agrees that the break up was good for us because I have negative points that she doesn’t like and she has negative points that I don’t like... However she says she doesn’t want to lose me. But doesn’t want to be a couple anymore. She says that there is no one else she wants and she she just doesn’t want to argue anymore and we are very sexually compatible... However she said she still wants to keep having sex with me and dating... and she doesn’t really want me to date anyone else... Of course I’m very confused... she said she doesn’t want to be FWB but what she has asked me sounds like that lol I’m guessing that she wants a relationship with me but she doesn’t want to be tied down because she has mentioned her freedom a lot ... Edited March 22, 2018 by Thingsfallapart Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Another update: Thank you all for your kind and insightful replies. She called me last night and we talked on the phone for a few hours. She agrees that the break up was good for us because I have negative points that she doesn’t like and she has negative points that I don’t like... However she says she doesn’t want to lose me. But doesn’t want to be a couple anymore. She says that there is no one else she wants and she she just doesn’t want to argue anymore and we are very sexually compatible... However she said she still wants to keep having sex with me and dating... and she doesn’t really want me to date anyone else... Of course I’m very confused... she said she doesn’t want to be FWB but want she has asked me sounds like that lol Lol, sounds like she's asking for a committed casual dating/FWB relationship. I think she's just trying to avoid calling it a FWB relationship, when it is that, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 A little more information. I’m a lecturer at a university and she is a business woman who also studies at night school... both of our schedules are very busy, but mine less than hers... I spend weekends with my kids and that is why we only spend a few nights a week together... She is very traditionally Korean and all her friends are Korean... We met at a friends party and got talking, it took her 3 months to even let me kiss her... However after that first kiss things escalated quickly and she has really opened up to me sexually... A lot of the things we have done have been firsts for her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 I’m guessing that she wants to keep me but doesn’t want to have the responsibilities that come with a committed relationship. She wants to have her freedom and have an easy relationship with no arguements or fights and sex... Maybe this will be easier for me too... But it doesn’t make the original feeling that I was her boyfriend when it was convenient for her go away, if anything it proves my theory lol Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 A little more information. I’m a lecturer at a university and she is a business woman who also studies at night school... both of our schedules are very busy, but mine less than hers... I spend weekends with my kids and that is why we only spend a few nights a week together... She is very traditionally Korean and all her friends are Korean... We met at a friends party and got talking, it took her 3 months to even let me kiss her... However after that first kiss things escalated quickly and she has really opened up to me sexually... A lot of the things we have done have been firsts for her... 3 months to kiss??? You were most definitely patient, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 Hahaha well we hardly met in the first three months because I was kind of indisposed at that time and the situation wasn’t good... When we met we didn’t hit it off right away and start dating, we share a love of jazz so the relationship kind of grew out of that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 Ok another update and I would like the opinion of some women... I spoke to her today and we have agreed to being kind of sex friends. However she said she doesn’t mind if I date other women. And then she said she wants to meet me tonight but she isn’t in the mood for sex apparently... What the hell does this all mean? Going from a 6 month relationship to sex friends that aren’t exclusive... She is not interested in me? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Ok another update and I would like the opinion of some women... I spoke to her today and we have agreed to being kind of sex friends. However she said she doesn’t mind if I date other women. And then she said she wants to meet me tonight but she isn’t in the mood for sex apparently... What the hell does this all mean? Going from a 6 month relationship to sex friends that aren’t exclusive... She is not interested in me? OP, this is a terrible idea. What she is indirectly telling you is that you are both free to date others. She intends on seeing other men too, but doesn't have the stones to tell you. You're her filler until she finds your replacement. Do not agree to this unless you want to get hurt all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
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