JuneL Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Oh before then I cancelled once and then asked for a new time - he didn't respond, so I told him on the day of (which was a week after I texted with no response) that I can't do it anymore that day. That's when he responded saying he felt like a 'pest'. Yeah, will do. I’m sure he knows you’re not interested romantically by now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I’m sure he knows you’re not interested romantically by now. Men are bad at reading hints. No_go: tell him ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Why don't you tell him you are seeing someone? This man is obviously interested in you. I don't understand your hesitation. He never said it explicitly that he's interested... We have huge age difference that makes me very uncomfortable thinking about it in that way... But mainly because of my guy's situation. My friend WILL know who I'm seeing because the talk spreads like wild fire in the office and they are in the same team... Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I don't see why you haven't already told him you're busy because you're seeing someone. If he's any kind of level headed person, he will back off. Pretty much this. Why can't you tell him you are seeing someone? He doesn't have to know who it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Deb there is another layer.. he's probably relocating for good in the summer. I really wanted to see him before then. Maybe just not at home dinner:) But you're right, guys never get the hint unless one is super overly direct you have to be more direct than what you were, you don't need to tell him who but you do need to say you are seeing someone and you don't multidate..say you have been rescheduling because you dont think its right that you lead him on and you want to be honest and that considering his interest in you which he admits in what you have posted above.... you need to tell him you aren't interested in him other than a friend and that wouldn't change even if you weren't seeing someone....offer him friendship....and then it his choice whether to be only a friend or fade off..no roundabout way is going to work ...with any guy ...you need to be clear and direct........deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 Pretty much this. Why can't you tell him you are seeing someone? He doesn't have to know who it is. He'll know:) They are friends, he've seen us together many times... I'll tell him as soon as I can in a proper way, but not now... Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Deb there is another layer.. he's probably relocating for good in the summer. I really wanted to see him before then. Maybe just not at home dinner:) But you're right, guys never get the hint unless one is super overly direct my advice doesnt change even though he is relocating and you want to see him....it might be best to not see him....that would be more selfless and caring on your behalf...if you do care for him...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I guess I'm not understanding why you can't tell him you're dating someone. If it's that obvious that it's the other guy, then he would know already. But the reality is that he's interested in you romantically and you have done a poor job at putting the brakes on the whole thing. He doesn't want to be your friend, and he's made that obvious. Why are you trying to keep a guy in the friend zone who wants more? Do what's right and tell him you're dating somebody and not interested. He'll then move one. It's really simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I'm thinking this will be the most appropriate thing to do I want to be friendly and don't want to play games. It just rubs me the wrong way he texted me that now he thinks he's a 'pest'. I didn't want him to feel like a pest but also didn't know how to explain.... the self-described pest knows what he is doing, he is making you feel bad let him cook for you at his place, 'tell him it is his turn, which it is... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Well, if he already knows who it is because they're friends, then I would tell the guy you're dating that he won't drop it, because that other guy is just giving you a hard time and seeing how many times you'll lie to him. Are you trying to keep him in reserve or something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 How do I handle this? I am in a new relationship with a former coworker. We text all the time and spend weekends together. In the same time, another former coworker, a friend, but I always suspected a little more, Of course it is more. He is the "nice guy" male orbiter that wants to sneak in under the radar in hopes to someday "get a chance" with you. It is extremely common. Probably every woman has a couple of those. Oddly it doesn't seem very common for the reverse with women orbiting men. Hmm... something for me to look into. I do NOT want my friend to know about my relationship, we actually want to keep it private at least until mid/late spring, Yea, that is odd. Another conversation I guess. A relationship you you have to keep secret never sounds like a good thing. Unless you mean you only want it to be secret from that one guy. What do I tell my guy friend? You just tell him you have been seeing someone and it just doesn't feel right. He doesn't need to know who it is or how long or how serious or anything like that. It is none of his business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 OP what is wrong with you? Just tell this guy you are currently seeing someone so he can stop bugging you. Just sounds like you want to keep him orbiting around you. A few days ago a woman I had a FWB thing few years ago contacted me, saying she was going to visit in the Summer and would like to meet up (she lives in a different country). First thing I did was tell her I have a girlfriend, and that I'm probably going to be working when she comes, and if I'm not on my days off I normally spend time with my girlfriend. Made it clear to her meeting up was not appropriate, without being rude. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 t What do I tell my guy friend? I just don't know how not to insult him (he stated he thinks he's a 'pest' because I cancelled on him before so it's weird already) and in the same time, not to share the reasons (my new relationship). Just tell him the truth....If he isn't an immature little weenie, he'll understand.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 The way I sees it .... if I were the guy you were dating and I found out that you were doing all this dancing and dithering about this other guy's feelings then I would probably be inclined to take a deep breath and a couple of steps back. It would be taken as a signal for ME to re-assess MY involvement with YOU. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) No_go: You have a good thing going and you're acting like you want to screw it. []Tell him you are seeing someone and you'll have a coffee with him before he leaves. Your words and actions really indicates you want to double play your boyfriend which is mind-blowing after everything you went through to find someone compatible you are excited about. Edited March 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 OP: You mentioned a few times that you were never that attracted to your previous boyfriends, but was just going with the flow because they chased you aggressively. Now I’m glad that you finally met someone you’re mutually attracted to (namely, your new boyfriend; and yes, this IS possible!). I’m just concerned that, otherwise, you might be bugged into this annoying pest’s girlfriend and repeat your pattern. If this guy is asking annoying questions (about your new boyfriend, in case you tell him you’re seeing someone now), you owe him absolutely no explanations and no replies are warranted. As simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 No_go: You have a good thing going and you're acting like you want to screw it. []Tell him you are seeing someone and you'll have a coffee with him before he leaves. Your words and actions really indicates you want to double play your boyfriend which is mind-blowing after everything you went through to find someone compatible you are excited about. Yeah. Now he’s not responding - so I let it be, but I’m not inclined to have anything more than a coffee. I don’t know why my words/actions indicate desire for double play - that haven’t crossed my mind, what you see is maybe my side of being a people pleaser - thinking scenarios like what if I’m making this up and he genuinely just wanted to share something or whatever. But no, not happening. I’ve never been happier, I love my boyfriend and I’m not willing to risk the relationship for an acquaintance type of friendship.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 OP: You mentioned a few times that you were never that attracted to your previous boyfriends, but was just going with the flow because they chased you aggressively. Now I’m glad that you finally met someone you’re mutually attracted to (namely, your new boyfriend; and yes, this IS possible!). I’m just concerned that, otherwise, you might be bugged into this annoying pest’s girlfriend and repeat your pattern. If this guy is asking annoying questions (about your new boyfriend, in case you tell him you’re seeing someone now), you owe him absolutely no explanations and no replies are warranted. As simple as that. True. Now thinking back they were not into me either - besides sexually. What my boyfriend showed me is how mutual attraction works- it fuels itself:) If this friend ever reaches out again I’ll tell him the truth. If not- it wasn’t meant to be a friendship... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 so ..... any update? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted May 25, 2018 Author Share Posted May 25, 2018 so ..... any update? The guy friend never reached out again... he apparently got offended we didn’t meet up and then life happened he is on a long trip, I have new job... likely lost connection. With my BF things are going awesome, it’s now 5-6 months (I don’t know what to count as ‘start’ because we were friends for a couple of years before expressing interest... but say the first ‘date’ on on one was a little before Christmas,.. so time flies:) And it gets only better!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 RE: the friend, nothing lost. I am so happy to hear things are awesome with your boyfriend :-) When this site was down I was disappointed I'd never get to know how things unfold between you 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted May 26, 2018 Author Share Posted May 26, 2018 RE: the friend, nothing lost. I am so happy to hear things are awesome with your boyfriend :-) When this site was down I was disappointed I'd never get to know how things unfold between you 2 Ha I was very upset when the site went down without notice but here we are again:) Glad to ‘see’ you here! My BF and I have surprisingly good connection - that’s the first man I feel no anxiety with, besides the butterflies type:) No guesses will he call (he always does), what is the timeline (no timeline), and overall I feel like he’s the biggest calming presence in my life. I made a dramatic career switch and I barely felt the stress because he has been taking my attention So besides rme raving... just thinking out loud that the circumstances just don’t matter too much when the connection is right. We went so far through several major messes in our lives without any argument or shaky point... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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