waterwoman Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Depends. Where to live. which car to buy I usually end up doing the scouting about for options. DH and I then choose together. In other areas some things matter to H more than me and vice versa so it's usually easy. I tend to be more of an planner so have been known to do things without necessarily speaking to H - financials for example would be down to me as I am more organised. Holidays are limited by budget usually so I usually come up with affordable options, discuss with H what his preferences are and then we canvass the whole family. Reading it back I do sound a bit of a control freak! But that is more a function of being married to a man who is so laidback he's almost horizontal Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Come on, I love Santa Monica. I'd kill to be able to live there. I love it most days as well but other times I miss NJ. Coming from the NY/NJ area it felt like another country sometimes when I moved out here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Advice for married men shopping for a new house. Let her lead the search. You, as a man, are not judged by siblings, parents or friends on the speificz of your house. My friends have two criteria: is there sufficient beer in the fridge and is the TV screen big enough. Wife, however, is judged on the house and its decor. In short, she has to live with the choices made in ways you never will. I know this smacks of stereotyping but it is based on my observations over many years of many married couples. Advise for H and W: don’t ignore the process as indifference to major choice decisions could and will be interpreted as indifference to the marital relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 My fiancee has done a lot better than me when it comes to financial planning, so i will let her handle most of the investments. I own a lot of land that I have no intentions in selling so that will not be part of the equation. My intentions were to build the house, but she wanted a old house. She bought and paid for HER house and it is my job to put it in its place on my land. What goes in the house, is her decision. I will be the pack mule, however once it is done, I ain't doing nothin. She is also a planner. I am sure she has the first 10 years of our life mapped out. Most of it will happen, some of it will not. Our only undecided decision is wether to have 1 more child. She is leaning that way, but I am on the fence since she is in her early 40s with a family history that worries me. Honestly, as long as she is happy and remains enthusiastic with our intimacy, I am good. Our life is OK. We will figure it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xenawarriorprincess Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Within the next year or so we are planning on buying a home. I think the most important thing is making sure that as a couple you are both on the same page financially. I read many times that financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. I can honestly say without a doubt that in the 11 years that we have been married, we have never had an argument or a disagreement about money. We are both on the same page when it comes to that. In terms of buying a home, my husband is less interested in the home layout /aesthetics, that’s more my department. But he is interested in the area/neighborhood and the overall cost. We have come up with a price range and anything out of that range is automatically vetoed. We kind of have a rule that when a price range is determined there isn’t any budging, it’s been determined and that’s final. This helps to keep our sights set on the goal and it keeps us from over-reaching. It works for us so far. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 The xH and I moved house nine times during our M, including three home purchases. Also purchased and sold multiple cars. I can't remember there being any skewing of influence or any issues. Three things that he and I did have trouble negotiating over were my engagement ring (which we picked and bought together), my name after marriage, and picking names for our unborn child whilst I was pregnant. These were doozies! The ring we eventually compromised over and I ended up with a fairly traditional three-stone white diamond and platinum number whereas I would have preferred a coloured stone and he a diamond solitaire. For the baby's name choices we used a book of names that we individually went through and highlighted our choices, then individually went back through and put a line through any highlighted name we couldn't abide. That avoided a whole lot of bickering and produced a (very) short list of names for us to choose from. In the end it was kinda easy! As for my name after marriage... not so easy. It had never occurred to him that I would keep my name, and it had never occurred to me to even contemplate changing it or that it would be such an issue for him. In the end I hyphenated my name some four years after we married when our daughter was born. Another compromise that worked out well in the end. I still have that name and love it; it's now me In the end there was one other big thing we never could agree on - retirement. xH is very much planning on retiring as early as possible and moving somewhere coastal and playing as much golf as possible. Me, I never want to stop working. I love what I do, so why would I? I think this, as much as anything, was one of the death knells for our M. I think overall we didn't really ever have issues about 'stuff' so much, but more about philosophical positions and preferences. Link to post Share on other sites
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