Author WorstFeelingEver Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 WOW. I didn't mean to open a can of worms OR get people worked up here. d0nnivain: Why you are taking such a stingy attitude toward your own children is incomprehensible to me. I don't understand why you would not want your children to benefit from your success. They are innocent___You took this the wrong way. I love my kids and would do anything for them, & I am not being stingy with money, in supporting them. But you don't know my cheating spouse. It is all about the money. Until recently, she was pushing for alimony for 14 years, while she works 2 jobs on top of it. She is NOT the woman I met, became friends with, dated & fell in love with, & married to for 18 years___she has done a complete 180 on me___ IDK who this woman is, the way she acts, dresses, flirts with men, hurts my feelings, talks bad to me, treats me like trash___heck trash gets better taken care of, when she tosses it out. I would give my kids all the money I could to make sure they have everything I can afford, but I KNOW, it will not be 100% spent on them, she will use it to her advantage & keep her standard of living. CautiouslyOptimistic---This woman has proven to be untrustworthy, so he probably doesn't trust that she WILL use the money for the kids.--BINGO, 100% correct! I don't mind paying the extras when the kids need something, it is about the lack of trust with the EX. PegNosePete--What do you mean, see if you can pay more CS? CS is worked out using a formula based on your income. It's not about whether you can pay more, but whether you should be paying more. If your income increases then your CS payments should rise too. Your ex wife just wants to make sure that this happens, ie. you don't get a raise and "forget" to tell her.------yes, I know it is a formula & I do not have a problem paying for my kids. But, so your telling me, on top of what I pay per month in CS, EX will pay around the same in CS per month as well? I don't think so. I think EXW will use the money for the kids, however, I believe she will also spend it on herself, maybe keeping the kids home on some of her weekends and probably feed them cereal, & Mac & Cheese, to save that portion of money for her. As I said above, I do not know this woman anymore. Since she has asked for a divorce, she has bought all new wardrobe, new shoes, new boots, hair products, & list goes on, etc..... so she can keep her AP/MM attention. You do seem to be rather paranoid for someone who has nothing to hide. Are you expecting your income to rise?---No, I am not paranoid & have nothing to hide. I am not expecting a raise this year. I just want what is fair, so I can live too. I like to still save $ for my retirement too. road---Because all that money does not get spent on the kids. Every one knows that the ex WW is going to mingle all the moneys and the CS will be elevating her standard of living. As well as there will be the money her OM earns.--thank you for your understanding. You must have experienced this. It is not like EXW is going to go out every month and buy new clothes, new shoes for the kids. I know she will spend most of the money on them, but she will keep some of it herself for elevating her "standard of living" . The amount of CS I will be paying, per month, exceeds what we spend on kids now living together still under martial home. Sure our kids get new shoes, new clothes for school, for summer, but through the year, it is the same clothes/shoes, unless they grow out of them or there is a great sale somewhere. somanymistakes--Extra funds go to both parents to furnish both homes. The idea is generally to ensure that the child has an acceptable, and if possible, comparable, standard of living in both situations.---I would like to think this is the correct way, but she will have her sole salary from 2 jobs and what I give her for CS every month. She will be more then fine. Me on the other hand, will be a different story. Thanks for all the replies and your helpful insights. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I would give my kids all the money I could to make sure they have everything I can afford, but I KNOW, it will not be 100% spent on them, she will use it to her advantage & keep her standard of living.. This is fine. If your STBX is so awful, by all means protect yourself. As long as you are acknowledging your obligations to the kids, you are on the right path IMO. Talk to your lawyer, perhaps you can deal with an increased CS commensurate with your increased income through in kind contributions you can guarantee go straight to them -- for example, you take them clothes shopping & mom only sees the receipt; you pay the camp bill directly etc. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I just want what is fair, so I can live too. I like to still save $ for my retirement too. It's very, very hard to do after divorce if you have kids . Unless you pair up with someone and can share household expenses, which I have not done. Get used to living paycheck to paycheck. Divorce sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Agonistes Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 It's very, very hard to do after divorce if you have kids . Unless you pair up with someone and can share household expenses, which I have not done. Get used to living paycheck to paycheck. Divorce sucks. Yes it does. Almost enough to consider putting up with her cheating heart. But not quite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 I just want what is fair, so I can live too. I like to still save $ for my retirement too. Then you can ignore the opinions of everyone on here if you like. Get a court order for the amount of CS you should be paying by law, and pay it. Turn down your ex wife's offer of exchanging W-2's and just tell her that if she thinks a CS variation is due then she should apply to court. No problem with doing that, you're totally fulfilling your obligations, both legal and moral. Now whether the amount a court sets is "fair" or not, or whether it will allow you to save $ for your retirement, I don't know. The amount of CS is set by a formula, it doesn't take into account what is fair for your individual circumstances or what allows you to save for the future. If you want to keep things formal and keep your private information private, then you should have CS set by court. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Me Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 It's very, very hard to do after divorce if you have kids . Unless you pair up with someone and can share household expenses, which I have not done. Get used to living paycheck to paycheck. Divorce sucks. Number 1 reason to never marry or have children. In my state men are considered POS's in the eyes of the court system and it's heavy bias ruins many lives and ends many fathers with jail time. In my state the calculation is based on income and is set so the parent making the least pay and the larger the difference in income the greater the amount is owed to the custodial parent. So for example, father earns 30k and mother earns 60k. Father pays $900/monthly and is forced to live on 10k a year while the mother lives on 70k a year under typical 40/60 custody split. 40/60 is typical because again the court system assumes if you have a penis then clearly you not a good parent. That said, I would get court orders and disconnect with mother as much a possible otherwise your fighting a uphill battle until the kids graduate college. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 What state are you in? Please show these official guidelines that would require the person with the lower income to pay more, since that's generally not how things work. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 So for example, father earns 30k and mother earns 60k. Father pays $900/monthly and is forced to live on 10k a year while the mother lives on 70k a year under typical 40/60 custody split. 40/60 is typical because again the court system assumes if you have a penis then clearly you not a good parent. I'll bite... what state allows that disparity ? A quick calculation of a few states showing the giving parent only spending at most 308 and that is for one kid no other items to lower it any further... Are you saying that a person who isn't the custodial parent and makes less should not have to pay their fair share to raise their own child simply because they have a penis and make less Link to post Share on other sites
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