Just a Guy Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 so did you ask the nurse about the paternity results? there had to be a reason why the nurse pulled you aside. Hi road, WMcbride is the mother of the children so I guess she would know if there was any hanky panky. The fact that she reiterated that the children were their own( hers and her husband's) should I think eliminate any reasonable doubt if that ever existed. Just saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Hi road, WMcbride is the mother of the children so I guess she would know if there was any hanky panky. The fact that she reiterated that the children were their own( hers and her husband's) should I think eliminate any reasonable doubt if that ever existed. Just saying. She knows who the mother is. Though why did the nurse pull her aside and make that remark? Is their a question as to who the dad is? Nurse's action makes me suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 She knows who the mother is. Though why did the nurse pull her aside and make that remark? Is their a question as to who the dad is? Nurse's action makes me suspicious. She could have just pulled her to the side as a sort of heads up. Something like if your pretty sure this kid isn't your husbands you might want to start making planns on how to handle this because pretty soon he will know too. She wouldn't give a warning if the nurse knew for a fact she would have just said the kid isn't his. The nurses probably have the tests come back to prove that the kids are not the husbands enough that every woman who gets tested is warned. Probably trying to cover thier own buts so some pissed off wife doesn't blame the hospital for outing her to her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 so did you ask the nurse about the paternity results? there had to be a reason why the nurse pulled you aside. The nurse did so because she was required to by law. Informed consent. the testing was to try and find out if there was a genetic basis for my daghter's medical condition. It had zero to do with paternity. It's just the same standard disclaimer everyone gets, and since my daughter was 15 at the time, she didn't want this mentioned in front of her. From what she told me, it's not unheard of for a family to find out that dad isn't the biological father when this type of testing happens. That would be such a heart breaking way to find that out, for both the parent and child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 so did you ask the nurse about the paternity results? there had to be a reason why the nurse pulled you aside. To repeat, it wasn't a paternity test. those results would simply be a byproduct of the genetic testing. It was fine with me, as I knew the results were 100 percent certain to be my spouse as the dad, but that's not why the testing was done. Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Could you be more specific about their texts? She cut you off because she was in love with the other man. Hard to believe she was in love enough to cut you off but not having sex with him. It’s impossible to reconcile with a wayward spouse if the two affair partners continue to work together. Never seen it happen on this or another website in the last ten years. Every time they see each other it’s like the first stages of new love again. It’s limerance. It’s biology you can’t ignore. Did they say they loved each other in the text messages? Link to post Share on other sites
Author race2space Posted March 19, 2018 Author Share Posted March 19, 2018 The word love was never mentioned by either of them. It was only 4 days after they acknowledged they had feelings for each other that I confronted them both. She was still trying to figure out what it meant. I could/would never ask her to leave that job. It is where she went to high school, and she loves her work more than anything. It doesn't really matter at this point as yesterday I told her that we needed to divorce. Through therapy she has learned that she has many issues including some attachment issues and sexual hang-ups from her childhood (her mom was extremely strict, and a religious upbringing caused these). Basically, she believes that I did nothing wrong and logically she should be in love with me. She doesn't know how to get over any sort of wrong doing. Her affectionate feelings for me would depreciate every time we fought or I did something to upset her (she admits this was a very rare occurrence), and for some unknown reason she could never recover these feelings. Basically there was never a make-up period for her. It is a problem that she is working on, and we both know she will never have a happy long-term relationship if she doesn't fix this. In the end, I know that she will never be able to develop feelings for me while she is putting so much pressure on herself to feel love for me (I know she was trying very hard to do this for the last 6 years, but you can't force these things). It's not fair to either of us to go through the rest of our lives in a sexless marriage with no affection. We are still very good friends, probably best friends, and our kids will be just fine as we are both good parents. She's already feeling much more comfortable around me as we've texted this morning and had the most natural conversation than we've had in a long time. We will continue to live together until the divorce is finalized, and one of us finds another house to buy. We have both agreed to not date until we are living separately. After so long together I'm not ready for it, and she knows she needs to deal with herself before attempting to have a real relationship. She needs to learn to love herself before she loves somebody else. Maybe some day she'll develop romantic feelings for me again (she says she thinks it's a real possibility, and so do I, but who knows), and maybe she won't. Either way, I'm not going to wait around to find out. We both need to move on and find happiness in our own ways. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 The word love was never mentioned by either of them. It was only 4 days after they acknowledged they had feelings for each other that I confronted them both. She was still trying to figure out what it meant. I could/would never ask her to leave that job. It is where she went to high school, and she loves her work more than anything. It doesn't really matter at this point as yesterday I told her that we needed to divorce. Through therapy she has learned that she has many issues including some attachment issues and sexual hang-ups from her childhood (her mom was extremely strict, and a religious upbringing caused these). Basically, she believes that I did nothing wrong and logically she should be in love with me. She doesn't know how to get over any sort of wrong doing. Her affectionate feelings for me would depreciate every time we fought or I did something to upset her (she admits this was a very rare occurrence), and for some unknown reason she could never recover these feelings. Basically there was never a make-up period for her. It is a problem that she is working on, and we both know she will never have a happy long-term relationship if she doesn't fix this. In the end, I know that she will never be able to develop feelings for me while she is putting so much pressure on herself to feel love for me (I know she was trying very hard to do this for the last 6 years, but you can't force these things). It's not fair to either of us to go through the rest of our lives in a sexless marriage with no affection. We are still very good friends, probably best friends, and our kids will be just fine as we are both good parents. She's already feeling much more comfortable around me as we've texted this morning and had the most natural conversation than we've had in a long time. We will continue to live together until the divorce is finalized, and one of us finds another house to buy. We have both agreed to not date until we are living separately. After so long together I'm not ready for it, and she knows she needs to deal with herself before attempting to have a real relationship. She needs to learn to love herself before she loves somebody else. Maybe some day she'll develop romantic feelings for me again (she says she thinks it's a real possibility, and so do I, but who knows), and maybe she won't. Either way, I'm not going to wait around to find out. We both need to move on and find happiness in our own ways. Well... You sound fairly healthy about everything. So a lot of this does not matter. This may be for the future... 1) I really am not, and I am not sure you should either, believing any of that mumbo jumbo crap that she was laying on you. You really, really need to take that with a whole salt block. 2) I really think that she has had one or more affairs on you. I understand that you do not believe that. But hey, she managed to have dinner with him and you either did not know about it, or you did not think anything of it. I suspect they have been running around a lot, but at this point it really does not matter. You can bet that they will start dating for at least a while before the divorce is final, bet on it. For my money that is kind of a silly agreement, but others have felt that way before. 3) Be aware, that when the sex falls off in a relationship, that is an issue, and a big one. It is also, usually a sign of some other problems in the relationship, not the least of which is cheating. 4) From what you describe in your first post, why did you not file for divorce years ago? Anyway, it sounds like you are on the right path, but please don't buy in to the crap that she is laying down, because it is crap... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Like I said, there isn’t any chance she will fall back in love with you unless she is snot working with her crush. I hate to see a family broken up. If you didn’t have kids it would be different. As the previous poster said you are accepting a whole bunch of bs. It may sound logical to you but you haven’t studied cheaters like some here have. Your best bet right now is to read threads here, talkaboutmartiage.com and survivinginfidelity.com. You will think it is bizarre how alone the cheaters stories are. We call this following the cheaters handbook. Unfortunately, betrayed spouse also follow standard procedures. Getting a divorce is common advice but n your case, where there was no physical affair (I don’t believe that) and there are kids and a family that could be saved if the right things were done, well that’s tragedy. You notice how she perked up when you said divorce? That should have left her weeping and crying. Instead it took the blame for her affair off her and put the blame on divorce on you. Did she cuddle with the kids again. No, I believe you are being played just like the millions of other betrayed spouse out there. Btw, you mentioned her mother’s influence on her current prudishness. I was actually going to ask you if she had been abused when she was younger. Most of it is coming from her prudishness about cheating on her boyfriend. Like I said, read some of the longer threads. Her actions are as predictable as sure sta the sun follows night. You should ask to go to her counselor with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Trying to stay friends in these situations is not a good idea. In order for you to move on you should cut out any unnecessary contact. Most do this by limiting it to text or email only, pickups and drop offs to 3 o 5 minute exercise. Contact will keep you bound up where you are and prohibit you from moving on plus no other woman is going yo want a X in the mix so it'll screw up future relationships. Better think this through 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 The word love was never mentioned by either of them. It was only 4 days after they acknowledged they had feelings for each other that I confronted them both. She was still trying to figure out what it meant. I could/would never ask her to leave that job. It is where she went to high school, and she loves her work more than anything. It doesn't really matter at this point as yesterday I told her that we needed to divorce. Based on what her telling you this? Through therapy she has learned that she has many issues including some attachment issues and sexual hang-ups from her childhood (her mom was extremely strict, and a religious upbringing caused these). Basically, she believes that I did nothing wrong and logically she should be in love with me. She doesn't know how to get over any sort of wrong doing. Her affectionate feelings for me would depreciate every time we fought or I did something to upset her (she admits this was a very rare occurrence), and for some unknown reason she could never recover these feelings. Basically there was never a make-up period for her. It is a problem that she is working on, and we both know she will never have a happy long-term relationship if she doesn't fix this. Hmmmmmmm, did her therapist tell you or your wife? In the end, I know that she will never be able to develop feelings for me while she is putting so much pressure on herself to feel love for me (I know she was trying very hard to do this for the last 6 years, but you can't force these things). It's not fair to either of us to go through the rest of our lives in a sexless marriage with no affection. We are still very good friends, probably best friends, and our kids will be just fine as we are both good parents. She's already feeling much more comfortable around me as we've texted this morning and had the most natural conversation than we've had in a long time. We will continue to live together until the divorce is finalized, and one of us finds another house to buy. We have both agreed to not date until we are living separately. After so long together I'm not ready for it, and she knows she needs to deal with herself before attempting to have a real relationship. She needs to learn to love herself before she loves somebody else. Ah the "friends" thing. This is all for her not you Maybe some day she'll develop romantic feelings for me again (she says she thinks it's a real possibility, and so do I, but who knows), and maybe she won't. Either way, I'm not going to wait around to find out. We both need to move on and find happiness in our own ways. I suspect you'll see what we do after you've moved out. All this no dating, etc. I think you're very naive but you'll find out soon enough. Her co worker will be helping her raise your kids while you watch from afar 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Sorry for the auto correct mess! Unable to edit? Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 I totally feel that it is really good to be gone at this point. And it is really good to be amicable during the divorce. Better for the kids and outstanding for you. You don't want her fighting to limit access to your kids and taking away everything you worked hard for... A perfect getting "sweetness from honey vs. vinegar" thing here. But at least, go in with a "eyes wide open" view....She is giving you the gaslight parade, when she says "issues of sex" concerning her religious upbringing...Hogwash. Unless, rape, incest or anything like that---she is just spinning herself to look better for going behind your back all these years. Call it "mental gymnastics" to look better for others during judgment... You seem like a nice guy! And you should immediately start working on making yourself truly happy. There are links on this board that help tremendously with this, and I hope you spend some time using them. Live well, and I wish you happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Read around on the Infidelity forum and you will see the number of wives who are still married only because their Lover backed out when these women wanted to leave their husbands for them. It's classic. You will also see how badly these women are suffering trying to live a life with someone they no longer love. If I were you I would let her go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Trying to stay friends in these situations is not a good idea. In order for you to move on you should cut out any unnecessary contact. Most do this by limiting it to text or email only, pickups and drop offs to 3 o 5 minute exercise. Contact will keep you bound up where you are and prohibit you from moving on plus no other woman is going yo want a X in the mix so it'll screw up future relationships. Better think this through I couldn't agree more OP. You cannot be her friend through this. It is time to take care of yourself. Besides, she will never miss what you guys had or have regret if you are there to support her. Let her see what she gave up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Best for you to disengage. Support her from a distance so that she can get all the help she needs. But you should plan to move on and prepare for a life without her. She'll either come to her senses when she sees you moving on, or she won't. If she does come to her senses, she needs to be made to understand that she's got a lot of work to do on herself. You should not settle for a life of limited intimacy, or intimacy that's doled out begrudgingly to appease you. You deserve a real wife. If she doesn't come to her senses, then you've already got a great head start on your new life without her. I'm favoring this outcome. She's made you very unhappy and from your heartfelt writings I can tell you're the kind of person that deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 After reading this I have to keep my advice short and sweet. Your WW is a very disturbed individual. You need to divorce her and get her out of your life as quickly as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 After reading this I have to keep my advice short and sweet. Your WW is a very disturbed individual. You need to divorce her and get her out of your life as quickly as possible. As heartless as it sounds divorcing her while her **** is scrabble may help ensure she doesn't take the kids and leave. No court will give her full custody as she is right now. If she is doing crazy stuff right now you might want to start documenting and recording her with a VAR during her episodes. It sounds utilitarian but your kids should be your first concern and if she gets full custody you will have zero say in thier future. Link to post Share on other sites
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