Dating someone with 8 kids? Yikes!!

[WomenWubber]

I think you should take a pregnancy test asap.

[BaileyB]

How in the world does he have time to date? Does he have custody or any kind of relationship with all eight children...

 

And, how much does he pay in child support? Does he pay child support?

 

I don't mind dating a man who has a child (or children), but eight children with two different mothers by the age of 39... No way! and most certainly not if you hope to have a family of your own... No way!

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm amused at the dramatic reactions. I grew up in a blended family with 6 kids in the house at one point. Even when going out in a pack, we were just about the best-behaved kids anywhere, because our parents knew how to keep us in line. They were in charge, you didn't act up, and that was all there was to it.

 

I think men who lead big families are sexy as hell. Of course, ideally they'd all be my kids, but still. In my dream life I have one great man and a whole houseful of great kids

[kendahke]

I actually like men a little older than myself (but not opposed to my age or a guy as young as 25).

 

There's older, and there's old enough to have sired a ready made baseball team. It's easy to figure out what he likes spending his time doing...

[normal person]

yes i would date someone with eight kids......because ...it means he must love kids...i love kids....so match...

 

Teachers probably enjoy teaching too, but do we say the teachers who teach the biggest class enjoy teaching the most? Or are the best teachers?

 

The number of kids someone has isn't necessarily indicative of their love of kids. Consider that the more kids you have, the less time, attention, parenting, resources, etc can be devoted to each one. For every child you have, you're diluting all those things more and more for each child. Essentially, for every child you have, you're becoming less of a provider and less engaged in every other one of your kids' lives. That's not "love," that's impractical and disadvantageous to your existing children. Unless you have the time, money, and attention to give your kids everything they need, you shouldn't have them. I imagine one is hard enough, let alone eight.

 

i would want to know more about a man with eight kids........deb

 

Here's what we do know. He was "loving" enough to have his first kid at 19, presumably before he got any sort of college degree, so we can assume he didn't have much earning power to provide for the child. If he had waited, he could've saved some money, started a college fund, accumulated interest to make his future kids' lives exponentially better, but instead he made an impulsive decision that will affect his own life and future generations of his family. Then, he decided to do that 5 more times with this woman, the mother of his children who he ultimately decided after the fact wasn't the woman for him, and rather than staying together for the sake of his kids that he must love so much, he divorced her, and then started the whole process again with another woman who he didn't even care to marry (so the kids will grow up in a fractured, unstable, family without a healthy, positive marriage to learn from as an example). Now, with this child support being divided 8 ways already, which can't possibly enough to make any marked difference in his childrens' lives, he doesn't see any problem with further subdividing his resources and attention to have more children. That isn't love, that's complete indifference.

 

If I had kids, I'd love them enough to not have so many that I couldn't give each the life they deserve. This guy would doesn't think that, he'd rather be reckless and selfish than make decisions for the good of the children he already has.

 

He sounds horrible, to be honest. So no, I'm not convinced he "must" love his kids.

[Gaeta]

Teachers probably enjoy teaching too, but do we say the teachers who teach the biggest class enjoy teaching the most? Or are the best teachers?

 

The number of kids someone has isn't necessarily indicative of their love of kids. Consider that the more kids you have, the less time, attention, parenting, resources, etc can be devoted to each one. For every child you have, you're diluting all those things more and more for each child. Essentially, for every child you have, you're becoming less of a provider and less engaged in every other one of your kids' lives. That's not "love," that's impractical and disadvantageous to your existing children. Unless you have the time, money, and attention to give your kids everything they need, you shouldn't have them. I imagine one is hard enough, let alone eight.

 

 

 

Here's what we do know. He was "loving" enough to have his first kid at 19, presumably before he got any sort of college degree, so we can assume he didn't have much earning power to provide for the child. If he had waited, he could've saved some money, started a college fund, accumulated interest to make his future kids' lives exponentially better, but instead he made an impulsive decision that will affect his own life and future generations of his family. Then, he decided to do that 5 more times with this woman, the mother of his children who he ultimately decided after the fact wasn't the woman for him, and rather than staying together for the sake of his kids that he must love so much, he divorced her, and then started the whole process again with another woman who he didn't even care to marry (so the kids will grow up in a fractured, unstable, family without a healthy, positive marriage to learn from as an example). Now, with this child support being divided 8 ways already, which can't possibly enough to make any marked difference in his childrens' lives, he doesn't see any problem with further subdividing his resources and attention to have more children. That isn't love, that's complete indifference.

 

If I had kids, I'd love them enough to not have so many that I couldn't give each the life they deserve. This guy would doesn't think that, he'd rather be reckless and selfish than make decisions for the good of the children he already has.

 

He sounds horrible, to be honest. So no, I'm not convinced he "must" love his kids.

 

I'm standing up and applauding your post.

[PRW]

This post is super silly. 30 years without kids means a woman can not handle two of them now???

 

Yep, It might even mean you can't handle any. I knew one woman that was only 22 and couldn't even take care of a dog.

 

BTW: 2 + 8 = 10

[RecentChange]

How in the world would a man who has already fathered 8 children with two mothers.... go on to build a new life with a "new wife"?

 

As they say, he already has too many irons in the fire. If this man is at all a father (not just a sire), involved in parenting, emotional and financial support for his children...

 

Unless he is extremely wealthy, does not have to work, therefore can dedicate his days and nights to child raising - I see no way he could be a great father to all of these kids, which he doesn't even live with.

[todreaminblue]

when op said would you date a man who had eight kids i said yes i would,....he must love his kids......

 

i have five.....and i love mine so i would assume a man who had eight kids ...loved kids...based on my own life.....i dont profess ever to be the best parent...sometimes its a struggle.......and i wouldnt looking for a man who would say that he was the best parent.........

 

soem of you are really judging a guy and you dont even know him ...how do you know he doesnt love his kids....thats why i said i would like to KNOW more about a man with eight kids.....i didnt say i would date ops guy either......

 

the fact is however most of these kids are probably grown ...it would be the same as dating a guy with a large family(brothers and sisters)...if i were to go into a relationship with a man with eight kids .....i assume the mothers are involved and he isnt a widower...i wouldn't look to be replacing any mother at all ...i would want to be the mothers friend and someone they could trust with thei rkids knowing i will always have their best interests in my heart....

 

........ .my position in the life of a man with kids would be to be a mother figure yes....a confidante....a friend...a teacher...many of my daughters friends call me mum because i simply listen to them ...doesn't make me their mother though and i always encourage kids to talk to their own mums and parents....

 

im not a stupid person im actually picky when it comes to dating men...i would want to know any man before i even chose to date them....

 

as far as being irresponsible for having children.....i have five to two different fathers.....if i had carried to term and the timing hadnt overlapped........and my body could have taken more.....i would have double the amount of children i did carry to term....i have never married even though i was engaged to both fathers....

 

 

my mum wanted a big family...she was a young sunday school teacher........she has my sis and i by two different men and older brother who was still born.....mum was married to both...the last man my mum told her he wanted one child after he married her because he expected my mum to get out and work because my stepdad wanted to buy a house and have nice things...........which she did....even though what my mum really wanted was a huge family...... and i got baby sat and if you have read my story you know what happened there....

 

just because people only have two children doesnt mean they have more love to give..and if you believe in love.....the concept of love being a renewable source because it comes from an infinite source.... and eternal.....is true......i also know that life is not guaranteed to be better for the kids who come from small families...with more money....i would rather have had less money and mum at home ...with me and my sis and any other kids she was allowed to birth........and then maybe i might not have been raped by a sick pervert...because my dad thought about money first...over me......hmmmmm....never thought about it like that before.......

 

i was broke most of the time i raised my kids....struggled with bills ......being a stay at home mum....but in that i have had the best times of my life....i have had joy and tears and pain just like any other parent...i have doen tuckshop duty with rich mums who talk about their husbands like dirt.....and how they are withholding sex until they get a new car ....adn they were mean to the kids who came up to the window too..noen of them had mor than two kids...and my tuckshop line where i served was always packed ....and i would be running serving kids who wouldnt go to their windows....for the kids who didnt have enough money for food....yep ...i put in for them..........and then i have gone home and made afternoon tea for my own five kids with what little i had in the cupboard to give.....and been overjoyed that my partner bought home popcorn and a movie....for after dinner....and couldnt wait to make love when the kids had gone to sleep....

 

my church where i call home....most families are large..people mover large......and its a beautiful sight to behold....not all guys who have more than one mum to their children are bad or irresponsible......and not all families who have little finances .......are irresponsible either....

 

i never judged you posters who wouldnt date a guy with multiple kids....so dont judge me for my values or the fact i would...its my choice and my opinion to share.........i actually have pretty high values i expect the same in my guys i date...and as far as being responsible for others...i always am.....i care and i do love kids...so much so it scares me silly to eb a teacher .....because it is the most important job anyone could ever have to be a teacher to children...they give me joy to just be around them. ...with ops guy.....they arent really kids anymore to look after and change diapers.......but people and older children to love....

 

i would give a guy a chance and get to know him....if he had fifteen kids.im not saying kids all under the age of five......and i would assume as i do when i see large families that there is much love...like i have much love..i woudl assume and hope all parents love their children more than their own life......doesnt make me stupid or silly....or irresponsible....deb

Edited March 13, 2018 by todreaminblue

[Gaeta]

I once semi-dated a man that had 4 kids between the age of 16 to 3. He was a good father, involved, present, drove each of his kids to their ballet & kick boxing lessons and stayed and watched, helped them with their homeword each night, etc. His children were at his house 50% of the time and more.

 

In 3 months dating he was able to see me 3 times. That is the reality of a 'good man' raising 4 children. His weekends were spend doing laundry, cooking and grocery shopping. A man with 8 children that has all his weekends to himself isn't a good parent anyway you look at it.

[RecentChange]

when op said would you date a man who had eight kids i said yes i would,....he must love his kids......

 

i have five.....and i love mine so i would assume a man who had eight kids ...loved kids...

 

I admit, I am being quick to judge, but I am assuming Deb - that you raised your children? Lived with them until they were grown? Saw them every day and parented them?

 

This man has 8 children, ranging in age from 6 - 20. He does not live with any of them, and sounds like he hasn't in quite some time.

 

I don't know how a father... can be a GOOD father, an involved parent, there for his children - when they are split between two homes, and none of them live with him. Yet he says he is open to starting a THIRD family, and bringing even more kids into the world.

 

How in the world would one man have enough time and resources to dedicate to his offspring? His children that he doesn't even live with?

 

The facts are, due to biology, its a lot easier for men to sire children and simply walk away. This isn't so easy for mothers. I am willing to bet its the mothers of his children who are doing the heavy lifting when it comes to raising their children.

[todreaminblue]

I admit, I am being quick to judge, but I am assuming Deb - that you raised your children? Lived with them until they were grown? Saw them every day and parented them?

 

This man has 8 children, ranging in age from 6 - 20. He does not live with any of them, and sounds like he hasn't in quite some time.

 

I don't know how a father... can be a GOOD father, an involved parent, there for his children - when they are split between two homes, and none of them live with him. Yet he says he is open to starting a THIRD family, and bringing even more kids into the world.

 

How in the world would one man have enough time and resources to dedicate to his offspring? His children that he doesn't even live with?

 

The facts are, due to biology, its a lot easier for men to sire children and simply walk away. This isn't so easy for mothers. I am willing to bet its the mothers of his children who are doing the heavy lifting when it comes to raising their children.

yes i did raise my children..and even though they are grown im still at it.....it never ends .....until i die....and then hopefully the memory fo me as their mum will get them through hard times and allow them to smile......i do understand your points and i agree with some of them....it is easier for fathers to walk away ...a lot of part time fathers not doing their duty in the world.....doesn't mean all men are like that though....and i feel ...as a human being every one deserves to be at least known a bit before being discarded and judged as waste.theres two sides possibly more to every person and every story...i would personally get to know the story before i deemed a person a red flag carrier......if i saw red flags i would discuss them...openly and honestly...........too many thrown away people in society as it is....i dont know if ops guy walked away ...do you maybe i missed that bit.....sometimes women walk away from their husbands.....and even their kids.....women... mothers and wives.... arent perfect either...i know i am not....

 

some women who have kids have extra marital affairs even and ditch the guys neglect their kids....there are reasons and things behind break ups we arent privy too....all i know is that a guy having multiple kids doesnt scare me....what would scare me is a guy who doesnt like kids but would pretend too... or liked kids in ways he shouldnt like kids..

 

...it has made me ...very cautious and thorough in rejecting unsuitable partners....i have rejected quite a few and i feel i have too be this way.....but in that rejection comes me knwoing them quite well to know that theres issues that are not able to be resolved.......

 

because i have my own grown children..young adults.... and some have disabilities..not severe...but still....when i say i get to know a man before i date...i do mean it......and its a process i take seriously i might have tried to joke a bit in this thread..and its probably come across as cavalier......i have a serious heart when it comes to kids....a determined to protect and nurture heart...i would hope ops guy takes it seriously too.....as a man and as a father,...there is no important role on earth....than being a parent..you are a guardian to impressionable minds and hearts....and its unpaid work that never ends....but has so much to give ......so much love and hope....

 

i do agree with you recent on some thoughts and your heart you shared in your post.you are always thoughtful and just in your words......im not trying to be argumentative.......i stand by what i posted....and respect your thoughts and beliefs as well......xo......deb....

Edited March 14, 2018 by todreaminblue

[BeyondtheClouds]

How old are the two baby mammas? Are you sure that this guy just isn't looking for progressively younger women each time he trades (not necessarily up or down)?

[Noproblem]

What is this, a baby factory?

 

Plus he pays for your nails to get done? Why would you let him pay for your nails?

 

No, I think 8 babies that are not my own with a divorcee shows his lack of concern about them.

 

He does the deed, no protections what so ever, get divorced

 

then knock another woman and got another 2 ( again no protection what's so ever)

 

and the hell with the kids and their baby mommas.

 

He'll pay them some money because money fix all problems, right!

Edited March 18, 2018 by Noproblem

[Els]

Teachers probably enjoy teaching too, but do we say the teachers who teach the biggest class enjoy teaching the most? Or are the best teachers?

 

The number of kids someone has isn't necessarily indicative of their love of kids. Consider that the more kids you have, the less time, attention, parenting, resources, etc can be devoted to each one. For every child you have, you're diluting all those things more and more for each child. Essentially, for every child you have, you're becoming less of a provider and less engaged in every other one of your kids' lives. That's not "love," that's impractical and disadvantageous to your existing children. Unless you have the time, money, and attention to give your kids everything they need, you shouldn't have them. I imagine one is hard enough, let alone eight.

 

 

 

Here's what we do know. He was "loving" enough to have his first kid at 19, presumably before he got any sort of college degree, so we can assume he didn't have much earning power to provide for the child. If he had waited, he could've saved some money, started a college fund, accumulated interest to make his future kids' lives exponentially better, but instead he made an impulsive decision that will affect his own life and future generations of his family. Then, he decided to do that 5 more times with this woman, the mother of his children who he ultimately decided after the fact wasn't the woman for him, and rather than staying together for the sake of his kids that he must love so much, he divorced her, and then started the whole process again with another woman who he didn't even care to marry (so the kids will grow up in a fractured, unstable, family without a healthy, positive marriage to learn from as an example). Now, with this child support being divided 8 ways already, which can't possibly enough to make any marked difference in his childrens' lives, he doesn't see any problem with further subdividing his resources and attention to have more children. That isn't love, that's complete indifference.

 

If I had kids, I'd love them enough to not have so many that I couldn't give each the life they deserve. This guy would doesn't think that, he'd rather be reckless and selfish than make decisions for the good of the children he already has.

 

He sounds horrible, to be honest. So no, I'm not convinced he "must" love his kids.

 

I agree completely. It's one thing to have 8 kids in a stable, healthy marriage with the resources to provide for all of them (and even then 8 is pushing it, IMO). Having 8 kids the way this guy did is an entirely different kettle of fish - completely selfish and a horrible reflection on him as a parent and a human being.

[anika99]

when op said would you date a man who had eight kids i said yes i would,....he must love his kids......

 

i have five.....and i love mine so i would assume a man who had eight kids ...loved kids...based on my own life.....i dont profess ever to be the best parent...sometimes its a struggle.......and i wouldnt looking for a man who would say that he was the best parent.........

 

soem of you are really judging a guy and you dont even know him ...how do you know he doesnt love his kids....thats why i said i would like to KNOW more about a man with eight kids.....i didnt say i would date ops guy either......

 

the fact is however most of these kids are probably grown ...it would be the same as dating a guy with a large family(brothers and sisters)...if i were to go into a relationship with a man with eight kids .....i assume the mothers are involved and he isnt a widower...i wouldn't look to be replacing any mother at all ...i would want to be the mothers friend and someone they could trust with thei rkids knowing i will always have their best interests in my heart....

 

........ .my position in the life of a man with kids would be to be a mother figure yes....a confidante....a friend...a teacher...many of my daughters friends call me mum because i simply listen to them ...doesn't make me their mother though and i always encourage kids to talk to their own mums and parents....

 

im not a stupid person im actually picky when it comes to dating men...i would want to know any man before i even chose to date them....

 

as far as being irresponsible for having children.....i have five to two different fathers.....if i had carried to term and the timing hadnt overlapped........and my body could have taken more.....i would have double the amount of children i did carry to term....i have never married even though i was engaged to both fathers....

 

 

my mum wanted a big family...she was a young sunday school teacher........she has my sis and i by two different men and older brother who was still born.....mum was married to both...the last man my mum told her he wanted one child after he married her because he expected my mum to get out and work because my stepdad wanted to buy a house and have nice things...........which she did....even though what my mum really wanted was a huge family...... and i got baby sat and if you have read my story you know what happened there....

 

just because people only have two children doesnt mean they have more love to give..and if you believe in love.....the concept of love being a renewable source because it comes from an infinite source.... and eternal.....is true......i also know that life is not guaranteed to be better for the kids who come from small families...with more money....i would rather have had less money and mum at home ...with me and my sis and any other kids she was allowed to birth........and then maybe i might not have been raped by a sick pervert...because my dad thought about money first...over me......hmmmmm....never thought about it like that before.......

 

i was broke most of the time i raised my kids....struggled with bills ......being a stay at home mum....but in that i have had the best times of my life....i have had joy and tears and pain just like any other parent...i have doen tuckshop duty with rich mums who talk about their husbands like dirt.....and how they are withholding sex until they get a new car ....adn they were mean to the kids who came up to the window too..noen of them had mor than two kids...and my tuckshop line where i served was always packed ....and i would be running serving kids who wouldnt go to their windows....for the kids who didnt have enough money for food....yep ...i put in for them..........and then i have gone home and made afternoon tea for my own five kids with what little i had in the cupboard to give.....and been overjoyed that my partner bought home popcorn and a movie....for after dinner....and couldnt wait to make love when the kids had gone to sleep....

 

my church where i call home....most families are large..people mover large......and its a beautiful sight to behold....not all guys who have more than one mum to their children are bad or irresponsible......and not all families who have little finances .......are irresponsible either....

 

i never judged you posters who wouldnt date a guy with multiple kids....so dont judge me for my values or the fact i would...its my choice and my opinion to share.........i actually have pretty high values i expect the same in my guys i date...and as far as being responsible for others...i always am.....i care and i do love kids...so much so it scares me silly to eb a teacher .....because it is the most important job anyone could ever have to be a teacher to children...they give me joy to just be around them. ...with ops guy.....they arent really kids anymore to look after and change diapers.......but people and older children to love....

 

i would give a guy a chance and get to know him....if he had fifteen kids.im not saying kids all under the age of five......and i would assume as i do when i see large families that there is much love...like i have much love..i woudl assume and hope all parents love their children more than their own life......doesnt make me stupid or silly....or irresponsible....deb

 

Nobody was asking if this guy loves his kids. He may or he may not but even if he does that doesn't make him a responsible parent. Love doesn't pay the bills, or the rent. Nor does love buy extra time to spend on each child. Even the moms who you say have affairs or withhold sex from their partner, they love their kids too. Love is both a feeling and an action, but feeling love without acting on it isn't worth much. This dude might love his kids but the fact that there are eight of them and he doesn't live with any of them means he can't possibly be supporting and parenting all of them unless he's rich and retired. And he wants more kids? It's not loving to keep having children if you aren't taking good care of the ones you already have.

 

And nobody was judging you for your values, it was the assumption that a guy with eight kids must mean he loves kids. Come on. You and I are no spring chickens, we've both been around the block. You know this world is full of fatherless children and deadbeat dads. As I said my own father had seven kids with multiple women and it wasn't because he loved kids. The OP wants children of her own someday and so it will serve both her and her future children well to choose their father wisely. A man who already has eight kids that he doesn't live with is probably not a good prospect because he's either not seriously involved in any of his kids lives or he is already spread so thin financially and time wise that he couldn't possibly take on the responsibility of even more kids.