CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 She told me she wants to do parties for the kids as a "whole" meaning she wants to still be around me to see how I'm doing in life. I told her already that once she leaves, contact me only for the kids. Nothing more, nothing less. She pulled this stunt literally a year ago where she said she didn't want to be with me and then one day she was begging for me back. And I know at some point she is going to do it again this time. But this time I'm the one who is going to say no. She treats me like a revolving door and it's not fair to me or the kids. I know about the checking the phone bill which is how I caught the affair she was having 6 months ago. Now, she's not stupid... she uses Facebook messenger and Snapchat to talk to everybody because she's constantly on her phone but she's only sending 50 messages a month?? I'm not that stupid. Nor do I care anymore. I need her out of my life to start a new. Sounds like you've got your head on straight. You and your kids will do just fine. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Yeah, those closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. Its not like you can easily just dump her when kids are in the picture but in your case it has to be done and is being done. No one deserves to be treated like this. She will experience the karma and the best thing you can do is thrive without her. That will make her hurt. You are familiar and yesterdays news. There is no question someone else in the picture and women can be weird in that they treat their H's so badly out of guilt. Finally, the kids knowing that mom is the reason their family broke up will haunt her once this new man becomes familiar and yesterday's news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Yeah, those closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. Its not like you can easily just dump her when kids are in the picture but in your case it has to be done and is being done. No one deserves to be treated like this. She will experience the karma and the best thing you can do is thrive without her. That will make her hurt. You are familiar and yesterdays news. There is no question someone else in the picture and women can be weird in that they treat their H's so badly out of guilt. Finally, the kids knowing that mom is the reason their family broke up will haunt her once this new man becomes familiar and yesterday's news. Husbands do this to their wives, too. Being exposed for the cheater they are angers some people so they lash out at the person who "exposed" who they really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 This is really sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 This is the real deal- she told me she wants around 3-5 years apart then we will be getting back together. HE'LL NO! But she doesn't know, she's not welcome back ever again after what she did to me the last 4 almost 5 years. This woman is delusional. You have a golden opportunity to raise your children and create your own, very close and loving family unit. Is it sad that their mother won't be in their lives - of course. But, your kids will be better off without her dysfunction. Kids are smart, they know who they can depend on and who they can't. Their relationship with their mother will reflect her poor choices and lack of investment in their lives. Their relationship with you will also reflect your love, support, and attention... your kids are blessed to have such a wonderful father. Take care. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Peterbilt, There likely is not anything higher than what Mrin has offered to you, for your situation right now. These kids are all I have No, actually...YOU are all your kids have. You need to make yourself the driving force for the well-being of yourself and your children, not the other way around. Wishing for you lots of courage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I know there is someone else. She doesn't have to admit it for me to know. And quite frankly, he can have her! I literally gave her everything on a silver spoon and I know for a fact. No other man would do half the **** I've done for her. She's literally the definition of a female narcissist. She had me leashed to her every wish and me if stupidly do anything for her so she wouldn't get mad at me. Hire a PI. Document everything, including her up and leaving you with the kids, wanting to be on her own and not want the responsibility of looking after them. In the future she could change her mind and make it seem like you wouldn't allow her around the kids so protect yourself! Even more so since you say she's Narcissistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peterbilt Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Hire a PI. Document everything, including her up and leaving you with the kids, wanting to be on her own and not want the responsibility of looking after them. In the future she could change her mind and make it seem like you wouldn't allow her around the kids so protect yourself! Even more so since you say she's Narcissistic. We're past that point. I'm got an attorney drawing up the papers, she wants to do a uncontested divorce. She's leaving me everything in return I give her a few bucks to get started in life. I agreed cause I want her out of the house. I make it very clear to her that I want her to see her kids as much as she can. In the beginning, she told me "I'm going to see them every single day" and it actually made me happy because I want my kids to have a mother who's there 100%. Then now, she's telling me "oh, yeah I'm not sure I can do everyday, maybe like Thursdays and Fridays and every other weekend". She hasn't even left yet, and she's already giving my kids empty promises. Little background on her- she started a job that lets say- it's not the best type of people to be around. Then she lost an immense amount of weight and she really is model material now and she fed into all the attention she's getting. She told me she's not focused on anything more or less then herself. Never even mentioned the kids. My heart breaks every single day cause I ask what in the hell happened to this woman?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peterbilt Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 This woman is delusional. You have a golden opportunity to raise your children and create your own, very close and loving family unit. Is it sad that their mother won't be in their lives - of course. But, your kids will be better off without her dysfunction. Kids are smart, they know who they can depend on and who they can't. Their relationship with their mother will reflect her poor choices and lack of investment in their lives. Their relationship with you will also reflect your love, support, and attention... your kids are blessed to have such a wonderful father. Take care. Thank you and yes, this is what I'm trying to do... build a close relationship with the kids. I'll never forget the day she dropped the bomb on the kids that she's leaving. She literally told them, they didn't even have a second to absorb what they were just told and she walked out the door and left and didn't come back till 7 am the next day and I was there explaining everything to them because of course, they had many,many questions. Toughest part is, my oldest son isn't even biologically mine. I've been there since he was a month old and he knows he has a father that doesn't come around. He found out a few months ago. So I'm extremely worried for him because he feels that his mom and his bio dad walked out on him. I love him as my own no question about that. I just feel so f'n bad for these kids because it feels they're being caught in the middle of the fire. So sad but I'm going to do the best damn parenting I can do with or without her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Thank you and yes, this is what I'm trying to do... build a close relationship with the kids. I'll never forget the day she dropped the bomb on the kids that she's leaving. She literally told them, they didn't even have a second to absorb what they were just told and she walked out the door and left and didn't come back till 7 am the next day and I was there explaining everything to them because of course, they had many,many questions. Toughest part is, my oldest son isn't even biologically mine. I've been there since he was a month old and he knows he has a father that doesn't come around. He found out a few months ago. So I'm extremely worried for him because he feels that his mom and his bio dad walked out on him. I love him as my own no question about that. I just feel so f'n bad for these kids because it feels they're being caught in the middle of the fire. So sad but I'm going to do the best damn parenting I can do with or without her. Wow, that is tough . Poor kid . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peterbilt Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Ok so here is a little update. We went to an attorney together and we mutually agreed on everything. We got up, and I literally walked fast to get away from her because I was extremely upset about it and she had nothing but a straight face. We got home and I went in our room and broke down. She came in the room to talk to me and she told me all of this: "you don't deserve someone like me, and the reasons why are irrelevant. I know you'll find someone one day and they can be the woman I can't be for you and you will move on and love them. But I promise you, you don't deserve someone like me because I cheated on you (I knew about this) and there is no trust between either of us. Maybe we can still be best friends down the road but I'm telling you, you need someone who is going to treat you right". Basically what I gather from this is that she's been cheating long term. I'm just so blank right now, I don't know what to say or do at this point. But to just try to keep pushing forward. Today was a very high emotional day. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Ok so here is a little update. We went to an attorney together and we mutually agreed on everything. We got up, and I literally walked fast to get away from her because I was extremely upset about it and she had nothing but a straight face. We got home and I went in our room and broke down. She came in the room to talk to me and she told me all of this: "you don't deserve someone like me, and the reasons why are irrelevant. I know you'll find someone one day and they can be the woman I can't be for you and you will move on and love them. But I promise you, you don't deserve someone like me because I cheated on you (I knew about this) and there is no trust between either of us. Maybe we can still be best friends down the road but I'm telling you, you need someone who is going to treat you right". Basically what I gather from this is that she's been cheating long term. I'm just so blank right now, I don't know what to say or do at this point. But to just try to keep pushing forward. Today was a very high emotional day. You need to get out of the victim chair quit being devastated and see her for who she is. Most don't get the confession of a cheater. She's right you deserve better than she ever going to be. See an IC for codependency 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Ok so here is a little update. We went to an attorney together and we mutually agreed on everything. We got up, and I literally walked fast to get away from her because I was extremely upset about it and she had nothing but a straight face. We got home and I went in our room and broke down. She came in the room to talk to me and she told me all of this: "you don't deserve someone like me, and the reasons why are irrelevant. I know you'll find someone one day and they can be the woman I can't be for you and you will move on and love them. But I promise you, you don't deserve someone like me because I cheated on you (I knew about this) and there is no trust between either of us. Maybe we can still be best friends down the road but I'm telling you, you need someone who is going to treat you right". Basically what I gather from this is that she's been cheating long term. I'm just so blank right now, I don't know what to say or do at this point. But to just try to keep pushing forward. Today was a very high emotional day. Odds are she WILL realize the error of her ways and the great man and kids she has lost by whatever selfish fog she is in. She is speaking from delusion (best friends someday) right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Odds are she WILL realize the error of her ways and the great man and kids she has lost by whatever selfish fog she is in. She is speaking from delusion (best friends someday) right now. Nope, she knows exactly what she's doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Ok so here is a little update. We went to an attorney together and we mutually agreed on everything. We got up, and I literally walked fast to get away from her because I was extremely upset about it and she had nothing but a straight face. We got home and I went in our room and broke down. She came in the room to talk to me and she told me all of this: "you don't deserve someone like me, and the reasons why are irrelevant. I know you'll find someone one day and they can be the woman I can't be for you and you will move on and love them. But I promise you, you don't deserve someone like me because I cheated on you (I knew about this) and there is no trust between either of us. Maybe we can still be best friends down the road but I'm telling you, you need someone who is going to treat you right". Basically what I gather from this is that she's been cheating long term. I'm just so blank right now, I don't know what to say or do at this point. But to just try to keep pushing forward. Today was a very high emotional day. She is right about one thing. You don't deserve someone like this woman. Nobody deserves to be treated the way that she has treated you and your children. You deserve to find a woman who will love you and your children with all of her heart. I hope that someday, when you are ready, you find a woman who will be devoted to you and show you what it is to truly be loved. Because, you haven't experienced that in your marriage. Your children haven't experienced that from their mother. Perhaps, your wife will come to her senses someday and realize what she has lost. Unfortunately, it will be far too late... Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Will the wife come to her senses? This is who she is. You need to come to your senses so you can have a life. Waiting around for this? Why? You’ll probably just get more of the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peterbilt Posted March 20, 2018 Author Share Posted March 20, 2018 Well, Wednesday is the big day. Signing the last of the papers. Our joint account has been closed, she left last weekend, all that left is to I guess move on. This chapter of my life is now known as old news. Wish me luck as I go. I got anxiety thinking about this. But I hope I'll be ok. Thank you everybody for the great advice 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chassmash Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 After my wife left me and the kids, my life improved incredibly. Enjoy every second with your children. At the time it was traumatic. But it was actually the best thing that ever happened to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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