How would you handle this?

[newyorker11356]

Knowing how flakey people can be, I always confirm a date few hours before the meeting time if there hasn't been much communication in between.

Or I say something like -- hey i will start from home at xx:xx, let me know when you start. see you soon.

 

If no response then I don't go out.

 

That's pretty much what I do as well.

[winny]

Her reasoning was that usually guys text her everyday leading up to the date so she assumed because I didn’t that I was no longer interested. A good excuse I guess

 

Can't totally blame her for her behavior.

I would also be suspicious if after asking me out, a guy disappears completely for 2-3 days. In my case I would probably have texted and asked - hey are we still on. In her case, she didn't think it's worth the effort.

So in conclusion:

1. Move on.

2. Next time do not go out of home before confirming

[Maggie4]

Do what you normally do with people in your world, and stick to it. Doesn't matter if it's online dating. That's how I'd handle it. In my world if someone agrees to a meeting, even if it's one month away, she is supposed to remember and show up without needing a reminder. If she can't make it she calls to let you know. I'd rather just go assuming the other person will show, even if I risk being stood up. If he doesn't show, it tells me we are incompatible. That's important information.

 

Anyway there's nothing for you to do now. She'd have to make the next move and then you decide if it's good enough.

[dumbass2]

With OLD I always would send a "looking toward to seeing you in a few hours" or something to that effect, early in the day of the first date, unless we made the date within 24 hours since talking. It is OLD so I know women could be communicating with someone else as well. Since I am the one making the date, I felt I should send the confirmation. I only once had someone communicate hours before a date that she couldn't make it. Never had a no show.

 

I would say that its pretty obvious that the girl in this case just wasn't that excited about the date or else she would have communicated beforehand if she wasn't sure OP was still showing or she would have just showed up. From my experience, women did seem to get messaged a lot and unless you've built up some kind report before the date, you could get lost in the numbers game.

[snowboy91]

If I'm visiting friends, and I've set it up more than 3 days in advance, I always confirm either the day before or the morning of. That way I avoid wasting my time if they flake out on me - which they sometimes do. And also because I have forgotten myself and accidentally flaked (yes, very awful of me... I rely on my phone calendar these days).

 

Dating is no different. It's a lot to expect someone you've met a handful of times (if at all) to remember something that was planned a long time ago, without a reminder.

[act00]

Female chiming in, one thing that I have experienced, is if you don't really hear from them in between the plan and the date, there's a high likelihood they won't show up. I've been stood up. I have texted to confirm only to find they suddenly can't make it. I have texted to say I'm on my way, only to find they hadn't even started to get ready, thinking that the date was off. This leaves me waiting on them, but at least they show, but I have tossed out the never mind. I mean, they clearly weren't that excited to meet me, right?

 

Since you extended the invitation, I do think there is a greater burden on you to follow up, and you should have done so the day before or earlier in in the day on the day of the date. Also, being a male, that seems to be the expected role in that you take the lead. That said, there's really no reason that she couldn't have followed up with you to confirm things are still on.

 

Whether you give it one more try or not is up to you. This may just be a one-off, but it doesn't sit well with me to create a plan and waste someone's time by being a no-show, and it's flaky behavior. With today's instant communication, it seems more necessary to follow up in such cases. It's not like the days when cell phones didn't exist, when we didn't have that constant communication...we made a plan, and we showed up...most of the time. Getting stood up was still a possibility. I think it's never a bad idea to follow up.

[joseb]

Eh, I’ve never had to do that once ever in my life if the date was made 2-3 days ahead of time. If it was made further out, then yeah I confirm. But 2-3 Days is pretty clear cut to me

 

I'm amazed that this hadn't happened to you way more often.

 

It's just basic common sense to check in with someone closer to the time, surely?

 

A text takes 10 seconds....

[Gaeta]

You're the man. You chase, you confirm the date. You've reached 30 now so the rules are different then when you were 20. If YOU make an invitation it falls on you to confirm the date 24/h before.

 

If a man invites me on a Thursday for the following Sunday and I don't hear a peep out of him and no date confirmation then I stay home. I have been stood up too many times, and there is no Freakin way I will chase a man down before a date if he was silent for 5 days.

 

Grey40, you need to mature and start acting like a gentleman and not a carefree 19 year old.

 

ETA: Are you still following that dating guru of yours?

[Imajerk17]

Ehhh, as something of an old-timer I can remember setting the date 72 hours in advance and then, unless she was really flakey, just expecting to see her there at the agreed-upon place at the agreed-upon time.

 

But, this isn't 1998 anymore. It isn't even 2008 anymore. It's 2018.

 

Right or wrong, nowadays if you and she made contact via an app and she doesn't hear from you within 24 hours of the date--with steady texting leading up to that, she is likely to assume from prior experience that you're ghosting or not interested and the date is off. It is what it is.

[CardsFan01]

This doesn’t seem that complicated. Reschedule it, go out, and see how it goes. It does seem a little odd that neither of you had any more contact to confirm the date, but who cares. Give it a shot, see where it goes. If she’s a flake in person, you’re only out one date.