OLD: Catfish alert?

[LivingWaterPlease]

When I did OLD years ago I wouldn't meet anyone who didn't have a workplace where I could verify they were who they claimed to be. Had to talk with a secretary first or see a definite online presence. Not talking about social media, but rather trail of accomplishments that shows what one has been doing in their lives. I'd need to see something like this before considering to meet a person.

[TheBlingRing14]

Okay, here's an update. It wasn't that I was refusing to do video chat. It's just that I had just had the "Why haven't you asked me out?" conversation, and I didn't want to pile onto it immediately after. I've actually lost out on a really cool, really legit guy because he thought I was too suspicious. He said if I was so suspicious without even meeting him, what kind of gf would I be? And he said he worried about me being jealous, suspicious, snooping, stuff like that. So, I didn't want to come across as overly eager or accusatory.

 

That said, I was able to casually slip it into conversation today. I just asked, again casually, what the chances were we could work out a skype/facetime deal this week. So, his response was to ask if Facetime was related to Facebook? Um. Are there really people out there who don't know what Facetime is? I answered him, and I have not heard anything since. So, it sounds like I have my answer.

 

To answer the question about why people Catfish....I think sometimes it is for monetary/scam reasons. But, I would wager to say that most of the time, it's not. I think most of the time it's mean-spirited people who enjoy embarrassing people or breaking their hearts. They get some sort of perverse joy in it. And, as was mentioned, in some instances, people are just lonely and/or living a fantasy world and they get caught up in it.

[S2B]

Playing dumb is he?

 

Ya...next...

 

He's a time waster - you can tell him that too.

 

My Mom is 83 and she knows what FaceTime is.

[TheBlingRing14]

It wouldn't surprise me if there were some 50+ year old people who didn't know what Facetime was. But, it would shock me that a 30 year old doesn't.

 

Yeah, my parents know what it is as well. So, either he is older than he is presenting or he is playing dumb, like you said. I know some people aren't Apple people,but still. I would find it hard to believe they had never come across it in their lives.

[kendahke]

It's just that I had just had the "Why haven't you asked me out?" conversation, and I didn't want to pile onto it immediately after. I've actually lost out on a really cool, really legit guy because he thought I was too suspicious. He said if I was so suspicious without even meeting him, what kind of gf would I be? And he said he worried about me being jealous, suspicious, snooping, stuff like that. So, I didn't want to come across as overly eager or accusatory.

 

And that's another ploy they use--to make it seem that you are the one who cannot be trusted because you don't trust them---someone you've never laid eyes on in the flesh. My scammer tried this one with me and I wasn't having it--because when I said "Ok, then leave me alone", his whole tune changed. Why? Because he was after my money.

 

No, you haven't lost out on a legit guy. . A legit guy would be happy to answer those questions because he knows you two have not met in person yet and only a knucklehead would not be suspicious when things about this person they're talking with aren't adding up. Anyone would be suspicious of someone who is going out of their way to not set up a first meeting/date.

 

Ask him: would he hand over the keys to his house to someone he's never met in person? Wouldn't he be suspicious of someone he's never seen in person who wanted access to his home?

 

No, he's playing you and that's why he's gone ghost since you mentioned facetime.

 

YOu have to get to the point with him that you don't care what he thinks of you because he hasn't proven to you that he is who/what he says he is.

 

And 50+ people do know what facetime is. It's a verb now and most everyone knows this. This guy is playing you. That's the difference.

 

Just be prepared for the "the camera on my phone doesn't work" excuse.

[lurker74]

Dial his number right now and FaceTime with him.

 

You will have your answer. He will either pick up or not.

 

If he doesn't - he's not trying to date you - he's just wasting your time.

 

Don't waste time on scammers - and certainly don't give info or money to him.

 

Men who want to date meet with you right away.

 

I guess I can never date a woman that has an iPhone then, since I have Android.

[LivingWaterPlease]

What Kendahke just posted (#30). And also, safety is more important than anything at all so seems to me it's best to verify in all ways possible before meeting a stranger. I don't find it suspicious behavior, sneaky, online stalking, or whatever to thoroughly check out someone you're talking or texting with. I am fine with someone doing that to me, and in fact, respect that they would value themselves to the extent that they would want to be sure they were communicating with someone who is authentically who they claim to be.

[TheBlingRing14]

And that's another ploy they use--to make it seem that you are the one who cannot be trusted because you don't trust them---someone you've never laid eyes on in the flesh. My scammer tried this one with me and I wasn't having it--because when I said "Ok, then leave me alone", his whole tune changed. Why? Because he was after my money.

 

No, you haven't lost out on a legit guy. . A legit guy would be happy to answer those questions because he knows you two have not met in person yet and only a knucklehead would not be suspicious when things about this person they're talking with aren't adding up. Anyone would be suspicious of someone who is going out of their way to not set up a first meeting/date.

 

Ask him: would he hand over the keys to his house to someone he's never met in person? Wouldn't he be suspicious of someone he's never seen in person who wanted access to his home?

 

No, he's playing you and that's why he's gone ghost since you mentioned facetime.

 

YOu have to get to the point with him that you don't care what he thinks of you because he hasn't proven to you that he is who/what he says he is.

 

And 50+ people do know what facetime is. It's a verb now and most everyone knows this. This guy is playing you. That's the difference.

 

Just be prepared for the "the camera on my phone doesn't work" excuse.

 

I am sorry. I wasn't clear.

 

I was actually referring to a different guy, a guy I previously wanted to date.

 

He eventually did share his info with me and we Facetimed, and we became friends, but we never could really repair the rift that happened when he thought I was being too pushy and I thought he was hiding something. Like I said, we became friends, but to this day, he says it gave off a "crazy jealous girlfriend" vibe. And, it makes me always wonder....what if I had played it cooler?

[S2B]

I am sorry. I wasn't clear.

 

I was actually referring to a different guy, a guy I previously wanted to date.

 

He eventually did share his info with me and we Facetimed, and we became friends, but we never could really repair the rift that happened when he thought I was being too pushy and I thought he was hiding something. Like I said, we became friends, but to this day, he says it gave off a "crazy jealous girlfriend" vibe. And, it makes me always wonder....what if I had played it cooler?

 

You know - just be who you are. If you push a bit and they don't like it - then you've eliminated the ones who adore passive women.

 

You kind of need answers early when it's on line dating. If they don't provide info that checks out then eliminate them - they are probably catfish types.

[Purrrfect]

Ok there is no way he doesn’t know what Skype or FaceTime is. You can evn Snapchat. You could even ask him to send u a selfie. He won’t. You can download an app called Text Me. It will give you a phone number you can text on or even call and it’s totally anonymous. If he won’t send you a couple selfies then you know he’s not legit. I doubt you will hear back from him and it wouldn’t surprise me if his online profile was suddenly closed.

 

He’s long distance because he has stolen the pics and if he responds or posts an ad is a further away area people in another area probably won’t recognise him.

 

The writing is on the wall here.

 

 

QUOTE=TheBlingRing14;7551658]It wouldn't surprise me if there were some 50+ year old people who didn't know what Facetime was. But, it would shock me that a 30 year old doesn't.

 

Yeah, my parents know what it is as well. So, either he is older than he is presenting or he is playing dumb, like you said. I know some people aren't Apple people,but still. I would find it hard to believe they had never come across it in their lives.

[dangerous]

OP, why can't you make a date for 3-4 weeks. That's a long time, maybe you aren't in a good place to date - that would certainly put me off.

 

And also, you are overanalysing way to much into it: if you guys are genuine then of course you would both agree to a date without all the delays and games.

 

Sorry but this isn't just one party looking flaky here.

[TheBlingRing14]

Ok there is no way he doesn’t know what Skype or FaceTime is. You can evn Snapchat. You could even ask him to send u a selfie. He won’t. You can download an app called Text Me. It will give you a phone number you can text on or even call and it’s totally anonymous. If he won’t send you a couple selfies then you know he’s not legit. I doubt you will hear back from him and it wouldn’t surprise me if his online profile was suddenly closed.

 

He’s long distance because he has stolen the pics and if he responds or posts an ad is a further away area people in another area probably won’t recognise him.

 

The writing is on the wall here.

 

Actually, I did ask him for a selfie and he sent one. But, the question is...were they really, actually him? It's hard to trust a selfie.

 

 

 

OP, why can't you make a date for 3-4 weeks. That's a long time, maybe you aren't in a good place to date - that would certainly put me off.

 

And also, you are overanalysing way to much into it: if you guys are genuine then of course you would both agree to a date without all the delays and games.

 

Sorry but this isn't just one party looking flaky here.

 

 

Well, every upcoming weekend, I have plans of some sort. And, it's a bit too much for either of us to drive 2-3 hours each way for a weeknight date.

 

I mean, if he had asked me out, and I told him that, and he wanted to see me sooner, I would have tried to work something out. Even if it was meeting halfway on a weeknight. I would have tried to make it work. But, he didn't so...there ya go.

[TheBlingRing14]

Final update: (hopefully)

 

So, I wished him well, told him good luck with his search, and I was done with him.

 

However, he did remain on my contact list for another couple of days beyond that. Then, when I was looking at my messages, I saw "User has been deleted." His profile is gone; and not only that, the other profile is gone as well.

 

I'm over him, I really am. But, dang if I'm not curious of how everything really went down. Did he voluntarily delete his own account? Did the site kick him to the curb? It seems kind of odd that I would talk to him all that time, and once I mention Facetime, within a few days, his account is gone.

 

I am just so curious.

[SevenCity]

Final update: (hopefully)

 

So, I wished him well, told him good luck with his search, and I was done with him.

 

However, he did remain on my contact list for another couple of days beyond that. Then, when I was looking at my messages, I saw "User has been deleted." His profile is gone; and not only that, the other profile is gone as well.

 

I'm over him, I really am. But, dang if I'm not curious of how everything really went down. Did he voluntarily delete his own account? Did the site kick him to the curb? It seems kind of odd that I would talk to him all that time, and once I mention Facetime, within a few days, his account is gone.

 

I am just so curious.

 

Sounds like you can't be over "him" because he didn't actually exist. It's sad that people act like this but it's even more sad to think of what kind of lives they have to resort to such behavior.

 

I had this one on bumble (model looking Asian chick) who matched with me 4 times. We exchanged numbers but when she called I was at work and couldn't answer. We went back and forth via text a few times. Next time she matched she said we have to meet! I gave her number again but nothing happened. After that it was like a joke to me.

 

Catfish? Perhaps. Cray cray? Likely.

 

Either way I've learned to not take anything serious until you meet in person.

[S2B]

Final update: (hopefully)

 

So, I wished him well, told him good luck with his search, and I was done with him.

 

However, he did remain on my contact list for another couple of days beyond that. Then, when I was looking at my messages, I saw "User has been deleted." His profile is gone; and not only that, the other profile is gone as well.

 

I'm over him, I really am. But, dang if I'm not curious of how everything really went down. Did he voluntarily delete his own account? Did the site kick him to the curb? It seems kind of odd that I would talk to him all that time, and once I mention Facetime, within a few days, his account is gone.

 

I am just so curious.

 

Are you saying he had two accounts?

[TheBlingRing14]

Are you saying he had two accounts?

 

It's so weird.

 

He either had two accounts. Or he stole pictures (and the actual wording of the profile) from another user.

 

The fact that both accounts are gone is the interesting thing. If he had stolen pictures from some unsuspecting person across the country, I feel like the other person wouldn't take their account too.

 

But, if he did have two accounts, for whatever reason, it wouldn't make sense that he would go cold and disappear when called out. He would just say, 'Oh yeah when I moved here, I changed my account name" or something.

[hercules22]

i think i had a catfish on tinder talked for 2 days when i asked where about they were from they ignored that question but answered the other part of the message .

 

i was always getting a reply it wasnt a bot this person would always reply but would take a while to a get a message back as soon as i asked to meet in person for a date never got a message back 4 days has passed now not even sure if the girl is real but probably fake had a insta name linked on profile but it private so cant see anything

[S2B]

Do a reverse search on all the pictures he gave you.

 

Did you do a search on his phone number - to see who the number is registered to?

 

Have you looked him up on facebook?

[Purrrfect]

Figures he deleted his acct. I knew he would because those pics were not of him

 

Trust me. Don’t waste your time on a guy non local. There are a ton of scammers and non local opportunitists online. This guy had nothing else better to do and probably doesn’t get to talk to pretty women often so made a fake acct and would play you a bit.

 

Better luck next time.

[heavenonearth]

Awww I thought my boyfriend was too good to be true when I matched with him on Tinder.

 

But thank god he was real.

 

Sorry you had this situation!

I think there were a lot of red flags and you learned your lesson.

Next time, be upfront with the person you are chatting with, ask for pictures right away ,don't waste your time.

[Purrrfect]

If they are too good to be true they probably are.

 

By going local and meeting soon after you make contact you avoid 90% of these frauds.

 

Download the Text Me app. Insist these guys text or call you if there’s interest. Even Snapchat is good because you ca send a short video that disappears after they view it. Anyone who doesn’t want to do any of this is not legit.

 

 

Awww I thought my boyfriend was too good to be true when I matched with him on Tinder.

 

But thank god he was real.

 

Sorry you had this situation!

I think there were a lot of red flags and you learned your lesson.

Next time, be upfront with the person you are chatting with, ask for pictures right away ,don't waste your time.