Men who pursue me are never single

[Mysterio]

I have the opposite problem as a man. I seem to be attracted to women that are already in relationships. Its not like I see these women with other their men. They never talk about their SO. So its like I stumble on to them and then find out.

 

Its getting to a point where I have to let go of being the driving force, of looking for a relationship. When ever I do the picking. If its off line. The woman is attached. Even when I think it in my head.

[Timshel]

Hello all,

 

Just thought I'd share my experience. At 32 years of age I am still looked at as [a potential affair partner]. Most men who have tried to pursue me are either married, taken, or already involved with someone. I can't wrap my mind around why I am attracting these type of men. I am very reserved, I dress modestly, and have a lot of respect for myself.

 

I feel disgusted and wonder what am I doing wrong. The last man I dated did not tell me he was married and I cut him off instantly. When he was aware that I knew, he said, "So what when am I going to see you again" I broke down. Am I worth anything to men? It hurts soooo bad that I am still going through this at my age.

 

I am very much alone because of this and have severe trust issues. Life just seems unfair sometimes.. Why do these men choose decent, respectable women to cheat on their SO with. Why damage these women.. I just dont understand and I feel so disgusted with myself

 

meh, every day....just say no and keep moving, works like a charm.

[preraph]

Hello all,

 

Just thought I'd share my experience. At 32 years of age I am still looked at as [a potential affair partner]. Most men who have tried to pursue me are either married, taken, or already involved with someone. I can't wrap my mind around why I am attracting these type of men. I am very reserved, I dress modestly, and have a lot of respect for myself.

 

I feel disgusted and wonder what am I doing wrong. The last man I dated did not tell me he was married and I cut him off instantly. When he was aware that I knew, he said, "So what when am I going to see you again" I broke down. Am I worth anything to men? It hurts soooo bad that I am still going through this at my age.

 

I am very much alone because of this and have severe trust issues. Life just seems unfair sometimes.. Why do these men choose decent, respectable women to cheat on their SO with. Why damage these women.. I just dont understand and I feel so disgusted with myself

 

Because you're reserved, they're hoping you're also too meek to call them on it and too reserved to tell their wife.

 

I guess you're talking about real-life dating, in which case, what no ring on these guys? But if you also do online, you be sure and put in there "No married men. I'll tell your wife."

[Springsummer]

I would want to kill the married men who hit on me openly. who does he think he is? who does he think I am? that sort of men are scum and slimy.

[Springsummer]

Because you're reserved, they're hoping you're also too meek to call them on it and too reserved to tell their wife.

 

I guess you're talking about real-life dating, in which case, what no ring on these guys? But if you also do online, you be sure and put in there "No married men. I'll tell your wife."

 

my requirement online is: "never been married". I know...mission impossible...

[Popsicle]

Get into the habit of asking them if they are married/taken/seeing anyone within the first few minutes of conversation.

 

You have to ASK.

[CptInsano]

Most men ask out women who seem interested in them, relatively few are comfortable with a cold approach. I'm therefore assuming that the OP would welcome these men if they weren't married. If that is the case the most likely scenario IMHO is that she is into a type of man who generally isn't interested in her. This may differ by location or what other women in the area are looking for, or the male/female ratio of where she lives.

 

The comments that married men may appear more reassured and can flirt more aggressively are definitely true, but are in my experience secondary to the dynamic of finding men attractive who are generally sought after.

[Logo]

Hello all,

 

Just thought I'd share my experience. At 32 years of age I am still looked at as [a potential affair partner]. Most men who have tried to pursue me are either married, taken, or already involved with someone. I can't wrap my mind around why I am attracting these type of men. I am very reserved, I dress modestly, and have a lot of respect for myself.

 

I feel disgusted and wonder what am I doing wrong. The last man I dated did not tell me he was married and I cut him off instantly. When he was aware that I knew, he said, "So what when am I going to see you again" I broke down. Am I worth anything to men? It hurts soooo bad that I am still going through this at my age.

 

I am very much alone because of this and have severe trust issues. Life just seems unfair sometimes.. Why do these men choose decent, respectable women to cheat on their SO with. Why damage these women.. I just dont understand and I feel so disgusted with myself

 

 

 

What I'm about to write is in no way meant to be critical or offensive, simply honest and direct. So here goes:

 

Do you do most of the approaching? Or do you wait until men do that?

 

You see, men who are in relationships, are far more confident than single men. Speaking at least from personal experience, although I've never been married. When a man is in a relationship he exudes a certain relaxed vibe and natural friendliness. I suppose there are exceptions, especially if that relationship is not going too well.

 

If you see a single man who interests you or at least a man hanging out with his friends or alone, do you ever approach him?

 

Here's where I'm coming from, it bothers me that we live in the 21st century and for the most part women still expect men to make the initial contact and men still think they are expected to make the initial contact.

 

So, as a social experiment, try looking around next time you're out and see if you can pick up on more subtle cues from men rather than wait for the overt ones.

 

Compared to the general population, are you very good looking? Is it possible that single men are intimidated and are afraid of rejection so you end up with the well-seasoned married guys who don't care about rejection because they have someone to go back home to?

 

And you don't have to become a b***, as you put it. Stick to your principles and stay the way you are. B*** women are plentiful these days. From personal experience, I can tell you that I find it hard to find well-mannered, well-natured women. Perhaps it's the state I live in, but I would love it if I could find someone who can carry a nice conversation and behave like a mature adult, like a lady should.

Edited March 4, 2018 by Logo

[IndigoNight]

Get into the habit of asking them if they are married/taken/seeing anyone within the first few minutes of conversation.

 

You have to ASK.

 

I agree!

 

(Men should ask too, so they don't get caught in the wrong place when the husband comes home early )

[preraph]

I agree you have to ask. You're letting them in by not asking. They may very well lie about it, but at least they'll know you won't be agreeable to it once caught.

[Vyliss]

I agree that perhaps some married men will take more risks due to the "safety net" of their marriage.

 

But you also have to take responsibility for being somewhat naïve.

 

Just take it as a "standard" that a decent looking, successful, respectful guy who is obviously a CATCH in his 30s is most likely MARRIED already.

 

Do not be naive and think "oh wow" I've found a catch! Um no, the actually successful, respectful, good-looking SINGLE men in their 30s are VERY rare. If a guy is still single in his 30s, it's more likely he's probably too shy to approach (so they wouldn't even be on your radar) or there's something else wrong with him (commitment issues, trust issues, socially awkward etc).

 

Also a man's profession gives you a massive clue here. Police officers, pilots, military guys - any man with a STABLE high earning career - is most likely married with kids already.

 

My husband was only 6 months separated with his ex-wife before I snatched him up. Decent men don't stay single for long. That's just the truth of it.

 

Next time you meet a "catch" who is giving you attention, be suspicious right off the bat. Ask him as early as possible if he is married with kids. You will see it on his face if he is - most men will not lie if asked directly. And then ask if he is separated and for how long and WHY they are separated. Also ask if he is planning a divorce. You could also stipulate you don't date "separated" men - only divorced men. Also suss out whether the wife is fully moved on or not. If she isn't, there's a high chance he'll go back to her.

 

(Some men will say they're separated but not divorced. They will most likely go back to the wife later on).

 

A lot of it unfortunately is using common sense and asking the right questions to safeguard yourself. Do not worry about coming across inquisitive. You are saving your ass and not having some guy waste your time.

[Popsicle]

I agree that perhaps some married men will take more risks due to the "safety net" of their marriage.

 

But you also have to take responsibility for being somewhat naïve.

 

Just take it as a "standard" that a decent looking, successful, respectful guy who is obviously a CATCH in his 30s is most likely MARRIED already.

 

Do not be naive and think "oh wow" I've found a catch! Um no, the actually successful, respectful, good-looking SINGLE men in their 30s are VERY rare. If a guy is still single in his 30s, it's more likely he's probably too shy to approach (so they wouldn't even be on your radar) or there's something else wrong with him (commitment issues, trust issues, socially awkward etc).

 

Also a man's profession gives you a massive clue here. Police officers, pilots, military guys - any man with a STABLE high earning career - is most likely married with kids already.

 

My husband was only 6 months separated with his ex-wife before I snatched him up. Decent men don't stay single for long. That's just the truth of it.

 

Next time you meet a "catch" who is giving you attention, be suspicious right off the bat. Ask him as early as possible if he is married with kids. You will see it on his face if he is - most men will not lie if asked directly. And then ask if he is separated and for how long and WHY they are separated. Also ask if he is planning a divorce. You could also stipulate you don't date "separated" men - only divorced men. Also suss out whether the wife is fully moved on or not. If she isn't, there's a high chance he'll go back to her.

 

(Some men will say they're separated but not divorced. They will most likely go back to the wife later on).

 

A lot of it unfortunately is using common sense and asking the right questions to safeguard yourself. Do not worry about coming across inquisitive. You are saving your ass and not having some guy waste your time.

 

Boom. This is dead on.

 

I too believe that the only way I'm going to get a desirable man is if he is freshly out of a marriage (divorced) and snatch him up quickly.

[Logo]

I agree that perhaps some married men will take more risks due to the "safety net" of their marriage.

 

But you also have to take responsibility for being somewhat naïve.

 

Just take it as a "standard" that a decent looking, successful, respectful guy who is obviously a CATCH in his 30s is most likely MARRIED already.

 

Do not be naive and think "oh wow" I've found a catch! Um no, the actually successful, respectful, good-looking SINGLE men in their 30s are VERY rare. If a guy is still single in his 30s, it's more likely he's probably too shy to approach (so they wouldn't even be on your radar) or there's something else wrong with him (commitment issues, trust issues, socially awkward etc).

 

Also a man's profession gives you a massive clue here. Police officers, pilots, military guys - any man with a STABLE high earning career - is most likely married with kids already.

 

My husband was only 6 months separated with his ex-wife before I snatched him up. Decent men don't stay single for long. That's just the truth of it.

 

Next time you meet a "catch" who is giving you attention, be suspicious right off the bat. Ask him as early as possible if he is married with kids. You will see it on his face if he is - most men will not lie if asked directly. And then ask if he is separated and for how long and WHY they are separated. Also ask if he is planning a divorce. You could also stipulate you don't date "separated" men - only divorced men. Also suss out whether the wife is fully moved on or not. If she isn't, there's a high chance he'll go back to her.

 

(Some men will say they're separated but not divorced. They will most likely go back to the wife later on).

 

A lot of it unfortunately is using common sense and asking the right questions to safeguard yourself. Do not worry about coming across inquisitive. You are saving your ass and not having some guy waste your time.

 

I hope your views are in the minority among women. You're making so many generalizations as if men are manufactured in a factory to the same standards. Your point about men in their 30s who may seem to be a catch and are single, but are actually somehow "defective" are way off the mark.

 

How would you like it if a man made the same generalizations about women?

 

The point about separated men more likely going back to their exes, I couldn't disagree more.

 

Some are simply separated, but not divorced due to financial convenience. I used to have a co-worker who was in a situation like that and eventually filed for divorce when he found the right one and married her. He didn't want to have anything to do with his ex, even while he was "only" separated.

 

But instead of appreciating their honesty when they tell you they're separated, you flip that against them and penalize them by making frivolous generalizations.

 

I can't begin to tell you how your remarks are unfair, especially the first one I responded to. You're turning successful, socially and mentally healthy, honest and single men into untouchables with all that stereotyping.

 

I hope the original poster views this thread for what it is and exercises wise judgment before she jumps to cookie-cutter solutions.

[OldSoulB]

And at 32 years old, your sexual market value is declining by the day.

 

I'll tell you why you always attract men who are already taken: it's because you're at 32 and you're running out of time, so you're subconsciously looking for men who have their lives in order and have stability. And guess what? The only men who give off those vibes are men who are married.

 

Widen your horizon and seek out and be open to other kinds of men.

Edited March 5, 2018 by OldSoulB

[Springsummer]

Just take it as a "standard" that a decent looking, successful, respectful guy who is obviously a CATCH in his 30s is most likely MARRIED already.

 

Do not be naive and think "oh wow" I've found a catch! Um no, the actually successful, respectful, good-looking SINGLE men in their 30s are VERY rare. If a guy is still single in his 30s, it's more likely he's probably too shy to approach (so they wouldn't even be on your radar) or there's something else wrong with him (commitment issues, trust issues, socially awkward etc).

 

So, you think those married men who want to cheap on their wives with OP decent, respectful????!!! seriously? cheating men are respectful???

 

men over certain age no married must have issues? will those issues bigger than the married men go behind their spouses to cheat? cheating men definitely have no commitment

, trust and social issues, according to you, I guess.

 

You see ,your entire premise of married men are not true at all.

Edited March 5, 2018 by Springsummer

[hotpotato]

i also have this problem. I figured it's logistics-i live where people get paired early in life. Men in my age bracket are largely taken. A lot of times when men irl tried to holla, they were taken. The single guys were often 20 years old or 50 years old.

[Logo]

.........................

Edited March 5, 2018 by Logo

[S2B]

I’m 32 :/

 

I agree it's definitely going to get worse. Recently I was told to not focus on what I don't want because those things will manifest. Strangely enough the one thing I despise and refuse to do is commit adultery.. Yet married men flock to me.. Maybe my friend was on to something. I think it has something to do with the laws of attraction. Hmmm

 

That's true. I'm sure your body language is also a factor.

 

Don't be flirty until you confirm he's not married.

[Vyliss]

I hope your views are in the minority among women. You're making so many generalizations as if men are manufactured in a factory to the same standards. Your point about men in their 30s who may seem to be a catch and are single, but are actually somehow "defective" are way off the mark.

 

Well of course I am, because the OP's question is a general question. Also generalizations exist because it works most of the time. Of course I'm not referring to ALL men, just the majority you will come across in their 30s.

 

I'm not sure if you're speaking from experience or you simply do not like what I've said because you're a man?

 

I'm also not saying just because a man is in his 30s and is a catch will be "defective" as you put it - but statistically speaking there's a higher chance he won't be as great as he appears.

 

Women need to be smart with their time and energy. That's the reason I advice women to ask men better questions before getting attached. Nowhere have I say a woman should reject a man straight off the bat based on these circumstances.

 

So, you think those married men who want to cheap on their wives with OP decent, respectful????!!! seriously? cheating men are respectful???

Well a man can certainly APPEAR decent, respectful and a "catch" right off the bat right? Doesn't mean he isn't a cheater behind closed doors - but how are you going to know that unless you investigate and dig a little deeper. The OP simply wanted to know why she's attracting these types. If she did a little investigation work, she would quickly figure it out and save herself from heartache.