marky00 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) so as i said reaching out has to be honest....you don't reach out ...unless your hand will stay put.......you shouldn't reach out to someone who is hurting,maybe missing you and say hey how are you i wish you well....and then disappear again...who is that to satisfy.....yourself or them....you reach out and contact because you want to continue contact or you ....leave them to heal ...in peace..or if you want them in your life .....contact them directly.... ^^ Exactly this. This also applies to dumpers responding to dumpees' moments of weakness. If you don't want them in your life, you shouldn't respond at all. Edited March 8, 2018 by marky00 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) ^^ Exactly this. This also applies to dumpers responding to dumpees' moments of weakness. If you don't want them in your life, you shouldn't respond at all. mmmmmm.....sometimes......as a dumper if a guy... i had feelings for messaged me...i would respond .....i would however make it clear there was no chance....i dont leave people to drown.....in confusion and uncertainty.i give clarity and peace will follow......i would probably like i advised my daughter to do .....travel to them and be with them face to face....to help them with closure....if that is what they needed to move on...i had one guy i broke up with call me often .......i always answered gave him my time.....he said at the end of one phone conversation..... i have had my fix of deb...i feel better....i was glad to be there for him...and glad when he moved on......to another....undamaged by me....the woman he moved on with .....he rang me and asked if i would say hello to her..he wanted her to know me.......i have had this happen a fair bit...........deb... Edited March 8, 2018 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) mmmmmm.....sometimes......as a dumper if a guy... i had feelings for messaged me...i would respond. So you agree with me. You wanted him in your life on some level. Or at least saw some type of benefit in staying connected. Edited March 8, 2018 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
Joan621 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 The void is unavoidable. You had a physical bond with that person. You are going to miss them. Biologically we have reactions akin to addiction when we cut someone we are bonded with out of our life. That is one of the reasons no contact is a good method to move on after a breakup. You need the separation to get that person out of your system...literally. I understand that urge to reach out because you want the person you left to know you care This is akin to withdrawal. If I just send this one email to let him know I care, it will all be OK...Only it won't be that person is going through the same process of getting you out of their system and you are resetting the cycle when you remind them of your existence. Leaving someone you care about is one of the hardest things we can do. And it's painful beyond words to know that there is a high probability you are being demonized/hated by someone you once loved as they work through their pain. In the long run though, if the relationship was primarily a good one, that person will eventually realize that you will always care about them. In the meantime, you don't need to send the random message here and there to reinforce that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ivy9096 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I wish my ex would have been clear about not wanting me never in his life but last Saturday he called me and told me that maybe in the future we could be together and that he still loves me. Him giving me hope doesn't leave me move on Link to post Share on other sites
Joan621 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I am sorry to hear that. You have no way of even knowing it is sincere because dumpers have their own bouts of sadness and regret. Doesn't mean they are changing their mind. He needs to be stronger and leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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