A question for guys

[Space Ritual]

No he doesn’t necessarily need to ask for it. He can have alone time whenever. But communication is a big factor in making a relationship work and just being upfront and saying he wants some time with his friends or alone would be much better than just giving the cold shoulder

 

 

Don't worry...you have many many years left ahead for you to experience this conundrum multiple times in your life.

[smackie9]

When you get to my age, you know for a fact you need a life outside your relationship to refresh yourself, like hanging out with friends, personal sexual release, house to yourself, etc. It's what keeps you sane and happy.

[Gaeta]

Actually after a man spent a lot of *togetherness* time with his girlfriend his level of testosterone level lowers and he needs some *me* time to reconnect with himself. My boyfriend experience that if we spend 1-2 weeks straight together or after we come back from a trip together, he'll go to his place for 1-2 days then he's back to himself. Even once married men go through these phases and they just disappear in their garage to work on their personal projects.

 

Now that you know it's normal don't ask him anymore. Just trust him, trust your relationship is solid enough for him to require a couple of days of *me*time.

[Huhjtg]

Actually after a man spent a lot of *togetherness* time with his girlfriend his level of testosterone level lowers and he needs some *me* time to reconnect with himself. My boyfriend experience that if we spend 1-2 weeks straight together or after we come back from a trip together, he'll go to his place for 1-2 days then he's back to himself. Even once married men go through these phases and they just disappear in their garage to work on their personal projects.

 

Now that you know it's normal don't ask him anymore. Just trust him, trust your relationship is solid enough for him to require a couple of days of *me*time.

 

That makes a lot of sense. This has only been like the 2nd time this has happened so it was still kind of new to me and i was afraid that it had something to do with me since he was acting sort of distant from me. But he spent the day with his friends yesterday and so far today he’s been acting normal.

[vanhalenfan]

I'm a guy and I would say you should also consider other stress that could be going on. If there is stress at work or with other people, I tend to compartmentalize it and struggle with it on my own without saying anything to anyone else. The end result is that I tend to look distant or angry to other people and they think I am mad it them.

 

Funny thing as I am a woman, but I tend to behave as a man sometimes when it comes to this (compartmentalize and distance). I behave exactly as this guy described above!

 

But anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. This likely isn't about you

[Huhjtg]

Update:he asked me to hangout tonight and then i just got a message saying his friend asked him to do something and if i cared if we rescheduled for tomorrow night?

Should i be upset?

[Sunlight72]

Update:he asked me to hangout tonight and then i just got a message saying his friend asked him to do something and if i cared if we rescheduled for tomorrow night?

Should i be upset?

Upset isn't the right direction (in my opinion), but Speak Up. Work it out. Keep it simple. Make it into what you want it to be by telling him what you want.

 

I'm guessing this is all through text, which leaves out any hope that you can express your feelings with precision, and determine if this is actually important to him or not.

 

I suggest you call him.

 

Either way, do let him know that in fact, you do not like to change plans last minute unless it's an emergency.

 

Communication is two ways - tell him clearly what is important to you. Include a thought about how you have enjoyed your time together, but be clear and don't use too many words to tell him that you want to stick to a plan when you two make a plan.

[snowboy91]

Update:he asked me to hangout tonight and then i just got a message saying his friend asked him to do something and if i cared if we rescheduled for tomorrow night?

Should i be upset?

 

Do you feel upset? I know it's slightly annoying that he asked and then retracted it. But he's rescheduled, not cancelled so I wouldn't get too worried. As a few of us have already mentioned, the occasional night apart is healthy in the long term.

[CatMinx]

Look up the rubber band theory. It explains a lot about men.

[Huhjtg]

Do you feel upset? I know it's slightly annoying that he asked and then retracted it. But he's rescheduled, not cancelled so I wouldn't get too worried. As a few of us have already mentioned, the occasional night apart is healthy in the long term.

 

I was dissapointed because all day i was looking forward to seeing him and then last minute he texted me saying “would you like to go here with my friend?”

I don’t like his friends that much because they’re all rambunctious and obnoxious and he just acts differently around them. So i said “no I’d rather not but if you would like to go with him you can!”

His response was “if you’re going to be mad I’ll just stay home but he really wants me to go with him tonight” and i said “I’m not mad, i mean i wanted to see you but i don’t want to keep you from your friends”

And he said “are you sure? I’m serious if you want me to I’ll stay home baby”

 

And i just told him to go and he asked if we could see eachother tomorrow, so i guess i shouldn’t be upset because he was nice about it and he asked instead of just cancelling but it’s still upsetting to have plans and then them just be cancelled. Idk I’m trying not to be selfish about it.