Constantly told no spark

[Superunknown91]

I don't know any deaf women. The ones I do know are in relationships and sign. I don't see myself as "deaf" as I lead a very hearing existence.

 

 

I don't have many friends as they are all in relationships and never go out. I don't have an opportunity to meet new people.

 

I train at gym daily but people don't really talk at gym.

 

I've been told I'm a good kisser.

 

I was told not to put my height on my profile as it could put off women. I wouldn't get any matches if I did. I was hoping my personality would shine though and make up for my height and disability.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't know any deaf women. The ones I do know are in relationships and sign.

 

 

I don't have any friends as they are all in relationships and never go out.

 

I've been told I'm a good kisser.

 

I was told not to put my height on my profile as it could put off women. I wouldn't get any matches if I did. I was hoping my personality would shine though and make up for my height and disability.

 

Women REALLY hate to be misled with regard to height or age. You need to put it in your profile.

[Superunknown91]

Women REALLY hate to be misled with regard to height or age. You need to put it in your profile.

 

I just don't mention it at all.

 

I wouldn't get dates if I did. But if she asked me, I would say.

 

Not sure why there's an obsession with height.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I just don't mention it at all.

 

I wouldn't get dates if I did. But if she asked me, I would say.

 

Not sure why there's an obsession with height.

 

Which app are you using? What do you say when it asks for height?

[mortensorchid]

May I ask this question? Out of curiosity, are you dating other women who are also hearing impaired? There are certain things in deaf culture that do not always jibe with hearing people.

 

It is good that you are forthcoming about your disability before you meet people, but ... I would not say that this disability is the main factor that is or is not turning people off when they meet you. I can't understand why it is that I have gone out on many internet dates myself (like I'm sure a majority of people reading this have as well) and NOT connect with someone. But, it does. I usually end up getting a text from someone the next day after the meeting should we meet and he says something polite like "I had a nice time last night" or just "Good morning", and I text back "Good morning to you" or "I had a nice time as well thank you". After a few days we'll chit chat about our day, then it tapers off and I never hear from that person again. It's what it is.

 

I MAY make this suggestion to you - but you may have to make a modification being that you are hearing impaired - if you REALLY LIKE a woman that you meet (whether or not it's through OLD or not) you should CALL HER the next day rather than text. It sends a strong message to that women that you really like her.

 

But to answer your question as to why you keep being rejected? If I knew the answer, I promise you I would tell you. But I don't have it. Because I don't know why. All I can say to you or anyone else out there who is having this problem is that the other person is not that into you. You have to believe deep within yourself that there is a lid for every pot and someday, somehow it can and will happen to you. I'm in a funk myself that has lasted a very long time. I feel like no one wants me no matter what. I have to force myself to go out and do things to fight the depressive feelings.

 

Focus on other things at the moment. Keep moving forward.

[Superunknown91]

May I ask this question? Out of curiosity, are you dating other women who are also hearing impaired? There are certain things in deaf culture that do not always jibe with hearing people.

 

It is good that you are forthcoming about your disability before you meet people, but ... I would not say that this disability is the main factor that is or is not turning people off when they meet you. I can't understand why it is that I have gone out on many internet dates myself (like I'm sure a majority of people reading this have as well) and NOT connect with someone. But, it does. I usually end up getting a text from someone the next day after the meeting should we meet and he says something polite like "I had a nice time last night" or just "Good morning", and I text back "Good morning to you" or "I had a nice time as well thank you". After a few days we'll chit chat about our day, then it tapers off and I never hear from that person again. It's what it is.

 

I MAY make this suggestion to you - but you may have to make a modification being that you are hearing impaired - if you REALLY LIKE a woman that you meet (whether or not it's through OLD or not) you should CALL HER the next day rather than text. It sends a strong message to that women that you really like her.

 

But to answer your question as to why you keep being rejected? If I knew the answer, I promise you I would tell you. But I don't have it. Because I don't know why. All I can say to you or anyone else out there who is having this problem is that the other person is not that into you. You have to believe deep within yourself that there is a lid for every pot and someday, somehow it can and will happen to you. I'm in a funk myself that has lasted a very long time. I feel like no one wants me no matter what. I have to force myself to go out and do things to fight the depressive feelings.

 

Focus on other things at the moment. Keep moving forward.

 

I cannot call her. I am deaf. I can't hear the phone. Texting and speaking face to face is my only means of communication.

 

 

Thanks for your kind words in your message though.

 

It's what's so frustrating...I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

I keep being told they've had a great time, that I'm such a great guy...but not for them. That there was no attraction. That I'm so funny but not for them,

 

Every. Single. Time.

 

 

Sometimes I feel like the most undesirable guy in my city.

 

 

I don't know many hearing impaired women. That's the problem..the ones I do know are in relationships or married. It's not as if I'm purposefully avoiding them.

Edited February 18, 2018 by Superunknown91

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

All I can say to you or anyone else out there who is having this problem is that the other person is not that into you. You have to believe deep within yourself that there is a lid for every pot and someday, somehow it can and will happen to you. I'm in a funk myself that has lasted a very long time. I feel like no one wants me no matter what. I have to force myself to go out and do things to fight the depressive feelings.

 

Focus on other things at the moment. Keep moving forward.

 

Best advice on this thread so far, from someone who has been trying as hard as you have. Maybe you two live in the same city <3.

[Superunknown91]

I'm just so frustrated and very very depressed.

 

I would love to know how all of my hearing friends never have this issue.

 

 

We have a great time on the date. She seems to be connecting.

 

Then I text her the next day saying something like "I've had a great time, what did you think of **Whatever we were talking about that night"

 

then she either says

 

"Umm..thanks it was good but sorry lets be friends"

"Youre'a great guy but no attraction sorry"

 

or she doesn't reply.

 

:(

 

I just feel so utterly undesirable. I spend ages in the gym. I scour fashion websites. I use cologne. I read books for inspiration.

 

I'm also a budding city photographer.

 

Sometimes I just stare at the mirror and wonder what is so wrong with me that makes women not want to see me again.

[winny]

Do you choose to meet women who are shorter than you? If yes then height may not be a problem. Otherwise, of course it is a problem, especially when they get to know it the first time they meet you!!! Combined with your disability, speech impediment.

 

Why would any woman want to be with someone like you after a first date when they can find someone else pretty easily. Sorry if this sounds rude, that's not my intention but only to help you figure out the situation. If they don't have any emotional connection with you, then they would want someone who has no disability etc. especially if they don't have a disability themselves. Its a harsh truth.

 

So, as people said above, the only people who may understand you better will be those with disabilities themselves or people who have family members or close friends who have disabilities. May not just be deaf but other kinds too. They will be more empathetic towards you. No meaning going on so many dates. Put your height and disability on your profile. You may not meet a lot of women but the ones that you meet would have a high chance of wanting to date you. And join some online communities for disabled people and try to make new friends and form connections.

[Superunknown91]

Do you choose to meet women who are shorter than you? If yes then height may not be a problem. Otherwise, of course it is a problem, especially when they get to know it the first time they meet you!!! Combined with your disability, speech impediment.

 

Why would any woman want to be with someone like you after a first date when they can find someone else pretty easily. Sorry if this sounds rude, that's not my intention but only to help you figure out the situation. If they don't have any emotional connection with you, then they would want someone who has no disability etc. especially if they don't have a disability themselves. Its a harsh truth.

 

So, as people said above, the only people who may understand you better will be those with disabilities themselves or people who have family members or close friends who have disabilities. May not just be deaf but other kinds too. They will be more empathetic towards you. No meaning going on so many dates. Put your height and disability on your profile. You may not meet a lot of women but the ones that you meet would have a high chance of wanting to date you. And join some online communities for disabled people and try to make new friends and form connections.

 

Wow that's very harsh. I'm not too quite sure why a disability has to be a dealbreaker.

 

 

I've got a successful job, a flat, I can talk...you wouldn't know I was deaf until I spoke, I lift weights at gym, I'm also a city photographer. I flew to Los Angeles from the UK on my own to explore the city. I even enjoy live bands and have a band logo tattooed on my shoulder.

 

SO I'm by no means dumb nor retarded.

 

I can understand the person talking to me perfectly fine if they spoke ever slightly so slower. That's it. No shouting required.

Edited February 19, 2018 by Superunknown91

[Mrlonelyone]

The reason is likely that when these women you date have time to process it and think over the whole thing and discuss it with friends family etc the stigmatization of your disability (any disability) is just too much for them.

 

 

That said and as others have pointed out you can still do well with women. Consider this man, he has ALS and can't move. Yet he was such a horndog he manged to cheat on his wife with his nurse. Whom he then married, then divorced. Now it seems he may be back with his first wife on some level. That man is Steven W Hawking and he is about as disabled as you can get... yet still alpha (hate that word but for Hawking I'll use it. He's a real Homo Sapiens Sapiens Alpha male not the bros at the gym.)

 

Consider also my sister. Despite having a disability that made her Forrest Gump like she managed to be homecomming queen. Then didn't date more than two guys until her current BF (that I know of) until she was 26. She's been with the same guy ever since.

 

In short:

 

Yes people, even ones who may like you one on one are not going to choose you due to the disability. It may be no spark or fearing stigma. Forget them they just aren't right for you.

 

At the same time you only need one or two people liking you enough to marry you to be able to say that you've had a decent love life. Having lots of people want to do you is no assurance that they'll want to sick around.

[HiCrunchy]

Have your tried meeting women through meetups instead?

Online dating is super shallow to be honest. If you meet women through social situations where they can talk with you and get to know you as a person, they might look past the disability (and height, though I think the disability is the harder battle to fight).

 

Also have you considered meetups with people within your community. Someone that's deaf maybe more open to dating you.

[Superunknown91]

Have your tried meeting women through meetups instead?

Online dating is super shallow to be honest. If you meet women through social situations where they can talk with you and get to know you as a person, they might look past the disability (and height, though I think the disability is the harder battle to fight).

 

Also have you considered meetups with people within your community. Someone that's deaf maybe more open to dating you.

 

That's the problem...I don't know any deaf people.

 

You'll have to understand...even though I'm deaf. I was RAISED hearing. I don't have experience with deaf people. I went to a hearing school. I went to a hearing university. My parents are hearing. My friends are hearing. My colleagues are hearing. I've never ever been out with a deaf woman..why? Because I don't know any except the ones who are married.

 

For all intents and purposes I see myself as a hearing person. With my hearing aid, I can hear. Albeit not as well as a hearing person. I'm also passionate about music. Would a deaf person spend hundreds of pounds to see Pearl Jam in a different country?

Edited February 19, 2018 by Superunknown91

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Wow that's very harsh. I'm not too quite sure why a disability has to be a dealbreaker.

 

 

I've got a successful job, a flat, I can talk...you wouldn't know I was deaf until I spoke, I lift weights at gym, I'm also a city photographer. I flew to Los Angeles from the UK on my own to explore the city. I even enjoy live bands and have a band logo tattooed on my shoulder.

 

SO I'm by no means dumb nor retarded.

 

I can understand the person talking to me perfectly fine if they spoke ever slightly so slower. That's it. No shouting required.

 

You've mentioned weight lifting multiple times on this thread, yet not one woman has chimed in with "well then I have no idea why you can't find a relationship!" What that should tell you is that this is not the most important thing to a woman like you seem to think that it is. Physical perfection is very important to men, so they project that on to women as a trait they desire. But it is not true.

 

Honesty, however, is important to women. SHOULD women discriminate based on your disability or your height? The answer (yes or no) matters not because the fact remains that they do. (Just as a man would)

 

It's best to be completely up front about all things. You say you don't think women should care what your height is, yet you purposefully don't tell them unless they ask....so you must know it's actually important. To me 5'7" would not be a dealbreaker at all but to some (probably most to be honest) it is. So be honest. It doesn't mean you will never find a mate who accepts you totally for who you are, no matter how much weight lifting, teeth whitening, waxing/grooming you do.

[Mrlonelyone]

Have your tried meeting women through meetups instead?

Online dating is super shallow to be honest. If you meet women through social situations where they can talk with you and get to know you as a person, they might look past the disability (and height, though I think the disability is the harder battle to fight).

 

Also have you considered meetups with people within your community. Someone that's deaf maybe more open to dating you.

 

I'd second this. My sister meet her best friend and her boy friend through programs designed for people with her disability. SO your best bet might be to go to places where people either have your same disability OR are specifically looking to work with people who have disabilities. Then maybe meet someone there.

 

As crummy as that may sound. The simple truth is abelism is real. People are shallow and fearful of being marked as different by association.

 

I know of one famous man ... The big kahuna of right wing US radio talk show host with half his brain tied behind his back. Rush Limbaugh, has hearing failure bad enough to need cochlear implants. He finds women to date his fat old ..... but one has to figure he's really good at talking to people. Who knows how someone like that might be able to sweet talk.

 

It is possible for someone like you to do well.

 

OP Have you asked a man with your same type of hearing loss who is in a relationship for advice?

[Superunknown91]

I'd second this. My sister meet her best friend and her boy friend through programs designed for people with her disability. SO your best bet might be to go to places where people either have your same disability OR are specifically looking to work with people who have disabilities. Then maybe meet someone there.

 

As crummy as that may sound. The simple truth is abelism is real. People are shallow and fearful of being marked as different by association.

 

I know of one famous man ... The big kahuna of right wing US radio talk show host with half his brain tied behind his back. Rush Limbaugh, has hearing failure bad enough to need cochlear implants. He finds women to date his fat old ..... but one has to figure he's really good at talking to people. Who knows how someone like that might be able to sweet talk.

 

It is possible for someone like you to do well.

 

OP Have you asked a man with your same type of hearing loss who is in a relationship for advice?

 

I don't know any deaf people.

 

I was raised hearing. I live a very hearing dominated lifestyle. Every girl I've met was hearing.

 

Even my first girlfriend in my teens was hearing.

Edited February 19, 2018 by Superunknown91

[introverted1]

Does anyone know what I can do to increase the chances of a spark?

 

I've read so many books on dating that I know what to say, what not to say.

 

I always do light touching and make sure it's appropriate.

 

I have had a few kisses and make out sessions at the end of the date...only to be told "no spark" the next day.

 

If you've had kisses and make-out sessions, it doesn't seem like the problem is about your so-called disability (which doesn't seem like much of one to me, but don't need to debate that).

 

Breath is good?

 

You're a good kisser?

 

Not too handsy?

[Superunknown91]

You've mentioned weight lifting multiple times on this thread, yet not one woman has chimed in with "well then I have no idea why you can't find a relationship!" What that should tell you is that this is not the most important thing to a woman like you seem to think that it is. Physical perfection is very important to men, so they project that on to women as a trait they desire. But it is not true.

 

Honesty, however, is important to women. SHOULD women discriminate based on your disability or your height? The answer (yes or no) matters not because the fact remains that they do. (Just as a man would)

 

It's best to be completely up front about all things. You say you don't think women should care what your height is, yet you purposefully don't tell them unless they ask....so you must know it's actually important. To me 5'7" would not be a dealbreaker at all but to some (probably most to be honest) it is. So be honest. It doesn't mean you will never find a mate who accepts you totally for who you are, no matter how much weight lifting, teeth whitening, waxing/grooming you do.

 

I mention the weight lifting as I want to be seen as able. As most people see people with disabilities unable to do anything. Plus I'm trying to make the best out of my body.

 

Plus it would be rather awkward if I said to a woman

 

"Hi how are you

 

oh by the way I'm 5ft7"

 

It would be bizarre. So if they ask, I tell them. If they don't I leave it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I mention the weight lifting as I want to be seen as able. As most people see people with disabilities unable to do anything. Plus I'm trying to make the best out of my body.

 

Plus it would be rather awkward if I said to a woman

 

"Hi how are you

 

oh by the way I'm 5ft7"

 

It would be bizarre. So if they ask, I tell them. If they don't I leave it.

 

You clearly KNOW it could be a deal breaker though. What do you put in your dating profiles when it asks for height? Are you truthful?

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't know any deaf people.

 

I was raised hearing. I live a very hearing dominated lifestyle. Every girl I've met was hearing.

 

Even my first girlfriend in my teens was hearing.

 

At 30 have you tried dating women 5-7 years younger or have you had the same results with women who were 5-7 years older too?

 

I ask because it is a fact younger women will date a guy, like the guy, feel IT but if friends/family/passersby don't approve will move on. Your disability means that younger women who are typically... more easily influenced by external forces... may not be for you.

 

An older woman may be more likely to know what's really important. They know actual values, VS having the same hobbies. They know character does not come from abs. They know that they are the one that'll have to live with you not their friends, families, or passers by.

 

You need someone who likes you for your deep character and values and who stick around long enough to really see those. Even if 100% able it is hard to find that. Good luck.

[Mrlonelyone]

Miss Bum Bum Brazil 2014 Dai Macedo. A woman judged to have one of the best BOOooOOOooTAay's in Brazil has been dating a man in a wheel chair for the longest time.

 

That man in a wheel chair it seems met her at the gym.

 

What I wrote about about core values applies to this. Being one who goes to the gym or sticks to a diet or both to stay in shape is a core value. Finding a woman who shares your value could be as simple as being OK with getting to know the women in the gym.

 

Sure that can be fraught with people thinking bad things or whatever. Guess what asking people out anywhere is fraught.

 

Keep trying that.... you may score a Miss America contestant. I mean if he did why not you.

[mortensorchid]

Ok, another suggestion to you being that you are a deaf person. As you said you have no choice but to text because you can't make or receive a phone call ... Tell them in the text "Hello (Name) I had a very nice time last night and I would really like to see you again". That is, if you haven't already.

 

Remember some additional rules to this game if you have not already experienced them (and I post a lot of rules in case you don't know already) ...

 

1) 48 Hours - If you (as the woman) have not heard anything from the man within 48 hours after the first encounter, you will not hear from him again. This applies to calling as well as texting.

 

2) Texting MODIFIED - I know the man is seriously interested if he calls rather than texts after our encounter. If the man texts the day after telling me he had a good time, I usually respond with a simple "thank you I did as well" but I am already deflated after receiving this. Texting is a passive way of communication not direct. Eventually what will happen is that one party will text the other and there will be no response. HOWEVER, as there is a certain situation with you based on your disability and you have no choice but to text since you are not able do a phone call, you MUST say in the text message directly "I would really like to see you again (name) what's a good time for you?". If she does not respond or rejects via text, then you have your answer.

 

Remember, communication is key to anything and everything in life. If someone is not communicating their wants and needs directly to one another, you'll have a bad relationship. And if these women are not doing their part, you don't want anything to do with them.

 

You seem to be doing your part with communication. You're suffering from the same things that all are suffering from, which is not finding anyone they like or who just blow them off. It's what it is. Keep moving forward.

[mrs rubble]

Several posters have suggested meet up's or trying to meet people through your friends etc.

 

 

I'm going to say the same, I had an appalling time on OLD. I joined a club though and met a whole heap of new people who had similar interests to me. My (now) husband is a member of this club, he was also on the same dating site I was and lived a 5 minute drive from me. I never connected with him online because I had my settings looking for a man 5'8 +. My husband is 5'6 (so am I) so I would never have met him online.

 

 

Your best chance at meeting someone is through a club or meet up's, or via friends.

[fireleaf]

I'm just so frustrated and very very depressed.

 

 

I just feel so utterly undesirable. I spend ages in the gym. I scour fashion websites. I use cologne. I read books for inspiration.

 

I'm also a budding city photographer.

 

Sometimes I just stare at the mirror and wonder what is so wrong with me that makes women not want to see me again.

 

I don't doubt that you ARE desirable. And probably just looking in the wrong places for the right connection. You don't have anything to prove to anyone. Many women are attracted to guys of different heights (me included). A lot of people have already given you the advice to try meetups and ditch OLD. You may not find what you are looking for with online dating

[Purrrfect]

You need to put this in your ad. If you are springing this on them before you meet that is a turn off.

 

 

I have a very deep accent. I'm British but I'm told I sound a bit foreign. Which is something that is out of my control.

 

I always make sure I mention that before the date.

 

I whiten my teeth. I'm groomed and waxed too.

 

I lift weights at the gym 5 x a week.