Should I tell my boss’s wife that he’s cheating on her?

[whichwayisup]

I’ve heard from two other employees that they have sex when everyone else leaves for the day

 

So basically everybody knows what is going on? Did those two employees actually 'see' this or are they assuming? Just playing devils advocate here....

 

Right now it's gossip and even if it's true be 100% that you want to be the one to tell his wife. Just a thought, what if his wife is having an A too, what if they have an open marriage? You never know what is going on inside someone else's home even though in this case it does seem obvious something is going on with your boss and this OW.

 

Are you friends with his wife? Do you know her at all?

 

If you're gonna tell, quit your job (make sure you have another job lined up first though!) because when you tell, your boss will find out and fire you and probably try to ruin you and your reputation out of spite.

[d0nnivain]

If I did it anonymously she wouldn’t be able to trace it back to me

 

If you are not willing to go on the record then you have no business opening your mouth.

 

 

Most places are like that - and who has 5-20 grand to hire a lawyer?

 

No. All of those statutes cited by Gorilla Theater have fee shifting provisions. If you win, the other side pays your lawyer.

 

 

I’ve heard from two other employees that they have sex when everyone else leaves for the day

 

So you have no proof. You are going on hearsay. Another reason to stay out of something that is not your business.

 

You also don't say how large the company is. If your boss & his wife divorce, she may be entitled to 1/2 the company. If he can't afford to pay that they may have to liquidate the business & there goes your job anyway.

 

If you are unhappy with his ethics, get a new job stop trying to be the morals police at work.

[Art_Critic]

if you want to keep your job then no...and any old email can be traced right back to the computer that sent it..

 

I'd also bet dollars to donuts the wife also knows.. and you said employees have said they have sex.. so you haven't seen it.. so why base this action to tell the wife on second hand info..

[WhatWait]

I did something like this with no regrets. I went above and beyond in terms of making it anonymous though.

 

A lot of people told me not to, and I have to say, my instinct would be to tell anyone else not to. But I did, survived, and have 100% confidence that I did the right thing.

 

It was a very personal decision. There was no real justification, and nothing in it for me, except the sense that I did what I needed to do.

[SevenCity]

Lets forget your own interest and risks for a minute and talk about the moral issue.

 

You have your own moral values. Other people have other moral standards. Who are you to force your standards on others? More to that - Who are you to interfere so brutally in other people's lives, possibly ruin 2 families, just because they don't live up to your standards?

 

If you knew about a case of child abuse, or violence, or other things that are horrible and illegal, then it would have been different. But as far as i know in modern countries the law does not forbid adultery. So what your boss chooses to do in his own private life is perfectly legal.

 

If they were having sex inside the office, during work hours, then you could have said that it violates your work enviroment, but it is not the case. The only thing that bothers you is that personally you don't like your boss. So do you seek for a revenge or something? Bad bad bad. If it's not revenge, then what is it? Do you want to play Don Quixote, go find real miseries on the streets and fix them.

 

I think that it's better for you to stay out of it, don't stick your nose, it's none of your business what your boss chooses to do in his own life. Or - quit your job.

 

 

This. Just because you find behavior objectionable, it gives you no right to blow things up.

 

Why aren't you focusing more on your job than office gossip? Unless you have first hand knowledge all you have is hearsay. Regardless, this should have zero impact on you. Best served to mind your own business.

[IndigoNight]

Personally, I would stay out of it. Things like this are one of the main reasons I refused to engage in work gossip with other employees.

 

Just because it looks like an affair, doesn't mean it is one. Unless you have actually seen, or heard, them having sex, there is no way of knowing if they are doing it. Two other employees saying that they had sex means nothing. I had people swear to my ex that I was screwing other men, and it wasn't happening. It made my life miserable when they convinced him of the lie though. It is what put us on the road to divorce, actually.

 

Even if they are having an affair, it is also possible that his spouse knows, and doesn't care. Some people have more open relationships, or don't really care who their spouse is sleeping with, so long as it doesn't affect them.

 

If you think him having an affair makes your job uncomfortable, how do you think things will be when he is mad about someone in the office outing him? Things could be a lot worse than they are.

[Purepony]

I did something like this with no regrets. I went above and beyond in terms of making it anonymous though.

 

A lot of people told me not to, and I have to say, my instinct would be to tell anyone else not to. But I did, survived, and have 100% confidence that I did the right thing.

 

It was a very personal decision. There was no real justification, and nothing in it for me, except the sense that I did what I needed to do.

 

You did what you needed to do ?

Can you please tell us how you “needed” to do this ?

[Ronni_W]

I’ve heard from two other employees that they have sex when everyone else leaves for the day

Why not wait until you have your own first-hand evidence and proof? And then, why not discus what you actually know, with the person with whom you work, first; to at least get a '360-degree' perspective?

 

I get that it's a very touchy subject, because people have our own personal/karmic experiences and attachments, but that doesn't mean that ours are shared by the other person. It could be very different for them.

 

As others have suggested, your own best course of action may well be to first check your own motivations, and your expectations from whatever you decide to do - based on the evidence that you accumulate from your personal experience (not based only on the words/testimony of others.)