To block or not to block - to tell or not to tell

[usa1ah]

I think she hasn’t blocked me because she still cares, but the distance just became too much for her. I am much more laid back than her so it didn’t affect me as much until she broke up. She said she was used to being with me every day and struggled when we weren’t together because I didn’t always make enough effort to speak to her (because I’m laid back.)

 

She gets back in 3-4 months so I doubt she’ll do anything serious with another guy. I can’t imagine she’s over me just like that.

 

I’m just worried if I block her I’ll push her away even more when the ultimate goal is to get back together. I know that’s unlikely but I have to try

 

Being laid back has nothing to do with wanting to talk with someone you love. It means you don’t care enough to stay in touch or you are just lazy in the relationship. Both are bad and will kill a relationship.

[ben321]

A little update. I managed to maintain no contact for 2 weeks. But i had a weekend doing nothing and ended up missing her even more. I messaged her and got a reply a few hours later saying she didnt mind chatting but it would be just as friends. I replied saying i understood but mentioned i was sorry for how i acted post break up and that i was so used to messaging all the time so it was hard not talking at all.

 

I still miss her every day, im trying to move on, trying to forget, but the more i try the worse it gets.

 

I feel like im developing some kind of anxiety problem too, Even 5-6 weeks after the breakup i cant be alone, and i have this constant sinking feeling in my chest. Ive been exercising loads and trying to meet as many friends as possible, but nothing seems to fill the void she left. I hope it gets easier, but so fair its only gotten Harder.

Ive even got to the point where ive considered moving cities just to start a new life, get closer to old friends and meet new people.

 

Im going back up to my old Uni this weekend to see some friends and have a couple of big nights out. I hope that may take my mind off it, but considering everyone there knows both me and my ex, i imagine ill just get asked about it constantly.

Im generally not an emotional person, never have been, but this has truly ruined me.

[Veronica73]

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Things will get better someday. Hang in there. I’m going through a break-up of sorts too, so I get it.

[CantTakeMySmile]

DID you block her yet?

[lolablue17]

I feel like im developing some kind of anxiety problem too, Even 5-6 weeks after the breakup i cant be alone, and i have this constant sinking feeling in my chest. Ive been exercising loads and trying to meet as many friends as possible, but nothing seems to fill the void she left. I hope it gets easier, but so fair its only gotten Harder.

Ive even got to the point where ive considered moving cities just to start a new life, get closer to old friends and meet new people.

 

That's exactly why LDR don't work. That's exactly how she started to feel after the first few days in her trip. She handled it better, because she was using her friends there, and her love to you gradually turned to be a distant memory.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, OP. What you're feeling is very normal after a break-up, so you will find that many of us here can sympathize.

 

It does get easier. The break-up is still pretty fresh, so it will take much longer than just a few weeks to feel better about it. Be patient with yourself.

[hgriffin17]

I understand my man.

 

Kind of went through the same thing too. We had a great relationship, she got me and I got her. Then once summer hit, long distance sucked the life out of the relationship.

 

She asked for a break which then eventually (about 2 1/2 months later) ended up being a break up.

 

What i'm trying to get at is that you should block, and start the healing process. Look, waiting for her to come back is a long time that just isn't worth the effort. YOU are the one who wants her, but in order for this to work out SHE has to come to you. So regardless of whether you're moving on or waiting, until she decides to give it another go, you'll never get that chance. So instead of waiting, use that time to heal. If she comes around, great, but if she doesn't, then you'll be in a position where you are yourself again. Tbh you might even still harbor feelings by the time she comes back since you loved this girl. But listen man, do what's best for you. Love yourself enough to block her and move on with your life. Will she get offended? Confused? It honestly doesn't matter because this decision is about you.

 

You'll be in a better place by then and you'll look back at how far you've come. It does get better. Slowly, but better.

[ben321]

I messaged her back after she said we should be friends asking how her injury was she had picked up, got nothing.

I’m fed up with her taking the High ground In this. She’s the one that went to Canada, she’s the one that wanted this to work befeore she left and she’s the one who started to get cold feet at the first sign of any real problems in our relationship.

AND

In the summer she bloody kissed another lad (her best friend from home) didn’t tell me for months (she was too drunk to remember and had to get reminded - yeh sure) and she thinks I was ok with that. She hates the guy but the fact I even stayed with her then. It’s like she thinks that’s alright but a bit of long distance isn’t.

I’ve never wanted to shout and argue with someone so much thinking about that. I’m sure that was a one off, but the fact she basically forgot it even happened, even after telling me she did it (she was also smashed when she told me)

I’ve started to block her on things, Untag myself from her photos etc. I can’t bring myself to do it on everything just yet though

 

Should I try get myself back on level terms. I’ve been a bit soppy and needy in the breakup I feel like she needs a dose of her own medicine

Edited February 20, 2018 by ben321

[ExpatInItaly]

How would you give her a dose of your own medicine after she already broke up with you?

 

I know you're very hurt, but the first clue something was very wrong between you was when she cheated. I realize a lot of betrayed partners want to forgive a kiss, but it's often the first sign that a relationship will end.

[Danielle8]

Block, block, block.

 

Did that yesterday after about 8 months of hesitating and I already feel the difference. It may sound absolutely ridiculous, but the thought that I cant change it back, gives me SO much comfort. Like I stalked his profile all the time, it became a compulsion, obsession. Im really feeling like a free person now that I wake up and dont have to go to fcb messenger and check the last time he was online and think: oh, so he must have been hooking up last night with his new gf since he was last online at 2AM. Ridiculous. What a relief. Also blocked his best friend - nothing personal against him but he would post a lot, like daily... and I feel like I may be able to stop checking his page too, but I dont want to fail after a week when Im bored (which is the only time I was tempted and eventually broke the NC). Get very busy!

 

You wont push her away by blocking her, believe me. If she wants to reach out, you blocking her will not be the reason why she will/will not do that.

[ben321]

Block, block, block.

 

Did that yesterday after about 8 months of hesitating and I already feel the difference. It may sound absolutely ridiculous, but the thought that I cant change it back, gives me SO much comfort. Like I stalked his profile all the time, it became a compulsion, obsession. Im really feeling like a free person now that I wake up and dont have to go to fcb messenger and check the last time he was online and think: oh, so he must have been hooking up last night with his new gf since he was last online at 2AM. Ridiculous. What a relief. Also blocked his best friend - nothing personal against him but he would post a lot, like daily... and I feel like I may be able to stop checking his page too, but I dont want to fail after a week when Im bored (which is the only time I was tempted and eventually broke the NC). Get very busy!

 

You wont push her away by blocking her, believe me. If she wants to reach out, you blocking her will not be the reason why she will/will not do that.

 

A good pint, thank you. After her text saying we should be friends I haven’t thought about it as much, although every little thing still reminds me of her. At the end of the day though, as angry as I am at her currently, and as confused as I am about how it went from complete dedication to nothing in the space of a week, I will still always care for her.

[ben321]

How would you give her a dose of your own medicine after she already broke up with you?

 

I know you're very hurt, but the first clue something was very wrong between you was when she cheated. I realize a lot of betrayed partners want to forgive a kiss, but it's often the first sign that a relationship will end.

 

The more I think about it the more I realise that may be the case. It never bothered me that much when she told me, because I knew she was dedicated to me and completely in love.

I wish I could explain to her that if staying with her after that isn’t effort, she will never find a boy who makes her happy. If anything that moment made us stronger. But clearly everything. I thought about the relationship in the last few months was a rubbish

[CantTakeMySmile]

It sounds like she went away and still wanted to make things work, at first. It sounds like she has since met someone else and that is the "let's be friends" piece of the puzzle.

 

 

Do you feel better now that you have made contact and are friends?

[ben321]

It sounds like she went away and still wanted to make things work, at first. It sounds like she has since met someone else and that is the "let's be friends" piece of the puzzle.

 

 

Do you feel better now that you have made contact and are friends?

 

I’m not really sure. It made me really angry and also really upset. It’s nice to have some form of closure, but the fact she has given me no chance to explain myself/explain herself is so hard. I know I have to forget her now, at least till she gets back. I was hoping to hear how she was, it made me so happy last time we spoke even after 3 weeks of a breakup. That half hour we chatted was the happiest I’ve been in 6 weeks.

I don’t think she’s met another guy, she seemed to want to fight for it to some extent until the end. And if there is another guy I will find out sooner or later so I imagine she would have told me otherwise she knows she will love the one that looks worse

[ben321]

If there is another guy though, I would much rather know now. I would rather have the initial pain and anger rather than live for the next 4 months always wondering if there is or isn’t.

[CantTakeMySmile]

If there is another guy though, I would much rather know now. I would rather have the initial pain and anger rather than live for the next 4 months always wondering if there is or isn’t.

 

I assume you have asked this?

[ExpatInItaly]

The more I think about it the more I realise that may be the case. It never bothered me that much when she told me, because I knew she was dedicated to me and completely in love.

I wish I could explain to her that if staying with her after that isn’t effort, she will never find a boy who makes her happy. If anything that moment made us stronger. But clearly everything. I thought about the relationship in the last few months was a rubbish

 

Well, no. People who are completely in love and dedicated generally don't find themselves kissing others.

 

The problem with your line of thinking is that you are trying to prove to her and yourself that staying after an infidelity is a sign of devotion and strong love. But really, that's fairly irrelevant because her feelings had to already have changed somewhat for the kissing to even happen in the first place.

[ExpatInItaly]

If there is another guy though, I would much rather know now. I would rather have the initial pain and anger rather than live for the next 4 months always wondering if there is or isn’t.

 

In my experience, when people do meet someone else they are rarely honest about it. So if you asked her, you have to expect you might not hear the truth.

 

Even those who swear up and down their partner isn't like that and would never do such a thing have been proved wrong. Have a look on these threads to see evidence of that.

 

I am not say definitively that's what happened here, but just cautioning you that you might never really know.

[ben321]

In my experience, when people do meet someone else they are rarely honest about it. So if you asked her, you have to expect you might not hear the truth.

 

Even those who swear up and down their partner isn't like that and would never do such a thing have been proved wrong. Have a look on these threads to see evidence of that.

 

I am not say definitively that's what happened here, but just cautioning you that you might never really know.

 

You do have a point. I haven’t asked yet, but don’t know if I should. I imagine she would have told me during the breakup if there was, I imagine now we’re not really speaking she wouldnt

[ben321]

Just found a letter from her, sent to me literally a few weeks before the breakup. She wrote a massive long note about how she wanted to see me, for me to come out and see her, plans for when she got back about what we would do together. It was so nice but it brought back all these emotions. She asked in that letter for me to write to her. She literally dumped me a week after I got it. I still can’t understand the situation.

How do i stop myself thinking about her all the time?