GemmaUK Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 He sussed you wouldn't want anything and that you hate V Day - which you said you do. If you don't hate V Day and wanted a gift you should have expressed it to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JournoGirl Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 This has nothing to do with Valentines Day....this has to do with two people who have a different perception of what this really is. This is, by no means an exclusive/committed relationship. This is a guy that just wants to park himself in your bed once in awhile, and then maybe says and does things to make you think there is something there, when there is not. Casual bed buddies doesn't constitute, gifts, flowers, cards or romance. Now you know why he hasn't said anything, and his actions show where you stand, loud and clear. I don't think that a guy who sees me almost every day is someone who just wants to park himself in my bed once in a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 We put importance on this because we have been brainwashed by advertising and capitalism to do so. Love is something more than that. Love actually doesn't cost a thing but we are told that it does thanks to candy makers, florists, greeting card companies and jewelers. It's a pressure on people to do so. And if he doesn't get you anything for it or acknowledges it in any way? That means he's not that into you. Harsh blow but ... It's what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 JournoGirl, did you ever tell him that you hate Valentines Day? If so, he would have thought "Yay! I'm off the hook" If you did say it, his lack of acknowledgement is perfectly understandable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 So last time she wrote was afternoon. I bet he turned up. Hope so anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Tell her how you really feel Oak! Yikes...J/K:rolleyes: I think most men are pretty good about wanting to make their romantic interest happy--but I agree with some of the other posts. You can't just roll up to a drive thru restaurant and sit and stare at the clerk behind the window, expecting them to hand you an order exactly the way you want it by not talking to them first...before V-Day rolled around, if you noticed he didn't mention anything, you could have tried to. If it means something to you, mention it next time and see how he responds. Dealing with other people can be tricky because we don't always know what to expect or how they feel about these types of things. Maybe he doesn't celebrate holidays or maybe he does, but there is only one way to find out at this point-to ask him. I am sorry you feel hurt by this, it's tough when you care about someone and would have wanted to be with them on a holiday--even if it is dumb to some men or women...it doesn't mean that you are bad for wanting him to care too. Maybe you could try making this a mental note for the next guy you date, to see if you can find more common interests than you seem to have with your current partner...it is honestly as simple as that...Happy Valentine's Day to you hon. And pish posh on the V-Day haters...we are all just people here guys...and a lot of women like mushy stuff, and there is nothing wrong with that for the ones who do. I hope those men at least told their mama's they love her on V-Day. My son did 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Next thing you know, we’re going to have to start TELLING men to celebrate our birthdays or any holiday for that matter. And if we don’t say anything, he’ll be like “well I didn’t know, you didn’t say”. Hell, we might even have to start telling them EVERYTHING to do. Great job, ladies! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Next thing you know, we’re going to have to start TELLING men to celebrate our birthdays or any holiday for that matter. And if we don’t say anything, he’ll be like “well I didn’t know, you didn’t say”. Hell, we might even have to start telling them EVERYTHING to do. Great job, ladies! One would think that people would acknowledge celebrations but so many people say they don't "do" birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or Valentine's day it's a quagmire either way that can only be resolved through communication. I want my husband to make a fuss about my birthday. I really mean make a fuss. He didn't quite understand & was overwhelmed when he finally learned what I meant. I was happy to reciprocate. I threw him a 40th birthday party with over 200 guests, a buffet dinner & a live band. Many of his relatives told me it was nicer than some people's weddings, which broke my heart because to me it was just a party but it was the kind of fuss I expect. Last year for a big birthday of mine, he pulled out all the stops & made my dreams come true. It was awesome & filled with memories of a life time. Some may say my expectations are unreasonable but you can't say I'm not clear in what I want. There was just a new post this morning from a woman who was complaining. Last week her BF told he what he wanted to do for Valentine's Day. She replied that she doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day. The she made herself nuts trying to figure out what to get for him. She ended up getting him nothing. When he showed up at her house having downplayed the occasion at her request, now she's mad that he didn't do enough. Mixed message much? Communication would have fixed the problem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Next thing you know, we’re going to have to start TELLING men to celebrate our birthdays or any holiday for that matter. And if we don’t say anything, he’ll be like “well I didn’t know, you didn’t say”. Hell, we might even have to start telling them EVERYTHING to do. Great job, ladies! This is rather disrespectful towards the ladies who genuinely don't want it. We're not all carbon copies who all want the same things, and the fewer assumptions are made about that, the better. Given that the OP herself said that she "can't stand Valentines day", I personally think she needs to make up her mind on what exactly she wants. And yes, communicate that. A relationship with decent communication is VERY likely to outlive a relationship where the man ignores the woman's individuality in favour of a Cosmo article that told him he "should" be doing something or other. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Next thing you know, we’re going to have to start TELLING men to celebrate our birthdays or any holiday for that matter. And if we don’t say anything, he’ll be like “well I didn’t know, you didn’t say”. Hell, we might even have to start telling them EVERYTHING to do. Great job, ladies! Yes please. . I mean, it’s not like all girls have the same expectations? I would definitely prefer to Not celebrate any holidays. And, seriously, Valentine’s Day..? Like D0nnivain said in a thread a couple of weeks ago, the thing most guys would want for Valentine’s Day is sex, and perhaps a cold beer and for the day to not exist in the first place. So, why are your needs more important than mine? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Next thing you know, we’re going to have to start TELLING men to celebrate our birthdays or any holiday for that matter. And if we don’t say anything, he’ll be like “well I didn’t know, you didn’t say”. Hell, we might even have to start telling them EVERYTHING to do. Great job, ladies! Aren't we already doing that? How many women have to remind their bf/hb don't forget your mom's birthday next week. Not only we have to remind them ours but we also have to remind them their own side of the family special events. That should give us a clue that men, in general, aren't good at these things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 So, why are your needs more important than mine? It's not that one person's needs are more important. It should be about both sides clearly expressing what they expect. If the guy wants to ignore it & the girl wants to go crazy, the trick is to find a compromise. Sometimes that compromise may mean a different relationship. I always found that with low key guys I was more willing to be low key but on some levels I'm a high maintenance women so I need a guy willing to step up. It's about compatibility & about how much each person is willing to do (or not do) to make their partner happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Aren't we already doing that? How many women have to remind their bf/hb don't forget your mom's birthday next week. Not only we have to remind them ours but we also have to remind them their own side of the family special events. That should give us a clue that men, in general, aren't good at these things. No. I’ve never been with a dumb guy or a Homer Simpson. I’m not sure why women would want guys like that and encourage it. To each her own I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 It's not that one person's needs are more important. It should be about both sides clearly expressing what they expect. If the guy wants to ignore it & the girl wants to go crazy, the trick is to find a compromise. Sometimes that compromise may mean a different relationship. I always found that with low key guys I was more willing to be low key but on some levels I'm a high maintenance women so I need a guy willing to step up. It's about compatibility & about how much each person is willing to do (or not do) to make their partner happy. Completely agree, communication is key. But I do get the feeling many girls use this particular “holiday”, as some wierd quantitative measure of how good their relationship is. And I really don’t want to play that game, just feels somewhat forced. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Aren't we already doing that? How many women have to remind their bf/hb don't forget your mom's birthday next week. Not only we have to remind them ours but we also have to remind them their own side of the family special events. That should give us a clue that men, in general, aren't good at these things. To be fair, I have never done that or needed to do that. But, if I specifically said I "can't stand" a particular holiday, I would expect him to listen and NOT celebrate the holiday I said I can't stand! I have no idea why anyone would encourage a man to brush aside a comment like that and celebrate it anyway. That just reeks to me of disrespect, or a "women are all dumb, don't listen to what they say" kind of mentality. (I don't know if the OP actually said that to her bf, but given that she said it here, it's not a stretch to guess that she might have let it slip at some point.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 But, if I specifically said I "can't stand" a particular holiday, I would expect him to listen and NOT celebrate the holiday I said I can't stand! I have no idea why anyone would encourage a man to brush aside a comment like that and celebrate it anyway. That just reeks to me of disrespect, or a "women are all dumb, don't listen to what they say" kind of mentality. (I don't know if the OP actually said that to her bf, but given that she said it here, it's not a stretch to guess that she might have let it slip at some point.) I agree with you. My BF said he doesn't do V Day. I did nothing, I did not even cook dinner I served him left-over lol. I did that mistake with other boyfriends in the past. An ex-boyfriend told me he doesn't do Xmas and I still got him an expensive present, it ended with me being mad and disappointed. Never again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 No. I’ve never been with a dumb guy or a Homer Simpson. I’m not sure why women would want guys like that and encourage it. To each her own I guess. Popsicle, it's rude of you to insinuate the important men in my life: boyfriend, father, brothers, male friends are dumb or homer simpson. People are not all wired the same way. It's not because certain men don't fit in your cookie-cutter that they aren't valuable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Next thing you know, we’re going to have to start TELLING men to celebrate our birthdays or any holiday for that matter. And if we don’t say anything, he’ll be like “well I didn’t know, you didn’t say”. Hell, we might even have to start telling them EVERYTHING to do. Great job, ladies! I know a whole lot of women who already have to do that. I think it's fairly typical, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 One would think that people would acknowledge celebrations but so many people say they don't "do" birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or Valentine's day it's a quagmire either way that can only be resolved through communication. I want my husband to make a fuss about my birthday. I really mean make a fuss. He didn't quite understand & was overwhelmed when he finally learned what I meant. I was happy to reciprocate. I threw him a 40th birthday party with over 200 guests, a buffet dinner & a live band. Many of his relatives told me it was nicer than some people's weddings, which broke my heart because to me it was just a party but it was the kind of fuss I expect. Last year for a big birthday of mine, he pulled out all the stops & made my dreams come true. It was awesome & filled with memories of a life time. Some may say my expectations are unreasonable but you can't say I'm not clear in what I want. There was just a new post this morning from a woman who was complaining. Last week her BF told he what he wanted to do for Valentine's Day. She replied that she doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day. The she made herself nuts trying to figure out what to get for him. She ended up getting him nothing. When he showed up at her house having downplayed the occasion at her request, now she's mad that he didn't do enough. Mixed message much? Communication would have fixed the problem. I'm so glad he finally got the picture! Now that my friends are grown, they are mostly too blase about my birthday. I like me. I would like to have a little celebration that it wasn't up to me to drag people to....I stopped trying. My best friend forgot my birthday this year. I'm forgiving her only because I know she fell down around that time. She only realized it this past week. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 No. I’ve never been with a dumb guy or a Homer Simpson. I’m not sure why women would want guys like that and encourage it. To each her own I guess. Unfortunately, I think there's some guys who think they can stop trying once they get married and seem bewildered why they should still do nice things. Then there's others who just don't have their woman at the top of their priority list. Take them for granted. And then there's others who never had a fuss made for their own birthdays. I had an ex like that. I think it scared him to death when I bought him a bd present, said no one ever did that for him. It was sad. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Not mentioning it is his passive way of saying "I have no interest in celebrating this foolish holiday". end of. Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I've been together with this guy for the past three and a half months now. We are dating exclusively and seeing where things go. We haven't defined it as an official relationship, but over the past few weeks, things have progressed- his family know about me, we see each other almost every day (by his initiation), etc. He says things about how he'd been quite down in his life until he met me, and often does sweet and thoughtful little gestures. The only thing annoying me is... Today is Valentine's Day and he hasn't mentioned it at all! I hate this day anyway because of the pressure, and I know I shouldn't let the quality of what we have otherwise be defined by one day but this paranoid little voice is reading into the fact he's made no effort. We spent yesterday evening together - I cooked dinner and we watched a movie at my place. He works night shifts so he then had to work until 8am and said he'd probably sleep all day today. He could have at least mentioned the damn day. Am I being crazy? If i would not have mentioned it, my boyfriend would not have made any effort either. It's just a capitalist invention anyway. You had a nice evening the day before - isn't that enough? Link to post Share on other sites
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