Should i cancel the roses?

[Gaeta]

I have had problems with nausea and erratic sleep my entire life. When I was 8 I had to miss a month of school because I was so sick with my stomach issues (which run in my family). The only other thing that helps me is an Rx made for cancer and HIV patients which makes me too drowsy and incoherent to work. ---> If you have diabetes are you an addict for using insulin? If you have bipolar, are you an addict for taking a psychiatric drug? If you have AIDS, are you an addict for taking AZT everyday?

 

From her own admission: If she didn't smell it, she wouldn't know. From her own admission, she couldn't give a specific reason as to why marijuana is bad. Why would I stop doing something that helps me so much, when she can't even give me a reason why??? Why should I have to choose between missing work and excruciating pain???

 

I am sorry for your health issues, even if pot makes you feel better it still has long-term repercussions on people like impairing their judgement and changing their personality. If she doesn't want to be with a man that takes pot for health reasons it's her choice. Personally I would not. My very good friend is dating a man that has chronic hip pain and instead of taking his painkillers he smokes weed. She hates it, she says it changes his personality and she can't stand it. She is considering breaking up with him and they've been together 4 years.

[Coup La-La]

Dude, she dumped you by text after a one year relationship.

Cancel the flowers. .

Or have them sent to your mom instead...

 

That's an idea and I can't argue with

[Coup La-La]

I am sorry for your health issues, even if pot makes you feel better it still has long-term repercussions on people like impairing their judgement and changing their personality. If she doesn't want to be with a man that takes pot for health reasons it's her choice. Personally I would not. My very good friend is dating a man that has chronic hip pain and instead of taking his painkillers he smokes weed. She hates it, she says it changes his personality and she can't stand it. She is considering breaking up with him and they've been together 4 years.

 

I don't know who told you that lie, but you need to pimp smack whoever did. The only impaired judgement that pot smokers have is weird food combinations. Every state that has legalized weed has seen a decline in road fatalities, alcohol poisoning and domestic violence...that doesn't sound like bad judgment to me. Go to the trading floor or board room of any major investment bank, you're not gonna see too many people who never smoke, that doesn't sound like bad judgement to me.

 

Marijuana can affect you personality if you start smoking it too young, but that's not an implication for everyone. Young children exposed to psychiatric drugs have development issues also, but you wouldn't demonize someone for taking Prozac.

 

I constantly took intelligence and personality tests before I started smoking, comparing them to the tests I've taken since I started, my basic personality structure is the same, as are my cognitive abilities.

 

Do you know how incredibly selfish you sound to say that you wouldn't date /stay with someone who doing something in the best interests in their health? My ex used to take an Rx that made her toss and turn in her sleep more, and have an increased craving for ice cream (which I had to pay for because I was working and she wasn't) Did I break up with her? NO, I talked it out with her and came to a compromise. That's what love is, compromising and talking not walking away just because it's easier.

 

Only a self absorb, self defeating, unsympathetic person would say "I love you, we have fantastic sex. my parents fawn over you, we always have fun, you always lift me up when I'm down, you buy me flowers "just because", you write me poetry...but i don't like weed ( i can't say why), so therefore we're done" you shouldn't make excuses for that kind of illogical, self defeating behavior. It's one thing to say "she's being stupid, but its outside your control" but it's another thing to make excuses for stupidity (and yes, hating something without being able to cite and specifics is stupid.)

 

Your friend sounds like a real [female dog], she's condemning a man because he chooses to smoke weed (which has a whole host of health benefits) instead of pain killers, which are physically addictive and hurt your liver? If they have been together for 4 years, there's obviously a connection and love between them, if she's wants to dump him without at least coming to a compromise she just ungrateful and self defeating. You shouldn't been excusing selfish behavior like that.

 

Unless his weed is laced with something else, I refuse to believe that his personality structure has changed that much because of marijuana. The more likely explanation is that since he started smoking she's become more aware of whatever he does that she doesn't like, as a subconscious mechanism to justify her selfish attitude. Your friend with be a lot happier if she had a more grateful attitude, do you know how many people wish they had a long term BF, that only had that one problem between them.

 

 

****

But as I said before, of all the possibilities of why she broke up with me, marijuana is lower down on the list. I don't think she would break up with me over weed without saying something. That's not in her personality or culture to keep something like that to herself.

[d0nnivain]

You may never know why she broke up with you. If she had the communications skills to explain it you may not have broken up.

 

 

Marijuana is one of those polarizing issues. Legal or not, medically beneficial or recreational, she may just not like it. I'm against anything illegal but even if it was legal or my partner had a prescription I couldn't get past the smell. I feel the same way about cigarettes. I drink but not to excess. I would not stay in a relationship with somebody I thought was abusing alcohol or prescription medication.

 

 

It might not be that at all. You said she said unless she smells it she didn't care. It might be because Today has a Y in it. It might be because you looked at her funny, weren't nice to her mother or because she's bored.

 

 

No matter what, especially if she broke up with you after 4 year via text, just let her go.

[GoreSP]

I have had problems with nausea and erratic sleep my entire life. When I was 8 I had to miss a month of school because I was so sick with my stomach issues (which run in my family). The only other thing that helps me is an Rx made for cancer and HIV patients which makes me too drowsy and incoherent to work. ---> If you have diabetes are you an addict for using insulin? If you have bipolar, are you an addict for taking a psychiatric drug? If you have AIDS, are you an addict for taking AZT everyday?

 

From her own admission: If she didn't smell it, she wouldn't know. From her own admission, she couldn't give a specific reason as to why marijuana is bad. Why would I stop doing something that helps me so much, when she can't even give me a reason why??? Why should I have to choose between missing work and excruciating pain???

 

No one is saying your reasons for smoking weed aren’t good. We’re saying she had every right to choose to not be with someone who smokes weed, regardless of the reason.

 

I’ve been on anti-anxiety meds for a while now and some people have chosen to not date me because of it.

It sucks but I’m not stopping them and it’s their right to be uncomfortable with it.

[springy]

You may never know why she broke up with you. If she had the communications skills to explain it you may not have broken up.

 

Or if he had responded with a little more than "Ok, goodbye."

[Coup La-La]

So I followed the advice of everyone on this thread and cancelled the roses. It killed me to do it, but after talking to everyone here I could see it was for the best

 

3 MINUTES LATER

 

She's texting me normally, as if nothing has happened the last week 1/2. "Hi, how was your day" "What are you doing" "I love you"

 

Extra information: Since we broke up (?) she got a new job which makes her work a lot. I went to the company website, she is in fact their new manager.

 

I feel conflicted. I love her and want her forever but I also feel tired after this. For her drop that bombshell on me, and now it turns out that it was most likely just because she was depressed about being broke makes me feel disrespected.

[browzer]

You can tell her you ordered her flowers and then cancelled them after she dumped you for no good reason.

 

Or better yet don't tell her anything and go find someone who isn't going to take you for a ride on their emotional rollercoaster.

 

If you think this incident was a "once and done" you've got another thing coming.

 

It's a sure sign of what's to come if you stay with her.

[SpecialJ]

Okay. Somehow I'm not too surprised, because she sounds unstable right now. But canceling the flowers was still right, because you don't want to "reward" her for what you've gone through recently. You don't want any conditioning that she could possibly think that was okay to do to you.

 

I think if you want to make this work, you should ask her to go with you to couples counseling. It sounds like there are mutual communication issues, she maybe doesn't have a good understanding of how damaging it is for a partner to take out their own issues on the other person, and you've now got this feeling left over because she really damaged your trust and you don't even know why. I don't think this will go well to keep handling it on your own without some expert help until you get through this.

 

That's, if you even want to. It sounds like the ball is in your court at the moment. You may want to consider if there's any patterned history of this sort of thing and if you really can expect more of the same roller coaster if you try to work it out. Sorry that your valentine's day is going to be rocky :/

[salparadise]

3 MINUTES LATER

 

She's texting me normally, as if nothing has happened the last week 1/2. "Hi, how was your day" "What are you doing" "I love you"

 

Did she forget to include the heartfelt apology? Did you explain that you were dumped recently and not feeling very lovey-dovey on this V-Day?

 

I feel conflicted. I love her and want her forever but I also feel tired after this. For her drop that bombshell on me, and now it turns out that it was most likely just because she was depressed about being broke makes me feel disrespected.

 

Don't make excuses for her. She's putting you through the wringer. That's not okay. Think about whether you want your life to be all about her roller coaster ride. Be good to yourself, because she doesn't seem to be able or willing... be careful now.