how important is the "spark"?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

There is no age to have standards.

 

There are good men of all ages that are single and looking.

 

A first meeting is just that 'a first meeting'. If the man presents well enough you think giving him a 2nd or 3rd date then do it.

 

When I met my bf the very first time in my mind I was not gonna see him again. He was very tall and thin and that wasn't my type. I went home thinking I'll text him thank you but I didn't feel chemistry. Turned out he invited me for a 2nd date before I had gathred the courage to reject him. I decided to accept his 2nd date I had nothing to lose and nothing else to do. To my surprise I saw him with different eyes on that 2nd date. I saw a confident man full of courtesy, very respectful, well traveled with stories to tell. I accepted a 3rd date from him and the rest is history, by date 4 I knew I wanted to date him exclusively and we've been dating 2 years now. I am 52 years old and he is the best relationship I ever had and I am totally crazy about him. I scare myself when I think I was ready to drop him only because I felt he was too tall and thin.

 

Wow it's been two years geata congratulations! I think I'm in the same boat as O.P. I'm actually really grateful I dated my ex for almost a year. Mostly because I was single before hand for over a decade and I felt I needed the experience. It allowed me to brush up on relationship skills that I hadn't had previously. I was rusty to say the least. Some view it a waste of time and I believe it was absolutely needed so I can relate to my new boyfriend who I met surprisingly five months later after my break up more. My previous relationship gave me the confidence I needed to pursue my new relationship. And I feel I can relate to my new boyfriend who came out of a three year relationship. Previously, I wouldn't give a guy like him a chance because for fear a long term single like I was couldn't relate to a guy who just came out of a long term relationship. Which is true, I wouldn't have been able to.

 

My previous relationship also gave me more wisdom and like OP I agree, sometimes passion in a relationship comes and goes but comparability and company and running a household together is more important than chemistry.

I'm not overly attracted to the guy I'm with but man! He is the nicest guy I've ever been with! He treats me soo well and he is so kind and like an actual gentleman. I haven't experienced this before which is why I'm sticking with him. Guys who are so courteous, chilverous and considerate are rare in my experience. They're like a unicorn and I'm enjoying the difference. It's refreshingly different in fact.

I think women and men can grow to like someone and love someone. In some cultures, arranged marriages are quite common and they end up working out well.

 

I think it's important to write a list about what is most important when looking for a future spouse. The top of my list was respect and connection. Chemistry can grow.

[GoodOnPaper]

The issue is that guys who are physically attractive to me, for some reason, they all end up being flaky and players. I know I am in my 30's - I can't keep falling for alpha males, but it's so hard sigh.

 

As someone who can identify all too well with your ex-fiancé, I would say that if there is one thing a woman should NOT settle on, it’s sexual attraction. It’s very different than settling on the personality, income, education, etc. fronts. For women, no-strings sex options are so easy to find that eventually the temptation to cheat or leave the husband for a more rugged “alpha” guy that comes along will become to hard to resist.

[CrosstimbersOkie]

So inspired by another thread, I went on one date with this dude who seems okay overall on paper. He's not my type physically, but I mean I could grow to like him based on personality etc. I am also at the age where I can not like be super picky about EVERY single aspect. The +++ criteria guys are all taken. So I can't have good looks, great job, decent person, and knows what they want all in one. Something's gotta give.

 

I guess I am still affected by my previous relationship. I am scared of running into the same problems. I kind of settled - I knew deep down, I never loved the guy but I didn't want to admit it because he was a "good catch" in other ways. But we were incompatible and has a nasty break up post engagement.

 

It's been one date - I don't know this guy well enough. But should I give him one more chance? Or two more chances? I think his personality is okay - I could grow to like him more, but physically I don't know. I have grown to be more physically attracted to people based on personality but I am thinking if I don't feel it after 3-4 dates, I should really not try because I would be rewriting history again.

 

The issue is that guys who are physically attractive to me, for some reason, they all end up being flaky and players. I know I am in my 30's - I can't keep falling for alpha males, but it's so hard sigh.

 

The solution is simple. You have to find a Beta who knows how to behave like an Alpha. Otherwise, you'll never be satisfied with the relationship and are likely to still chase Alphas. The spark is essential. You may have to find one and train him.