Maddieandtae Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 ^It could be though. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Please help all This is a little long and I apologise. I’m looking for some advice and opinions regarding my new wife as I have exhausted all avenues and I’m tired- oh so tired. there are issues that we haven’t resolved and struggling to fix. To put things into context- I met my current wife around 5 years ago. At the time I was going though a difficult divorce having only been married 5 months to my ex wife. It was a great escape for me at the time To be dating someone so wonderful. It really helped me heal and come to terms with the devastation of my divorce. I soon fell in love with my partner and things were progressing very well in our relationship. We continued seeing each other for a couple of years then we decided to move in with each other ( at her parents house- her parents worked abroad and had the house free) for a few Months before we bought our first house. We both have degrees and professional jobs ( she does earns more than me and her family are well off -while mine are not as well off as hers) I proposed to her two years ago and and we have recently got married in a wonderful ceremony with friends and family all there. Now we are talking about having a family. It all seems that things should be great but there are things that are causing friction. During the time of living at her parents house I found out many things that my wife has since said she is ashamed of. First- she received many emails from a chap that didn’t hold back on how he can’t wait to do all manner of sexual things with her. ( in graphic detail). I happened upon that email as her phone had lit up and with the message! I was devastated. I decided to investigate this further and I found out that this man had been an affair partner of hers. She denies ever sleeping with him during our relationship but after many arguments ,lies and denial over many years she finally admitted to cheating on her ex partner ( who she dated for 5 years and had a house with) and that she had cheated on him for the entirety of their relationship. The affair lasted over 8 years! She also did many sexually explicit photographs and movies of herself that she would send to him over the internet. I saw these images and it made me feel so Ill that sometimes I can’t breath. The affair was seedy and sordid. What makes things worse is that this man works in the same company as her to this day. My wife may have gone through some emotional times after her breakup with her ex but I found out that after he breakup she slept around with married men and even slept with one of her friends. I saw the the sexually explicit messages and photos while investigating the affair. My opinion of her fell of a cliff but I love her dearly. And she does me too. In arguments I keep bringing up her past. I have developed trust issues and have become Insecure. Tried counselling and it ended up in an argument with my wife. Most of the time we are fine but in the back of my mind I can’t seem to shake it out and move on. There is a male friend that she has known for a long time and she sees him often through a volunteer club in the week. But they email each other constantly while at work. This drives me crazy. I have female friends but I don’t email every day. There are many things that my wife has lied about and I think that she is a very lusftull women. It concerns as she doesn’t seem to care much about sex with me. As newly weds we sometimes don’t have sex for a month. It makes me very frustrated and sad. It makes me feel unloved. Does having an 8 year long affair make you a horrible person? Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? I really want to move on from this and look forward to a happy future with my wife and a family. :,( You have a broken picker. Would you have married her if you knew all of this prior. Would you even date someone like this? This will be true for your wife, once a cheater always a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Peacemaker1 Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Hi brokenHeartLad I am sorry that you find yourself in this difficult situation. However, there is always hope. First of all, you have married her and promised to be with her for better or for worse. You definitely can use help in this situation. You said that you tried counseling. I am not sure about your beliefs, but have you considered going to a Christian marriage counselor? It is possible that she needs healing and redemption from her past, not only physically but spiritually as well. Having a strong faith has worked for many people no matter what thy have done in the past. And she seems to be unable to break free from this pattern of behavior. So I would consider getting professional help again. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 Lets give her ALL the benefit of the doubt that is possible. Lets say that the past is the past, and people can change over time, and the minute she met you, she had changed herself for good, and she is now a totally different person. Lets say all that. Ok. lets give her another discount, and say that she didn't tell you about this mail or mails, because it came out of the blue, she wasn't prepared for these, and was afraid that you're gonna think she's cheating, that's why she didn't share the mails with you on her initiation. (We need to be very generous to give her that specific discount... but hey... we are very generous people only today) The problem is not the past, but the present. The minute you found out, she should have came clean about her past. The fact that she gave you a trickle truth, in a very long proccess of pressure on your side, proves that she hasn't changed. She continued to lie to you. She is still the same person. She's a liar and how can you believe a liar. Liars tell the truth sometimes, you know. So the fact that she may tell the truth here and there, means nothing. All the problem from the past can might be resolved. But the lies you get - I don't see any cure for that. Never stay with liars. Admit your loss when it still early stage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Hi Folks, after the abrasive nature of posts towards the end I think the OP has been scared off and probably will not return. If the idea is to chase off posters like the OP then I guess it has worked. While calling a spade a spade is all good I guess it can be couched in language which is a bit softer than some of what has been deployed here. The whole purpose of a forum like this one is to help people suffering tremendous emotional pain and stress. So while the truth of their situation as seen by those who are looking at it objectively needs to be explained to them clearly, this can be done a bit more gently and humanely. If we end up chasing people away, there won't be a forum worth it's name left to visit. Just some thoughts on this. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenHeartLad Posted February 11, 2018 Author Share Posted February 11, 2018 Hi all- I haven’t disappeared and I have read through all your messages of support. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I have had some difficult times with her this weekend to the point that I was ready to divorce her. A lot of you think she has been cheating and continued to do so. I’m not certain she has. She does however have a tendency to lie and this has caused a lot of distrust. I feel like I’m going crazy or being punished almost daily. It’s no way to live. I still appreciate all your support to date and I do read your messages. My boss at work can see a change in me and my concentration is wavering. I crashed my car a week ago after a fight with her. Overall I am in a pretty dark place just now and not sure if making big decisions is the wisest thing to. I Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Hey man, just take it easy. You don't have to lose your life for someone so not worth it. I should think you should sign yourself up for IC so that you can get a better perspective of what is happening in your life and how you are reacting emotionally. I don't understand why you have invested so much of yourself in this relationship when obviously your wife is not equally invested. In your disturbed emotional state you are not being able to read the situation involving her, objectively. The best would be if you can separate from her for a while and get your bearings. Then you will be able to form a better opinion on the problems in your relationship and be able to take a call on it. Wish you the best. You have some hard decisions ahead of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 And u married her ? why !? Can u have the marriage annuled ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USNCVN72 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Hi all- I haven’t disappeared and I have read through all your messages of support. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I have had some difficult times with her this weekend to the point that I was ready to divorce her. A lot of you think she has been cheating and continued to do so. I’m not certain she has. She does however have a tendency to lie and this has caused a lot of distrust. I feel like I’m going crazy or being punished almost daily. It’s no way to live. I still appreciate all your support to date and I do read your messages. My boss at work can see a change in me and my concentration is wavering. I crashed my car a week ago after a fight with her. Overall I am in a pretty dark place just now and not sure if making big decisions is the wisest thing to. I Contact me on kik (usncvn72) or yahoo messenger (mm1sw72) I've been in very similar situation... I can help you Link to post Share on other sites
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