Highndry Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 I think people sometimes suffer from unrealistic expectations and impatience. We are all flawed. A great love takes time to mature. It doesn't happen at first sight, or in the initial stages. It's something that is nurtured and grows with time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Dating with the spark. It really depends who it arrives. Some people who like each other and the signs are right then it can happen at the start. However some people MAY be slower at picking up the signs and the spark may slowly come. It could be through to shyness, experience or not getting the right signals. I find the slow burn tends to last longer than the fast spark which is mostly likely to burn out fast. Whats the rush anyway? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nogan Posted February 8, 2018 Author Share Posted February 8, 2018 Dating with the spark. It really depends who it arrives. Some people who like each other and the signs are right then it can happen at the start. However some people MAY be slower at picking up the signs and the spark may slowly come. It could be through to shyness, experience or not getting the right signals. I find the slow burn tends to last longer than the fast spark which is mostly likely to burn out fast. Whats the rush anyway? Not so much a rush, I just have a feeling that this girl is very invested. I could see us easily dating for a while, I just don’t know if genuine feelings will come from that. It’s easy when there’s this huge spark and you’re filled with this intense and immediate passion, because it’s hard to imagine feelings not following. It’s how it’s worked in the past. I don’t want to set this girl up for failure or heartbreak. What I’m basically wondering is if the lack of intensity from the start is basically a guarantee that nothing will follow. I never want to lead someone on the way my ex did with me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 (edited) Well, you are. At least tell her you're not feeling the "spark"I would rather a guy say that to me than pretend he's feeling it 100% and then one day the feeling becomes to strong to ignore anymore or he meets someone who does ring his bell and I'm blindsided thinking everything was perfect all along Edited February 8, 2018 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Well, you are. At least tell her you're not feeling the "spark"I would rather a guy say that to me than pretend he's feeling it 100% and then one day the feeling becomes to strong to ignore anymore or he meets someone who does ring his bell and I'm blindsided thinking everything was perfect all along Yeah I’d want someone to tell me at the beginning too. But that said, there are tons of people who get into and stay in R that claim that their feelings grew over time. I have never experienced this but I can only imagine they have a strong friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nogan Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 Thought I’d give an update. Realized the hangups were taking their toll because I felt really closed off when I was with her. Personal problems I couldn’t be honest about became a barrier. And I felt like I noticed that she noticed. And while there were definitely moments where I felt like she was really into me, it began feeling like we were putting off the same vibe. So I started wondering if maybe I was feeding into something she was putting off or if that change in her was feedback from my behavior. Regardless, we had dated for a month, and I felt like it was worth having a talk to see where we were at and to basically come clean. First off, she did notice and couldn’t figure out why I was like that. Secondly, she was in the same boat as far as the sentiment went. Hadn’t dated in five years. Went from sparks to emotional disconnect, despite a strong physical connection. Both thought the other was perfect on paper but couldn’t figure out what was missing. Our different schedules made it difficult to date as I was up when she would be getting ready for bed. Etc. I was comfortable continuing to feel things out as I enjoyed her company, but I think the uncertainty stressed her out - it’s strange going from five years sabbatical to invested. I wasn’t going to push for something if I didn’t have a modicum of effort in return, and it probably wouldn’t have been fair of me to do so, so that called it. Can’t say I’m not disappointed. Feels like a timing issue. Could’ve stoked those embers and sparks when she was in the midst, but I just wasn’t available for it. The good news in all this is that even if the romance never took off, we did enjoy spending time together, and opted to attempt to be friends. So maybe something good came from it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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