Author JennFoss Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 So after calling him out on my last message from days ago (where I was actually ruthless) he emailed me apologizing and saying how he knows I don’t really mean the things I said and how he wants me to be happy. Delusional? He’s stonewalled. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpaw Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 So after calling him out on my last message from days ago (where I was actually ruthless) he emailed me apologizing and saying how he knows I don’t really mean the things I said and how he wants me to be happy. Delusional? He’s stonewalled. He's in denial cus you inflicted narcissistic injury, calling him out on his real self. You caused hurt by calling him out on his true self that which he was wants to deny to himself. Do NOT engage with this. Ignore, delete, block. The only way forward 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 He's in denial cus you inflicted narcissistic injury, calling him out on his real self. You caused hurt by calling him out on his true self that which he was wants to deny to himself. Do NOT engage with this. Ignore, delete, block. The only way forward And I’m so glad I did! I put him on a pedestal and he knows it, now he realizes that those rose colored glasses are long gone! I’m honestly starting to believe he’s a sociopath after reading the book “the sociopath next door” cause in his email he said I’m not sure what to say or what I did... It’s either that he doesn’t understand his feelings (is there a term for that?) or he feels no guilt that would nudge at his conscious to alert him of his evil actions. See, normal people when they say sorry, they actually acknowledge their bad choices. Thank you so much, you’ve really helped me understand him more. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpaw Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 And I’m so glad I did! I put him on a pedestal and he knows it, now he realizes that those rose colored glasses are long gone! I’m honestly starting to believe he’s a sociopath after reading the book “the sociopath next door” cause in his email he said I’m not sure what to say or what I did... It’s either that he doesn’t understand his feelings (is there a term for that?) or he feels no guilt that would nudge at his conscious to alert him of his evil actions. See, normal people when they say sorry, they actually acknowledge their bad choices. Thank you so much, you’ve really helped me understand him more. He's morally bankrupt. He doesn't have the ability to feel empathy. Empty vessel. You won't get any rational answers from him, nor will he be able to give them to himself. He isn't 'normal'. He doesn't understand his feelings because hIs emotional development is halted at an immature stage - most likely due to inadequate parenting. And no, his new girlfriend - nor any other girlfriend - can't fix that - though many girls in this position spend an awful lot of time trying to be 'the one' to fix him, so he can finally be normal and give the love he gave at the beginning, which was fake. You can only get rational answers from yourself at this point. Leave him to his messy affairs. Continue reading and educating yourself on these types of men - and also look into why you attracted him in the first place - that can help you learn a LOT about you. I used to think the 'lovebombing' is real love, even when my friends would screw up their nose at what I was telling them and say they find it weird. After understanding more about why I accepted the kinds of things other healthier friends didn't, I started to move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 He's morally bankrupt. He doesn't have the ability to feel empathy. Empty vessel. You won't get any rational answers from him, nor will he be able to give them to himself. He isn't 'normal'. He doesn't understand his feelings because hIs emotional development is halted at an immature stage - most likely due to inadequate parenting. And no, his new girlfriend - nor any other girlfriend - can't fix that - though many girls in this position spend an awful lot of time trying to be 'the one' to fix him, so he can finally be normal and give the love he gave at the beginning, which was fake. You can only get rational answers from yourself at this point. Leave him to his messy affairs. Continue reading and educating yourself on these types of men - and also look into why you attracted him in the first place - that can help you learn a LOT about you. I used to think the 'lovebombing' is real love, even when my friends would screw up their nose at what I was telling them and say they find it weird. After understanding more about why I accepted the kinds of things other healthier friends didn't, I started to move forward. Makes PERFECT sense! Actually when we were talking before he blamed me for a big part of how it fell apart, he said well I know it takes two, I depended on you to tell me you weren’t enjoying the rough sex. Like buddy, I’m not the one who had to numb herself, I was 100% present. He’s so out of it that he can’t take responsibility for his mistakes. Then tells me he’s having rough sex with that new girl and how he missed how intense the sex we had was. Him sharing that about her too? Low class. He needs a therapist. Fast. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpaw Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Makes PERFECT sense! Actually when we were talking before he blamed me for a big part of how it fell apart, he said well I know it takes two, I depended on you to tell me you weren’t enjoying the rough sex. Like buddy, I’m not the one who had to numb herself, I was 100% present. He’s so out of it that he can’t take responsibility for his mistakes. Then tells me he’s having rough sex with that new girl and how he missed how intense the sex we had was. Him sharing that about her too? Low class. He needs a therapist. Fast. Typical vile behaviour. SO predictable, none of it surprises me one bit. A/ he's trying to gaslight you by trying to blame it on you. B/ sounds like he's starting to get bored already of his shiny new toy. How quick this one moves. He's started the devaluing stage and telling you this personal stuff about his sexlife to try to wean his way back in with you to get a new supply of ego from you.... But...how are you hearing this stuff? Are you still in contact with him? You're setting yourself back everytime you do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 hey there, i've read your post and this guy is toxic, has social or mental issues and i'd try not to have anything to do with him. i know it hurt when you love someone who breaks your heart but YOU are now YOUR focus. I agree with pinkpaw: - go no contact as in "ignore him". he may return and you'd have ignore him. he may try other ways (email, front door, third party, etc.) to reach out but you should ignore him; i'd add: - go gym: work out. it releases the stress your body feels in this context. you also tell your body that you want some change, and the body reacts to that. - go comedies. do watch films or videos that make you laugh. it is psychosomatic: when you laugh you tell your body (stomach and all other organs) that you're happy and your body believes you. it changes your mood. - go style. i am myself a man and went through something like this. i took care of me style-wise. why, you tell yourself you are a new person. it may not be for everybody. i encourage you to at least try: you can stop it anytime anyways. go see a hair / fashion professional or document yourself through magazines. - go out. if you have some friends go out with them, have fun and meet some new people. not to start a relationship right away (they call it rebound and it may hurt that help) but to change your environment. good luck and be strong 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Typical vile behaviour. SO predictable, none of it surprises me one bit. A/ he's trying to gaslight you by trying to blame it on you. B/ sounds like he's starting to get bored already of his shiny new toy. How quick this one moves. He's started the devaluing stage and telling you this personal stuff about his sexlife to try to wean his way back in with you to get a new supply of ego from you.... But...how are you hearing this stuff? Are you still in contact with him? You're setting yourself back everytime you do that. Oh this is from the last conversation before I’ve blocked him. Some things when you hear during a phone call don’t really get processed until much later when you think about them or when you share them with others. I’m definitely not going back because now the price is simply too high, the price is my SOUL. I gotta focus on healing. He won’t heal, I know he will start feeling worse and worse as time goes on. This is nothing yet. Also in my heart of hearts that new relationship will collapse cause it’s based on lies, she doesn’t even know that he just ended a relationship. She’s also gone alone because of her job so he won’t be able to use her as a distraction forever, his negative feelings will simmer then explode and he’ll be crying eating his cereal in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 hey there, i've read your post and this guy is toxic, has social or mental issues and i'd try not to have anything to do with him. i know it hurt when you love someone who breaks your heart but YOU are now YOUR focus. I agree with pinkpaw: - go no contact as in "ignore him". he may return and you'd have ignore him. he may try other ways (email, front door, third party, etc.) to reach out but you should ignore him; i'd add: - go gym: work out. it releases the stress your body feels in this context. you also tell your body that you want some change, and the body reacts to that. - go comedies. do watch films or videos that make you laugh. it is psychosomatic: when you laugh you tell your body (stomach and all other organs) that you're happy and your body believes you. it changes your mood. - go style. i am myself a man and went through something like this. i took care of me style-wise. why, you tell yourself you are a new person. it may not be for everybody. i encourage you to at least try: you can stop it anytime anyways. go see a hair / fashion professional or document yourself through magazines. - go out. if you have some friends go out with them, have fun and meet some new people. not to start a relationship right away (they call it rebound and it may hurt that help) but to change your environment. good luck and be strong I’m always happy when men comment cause you guys decode the man code for us, sometimes I feel like men are aliens or I’m the alien because I am naive. I’ve started going to the gym twice a week and just actually got my hair dyed in highlights and bought a few new dresses! I’m also trying to start off a new job so I’m focusing on getting a few licenses for that. I gotta focus on myself now! Honestly that relationship was sucking the life out of me. It did me no good. My head knows it and my heart needs to catch up. I’m definitely staying away from dating now, I gotta recover, I’m not as stupid as him to try to heal my breakup with another inevitable breakup. That truly showed how weak he is. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkpaw Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Oh this is from the last conversation before I’ve blocked him. Some things when you hear during a phone call don’t really get processed until much later when you think about them or when you share them with others. I’m definitely not going back because now the price is simply too high, the price is my SOUL. I gotta focus on healing. He won’t heal, I know he will start feeling worse and worse as time goes on. This is nothing yet. Also in my heart of hearts that new relationship will collapse cause it’s based on lies, she doesn’t even know that he just ended a relationship. She’s also gone alone because of her job so he won’t be able to use her as a distraction forever, his negative feelings will simmer then explode and he’ll be crying eating his cereal in the morning. He'll never heal, he'll keep repeating the same cycle. But that's on him. YOU'RE the important one in your situation. Yes, it's normal to process things later on as you reflect, and glad to hear you're not talking to him. You're doing well and remembering all these unpleasant details is really good, conversely, as it helps the fantasy image diminish and the truth to set it. And the truth sets you free. Don't worry about the new relationship ending (it of course, will). Irrespective of that, keep the focus on you and your healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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