olivetree Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Look at it this way. Whether something physical happened or not is kind of irrelevant at this point. She lied to you. He lied to you. When the trust is gone, a relationship is over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Whether they did something physical or not, is beside the point. They both knew how you would react while they were doing it. Your friend knew how it would look, and your girlfriend knew how it would look, yet they both did it anyway. Then they conspired together to keep the truth of their meet up from you , lying to you for over a year. Both of them looked you in the eye and committed the sin of omission right to your face, with a smile. They destroyed the trust and without trust, what do you have? A lying friend and a FWB you hook up with. Also, what other 'secrets' is she keeping from you? My advice is to not stick around to find out... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Talk to the mutual friend who enlightened you. Tell him you want the full story, the unabridged truth. The deceit is what killed it though. The two of them have been conspiring to keep you in the dark the entire duration of the relationship... while others apparently knew all about it. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. It will take some time to process, integrate and heal. Be kind to yourself, but do what you have to do to preserve your dignity. That's probably all that's salvageable from this mess at this point. Those who are using strong language are trying to help too by shocking you out of denial. Figure out who you can rely on for support in real life and be kind to yourself. You deserve better than this. It wasn't your fault. Hold your head high, and no shaming. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Yes, how exactly did your mutual friend know about this long before you did? And exactly why did he not clue you in on this a long time ago? Sketchy bunch of people you got in your life. Maybe it's time for a move and a new start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Talk to the mutual friend who enlightened you. Tell him you want the full story, the unabridged truth. The deceit is what killed it though. The two of them have been conspiring to keep you in the dark the entire duration of the relationship... while others apparently knew all about it. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. It will take some time to process, integrate and heal. Be kind to yourself, but do what you have to do to preserve your dignity. That's probably all that's salvageable from this mess at this point. Those who are using strong language are trying to help too by shocking you out of denial. Figure out who you can rely on for support in real life and be kind to yourself. You deserve better than this. It wasn't your fault. Hold your head high, and no shaming. Yes, how exactly did your mutual friend know about this long before you did? And exactly why did he not clue you in on this a long time ago? Sketchy bunch of people you got in your life. Maybe it's time for a move and a new start. Yes it time for you to sit down and talk with this mutual friend to get the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 What will the friend gain by telling you? they have an interest in one of the parties in involved? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theonlyone92 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 Yes, how exactly did your mutual friend know about this long before you did? And exactly why did he not clue you in on this a long time ago? Sketchy bunch of people you got in your life. Maybe it's time for a move and a new start. Im not sure how long he knew or why he waited so long to tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theonlyone92 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 What will the friend gain by telling you? they have an interest in one of the parties in involved? What do you mean?? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Yes, how exactly did your mutual friend know about this long before you did? And exactly why did he not clue you in on this a long time ago? The short answer will probably be that OP's friend either drunkenly or in a moment of manic guilt, told the other friend that he banged OP's GF. Probably not very long ago was he told either. Perhaps friend felt very upset at the details of the story and decided he was not going to be party to such a poor secret. If people are around here long enough, they've seen the above template on MULTIPLE occasions. I think that is the saddest part of the stories that come through the subforum like this: We've all heard the Cheaters Handbook script responses so many times we already know how a convo between the principals probably went down word for word. And as a result we pretty much can predict with a high degree of accuracy what will be the end result before it has even happened. And this is all because there is little to no variance in how these episodes unfold. That is why it is always rare that someone can take a secret like this to their grave. People need to be encouraged they are not doing something with bad intent so they will literally always tell a third party in a moment of having a small pang of guilt. Thus, eventually they will be discovered or spill the beans out of regret. That does not make the pain of this farce any less. OP will probably discover that more people in fact knew and knowingly didn't tell him out of not wanting to get involved. So he'll have to decide whether these are friendship a breakers as well. Infidelity is a gift that keeps on giving... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theonlyone92 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 I dont know how everyone else feels about it but for me, any friends that chooses not to tell you because they dont want to " get involved " or " stay out of it its none of my business " are only adding to the problem. By " keeping out if it " theyre basically helping you to get cheated on. Snd im pretty sure they realize tgat to a degree. By keeping quiet youre allowing the deciet to continue undetected. To be blunt: As long as you dont tell the person thats being cheated on , you are NOT doing the person any favors AT ALL. Youre benefiting the CHEATER not the CHEATEE. There is NOTHING positive about watching your friend walk around blindly. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Hey, ya got that right. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 go NC on both of them. It is good that you are not married to her and have kids with her. Start dating someone else. Run, you get out before you get her pregnant. You think she would not try to trap you? She lied to you every day for the last year. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 If she can lie to you for a couple of years she can do a lot worse. The onus is on her to prove nothing happened, it is not up to you to prove that they did. If she is unwilling to prove it to your satisfaction, get rid of her. Since when is protecting a secret with a supposed friend of yours more important then your relationship? Get rid of the pretend friend too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 The reality of things is that the process of dating and courtship is actually a prolonged job interview for the position of spouse, life partner, mother of your children, etc. etc. With this betrayal of you, with her long term dishonesty to you, with these things alone she has now failed the interview. She has now disqualified herself from the prospective position of spouse. Time to let this one go and move on to new possibilities. Onwards and upwards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Glass half empty: oh man she cheated on me, and with my buddy Glass half full: hell yeah now I did NOT burn years with these two infecting my life, possibly marrying and having kids with someone so unworthy. It's much easier to say have a good life I'm out, at this point. A better woman is just over the horizon, I guarantee it, not hard to top this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Dude, if you believe that nothing happened, then I have ocean front property to else you in Arizona....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theonlyone92 Posted January 26, 2018 Author Share Posted January 26, 2018 Dude, if you believe that nothing happened, then I have ocean front property to else you in Arizona....... Bout to pay him a visit. Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Keep your hands up to block. Don't worry about the jab just watch for the hook. And keep punching! Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 (edited) Oh, and don't focus on the head. Just go for the body. Kill the body and head goes down too. George Chuvalo was the hero of my youth. He was the inspiration for the movie Rocky. First guy to go the distance with Ali. And the second. Oh, and he's still around and still lucid. Edited January 26, 2018 by doyathinkso Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Hey! So how'd it go, eh? Get some resolution? Link to post Share on other sites
mrstang69 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 I think that it's cheating and that it's disrespectful what she did and what your friend did they should have told you right away. keeping it from you for a year just doesn't look right. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Hey! So how'd it go, eh? Get some resolution? Thus far he hasn't. OP posted the same conundrum on SI(I'm a decade long lurker there) and ran across it today. He asked them the same questions and gt the same answer from them as he did from us. Still hasn't confronted as of 2/12/18 I guess it's deflating even more when you seek a second opinion and given the exact same diagnosis, of course with no action taken...poor kid 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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