Do most men feel anger towards women who reject them?

[LuckyM]

Anger no but sometimes dislike yes, yes. Depending on how she answered me.

Women, girls can be notoriously mean and insensitive like they don't give a d---

Some will make up some stupid lie anyone will see. Some of these lies I still remember years later. A simple no thank you is enough.

 

Watch out though. Some men resort to nastyness when turned down.

[NuevoYorko]

No. If I feel any anger towards a woman who rejects me it would be a reaction to ridiculous game playing and time wasting. That anger would be a tiny mote of anger, as I would not yet have any emotional investment in

Her.

[NuevoYorko]

Who said anything about the small talk being awkward? I got the impression that many of these women enjoyed my company on a platonic level as well as the free drinks/food/entertainment. Most wanted to be friends after they revealed they weren't interested in me sexually.

 

As far as it being common place, it happened to me a lot until I learned how to screen these women out. How could you possibly know I'm wrong? Have you dated a large number of women to observe that they don't do this?

 

I have. It’s not that women “do this.” If I choose to buy drinks / dinner for a woman that’s on me. Is she supposed to accept only if she intends to have a sexual relationship with me? Things usually go better if one does not approach social activities in such a transactional way.

H

[Woggle]

Not at all. Nobody is obligated to date me. If they are rude about it then no big loss for me and I don't spend a lot of money until I am dating a woman.

[Shanex]

I do think men are more likely to get angry and blame women. Also, they are totally wrong about free dinner/drinks. Who the hell wants to make awkward small talk with a stranger for a free meal? I have never met a woman that does this, yet men think it's common place.

 

I had one angry dude earlier last year. We had 2 dates. He was clearly a vetaran of OLD. Second date, he asked me to dinner. I was on the fence but thought I will give it one more date. He took me to this burger joint that wasn't fast food but wasn't far off. Once there, I wanted to order a cheese burger (around $11) but he made a strong suggestion that I order a slider version of the same burger ($6). So I went with it. Then he asked me what I want to drink and I said cider. He goes to the counter to order and comes back with 2 sliders and only 1 cider with 2 glasses (it was only 400ml bottle). He couldn't even order 2 drinks! This guy had a full time job and owned his home. I am sure he could afford to pay few extra dollars...but I almost had a feeling he was putting me through some kind of test. This was a big turn off.

 

Regardless of that, when he tried to hold hands I wasn't feeling the spark. So when he texted me for the 3rd date, I wrote him a long nice message about how I don't think we had enough in common to date further and how I had fun etc. He comes back with "I knew you were in it for the free dinner" I am sure that he was telling his friends how he met another women that used him to get a free meal.

 

Sounds more to me the guy was pretty clever to not invest much on a mere second date, at the risk of being rejected. Classless, maybe. Granted, its even more classless to send you this text.

 

Other than that, he is right all along. Why should men invest a lot in women they aren't in relationship with anyway? I pay for both drink on a first date, be it a pricey cocktail for her, don't push for a second date or kiss, and see where it goes. If she ''didn't feel like it'', I move on, though not the way of that guy.

Edited January 25, 2018 by Shanex

[jay1983]

I forgot who it was that said they took a girl out who ordered several cocktails at $30 a pop, then went on to reject his advances for another date.

 

I would've been mad as hell. Lll

[nospam99]

If I felt anger, it would be if I felt the woman had lied to me, had 'led me on', 'played' with my feelings. But I don't. Or if I do, I am totally suppressing it. What I'm going to say next follows from me being basically a trusting person. Maybe I'm a 'patsy'. But I believe what I'm told and assume it's true. If I knew I'd been lied to I'd be more hurt than angry.

 

I'm a talker, a communicator. Several of the women I've met in my brief return to dating have responded to my communication by sharing some pretty intimate feelings about their lives. They have opened themselves to me emotionally which has caused me to care for and about them. I've found it difficult to become angry with women I care about just because we won't be continuing to date each other.

 

Rejection? As in 'I don't want to date you'? I vote 'no' for feeling anger.

[road]

Sounds more to me the guy was pretty clever to not invest much on a mere second date, at the risk of being rejected. Classless, maybe. Granted, its even more classless to send you this text.

 

Other than that, he is right all along. Why should men invest a lot in women they aren't in relationship with anyway? I pay for both drink on a first date, be it a pricey cocktail for her, don't push for a second date or kiss, and see where it goes. If she ''didn't feel like it'', I move on, though not the way of that guy.

 

It is not clever. Nor was he right to behave that way.

He is just being cheap. A deluxe full size burger

platter with the works and her own drink in a moderately priced

restaurant is not letting a woman gold dig a man.

 

This behavior from a man that has a good job and owns his

own house does not know how to treat a woman.

[road]

I forgot who it was that said they took a girl out who ordered several cocktails at $30 a pop, then went on to reject his advances for another date.

 

I would've been mad as hell. Lll

 

Because a woman agrees to go out on a 1st date, the amount

of money that a man spends never buys a 2nd date.

 

As to the cheap skate that would not buy his date a full

sized burger. This other man should not be going to bars

that sell $30 drinks if he cannot afford to spend that much

money.

 

Again:

 

Because a woman agrees to go out on a 1st date, the amount

of money that a man spends never buys a 2nd date.

[salparadise]

Also, they are totally wrong about free dinner/drinks. Who the hell wants to make awkward small talk with a stranger for a free meal? I have never met a woman that does this, yet men think it's common place.

 

Oh I don't think they go in thinking, "heh, I'm going to play the schmuck for a free meal." It's more like, "Ok, I'll play along and let him make his bid. If he doesn't float my boat, no big deal" While she may not be scheming for a meal, the consideration that somebody will have to drop a hundred bucks on this low-interest experiment need not be part of her calculus.

 

I'm pretty sure there are a few with a big sense of entitlement combined with a craving for validation, and little empathy, so being cavalier is just another day in the life. It's a type of privilege.

[jay1983]

Because a woman agrees to go out on a 1st date, the amount

of money that a man spends never buys a 2nd date.

 

As to the cheap skate that would not buy his date a full

sized burger. This other man should not be going to bars

that sell $30 drinks if he cannot afford to spend that much

money.

 

Again:

 

Because a woman agrees to go out on a 1st date, the amount

of money that a man spends never buys a 2nd date.

 

I wondered into one of those places with a new date by chance. It was a small place downtown, people were dressed in button downs or whatever weekend outfit, but not suits or fancy dresses or anything like that. They had the drinks I spoke of, nitro martinis (Something like that) for $28. My date didn't order them, but I remember seeing that and remembering this very forum at the time.

[CptInsano]

Oh I don't think they go in thinking, "heh, I'm going to play the schmuck for a free meal." It's more like, "Ok, I'll play along and let him make his bid. If he doesn't float my boat, no big deal" While she may not be scheming for a meal, the consideration that somebody will have to drop a hundred bucks on this low-interest experiment need not be part of her calculus.

 

I've seen many women do more than play along. They are enjoying the date, the time spent in good (or at least decent) company. And the guy feels great about it, because he senses that the woman is having a good time, which indeed she does. It's an enjoyable night out.

 

But it's not more than that and not enough to start a relationship, and when the subjectively great date leads to nothing else, that is the point where many guys get irritated.

 

I've seen so many of my friends confuse attention with attraction.

[Shining One]

I forgot who it was that said they took a girl out who ordered several cocktails at $30 a pop, then went on to reject his advances for another date.

 

I would've been mad as hell.

That was me, but we did have a third date. While I didn't get angry after she consumed over $110 on our second date, I did get angry (but didn't express it to her) after she gave me the "let's be friends" line. She even had the audacity to suggest another expensive place I should take her to as friends.

[Mysterio]

I don't let myself get angry over a woman. I am the opposite. I don't want any woman to have that power over me emotionally.

 

So what I do is I really only ask out women that I am aquainted with. I am not just going to ask out a woman that I have never talked to or anything like that. We all have to stop giving all these women that we like over valadation.

 

Unless we are basically GF/BF status. A date is just getting to know someone. My cousin has two restraining order on him with two other women he likes. I don't want any woman having that on me. I don't push it. I am getting better at predicting behaviour from women when I date. The more I try to make it happen. The less it does. I would be better off letting the woman come to me. I don't need to always be making that grand effort.

 

Most women in my view are only going to be into the man they have picked and scooped out. So I think a lot of men should just let the women come to you, if you really have no gripes in your dating life. I think a lot of us are not qualifying people into our lives. On the male side of things. Its actually scary to me that a lot of men date or seek out relationships based on physical looks and it does not give you any major insight into the woman.

 

My current criteria to date a woman is the following. She has to engage me in conversation, I have to know her status right away, with her being Single/Widowed/Divorced. She needs to make an effort with me, where I don't feel like I am the driving force of getting us together.

 

If she has kids. I don't think I could handle more than 1-2. I don't really have the desire to have kids. I want to more go out to music venus and have more one on one time. Not have to do things with kids all the time. I think the best match for me is with a single childless woman that is into me, and makes it apparent.

[Mysterio]

That was me, but we did have a third date. While I didn't get angry after she consumed over $110 on our second date, I did get angry (but didn't express it to her) after she gave me the "let's be friends" line. She even had the audacity to suggest another expensive place I should take her to as friends.

 

 

Shining. No offence, but you should not have dropped 110 coin on your date. At most 20 dollars on her meal should have sufficed. 110 is BF/GF status on a special occasion.

[Mysterio]

I may make a post about this in another thread. What I don't get about dating and rejection is that some of us here have opposite sex friends. So should we not have a bit of the edge when we are dating.

 

In my life I have DS/JC/AG/AM/JK/DD/SO. Its not like my life is so surrounded by males that I don't interact with the opposite sex. In my mind I should have it easy when it comes to dating. In reality. It feels like I can basically date very second yr. My problem is that a lot of women are spoken for. Unless I want to brake up a couple. Most of the women I meet in the randomness of life are attached.

 

Last summer, I had to find out the hard way that two women that I liked were attached. One never wore a wedding ring. The other I found out through conversation. I also think that women have to accept that through marketing and social media and general media, that most men are looking at you as a Romantic Prospect. Good luck meeting a man that just wants a pure friendship with you.

[gaius]

I probably spent over 500 on the first date with my fiance, between travel, accomidations and the date itself, but then again she's special. I've never been dumb enough to spend money on a woman that didn't deserve it.

 

With all the communication tools at your disposal nowadays before even going on a date there's no excuse for showering money on someone who's not even interested in you. Man or woman. That's on you if you do.

 

And no, I don't take rejection personally.

[snowboy91]

I certainly haven't felt anger at anyone who rejected me. Disappointment, sadness, yes but certainly not anger. Romantic rejections and break-ups are a fact of life, and it's not worth getting angry, it just causes more problems and hinders the healing process.

 

That being said, I've only had a handful of rejections (I was always too nervous to ask anyone out). If I had a small number of rejections before a yes, then I wouldn't worry. If it was a hell of a lot of rejections I'd begin to wonder what I'm doing wrong, but I still wouldn't be angry at anyone in particular.

[NuevoYorko]

That was me, but we did have a third date. While I didn't get angry after she consumed over $110 on our second date.

Well I hope not. You chose to do it and I imagine the two of you were having a good time. Win / win.

[drakon12]

Do most men resent women who tell them they are not interested even if they don't express it?

It depends. If she politely reject my advances, or opens up to me as I opened up to her to say she's not interested, it's okay. I know I'm only human and I'm certainly not every girl's type.

 

But there are things that infuriate me when I open up to a woman.

 

- Treating it as a joke, laughing it off and changing the subject (Deserves eternal punishment)

- Demeaning behavior and words

- Attacks on my personality

- Constantly delaying the answer (Thanks God now I know better that 99% of the times it's a no)

- Ghosting

- Negotiating

- Blaming me because "She is so high and mighty that She would never ever flirt with and show attraction to a man like us lowly humans, and I just misunderstood Her Grace's kind words, touches and smiles and her overall gentle perfection". I hate it.

 

As a rule of thumb: If you are dealing with a normal man (mentally and spiritually healthy) and you want to make sure you don't upset him or hurt his feelings; just say that you're not into him -acting a little sad about it would help-. That way he can have closure and move on.

Edited January 28, 2018 by drakon12

[GravityMan]

It really depends on the guy, but I think it's safe to say that most guys hate getting rejected. Some guys take their anger out on the people who rejected them, avoid these guys. Other guys take their anger out on themselves.

 

It may be a good idea to avoid those guys, too...

 

Anger directed at anyone (including beating oneself up) or anything simply because of a rejection is an overreaction and a red flag. It's a sign of immaturity at a minimum. In more severe cases, it's a symptom of emotional instability.

 

It's fine and normal to feel disappointment after being rejected, but it's important not to dwell on it or take it too personally. Get over it, and move on with your life. Learn how to handle rejection with grace. That may pay off for you down the road.

 

Many women will overtly or subconsciously drop multiple clues (tone, body language, etc.) that indicate that she isn't interested. A perceptive man that's respectful of women and that pays attention will detect those social cues, correctly interpret them, and smoothly bring the conversation to an appropriate conclusion without asking her out.

 

How a man reacts towards any sort of rejection or other negativity directed towards him can reveal a lot about his character. Likewise with women.

[GuitarGuy7]

Many women will overtly or subconsciously drop multiple clues (tone, body language, etc.) that indicate that she isn't interested. A perceptive man that's respectful of women and that pays attention will detect those social cues, correctly interpret them, and smoothly bring the conversation to an appropriate conclusion without asking her out.

 

 

 

Kinda hard to do that when you have burgers up your ass.

 

Reading people = mission impossible

[jay1983]

It's probably easier to look for sings of interest.

 

If she won't look and smile at you, she's most likely not interested.