Highndry Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 One thing I forgot to mention: Never, and I mean NEVER, have these conversations through text. Really, really bad idea. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 to answer your question it may not be over, but it should be. you busted this dude texting other chicks in your bed and now you're begging him for forgiveness? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 to answer your question it may not be over, but it should be. you busted this dude texting other chicks in your bed and now you're begging him for forgiveness? In all fairness it was his bed, but yeah... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 For future reference, the best response to his text telling you that he is thinking about you is - "I've been thinking about you too. I miss you." And, that's it. You text, WAY TOO MUCH! You should not be using text messages to resolve conflict or have important discussions. And yes, if a man asks you for space, you should not respond by blowing up his phone looking for reassurance and attention. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennakay08 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 Wow I needed all that, you all are right, I know what I did was dumb and I am embaressed I did it but nothing I can do now unfortunately. I do base my self worth on this kind of stuff, it doesnt help that he was the first guy since my major breakup from my daughters father. So naturally I got hooked. I guess it was all a learning lesson but none the less it really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
gelite3 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Dating relationships are so confusing and getting to know people requires some discernment and wisdom. Are you sure that you want to be with someone with so many challenges and red flag so early on? It just doesn't sound very healthy or peaceful. I am wondering why you feel the need to focus just on one person when that person does not communicate love, faithfulness, respect, or kindness. Perhaps, you should consider setting some boundaries and distance and not give so much of yourself so early on. Have you thought about taking more time to actually know if he is a person of character, integrity, and has healthy relationship skills. He may not be healed from his previous relationships. You may find the book, Boundaries in Dating, helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Checking his phone or wanting to hold/have his phone is not a good idea. Most of us are possessive of our phones, we like some privacy in life. We would not want someone else opening our mail either. Having said the above, the comments he makes and the way he seems to have set the situation up, suggest to me that he has a history of making women feel insecure. They then start responding to that and you get the 'I've had crazy exs' scenario. It is narcissistic to assume that every woman wants you and wants to keep you locked down to the point that they will turn crazy. Trust your feelings. You are feeling insecure and do not know where this is going or how to behave. He is not reassuring you and make you feel wanted and secure. How much do you want this guy? If you do not feel secure in this relationship and he is hinting that any requests for more security would be clingy and crazy, then leave him behind. He seems to think he has women on a string. He is starting to make you feel crazy for wanting to know where you stand. This is not good. There are guys out there who would not treat you like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennakay08 Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 Checking his phone or wanting to hold/have his phone is not a good idea. Most of us are possessive of our phones, we like some privacy in life. We would not want someone else opening our mail either. Having said the above, the comments he makes and the way he seems to have set the situation up, suggest to me that he has a history of making women feel insecure. They then start responding to that and you get the 'I've had crazy exs' scenario. It is narcissistic to assume that every woman wants you and wants to keep you locked down to the point that they will turn crazy. Trust your feelings. You are feeling insecure and do not know where this is going or how to behave. He is not reassuring you and make you feel wanted and secure. How much do you want this guy? If you do not feel secure in this relationship and he is hinting that any requests for more security would be clingy and crazy, then leave him behind. He seems to think he has women on a string. He is starting to make you feel crazy for wanting to know where you stand. This is not good. There are guys out there who would not treat you like this. It is crazy you say this because I was actually wondering if he is showing early signs of narcissism and was up all night googling it, still not sure if I came up with an answer as to yes or no but none the less he does have some qualities I would say. I know deep down I deserve better, it was just hard as I thought we had some amazing connection. And I really think he does try to feed his ego with me, like today did not talk to him at all, he snap chats me a response to something on my story, I was at church and busy all day today so I didnt even see it to open it and then he types, "so are we not talking?", I respond "no I have been busy at church and my mom group silly", he didnt respond, almost as if he just wanted his ego fed, to make sure I was still there. I am getting over it very quickly with this behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennakay08 Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 Dating relationships are so confusing and getting to know people requires some discernment and wisdom. Are you sure that you want to be with someone with so many challenges and red flag so early on? It just doesn't sound very healthy or peaceful. I am wondering why you feel the need to focus just on one person when that person does not communicate love, faithfulness, respect, or kindness. Perhaps, you should consider setting some boundaries and distance and not give so much of yourself so early on. Have you thought about taking more time to actually know if he is a person of character, integrity, and has healthy relationship skills. He may not be healed from his previous relationships. You may find the book, Boundaries in Dating, helpful. I have been asking these questions to myself all day today and coming to the conclusion that I do deserve better. This is all just insane to me and so early on. Thank you I will look into that book, I need to set clear boundaries and don't really know how or even how to act while dating. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 This is a classical player, says anything to get you in bed and will continue flirting/dating and sleeping w/other women. Leave, the roller coaster isn't gonna get better and you will just be played more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolgorgeous Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 "He is still on the sites but says its because he doesnt know how to delete them" .......................yeah...it's over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I hate dating I hate feelings I hate feeling vulnerable (my name). Perhaps its you that deserves better. Im just an insensitive prick". This is when you walk. This is their subtle way of telling you that they are emotionally unavailable to you and their way of hopefully pushing you to end it with them. The guy was inappropriate and you ended up apologizing/fighting for the relationship. It's called gaslighting. If he didn't know how to delete his dating profile, all he had to do was say to you, "Do you know how to delete your profile, because I'm not sure how and if you do, let me know." Simple. Don't eat BS. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 When you dump him, please tell him before you go you'd like to show him how to delete his profile and remove apps from his phone just for future knowledge. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennakay08 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 When you dump him, please tell him before you go you'd like to show him how to delete his profile and remove apps from his phone just for future knowledge. :lmao::lmao: I love this Cookies thank you. He is definitly a narcissit, I am so done with it. I do not have time for a 38 year old going on 15. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 They are I know I am regretting it now, I usually dont become so vulnerable so quickly, I am ashamed of it really, I just thought me and him were on the same page, thank you for that brutal honesty. I agree the drama is overwhelming. Don't be ashamed of how you felt, a lot of people have been there before. I was there in that kinda situation as well, I fell hard for a guy I hardly knew. These experiences make it difficult for other guys to play you. These people play off your emotions, prob makes them feel good, of course they draw you in, so that you will be chasing them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennakay08 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 [/B] So turns out you all were exactly right total player that said all the right things. Blocked me on fb I found out the woman he was texting while I was there is not "his friend from hs with cancer" but the girl he found while we were together. They are now in a relationship a status she just posted that started according to her January 1st, well ummmmm we were dating then as well as hanging out that day. I was so angry when I saw that I called him for answers, he still says that he never dated anyone or talked to anyone while we were together. bla bla. He starts crying I'm assuming out of guilt or fear that I will tell her, but it was quite comical to be honest. I just feel dumb as I brought him and his child food that night he was talking to her, I made his bed in the morning with a note on his pillow, I did his dishes I treated him like I would a SO, all while being played. It bothers me he said all the right things, the day before he met her he was telling me how he liked me so much and all his other bs, I am still baffled why some people are just terrible people. I asked him why he didnt just tell me not to come over, he said "you were already planning it". He goes on to tell me he doesnt know how it happened she just came out of left field and he is so in love, he was in love before meeting her. I kind of got some closure and no longer feel like it was anything I did, it stings just a little still but you know what there is something way better out there for me. All in all it was a learning lesson, I cannot and will not be so vulnerable again. EVER. If that means I am jaded so be it, I need to protect myself and heart a little better. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Complete textbook douche-bag. Is there a school they teach all this because I am surprised how similar all these *********s behave. The same tactics.... gosh!!! Sorry for the time and energy and feelings you wasted on him. You are so so so better off without him. Go out and do something fun since the trash took itself out... LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 When you dump him, please tell him before you go you'd like to show him how to delete his profile and remove apps from his phone just for future knowledge. :laugh::laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 [/B] So turns out you all were exactly right total player that said all the right things. Blocked me on fb I found out the woman he was texting while I was there is not "his friend from hs with cancer" but the girl he found while we were together. They are now in a relationship a status she just posted that started according to her January 1st, well ummmmm we were dating then as well as hanging out that day. I was so angry when I saw that I called him for answers, he still says that he never dated anyone or talked to anyone while we were together. bla bla. He starts crying I'm assuming out of guilt or fear that I will tell her, but it was quite comical to be honest. I just feel dumb as I brought him and his child food that night he was talking to her, I made his bed in the morning with a note on his pillow, I did his dishes I treated him like I would a SO, all while being played. It bothers me he said all the right things, the day before he met her he was telling me how he liked me so much and all his other bs, I am still baffled why some people are just terrible people. I asked him why he didnt just tell me not to come over, he said "you were already planning it". He goes on to tell me he doesnt know how it happened she just came out of left field and he is so in love, he was in love before meeting her. I kind of got some closure and no longer feel like it was anything I did, it stings just a little still but you know what there is something way better out there for me. All in all it was a learning lesson, I cannot and will not be so vulnerable again. EVER. If that means I am jaded so be it, I need to protect myself and heart a little better. I'm glad this relationship is over, though I think it would have been good for your self esteem to be the one to walk away. Now some advice for future...everyone was telling you to dump this chump and you were treating him like royalty. It's nice to do sweet things, don't get me wrong, but that other person should have earned them and would do the same for you, otherwise you're acting like his slave. It sounds counter-intuitive, but people actually like people less who give too much... especially too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennakay08 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 I absolutely agree Olive, I was new to this dating thing after being in a long term relationship and have always been this way. I treat people I care about like that heck even friends. However, friends have earned it, friends deserve my kindness. He didn't. You are so right, I was a complete and utter doormat. Believe me I wish I was the one to walk away, I should have after the first red flag, I think I was so enamored by the humor we shared, as I hadn't had that in my 5 year relationship that I held on to him like he was gold. All because he could make me laugh in any situation. But the most positive thing I got from all of this is realizing how much humor in a relationship means to me and that I will eventually find a man that is funny, kind, respectful, genuine etc. Not just funny with a little bit of sweet nothings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I absolutely agree Olive, I was new to this dating thing after being in a long term relationship and have always been this way. I treat people I care about like that heck even friends. However, friends have earned it, friends deserve my kindness. He didn't. You are so right, I was a complete and utter doormat. Believe me I wish I was the one to walk away, I should have after the first red flag, I think I was so enamored by the humor we shared, as I hadn't had that in my 5 year relationship that I held on to him like he was gold. All because he could make me laugh in any situation. But the most positive thing I got from all of this is realizing how much humor in a relationship means to me and that I will eventually find a man that is funny, kind, respectful, genuine etc. Not just funny with a little bit of sweet nothings. You sound like a great friend and like you've learned a lot from this experience. Be thankful for that and the fact that you didn't lose anything precious - he sounds like a total waste of space! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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