smackie9 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 It's all about perception and personality. I like a man's man, that does manly things, and chills with the guys, brinks beer and talks about cars. It's just a preference when it comes to choosing who I dated. A guy that likes to gossip over a glass of wine with his ladies friends...I'm so out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Hmmm well I used to think quite poorly off it until I met my current male friend. We were dating at first for little bit before we decided to be friends, he did try and push the FWB arrangement which I turned down! but we are genuine friends now and he has lot other female friends. I think it is possible, as long as both of you know you are in the friend zone. Sara, in the back of his mind, he is thinking there will be a day he can have sex with you again. You are his back burner girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 too effeminate/too promiscuous lose/lose 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 too effeminate/too promiscuous lose/lose ^ Very much so. Usually the former. IME most guys that gravitate towards primarily female friends are usually beta or worse (closeted gay) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 ^ Very much so. Usually the former. IME most guys that gravitate towards primarily female friends are usually beta or worse (closeted gay) :lmao: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 my boyfriend does not have many female friends, and if he does, they are either married or they are the girlfriends or wives of his male friends. i also have male friends who surround themselves mainly with female friends and there are no sexual intimacies in those friendships. of course what you are assuming is possible, but i don't even think it is true for the majority of cases. i think it's a blanket statement you are making based on anecdotal experiences you had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 TBH there is a vast difference between many female acquaintances and many female close friends. E.g. some jobs are female dominated and it makes sense the guy working in these will have work friendships. I work with 75% men. I'm distant friends with many and nothing is off between us, we just have nice sporadic interactions. However - the very few that I got more personal with started morphing in an awkward direction... I guess my point is 'friend' is a very broad term and that's why the different interpretations. my boyfriend does not have many female friends, and if he does, they are either married or they are the girlfriends or wives of his male friends. i also have male friends who surround themselves mainly with female friends and there are no sexual intimacies in those friendships. of course what you are assuming is possible, but i don't even think it is true for the majority of cases. i think it's a blanket statement you are making based on anecdotal experiences you had. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 :lmao: Ok, could be partially my bitterness from the guy that came home on 5th date and talked about outer space instead of making a move But another man I have in mind with many female friends now is happily coupled with another guy... Although he was jumping up and down that he's looking for a woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Most of my female friends over the years have been orbiters of one degree or another. Just since I got engaged, three women have made it clear by actions and words that they want to be next in line. One offered to be a surogate for my fiancee while we are long distance. I didn't take her up on it. One messaged me on Facebook that she is not just crushing on me, she is falling in love with me. I had to tell her to back off. Another went ballistic when she saw falling-in-love girl touch my knee and I took "too long" to brush her hand away. When I asked her why she was ripping me a new one over something that was none of her business she admitted that she was hoping that if things didn't work out with my fiancée that then I would be able to spend some time with her but now she knows that isn't likely to happen. For damn sure after what just happened. So which one is this? Back burner girls? I'm not doing anything with anyone and don't have any intent toward any of them. They're just desperate women hanging on like dogs hoping for a scrap from the master's table. It really is pathetic. They know I'm engaged. If I do break off my engagement I'm not likely to get with any of them after all the middle school drama they've created competing with each other to be my number 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Most of my female friends over the years have been orbiters of one degree or another. Just since I got engaged, three women have made it clear by actions and words that they want to be next in line. One offered to be a surogate for my fiancee while we are long distance. I didn't take her up on it. One messaged me on Facebook that she is not just crushing on me, she is falling in love with me. I had to tell her to back off. Another went ballistic when she saw falling-in-love girl touch my knee and I took "too long" to brush her hand away. When I asked her why she was ripping me a new one over something that was none of her business she admitted that she was hoping that if things didn't work out with my fiancée that then I would be able to spend some time with her but now she knows that isn't likely to happen. For damn sure after what just happened. So which one is this? Back burner girls? I'm not doing anything with anyone and don't have any intent toward any of them. They're just desperate women hanging on like dogs hoping for a scrap from the master's table. It really is pathetic. They know I'm engaged. If I do break off my engagement I'm not likely to get with any of them after all the middle school drama they've created competing with each other to be my number 2. How did you end up with female friends like this? and why do you keep them around at all? Aren't you guilty of keeping orbiters around? My male friends are 'friends'. We don't flirt, we don't make innuendoes, when we were both single we didn't date and we didn't make a move on each other, all of my male friends are now in relationships and have always behaved like gentlemen toward me. If one of them made a suggestions or a pass at me they wouldn't be my friends anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 What is your experience/take on that? In my experience, men and women can be friends, but one is always willing to sleep with the other if the opportunity arises. So when a man has mostly women for friends, I assume he has one or more of the following: Mama's boy (needs women to be directed) Difficulties keeping an intimate relationship Fear of being alone / unwanted (clingy, needy) Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous) Polygamous But I can only assume this. What's the general opinion / your experience / theory? I've have plenty of female friends in real life. I'd also be a liar if I said I never wondered what it was like to have sex with them. None of the categories really apply to me other than the fact I like to have sex with women, so of course I am going to wonder(sometimes aloud) about said experience. Call me anything you want, but at least I'm not trying to BS you about plumbing their depths. Link to post Share on other sites
Lamartine Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I can only offer anecdotal evidence, but I have a friend like that. We've known each other since preschool, so I have 33 years of friendship with him under my belt. He was always friends with girls in high school. We went to the same college, and he ended up living in my basement with a house full of girls on top. He did have some male friends, but his friendships were predominantly with girls/women. He turned out very well adjusted. He met his wife when she was a junior in college, and he was a senior. They have been happily married for over ten years and have three beautiful daughters. Some men in this position may have issues. Others may simply enjoy the company of women. I wouldn't count someone out for this reason, but I would definitely observe his behavior carefully and try to understand the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Loads of my mates are Girls. No issue. Loads of my mates blokes. No issue. Well only in the case of Oliver Grange. But i let him know rather sharpish that there would be none of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lamartine Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 The most dangerous thing is to generalize and put people in boxes before taking time to get to know them. My daughter's friends are in majority male friends. She relates well with them, she's a welder, she does power lifting, wall-climbing, she participate in iron-man events, not the type of things that attracts girly-girls or girls in general. Her boyfriend sees nothing wrong with it and doesn't feel threaten by it either. He just took time to get to know her and her friends and made his own opinion of their dynamic. Your daughter sounds awesome! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I don't think you can generalize. And also, it may seem he only has girlfriends, but look harder and see he has friends at work he has a beer with or things like that. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Personally, I am a guy and most of my friends are women and I generally don't want to sleep with them. Out of say 10 close friends, there are maybe 1 or 2 I would consider sleeping with if it came up. The rest are legit just friends. For me, the answer is none of the above. It's because I don't relate much to masculine-type men and I find them to be oftentimes obnoxious and overbearing and they make me uncomfortable. Too much testosterone, too much d*ck measuring, too much over-hyped masculine BS. I have a few close male friends who aren't like this, but I find the male-dominant culture in general in the US to be hard to relate to, for me personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 How did you end up with female friends like this? and why do you keep them around at all? Aren't you guilty of keeping orbiters around? My male friends are 'friends'. We don't flirt, we don't make innuendoes, when we were both single we didn't date and we didn't make a move on each other, all of my male friends are now in relationships and have always behaved like gentlemen toward me. If one of them made a suggestions or a pass at me they wouldn't be my friends anymore. You're assuming I knew they were orbiters and not friends before the drama transpired. I had 3 women crushing on me at the same time. I'm going to call 2 of them orbiters. I had known them for a long time. One was my dance partner. One was a regular at the club where I dance. They were outwardly supportive of my relationship but secretly wanted what they couldn't have. The one who was not my dance partner developed an intense jealousy of the other and it all came out in a virtual cat fight one night. She assumed (falsely) that I was enamored of my dance partner because of the way we danced together. She pulled me aside and said she knew I wasn't happy in my relationship. And if I needed to sleep with someone to be happy then I should not sleep with Alice but with her instead. I said I am happy and I walked away. She later found me outside with some guy friends. She sat down with us. A little later Alice brought out two drinks for us. This was unusual but not unheard of.Surrogate said very snidely "bringing out a drink for your boyfriend!?" Then they started going at it verbally. I had to step in to stop it and make it clear that I am happy in my relationship and Alice is just my friend. Surrogate was kicked out of the bar and asked not to come back. I'm no longer in contact with her. The third woman was clear about her interest at first, so its unfair to call her an oribeter I guess. I told her I was engaged. She backed off. But she was a good dancer and with the shortage of male dancers she would often dance with me. Everything was appropriate until the night she touched my knee at the table. Alice saw it and went ballistic as soon as the other woman had left. And that's when I learned that Alice was hoping for the demise of my relationship even though she had helped me pick the ring out. Howe long had she been hanging around hoping for my romantic attention I have no idea. She's about 8 years older than me.. I had a discussion with the third woman about her touching my knee and that that kind of thing was over the line. Later that night I get the message about her not just crushing but starting to fall in love with me. I told her to back off because my loyalty is with another woman. This last part just went down a few days ago. I think I have lost a dance partner. How can I possibly do a slow dance with her knowing how she feels. And probably I need to find another venue or stop dancing altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 It's all about perception and personality. I like a man's man, that does manly things, and chills with the guys, brinks beer and talks about cars. It's just a preference when it comes to choosing who I dated. A guy that likes to gossip over a glass of wine with his ladies friends...I'm so out. My female friends and i talk about Mozart, Brahms, and Mahler. My female friends are not teenage gossips Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 This thread reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my female friends years ago. I told her that if she thinks her male "friends" are just friends and not looking to get laid, then she should put her theory to the test. I told her to call her "friends" and ask them if they wanted to come over and have sex. So, she did. After like 3 "friends" jumped at the chance to hook up with her, she got all serious, told me about how this one guy has been friends with her for years, he was like a brother to her, blah, blah, blah. She calls him. Asked him if he wanted to come over for sex. This guy immediately and excitedly said he would be right over. She had to call him back to let him know she was just drinking and wasn't being serious. Ladies, call your "friends." See what they really want. That's a risky way to test the theory... but hey, you can't say it's not valid! It's also a good way to test it for yourself. Imagine how you would react if you were on the receiving end of said call. If it were me... I'd be seriously WTF and start questioning the nature of the friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Imagine how you would react if you were on the receiving end of said call. I'd be red-lining my sportbike to get there... Throttle wide open!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Good friends you can truly trust are hard to come by so why reject them if they happen to be the opposite sex? If we go by the logic in this thread does that mean that bisexuals can't have any friends because they are attracted to both genders? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 The reason part of me is suspicious about men like this is because I've had tons of guy friends, and it was great friendships. But like one poster said, she called up her guy friends and invited them for sex as a test, and they all agreed! I've never done this myself, but the moment these friends got into serious relationships or married, I was out of the picture. Not right away of course, but slowly I was faded out. Ive dated men with predominantly female friends, and all these dating experiences were disasters. They either had serious issues with women, or were sl*t's lol forgive my profanity! I'm sure this is a generalization of course, but my question is this. For men who have good friendships with women....what if you met a great girl who wasnt comfortable with that, and she was reasonable about it? How would you approach the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
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