BC1980 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 It could have nothing to do with you and just in her process of moving on and break the ties. This is a good observation. We all tend to default to thinking everything is about us, and, during a breakup, that gets magnified. We think everything our ex does must be about us, but it's usually not. My best guess is that she blocked you because she is seeing someone else. That makes the most sense. Second, I would say she wants to move on. Mind games- not a chance. Dumpers don't usually care enough to play mind games. That's something a dumpee would do to provoke interest. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 I'm still just really confused as to why she'd block me rather than just leaving the status quo with being 'unfriended'. I can't see any logical reason why you'd do it. I can't see any of her photos, I can't see any of her status', I can't see any of her InstaStories. I've not blown up her phone with text messages and I've not even been in touch! We'll never know her reason, so it's pointless to devote time to figuring out why. I understand the interest, but it's just a huge waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Mate, I read that story and it echoes from start to finish, first I must commend you for handling this so maturely, quite fitting of your age. You see I was with a woman like that for almost 3 years, ended in September, I was devastated to say the least when she broke it off, asked the same questions, how could she say, I was her rock, her everything, best thing that ever happened to her and then walk away? Fascinating isn't it?, I would like to point out somethings we learn from, you will just like I did, anxiety or attachment issues as you have read online, no doubt might be part of it, is the best thing you could ever offer someone,and you did this out of love and admiration, but we have to accept that as long as the other person is not truly happy within themselves, they will always seek external validation, one day they are happy, the other day, no so happy, the next not sure what makes them happy. I was with a woman like that, I assumed so kind of protective role, I was there to solve every single problem, even when she would cry while cutting a potato because she was sad, I rushed to grab the knife and took her to bed and cuddled her, so many such instances, because I put her on this stage where my responsibility was to make her 100% happy, but was she?, she isn't and probably will never be, that is exactly what you did. Your ex sounds like someone who is unsure about everything in her life, and you can't change that, more specifically people don't really change that much, she was the same before you met, and your love and protection wasn't still enough to satisfy her unending search for happiness and fulfillment. I am very pleased by the way you have analyzed the whole break up, you seemed very informed, this will be hard as the only thing which will prevent you from healing is your ego, you have to break that ego yourself the second time and move on. As you must have read online, and here, try to focus on the most important things in your life and have solace in the fact that you did your best, these people never change, no matter what she says or how much she cries, you shouldn't be surprised when she's with someone else in 2 weeks. Live your life to the fullest, vent here anytime you need and consider this forum as your free psychologist. Cheers Literally mind blown... You just described my relationship(Former) Better than i ever could. Its one of the best posts i've read on here. Really stuck accord with me, cheers mate. It reminded me of something, In the first few weeks after we broke up. I remember quite vividly being less tired. I was completely heart broken, disgustingly hurt, couldnt eat, barley slept. but i remember i didnt feel as tired. I felt quite rested. I suppose i made sure my Ex being happy a number one priority. It was an uphill task. She'll more than likely never be happy. Which i do find really sad(As much as i hate what she done, She'll always be someone i cared about) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LessDot Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 Literally mind blown... You just described my relationship(Former) Better than i ever could. Its one of the best posts i've read on here. Really stuck accord with me, cheers mate. It reminded me of something, In the first few weeks after we broke up. I remember quite vividly being less tired. I was completely heart broken, disgustingly hurt, couldnt eat, barley slept. but i remember i didnt feel as tired. I felt quite rested. I suppose i made sure my Ex being happy a number one priority. It was an uphill task. She'll more than likely never be happy. Which i do find really sad(As much as i hate what she done, She'll always be someone i cared about) i was exactly the same but I couldn't sleep one bit. I was on sleeping pills and they worked but i slowly weened myself off them (they're not addictive, but they totally are when you're desperate for sleep!). I now have the opposite - I guess thats partly due to the large amount of exercise I'm doing but still. On your last point, I totally agree. What ever happens, there'll always be a part of me that loves her and cares for her (even if it shrinks in time). I know this is true because I still love and care for my ex ex who broke my heart by cheating on me. I've learned to let that one go and I'm totally over my ex ex - I know I'll get over this one too! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 This is how you move on and make the other person do the same. The gap between the two blockings is fine. If it were me, I wouldn't block immediately. I'd wait a few weeks and HOPE the person wasn't still looking at my social media because they had moved on, and then I'd block them so they couldn't know my business and I didn't have to worry about what they were thinking anymore, which is why you break up to begin with. My thought would be, I waited to be polite and not stir the pot, but now he should have moved on and accepted it and if he hasn't, oh, well, because I'm outta here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Literally mind blown... You just described my relationship(Former) Better than i ever could. Its one of the best posts i've read on here. Really stuck accord with me, cheers mate. It reminded me of something, In the first few weeks after we broke up. I remember quite vividly being less tired. I was completely heart broken, disgustingly hurt, couldnt eat, barley slept. but i remember i didnt feel as tired. I felt quite rested. I suppose i made sure my Ex being happy a number one priority. It was an uphill task. She'll more than likely never be happy. Which i do find really sad(As much as i hate what she done, She'll always be someone i cared about) That's just the way it is, Yes we accept our parts of the breakup but the part where you give up your happiness for someone else and she still ups and leaves shows you happiness is very objective, she may travel 1 million places, 100 holidays, have a rebound, but when you're truly happy without all these subjective influences, you just are. I have learnt to move on, I wish the poster here will , always cherish my ex, no hard feelings, they say men fall in love twice, the first when she breaks your heart and re next love is the one you marry. I will always have love for my ex but it ends there. Try to move on guys and life becomes your stepping stone Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Would you say it's still very soon? I guess it feels like time slow marches by rather than races when you feel like this! The way we left it in the middle of December was that we both needed more time before we spoke/saw (not that we ever agreed to do either) - we just left it at that. It's all very brutal and cruel but I guess there's no other way - no good byes, no all the best, no thank you's - just a 'I still need some time' and 'so do i' and that was that. To me, part of me will always hope until I guess I meet someone else. I think you're right about this drip feeding - maybe now I *can* move on. It deeply pains me that I still feel pain and that I feel this way. Thanks for the help so far! No worries. Yes it is still very soon so yes it should still hurt. It will get better over time. And yes, the drip feeding needs to end so you can completely forget about them. I just blocked my ex on FB too. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 This is how you move on and make the other person do the same. The gap between the two blockings is fine. If it were me, I wouldn't block immediately. I'd wait a few weeks and HOPE the person wasn't still looking at my social media because they had moved on, and then I'd block them so they couldn't know my business and I didn't have to worry about what they were thinking anymore, which is why you break up to begin with. My thought would be, I waited to be polite and not stir the pot, but now he should have moved on and accepted it and if he hasn't, oh, well, because I'm outta here. Yes, this is exactly my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
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