SammySammy Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 You’ve done well. We live and we learn. That’s why I also advise using every relationship and break up as an opportunity to learn something and grow. Don’t waste that opportunity. It looks like you’ve a good job of paying attention and applying what you’ve learned. Keep growing. Have high standards for the quality of person you want in your life. I believe that’s the best way to eventually get what you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 If she wanted to she would have... They already slept together in the past. It would be nothing for her to do it again. She didn’t have to tell OP any of this, but she decided to disclose this information for a reason. So OP you get upset because you think she’s lying. She tells the truth and you still have a problem with it. She was just damned either way. You were just looking for reasons to be out because it aligned with your self fulfilling prophecy. The issue here is you, not her. She would have if OP didn’t have the time off work. She is at fault, OP made the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 You know the only times I've been blindsided in past relationships is when I failed to listen to my gut and was more concerned with getting proof or facts to make a decision. The only benefit I've had is I've had some pretty horrible relationships and people that lie or cheat usually have a telltale sign that gives it away. And it took me a couple of bad relationships to learn that. Actions always speak louder then words. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I agree with you OPI knew something was off when you said 10 calls keep coming in and she wouldn’t answer but made excuses. If it would’ve really been that innocebt she would have answered the phone right in front of you and had no problem putting a stop to it. She came out with the truth later and was a fwb?! I’d pass!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 1. Either answer the phone or turn it off. How hard would it have been to answer it and say I'm busy with my boyfriend I'll talk to you latter? 2.She lied to ME because I didn't even know he was in town that night and she WAS going to go out that night but I didn't go to work remember? Hence why he kept calling her. She wants him out of her hair? Don't sleep with him or better yet tell him to leave you alone. Not that hard. What did she do? She hid from him. 3. Everyone does have a past. Its human nature. But no I don't sleep with people that are married- to me that shows you have a lack of morals and boundaries don't bother you. 4. I wasn't looking for an out. True I wanted to go slow but I really wished this hadn't happened- its disappointing. 5. Trying to make it right? No trying to do damage control. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Confirmation of a 'gut feeling' is almost always hindsight. There are MANY instances that such 'gut feeling' has failed people. What we're talking about is observation of behavior, facts. And based on them you react. You, OP, may or may not be right about her. Only time will tell. Someone says that gut feeling is 'rarely' wrong. Hmmmm....is that everyone's 'gut feeling?' Or one's own experience? Or .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 From past experiences your gut always knows. Its that feeling that something isn't right. And the mistake people make- and ive done it- is they ignore it and that's a huge mistake because SOMETHING is causing you to feel that way so you should at least look into it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Well she stopped by my place and asked to speak to me. Said she wanted to explain what happened. I said thats fine I'd give her that. So she tells me about the ex. Said he broke up with her but every time he would come to town they would hook up. I asked her if that continued even after he was married and she said YES. She then told me that she did know he was coming into town on Thursday but she wasn't planning to do anything with him but she had planned to meet up with him and her friends and to use that night to tell him she was seeing someone(me) and that she no longer wanted to be fwb with him and that she only wanted to be "friends". I asked her why she didn't tell me about meeting him a day before and she told me she wanted to" see how he reacted to her telling him the above and if he reacted badly she didn't want me to meet him because she "was ashamed of still sleeping with him even though he was married" and didn't want me to know about that. So at that point I was honest with her and told her I really don't want to be involved with someone like her but I was willing to unblock her and remain friends because I do like talking with her but only friends. I have no idea why I keep meeting women like this!!!! Based on what you initially wrote it didn't seem all that bad. Based on this explanation, your gut was right & you did the right thing by breaking it off. If she previously slept with him after he was married, that is definitely not something you want to be involved with. You know the only times I've been blindsided in past relationships is when I failed to listen to my gut and was more concerned with getting proof or facts to make a decision. The only benefit I've had is I've had some pretty horrible relationships and people that lie or cheat usually have a telltale sign that gives it away. And it took me a couple of bad relationships to learn that. Actions always speak louder then words. Again, if your gut was right in the past but you ignored it, you were right to listen this time. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I guess everyone is different but if my man asked me to meet up with his ex... LOL it would be over. Boy bye, no time for that non sense. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Well she stopped by my place and asked to speak to me. Said she wanted to explain what happened. I said thats fine I'd give her that. So she tells me about the ex. Said he broke up with her but every time he would come to town they would hook up. I asked her if that continued even after he was married and she said YES. She then told me that she did know he was coming into town on Thursday but she wasn't planning to do anything with him but she had planned to meet up with him and her friends and to use that night to tell him she was seeing someone(me) and that she no longer wanted to be fwb with him and that she only wanted to be "friends". I asked her why she didn't tell me about meeting him a day before and she told me she wanted to" see how he reacted to her telling him the above and if he reacted badly she didn't want me to meet him because she "was ashamed of still sleeping with him even though he was married" and didn't want me to know about that. So at that point I was honest with her and told her I really don't want to be involved with someone like her but I was willing to unblock her and remain friends because I do like talking with her but only friends. I have no idea why I keep meeting women like this!!!! HOLD UP HOLD UPP this sounds like a very well thought script.... I don't buy it, dont know about you though OP.... Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Dude you totally did the right thing and it was proven you were right. Not sure why people keep defending her. If someone of the opposite sex (unless family or work) is calling you 10 times something is up. Good for you. Sucks but at least you know. Your gut also told you not to get serious with this girl, listen to that next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 The only reason truthfully I didn't want to get serious quickly was because I wanted to take things slow- to get to really know someone rather then rush in- I did that last time and had I paid more attention I would have seen her actions were not matching up to her words. I wish this was not true because I did enjoy being around her and I wish it was "scripted" because to be honest I'm getting tired of all the BS that I for some reason have to wade through. Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 The only reason truthfully I didn't want to get serious quickly was because I wanted to take things slow- to get to really know someone rather then rush in- I did that last time and had I paid more attention I would have seen her actions were not matching up to her words. I wish this was not true because I did enjoy being around her and I wish it was "scripted" because to be honest I'm getting tired of all the BS that I for some reason have to wade through. You saw a red flag and decided it was best to call it. Well done man. Link to post Share on other sites
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